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Lewis leaned back against the wall and sighed. Another disappointing result in Montreal. P6 in the sprint. It wasn’t a horrible result by any means, hell, compared to how his results were looking last season, this would have even been cause for celebration.
But after getting a taste of podium champagne in Shanghai, it seemed like he was going backwards. His first season with Ferrari had been a disaster, and all he could do was struggle to keep his head afloat.
He’d finally had hope this season, finishing a respectable fourth place in Australia, and then finally getting back on the podium in Shanghai. The corners of his mouth twitched up as he recalled that podium. It had been a surreal feeling, finally standing there with Ferrari, and seeing his team, and his mother all cheering him on.
He had finally felt like himself again.
Then Suzuka. Sixth place.
The worst part about Suzuka was that he was sure it wasn’t his fault. He had suffered from a bizarre power loss that had prevented him from fighting for a podium, and had relegated him down to sixth. Lewis could even recover from that. He’d had worse car issues before. Nobody in the sport was immune to the occasional bout of despondency, whether that be brought on by mechanical failure or by their own failures. Lewis was a veteran. He could dust himself off.
He had approached the Montreal sprint race focused, and ready to do well. Most of the race had been a blur, he was consistently in P4, which would have left him only mildly disappointed. But he’d messed it up at the very end, allowing Oscar and Charles to get past him. Lewis closed his eyes and drew his knees up to his chest.
Montreal had been his mistake. There were no mechanical or strategy errors he could blame his result on. It had been his and his alone.
Lewis sighed again, before slowly pushing himself up to standing. There was nothing to be done about it now, all he could do was refocus on the upcoming race and its qualifying. He started walking through the maze, no proper destination in mind, only drifting thoughts of his driver's room, or the cafeteria.
He scrunched up his nose as he stepped into the cool Montreal air. It smelled of petrichor and burnt rubber.
He stood there for a second, not really having anywhere to be, before something caught his eye. A flash of achingly familiar white ducked into the corner between hospitalities.
Lewis blinked. Surely not…
Why would Nico be ducking into corners? Lewis remembered the two of them doing something similar before 2016, sneaking away whenever possible to eat ice cream. Lewis’ heart clenched at the memories. It had all been so simple back then, no Silver War, no championship to fight for, no Hamilton and Rosberg. Just Lewis and Nico, two boys with a common dream and years of shared history.
But none of that explained why Nico was hiding now. Lewis hesitated before curiosity got the better of him, and he quickly donned his cap in an attempt to conceal his identity before following Nico into the corner.
Lewis cautiously walked forward, not knowing what to expect. His mind raced with the possibilities. What could Nico possibly be doing? His body language, from what little Lewis had seen, suggested that he didn’t want to be seen, but why?
He could have just wanted a moment to himself, Lewis reasoned, after all, the paddock was noisy and intrusive, and sometimes people just needed a break. He could also be meeting someone, a part of his brain whispered. Lewis paused. Where had that thought come from? And why did it make his throat close up? He shook his head, willing the thought to go away. Nico was at liberty to meet whomever he wanted to. He and Vivian had divorced recently, it was an amicable divorce, not that Lewis had been paying attention.
If that’s this was, Lewis would turn around and leave. The thought of Nico meeting someone else, someone who he cared enough about to keep secret, put a foul taste in Lewis’ mouth and made his gut churn. Maybe he had eaten something bad earlier today.
As he continued deeper into the corner, he realized the corner wasn’t just a corner, it was almost a hallway, and at the end there was a sharp left. Lewis peeked around the corner, feeling foolish.
He was a 7-time world champion, he had been in this exact paddock more times than he could count, and here he was, sneaking around hallways like a rookie.
But when he finally registers what’s beyond the turn, his heart drops.
Nico, his Nico (no matter how much time passed, or how angry they were at each other, still his Nico) was curled up into a shivering ball, his back pressed against the wall, and Lewis could hear shallow breaths and choked off sobs.
He froze. What was he meant to do here? What was the protocol for finding your childhood best friend turned enemy turned cordial acquaintance having a panic attack?
Lewis forced his feet to move forward. There was no way he’d leave Nico like this. He slowly lowered himself beside Nico, and placed a hand on his shoulder.
Nico flinched back violently, his head snapping up and turning towards the unknown person. As his eyes met Lewis’, they widened.
“Lewis? What are-” Nico choked out, before desperately inhaling through his mouth.
Lewis abandoned all thoughts of what was considered proper. This was his partner, his person, someone he had laughed and cried with. Nico had gotten him through karting with his unshakeable belief in Lewis.
He shifted so that he was kneeling in front of Nico. He gently pried Nico’s hand off from where they were wrapped around his body and replaced them with his own, drawing Nico’s shivering body into the steady warmth of his chest, and gently tucking his crying face into the crook of his neck.
“Breathe for me baby, c’mon now, you’ve got this” Lewis crooned into Nico’s ear. “C’mon baby, you can do it, in for three and out for three, see?”
Lewis took an exaggerated breath in, still cradling Nico tight to his chest, willing Nico to follow his lead.
Nico tried to mimic him, and started taking a shuddering breath in, but couldn’t hold it and ended up coughing it out. Nico’s eyes welled with tears as he fought again and again to take a breath, each time unable to match Lewis’ steady pace.
After the fourth or fifth failure, Nico finally began to breathe properly again. Lewis nearly sagged in relief, but held himself back. Nico needed him to be strong right now.
They sat like that, Nico practically in Lewis’ lap, for a long while, until Nico’s sobs tapered off into small sniffles. Lewis kept a steady hand running up and down Nico’s back, while the other one played with his hair.
Lewis closed his eyes and allowed himself to recall a similar time, back in their karting days. Nico had been inconsolable after a mistake had cost him first place in a race, and Lewis had found him crying his eyes out.
Back then, Lewis didn’t hesitate before pulling Nico into his arms and holding him until the tears dried.
Now, however, Lewis was a lot more apprehensive about Nico’s reaction. Nico had gone completely silent, still in the same position as before. Lewis was content to just sit like this. Holding Nico, touching Nico, were privileges he had taken for granted when he had them. He would not make the same mistake again.
Then, Nico shifted and raised his face to make eye contact. Lewis instinctively adjusted his hold on Nico, his hands dropping down to rest on Nico’s waist.
Nico cleared his throat, and Lewis’ heart pounded as Nico opened his mouth.
“You called me baby.”
Lewis stiffened slightly, not expecting the remark and not having enough time to make up an excuse.
He stammered, caught off guard by his own actions, “Well, I-uh, y’know, it wasn’t-”
Nico cut him off with a small huff of amusement, the corners of his mouth tipping up into a smile. Lewis stupidly stared at him and thought that his embarrassment was worth it to see Nico smile again.
The sight of Nico smiling reminded Lewis of the situation they were in. He cupped Nico’s cheek and brushed away a stray tear, noting how Nico’s breath hitched at the action.
“Are you okay, Nico?” Lewis asked, putting as much sincerity into those words as he could muster.
Nico quickly looked away, a blush dusting his face, before whispering “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Lewis hummed, unconvinced. “Want to try again? Can I ask what brought this on?”
Nico hesitated, clearly not wanting to answer. Lewis, sensing his reluctance, gently grabbed Nico’s chin and forced him to look at Lewis. “Please? I’m worried for you.”
That did it. Nico sighed and looked down. “It’s stupid Lewis, you wouldn’t want to hear about it.”
“Try me,” Lewis countered immediately.
Nico pressed his lips together, still hesitant. “It was-” he cut himself off. He opened and closed his mouth several times, clearly trying to figure out what to say. Lewis waited patiently throughout all of this. He would wait for an age, if it meant getting to hold Nico like this.
Nico eventually huffed and buried his face in Lewis’ shoulder and mumbled something. Lewis’ hand came up and his fingers tangled in Nico’s hair.
“What was that?” Lewis asked gently.
Nico repeated it a bit louder. “There wasn’t really anything, that’s why it’s so stupid.” He sniffed before continuing. “It all just got so loud, Lew, and I was doing okay, but then I saw something funny and I went to text you, but then-”
Nico took a breath, and Lewis’ heart tightened. He hugged Nico a bit more tightly.
“Then I remembered we don’t do that anymore” he finished.
Lewis sighed. “Nico, I know we haven’t properly talked in a while,-”
“We haven’t properly talked in years, Lewis, and the last time we did, you told me you hated me.”
Lewis winced. “I didn’t mean it,” he mumbled.
“I know,” Nico exhaled. “Still hurt.”
Lewis didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m sorry, Nico. For everything. I never meant for it all to get so bad. And then afterwards, I didn’t know how to talk to you, and we just kept avoiding each other and…”
He stopped, horrified to find that there was a lump in his throat and his eyes were stinging. He lowered his head into Nico’s shoulder and sniffled.
“I’m sorry too Lewis, that year was on both of us.”
They held each other for a moment, before breaking apart.
Lewis cleared his throat. “We should get out of here.”
Nico nodded, and they disentangled and fixed themselves up before starting the walk back out into the paddock. Just as they were about to enter public space again, Lewis hesitated.
“Maybe I should go out first? To keep the media off our backs?”
Nico smirked, “Why, you don’t want every question thrown at you during a press conference for the foreseeable future to be about me?”
“Perish the thought.” Lewis returned dryly, but stepped out first anyway.
Nico suddenly caught his hand. “I, um…”
Lewis raised a curious eyebrow. The blush was back on Nico’s face in full force. “IwaswonderingifyouwantedtogetdinnerwithmeinMonaco?”
Lewis blinked. “Say that again?”
Nico took a deep breath. “I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me in Monaco? Maybe before the race or something…”
Lewis felt the seeds of hope sprouting in his chest, rendering him unable to speak.
Nico took his silence as a rejection and visibly wilted. “Or if you have other plans or just don’t want to it’s fine, I mean-”
“No!” Lewis said, a little louder than was necessary. Nico looked startled. “I mean, um” Lewis hastily said, “I’d love to go to dinner with you,” he finished.
Nico’s face broke out into a radiant smile. “Really? That’s well-That’s good then.”
Lewis smiled back, “See you in Monaco then, and Nico?”
Nico hummed. “Hm?”
“You can text me, we do that now.” Lewis squeezed Nico’s hand, before turning and walking away quickly, not seeing the blush that had overtaken Nico’s entire face.
fin.