Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

No one in the spiritual communication array paid any attention to Shen Yuan’s urgent announcement, and he resisted the urge to sigh. Now really wasn’t the time for him to be ignored, people! There was a woman and some robes on the loose!

The chatter in the general array was deafening. It seemed something huge had happened, though what it was, Shen Yuan didn't know.

“Uh, your Majesty? Did you say something?” Shen Yuan heard Airplane shout. “It’s really chaotic in here right now!”

Shen Yuan scoffed. Out of everyone that could’ve responded, it had to be Airplane? Shen Yuan was still very upset at him for that tranquilizer stunt from the other day, though you very much!

But he was the only one who was answering him... So, he had no choice but to raise his voice to reply.

“Tian Yao! Ling Wen is the original creator of the Brocade Immortal! She ran away wearing it, so watch out for her!" And spread the word, please!

“What?!” He heard Feng Xin shout. “That’s what happened?!”

Shen Yuan was about to expand on the details when the noise by his ear abruptly stopped and nothing more could be heard. Confused, he tried calling again.

“Hello? Is anyone still there?”

He attempted to reconnect a few times, but still, no one answered. Weird. Could outages happen with arrays?

When he tried to ask Xie Lian if he could connect and he, too, was met with nothing but silence, Hua Cheng spoke up. “It’s no use. Ling Wen created the Upper Court’s spiritual communication array, and she must’ve just destroyed it. It’ll need to be entirely rebuilt.”

“Ohhh, I forgot about that part,” said Ghost Yuan, rubbing his chin and not looking the least bit apologetic.

…He remembered an entire conversation word for word, but forgot to mention that the communications arrays would be down? Oh, how convenient for you, Parasite! 

“What should we do, then?” Asked Xie Lian. “Shen Yuan, are you able to help fix the arrays?”

Shen Yuan shook his head. “That’s not my area of jurisdiction.”

That, and he had no clue how the arrays even worked, so there was no way he would be able to even begin to help fix that. Besides, why would he have any knowledge about that??

Xie Lian sighed, but nodded. “I thought so.”

“Don’t worry. Didn’t Shen Yuan already make the key issue clear? Not all the heavenly officials of the Upper Court are idiots, and Jun Wu is present in the heavens right now. As long as you've done your due diligence in reporting, it’ll be fine.” Hua Cheng said.

Shen Yuan had been thinking the same thing, and he nodded in agreement as Xie Lian brought their mad dash to a stop. They had already crossed several mountaintops and left the pursuing religious masters far behind, though it seemed they wouldn’t be able to catch up with the Brocade Immortal and Quan Yizhen. Though, that wasn’t too surprising considering it wouldn’t make sense plot-wise for Ling Wen to run away only to instantly be caught again. Still annoying, though.

“If Gege still wants to investigate the Brocade Immortal, you’ll have to hurry,” Hua Cheng added.

However, Xie Lian shook his head. “That was before. Now that Qi Ying is chasing Ling Wen, we’ve got more important matters on our hands.”

Ah? Were they not about to go on an extended chase scene to find Ling Wen?

“San Lang...” Xie Lian stared at Hua Cheng in his arms, his gaze intense. “Your form...seems to have changed again.”

That was true. When Hua Cheng was disguised as Lang Ying earlier, he had the appearance of a fifteen- or sixteen-year-old boy. Now, Hua Cheng seemed to have shrunk, and he looked to be at most eleven or twelve.

Shen Yuan couldn’t help but draw his eyebrows together as he stared at the young Hua Cheng. If something looked familiar before, now it looked double-familiar! Hua Cheng looked exactly like someone else, but he couldn’t put a finger on who... Maybe it would come to him eventually?

Despite his current predicament, however, Hua Cheng’s air of composed ease had never wavered.

“No need to worry, Gege. It’s a non-issue. The mountain will open its gates soon. Changing form is only a temporary tactic, and my old self will return after this situation is over.”

He unwrapped the bandages on his head as he spoke. A pair of deep black eyes gazed at Xie Lian from that snow-white face, and the shadow of that young man was still there upon his brow. Although he wore the face of a child, he still had that familiar laid-back, unhurried air and expression.

Shen Yuan stared at him, eyes narrowed in concentration, without saying a word.

Without warning, he stepped forward and grabbed Hua Cheng's face with both hands.

"Shen Yuan, what are you-?"

The rest of the sentence was muffled as Shen Yuan squished his cheeks and turned his head from side to side, examining him from every possible angle.

"What are you doing?" Ghost Yuan asked from nearby, tilting his head.

"Shh."

The response came automatically. A beat later, Shen Yuan realized what he'd done. Hopefully Xie Lian would assume he was shushing Hua Cheng? Whatever. That wasn't important right now.

Who exactly did Hua Cheng look like?!

The question had been lurking in the back of his mind for quite some time. Other matters had kept pushing it aside, but now the answer felt so close he could almost touch it.

Frowning, Shen Yuan squeezed Hua Cheng's cheeks together again.

Hua Cheng endured the treatment with remarkable patience. Xie Lian, however, let out a startled laugh. Then, his free hand reached out and pinched Hua Cheng’s cheek as well. Hua Cheng’s eyes widened as his face changed shape from the entirely unexpected squishing. Shen Yuan doing it was one thing, but Xie Lian? Apparently it was unheard of in his eyes!

“...Gege!”

Xie Lian laughed. “Sorry, San Lang, but you’re too cute. I can’t help but join in!”

Hua Cheng was speechless.

Shen Yuan suddenly gasped as he recognized that expression of shock. There was no way…!

Xie Lian paused, looking over. “Shen Yuan? Are you alright?”

But Shen Yuan had stopped listening as he took a step back, staring entirely at Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng stared right back.

There was a way! Hua Cheng was Hong! He even had the little coral bead in his hair from when Xie Lian lost it eight-hundred years ago! Of course Hong had been the one to take it!

Wait, but did that mean Hua Cheng had seriously been watching Xie Lian for that long? Holy crap, he owed Airplane an apology. Hua Cheng was the real creep here…

Then again, had he ever really done anything malicious? Sure, Shen Yuan had suspicions in the beginning about Hua Cheng potentially being nefarious, but he had never done anything that wasn’t in Xie Lian’s best interest. Sometimes, he even did things that were in Shen Yuan’s best interest, though that was far more rare than for Xie Lian.

Still!! Hua Cheng was Hong!!!! Ah, but that meant he must have died during the war... Hm. Did that make Shen Lan responsible for his death since he reinstated him in the army? Food for thought.

Shen Yuan knew who Hua Cheng was, and Hua Cheng knew that he knew. And yet, Hua Cheng still didn’t do anything. He merely looked away and smiled at Xie Lian.

“It’s alright, Gege. He just thought I was familiar, that’s all.”

Meanwhile, Ghost Yuan was watching, looking extremely entertained. “Huh. Maybe you are kind of smart. It took Xie Lian and the rest of the cast until book six to find out, but you figured it out a whole book ahead of schedule!”

Shen Yuan ignored him.

Maybe this wasn't that big of an issue? Perhaps things would just continue the way they always have. It could be one of those situations where it's only an issue if he makes it an issue. Very well. Time to not make it an issue!

After taking a moment to recollect himself, he gave a smile to Xie Lian. “Sorry. I was just admiring how much Hua Cheng looked like Lang Ying.”

Xie Lian blinked, smiling back as he looked at Hua Cheng.

“He does look a lot like Lang Ying! I’m surprised at how well your disguise looks, San Lang. Though, you need to get better at acting in the future.” He laughed. Then, he asked, “San Lang, are you going to keep changing? Are you going to turn into a child of five or six? Or even better, a little baby?”

Hearing the hope in his voice, Hua Cheng could only reply helplessly, “I’m afraid I will have to disappoint gege.”

Xie Lian dropped his hand and grinned. “Nonsense. San Lang has never disappointed me. I’m really happy to have this chance to protect you.”

Shen Yuan smiled softly as he flipped out Zhishi, fanning himself. That was cute! Especially now that Shen Yuan knew the context of everything- Oh my god. Xie Lian had already protected Hua Cheng before when he was actually this age.

The wall! During the festival, Hong had fallen off of the wall and Xie Lian had caught him. Was this, like, bringing up bad memories for him or something? He did look uncomfortable... Oh, Shen Yuan hoped not. He didn’t want to have to comfort an apparently eight-hundred year old ghost in the body of a child. That sounded way too much like that one plotline Airplane did for those weird fans that bordered on pedophilia.

He still had shivers just thinking about it.

Unfortunately, that was when Hua Cheng muttered glumly, “I’m not happy.”

“Why is that?” Xie Lian asked.

Hua Cheng’s tone turned cold. “I...hate looking like this!”

Please don’t say any more, Hua Cheng! This had potential to get really weird really quick considering you both like each other!

Next to him, Ghost Yuan sighed unhappily. “Will you just be happy for them already? This is supposed to be a cute plotline where Hua Cheng shows his vulnerability! I can feel your weirded-outness from here. You look like you’re about to bite your tongue clean off!”

Shen Yuan glared. Well, how else was he supposed to react? This could easily go into weird territory and Shen Yuan very much did not want to be here for that!

Hua Cheng lowered his head as he continued. “I don’t want you to see me in such a useless form, much less be forced to protect me!”

Xie Lian hugged him close after a moment and gently patted his back. “By that logic, I might as well just die. You and Shen Yuan have both seen me in messes so many times.” He chuckled. “Besides, it’s not like you’re actually useless right now. You’re just temporarily conserving your strength, that’s all.”

Hua Cheng buried his face in his shoulder. “...It’s not the same,” he grumbled, voice muffled. “Your Highness, I have to be the strongest. I have to become stronger than anyone else. Only then can I...”

Although his voice was young and tender at the moment, a trace of fatigue lingered in his tone.

“You’ve always been the strongest. But you don’t need to be strong every waking moment of every day,” Xie Lian soothed him. “Just...think of this as giving me some face. Let me protect you this once. Please? Okay?”

It was a long time before Hua Cheng lifted his head. He placed his hands on Xie Lian’s shoulders and gazed at him.

“Your Highness, wait for me.”

“Alright, I’ll wait for you,” Xie Lian promised.

Hua Cheng vowed to him, very seriously, “Give me a little time. I’ll be back very soon.”

Xie Lian smiled. “No rush. Go at your own pace.”

Shen Yuan couldn’t help the way his heart melted. He was so wrong, this was adorable and he regretted ever thinking it would be something lewd!

Ghost Yuan looked smug as Shen Yuan’s expression changed from apprehension to admiration.

Shen Yuan ignored him.

The next day, the three plus Ghost Yuan came to a small town.

Xie Lian held Hua Cheng's hand as they strolled leisurely through the streets, chatting amongst themselves. Walking beside them, Shen Yuan sketched away in his scroll. There were far too many things he'd wanted to draw over the past few days, and he'd missed enough opportunities already. Since nothing seemed to be actively exploding for once, he intended to take full advantage of it.

“Ghost kings of earlier generations are affected by Mount Tonglu’s opening tremors. Does that also apply to Black Water?” Xie Lian asked.

Hua Cheng stood with one arm folded behind his back and held Xie Lian’s hand with the other.

“Yes,” he replied. “But our situations are different, as are our training methods. Naturally, our ways of responding to stimulation are different as well.”

“For example?” Xie Lian prompted him. “How does he respond to the aggravation?”

“Hibernation, probably,” Hua Cheng replied.

A phrase written in large letters surfaced in Shen Yuan’s mind. “Eat when hungry, sleep when full.”

He snorted softly, and Hua Cheng continued.

“When Black Water was mortal, he suffered the torment of jail. With only one meal every three days, he had to swallow it down even if he was given swill,” Hua Cheng continued. “Hunger ruined his stomach. Sometimes he’ll feed nonstop, sometimes he’ll refuse to eat anything at all.”

“No wonder he was always so impressive when it came to swallowing things,” Xie Lian mused.

Shen Yuan was going to apply what he did to Ghost Yuan to Xie Lian. That sounded so wrong...

Still, given He Xuan’s situation, he could have focused on devouring hungry ghosts. He possessed the same attribute, so they should have better suited his palate. However, of the five-hundred-some ghosts devoured by Black Water Demon Xuan, the majority were water ghosts. He must have chosen them because he remembered the face of Shi Wudu and would intentionally pick such meals to break his water magic.

At the end of these feeding frenzies, he would need to slumber and digest.

Though, Shen Yuan didn't feel too terrible for laughing as, in the end, he did still kill Shi Wudu and do something to Shi Qingxuan which was still unknown. He really hoped they were okay...

“Indeed,” Hua Cheng said. “I might as well mention that Qi Rong was trying to imitate He Xuan by feasting on human flesh.”

Shen Yuan’s lips thinned into a line. How could eating humans be considered the same as eating ghosts? Another reason to dislike Qi Rong has been added to the list!

After pondering for a moment, Xie Lian asked, “The forest of upside-down corpses... Was he trying to imitate you with that?”

“Correct,” Hua Cheng replied. “He wanted to copy my blood rain aesthetic, but he didn’t know how I did it. So he just crudely strung up rows of dead bodies.”

He wasn’t even surprised anymore.

“Actually, that reminds me. How do you do that blood rain of yours?” Shen Yuan asked with a tilt of his head. He’d been wondering for a while now, but there hadn’t been a good time to ask.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?” Ghost Yuan cackled, and Shen Yuan tried not to grit his teeth. It seemed Ghost Yuan was making the most of his time recently by quoting American memes whenever he could, even if they were horrendously outdated. It was really starting to get on Shen Yuan’s nerves.

Hua Cheng raised an eyebrow, an expression of amusement working its way onto his face. “Sorry, but that’s a mystery even to me.”

Oh, he was such a liar!

"You know, I wonder how Qi Rong would've tried to imitate me if I'd been able to leave." Ghost Yuan mused, and Shen Yuan considered it.

He didnt know much about Ghost Yuan other than the fact that he had a bow once. Maybe Qi Rong would have little invisible ghosts carry bows around so it looked like they were floating? Oh! Maybe he would put little apples on people's heads like in the movies! He seemed like the kind of guy to do that. Well, but then he'd shoot the arrows to kill people... Probably would miss the apple on purpose, too...

Nevermind. Shen Yuan was once more annoyed by Qi Rong and the thought of him ruined his fun.

“What about your Ghost City?” Xie Lian asked suddenly.

Hua Cheng and Shen Yuan looked back at him. “Hm?”

“Since you’re here, won’t anyone stir up trouble there in the meantime?” Xie Lian clarified.

“I locked up Ghost City when I left and leaked false information regarding my whereabouts,” Hua Cheng replied. “Even if anyone tries to start trouble, they won’t be too hard on that rabble when they don’t find me there. But I’m sure there are plenty of eyes watching that place right now.”

Hua Cheng couldn’t return to Ghost City, and Xie Lian or Shen Yuan couldn’t take him to the heavens lest they be exposed by a heavenly official. This was why the three were frolicking aimlessly in the Mortal Realm’s crowds without a destination in mind.

Xie Lian knitted his brows. “You leaked false information, but Ling Wen leaked real information. I still don’t understand how she managed to see through your Lang Ying disguise.”

Well, it didn't exactly take a genius...

“What I don’t understand is something else,” Hua Cheng said.

“What?” Xie Lian asked.

“It’s regarding that foul cultivator, Heaven’s Eye. I’ve toyed with him a couple times. His skills aren’t bad,” Hua Cheng said.

“Yes, that’s true,” Shen Yuan agreed with a hum. “He has a lot of talent and seems to put in the effort.”

“Right. So why would he say that Gege was covered in ghost qi?” Hua Cheng questioned.

“...”

Xie Lian’s hands clenched, but he quickly loosened his grip when he remembered he was still holding hands with Hua Cheng.

Hua Cheng pressed him on the subject, his voice grim. “Gege, don’t blow me off with words you’d use to placate those idiots. Tell me what I did to you that night.”

...Huh?! Was it not a consensual activity or something?!? 

“Well, San Lang, you know his Heaven’s Eye must have been faulty! Remember all those things he said about Shen Yuan? How he sometimes had ghostly qi, sometimes spiritual energy, and other times nothing at all? He was certainly wrong then, so who’s to say he wasn’t also wrong about me?” Xie Lian said, though he noticeably avoided looking at him.

Shen Yuan winced. If only Xie Lian knew that Heaven’s Eye wasn’t wrong at all... Which meant that he most definitely wasn't wrong about Xie Lian!

Hua Cheng, of course, wasn’t convinced. “Gege-”

But Xie Lian interrupted. “Wait, San Lang, Shen Yuan, look over there.”

“Gege?” Hua Cheng questioned.

However, Xie Lian had already pulled the two into a large and rather luxurious store. The store’s owner stood at the counter and looked the three of them up and down. A cultivator, a well-dressed man, and a layman made for a curious combination.

“What can I do for you, Gongzi, Daozhang?” the owner asked.

Shen Yuan frowned, looking down at himself. Well, it could certainly be said that he looked like he came from a noble class. Oh well, might as well play into it!

Xie Lian lifted Hua Cheng for the owner to see and smiled. “It’s not for us. It’s for him.”

Hua Cheng tilted his head.

An incense time later, Hua Cheng emerged from the back of the store. Lang Ying’s clothes were suited to a fifteen- or sixteen-year-old and no longer fit the current Hua Cheng, so Xie Lian and Shen Yuan had picked out a new outfit especially for him, the two comparing options until finally settling on one. Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up the moment he came into view, clasping his hands together happily.

He looked like a distinguished little young master!

A red robe, silver-trimmed boots, and a pair of neatly braided locks transformed Hua Cheng into the very image of a wealthy noble child. Shen Yuan was particularly proud of the second braid he'd added. Symmetry was important!

Still, clothes and accessories only went so far. The real problem was Hua Cheng himself. Despite looking no older than a child, he carried himself with the same calm confidence as always. The result was compelling and difficult to ignore to everyone in the area.

By the time they reached the front of the shop, several ladies had already gathered nearby. One clutched her chest. Another covered her mouth. A third looked moments away from asking if she could take him home.

The chorus of "oh my, oh my" only grew louder.

Shen Yuan felt a sudden sense of accomplishment. He and Xie Lian had done such a good job styling him!

Hua Cheng languidly strolled over to Xie Lian, who clapped lightly. “Just as I thought. Red suits San Lang best.”

Hua Cheng helplessly tugged at the little braid on his left. “As long as Gege is happy,” he grumbled.

Shen Yuan smiled. He wasn’t the only one who was happy!

Of course, Ghost Yuan had to ruin it by moving his hand in a so-so gesture. “I prefer his adult form.”

Xie Lian lowered his hand to put an arm around Hua Cheng’s shoulders and smiled as the three went to the front to pay. Hua Cheng’s outfit wasn’t cheap, so Shen Yuan decided he would pay for it himself. Even with Xie Lian’s insistence that it was fine for him to pay since he had saved up a small fortune for renovating the shrine, and now that there was nothing left to renovate, Shen Yuan stayed strong and didn’t budge. Really, it was about time he bought something for them!

As he was counting out his coins, Hua Cheng squeezed in and slapped a piece of gold foil on the counter with a resounding wham!

Xie Lian and Shen Yuan commented, “...”

Likewise, the owner commented, “...”

Furthermore, the ladies also commented, “...”

“Keep the change,” Hua Cheng said. “Gege, Shen Yuan, come on, let’s go.”

…Well, there went his chance to pay! He grumbled as he moved his coins back into his purse. He’d get to eventually, if it was the last thing he did.

Hua Cheng tugged at the corner of Xie Lian’s sleeve and strolled outside the store with his hands clasped behind him. Shen Yuan smiled and started to walk after them, but was surprised when Hua Cheng backtracked right into Xie Lian’s arms as he came back inside.

Xie Lian held him steady by the shoulders, looking past him. “What’s wrong?”

Likewise, Shen Yuan looked up and saw a familiar figure in the flowing crowd outside, and his heart lurched as well.

Coincidentally, the store owner asked, “Would you three like to purchase anything else?”

Xie Lian raised his hand. “Yes. Please bring me those robes!”

The store owner was taken aback.

“Huh? Those ones? Daozhang, are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yes, those ones!” Xie Lian definitively confirmed.

“Nevermind, it’s fine! Just the one for him!” Shen Yuan clarified once he realized what was happening, throwing another piece of gold their way. The item landed with a hard thud on the counter. Hopefully that would be enough to convince them to be quiet and not rat them out!

With that, Xie Lian rushed up and grabbed the robe himself. He then picked up Hua Cheng, dashed to the back of the store, and slipped behind a set of curtains, Shen Yuan and Ghost Yuan right behind them. This clothing store was a daring one, and innovative at that. There was a small stall inside for fitting, so those who came to purchase clothes could try them on right there. Unfortunately, there was only one stall, and it was quite cramped, though Xie Lian and Hua Cheng didn’t know about their secret fourth tagalong.

The crowd was bewildered at the ruckus. Moments later, a magnificently dressed cultivator walked past the clothing store, grumbling as he rubbed at his forehead. Behind him followed a mob of strange and fierce-looking monks and cultivators.

When he saw the large crowd gathered at the clothing store, he barked, displeased, “What are you lookin’ at?!”

“Sigh. Forget it, let’s hurry. I need to go to the toilet again!”

“Wait, Heaven’s Eye-xiong, there are plenty of people here. Why not ask if they saw them?”

“My lady benefactors, have you seen a white-clad cultivator and a well-dressed nobleman pass by, accompanied by a small child covered in bandages?”

The crowd of customers said nothing, but there were some who unconsciously glanced at the back of the store. The chasing mob grew cautious, and they made silent gestures at each other indicating that they should go inside to investigate.

Heaven’s Eye strode inside and slowly approached the curtains, holding his breath. A moment later, he yanked them open, which prompted a shriek from inside.

Behind the curtains, there sat two women. One woman’s long, raven-black hair was twisted up in a loose bun, and her slender white neck was decorated by a black choker and a thin silver chain. She had pulled down a small part of her shirt, which revealed her snow-white shoulder and nearly half of her back. It looked as if the robe was about to fall, and the sight made one’s face burn and heart race.

Next to her sat a woman dressed in green. Her dark hair spilled over one shoulder in loose waves, and several strands had escaped to frame her face. One side of her outer robe had slipped slightly askew, exposing the graceful line of her collarbone. Leaning close, she appeared to be whispering something into the other woman's ear. From a distance, their heads nearly touched, and the folds of their robes overlapped beneath the dim light.

After Heaven’s Eye yanked back the curtains, the first woman trembled and covered her face with her sleeves while whimpering softly, as if she was shocked and terrified by such a sudden, brutish act. The second looked shocked and embarrassed, fixing her robes in one quick move.

Heaven’s Eye instantly dropped the curtains. “I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I’m sorry!”

The band of monks and cultivators trailing behind Heaven’s Eye screamed as well.

“What a sin, what a sin!”

They all covered their eyes. Using this chance, the “women” whirled around. Who else could it be but Xie Lian and Shen Yuan? Hua Cheng was sitting in Xie Lian’s arms and had been blocked from view by Shen Yuan's body. While Xie Lian was a man and his shoulders were wider than the average woman’s, he had achieved the perfect effect by only pulling down half of his clothing to expose the best angle.

Shen Yuan, meanwhile, had chosen to be in his female form and had pretended the two were in the middle of a lewd act in order to further the embarrassment from Heaven’s Eye and get him to leave. Though, this also succeeded in embarrassing himself. Really, he wasn’t gay to begin with, but he certainly wasn’t a lesbian either!

With one hand full of Hua Cheng, Xie Lian lifted his skirt with the other and dashed like the wind past those screaming monks and cultivators once they’d covered their eyes, Shen Yuan running right behind. The store owner and lady customers were dumbfounded. Seeing them flee, the store owner initially wanted to stop them, but as he opened his mouth, he spotted that gold foil and the gold nugget. They more than paid for two sets of clothing. And so he shut his mouth, shrugged, and stopped caring.

Carrying Hua Cheng in his arms, Xie Lian dashed madly away, leaving nothing but dust behind the group. Passersby on the streets stared with unbelieving eyes, but they only saw the blurred afterimage of two women, one holding a child, racing as lithe and ferocious as jaguars. The clouds of suffocating dust stirred up in their wake left the crowds choking and coughing. A small food stall on the side of the road got covered in the stuff, and the owner started cussing.

“What’s wrong with you?!”

Shen Yuan spared the time to turn his head and shout, “Everything’s wrong! Sorry!”

He heard wild hollering from behind him. “Stop right there-!”

When he looked back, he saw the mob charging out of the clothing store.

“You know, I have to wonder what’s going through the heads of people who yell “stop right there.” It’s obvious the one they’re yelling at won’t stop. They’ll just hold their breath and run faster!” Ghost Yuan laughed as he ran next to the group with ease, his robes and hat billowing in the wind they created. “Also, killer disguise. Though, I think you should tone down the homo a bit and apologize to the protagonists for not giving a warning. I mean, you even caught me off guard!”

Shen Yuan grit his teeth. He was already going to compensate Xie Lian with money, what else did Ghost Yuan want him to do?!

With such a large, roaring mob running down the street, more dust flew and choked the air. The food stall owner couldn’t even curse anymore, and he flipped his own wok in anger.

“Why the fuck do I even bother?!”

After keeping up the chase for two shichen, the ceaselessly hollering monks and cultivators finally ran out of breath, and their steps slowed. Xie Lian was experienced in the art of escape, and he quietly persevered to the very end. Shen Yuan, on the other hand, purely shut his brain off in order to focus on running and running alone. Not because he lacked stamina or anything, but because it was a rather monotonous task that didn’t require thinking.

Once they had completely lost their pursuers, Xie Lian set Hua Cheng down and stood on the side of the road gasping for breath.

Hua Cheng held his shoulders and said glumly, “Don’t breathe too harshly, careful not to hurt yourself.”

Xie Lian looked up and saw Hua Cheng’s tiny frown, but since his companion was still wearing the face of a child, he couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

“Ha ha, ha ha ha...ah!”

Shen Yuan frowned.

“Are you ok?” He asked when Xie Lian clutched his chest, using Zhishi to fan him.

Xie Lian however just waved dismissively. “I’m fine. Just breathed a bit too harshly.”

Hua Cheng clearly looked like he wanted to say “I told you so” but refrained. Instead, he kept his expression dismayed.

“Is that an inn over there?” Xie Lian asked suddenly, drawing Shen Yuan’s attention.

Sure enough, there was an inn not far ahead, its warm yellow glow peeping through the steadfast blues of the evening. It almost seemed like it was beckoning travelers.

Xie Lian straightened up. “Let’s go in and rest.”

“Alright,” Hua Cheng replied as Shen Yuan nodded, changing his form back to being a man. He wasn’t having a repeat of last time, thank you very much!

Xie Lian grasped Hua Cheng’s hand and the three plus Ghost Yuan strolled toward the small building. When they arrived at the entrance, Shen Yuan realized that this inn had two levels and was much more lavish than it appeared from afar.

The doors were closed, and Xie Lian raised his hand to give a light knock.

“Hello? Is there anyone there? We’d like to stay the night.”

Soon enough, someone called from the inside, “Coming, coming!”

A moment later, the door opened. Several attendants came forward to greet them, their faces full of smiles.

“Good si-”

They initially meant to say “good sir,” but the person before them was wearing women’s robes. They amended their statement.

“Mis-”

Before the word left their mouths, Xie Lian fully emerged from the darkness with Hua Cheng in hand. This wasn’t an unmarried lady if there was a child, so they amended themselves again.

“Mada-”

“Madam” was still half on their lips when Xie Lian’s face became illuminated by the light within the inn. This guest was dressed in women’s robes, but if they had to be honest... While his face was gentle in appearance, it was a man’s face no matter how they looked. The attendants fell mute at once, and it was a good moment before they simply went back to their original greeting after seeing Shen Yuan appear behind him. They looked relieved that someone’s gender was now easy to tell.

“Good sirs, please come inside.”

Shen Yuan smiled as he nodded, thoroughly amused by what just happened. With Hua Cheng, Xie Lian, and Ghost Yuan behind him, he crossed the extremely low threshold and sat down at a table in the corner of the lobby. Other than the attendants, there was no one else at the inn. The moment they entered, the attendants had immediately closed the door and gathered around their table, smiles plastered on their faces.

Xie Lian took the menu card. “It’s not easy to find an inn like this in the middle of nowhere. Amazing!”

“Isn’t that the truth? It’s not easy to attract customers like you in the middle of nowhere either!” the attendants responded.

For some reason, while they were all smiling, those smiles looked painted on, quite fake indeed. Shen Yuan didn’t let his thoughts show. Xie Lian looked over the menu and ordered a few dishes for himself and Hua Cheng, and the attendants merrily left to convey those orders to the kitchen.

“Don’t eat anything they bring.” Ghost Yuan said helpfully from where he was sitting across from Xie Lian.

Well, obviously he wouldn’t! Even if he could eat mortal food, he certainly wouldn’t eat anything from here.

Hua Cheng toyed with his chopsticks. “Gege, we’re at a shady establishment run by ghosts.”

“Mmm,” Xie Lian acknowledged, and Shen Yuan wasn’t surprised to learn that they knew as well. They were intelligent protagonists, after all, and this world didn't seem to be very keen on having wife-plots happen to anyone that wasn't Shen Yuan. He doubted their IQ would drop so suddenly that they wouldn't be able to notice.

Out here in the middle of nowhere, even finding a small, one-level inn with a few attendants would have been quite amazing. Why would there be such a lavish establishment with so many attendants if there wasn’t something suspicious afoot?

Of course, this wasn’t strong evidence on its own. The real indicator was the fact that Shen Yuan had smelled the thick, fresh stench of blood from the moment he entered the inn. Quite telling, if you asked him.

Most people probably wouldn’t notice the smell, but to someone with his sharp senses and considerable experience, it was so heavy that it couldn’t be ignored.

“There are more people on the second floor. I hear their footsteps,” Xie Lian said. “I wonder if they’re also travelers staying the night.”

Ghost Yuan snorted.

If they were, then they must be rescued. Xie Lian and Hua Cheng sat across from each other and brought their faces close, talking in whispers for a long while. Shen Yuan, meanwhile, listened as Ghost Yuan talked about anything and everything he could.

The attendants finally brought over their dishes. “Coming!”

Shen Yuan was about to speak, but he sensed a slight movement from the outside and rose to his feet.

“We’re going to go rest in our rooms,” he said with faux kindness. “Can I trouble you to bring our food upstairs?”

“No problem, no problem!”

Following Shen Yuan's lead without hesitation, Xie Lian took Hua Cheng’s hand and lifted his skirt with his other hand as they went upstairs. He looked back.

“Oh, by the way,” said Xie Lian. “If anyone asks, please tell them you’ve never seen us.”

“No problem, no problem!”

The group hurried up the stairs. It wasn’t long before they heard someone banging brashly on the front doors and a gruff voice calling out.

“Open up!”

The attendants opened the door with smiles on their faces. The crowd that poured in was the relentless mob of monks and cultivators led by Heaven’s Eye, because of course they were there.

By then, the group had already entered their room on the second floor. As they shut the doors behind them, they could hear the people who had just entered yelling “Toilet, toilet, toilet!” and running for the outhouse while others demanded, “Boss! You got water?!”

The attendants were overjoyed at the sight of so many people coming in at the same time.

“We do, we do, please wait, it’s coming!”

“Haaah. I’m so bloated!” Heaven’s Eye complained. “Unbelievable. Those whatchamacallits- Those Incorruptible Chastity Pellets really are tenacious poison. I’ve only gotten through twenty-something cups, how long will it take before I reach eighty-one?”

Shen Yuan was speechless. He hadn’t imagined that those monks and cultivators would be so gullible. Then again, they were standard NPCs, so it made sense that they had the intelligence of negative twenty...

“Amitabha Buddha. I have already imbibed twenty-five cups of water, and I must say it has been very effective as an antidote,” one of the monks declared. “I am feeling much better already.”

Hearing this, Shen Yuan shook his head fondly. Even though they were trying to capture or kill them, they were still loveable NPCs at the end of the day! Somewhere back in his old world, they probably were somebody’s favorite characters.

He paused. Was he someone’s favorite character? Was everything he did here translating directly into the novels? He hoped not. He didn’t know how he’d feel about people watching his every move and thought in real time, along with all of his mistakes. What if he had his very own “Peerless Cucumber” that would make rants about other characters and glaze him?!

He was brought out of his musings when he heard Hua Cheng calling to him. The boy was half crouched on the floor along the wall.

“Gege, Shen Yuan, look over here.”

Shen Yuan and Xie Lian crouched as well and looked where he was pointing on the floor, but he didn’t see anything unusual. “What am I looking at?”

Hua Cheng suddenly poked the floor twice, and two small holes instantly appeared. A thin ray of light shone through. “Here. Now we can see.”

“...”

Well, he wasn’t expecting to become a spy in this life, but the winds always did blow unpredictably!

Shen Yuan leaned down and peeked through one of the holes. The mob was gathered at a long table in the middle of the lobby, and Heaven’s Eye slapped its wooden surface.

“Hmph! We were too careless this time. Next time we see that evil cultivator, we won’t give him any chance to take advantage of us! We must take down Hua...Hua...Hua-chengzhu and eradicate evil in the name of heaven!”

“San Lang, just how did you offend them?” Shen Yuan heard Xie Lian whisper next to him.

“What hasn’t he done?” Ghost Yuan snorted fondly from where he was laying in a starfish position on the floor. “Though, this time it wasn't him in particular. Kind of. Well, it was, but it wasn’t his fault!”

Shen Yuan ignored him, as was now customary every time he opened his mouth.

Before Hua Cheng could answer, someone else had already asked in Xie Lian’s place.

“That’s right, I never asked, but what brings all of you here to catch that ghost king? What’s the story?”

With that, their condemnation meeting began.

“Just talking about it brings fury to my heart! Twenty years ago, there was a pig spirit who went crazy and uprooted the village master’s household. The building collapsed and the whole family was killed, and the pig fled to Ghost City. I’d only just entered the trade at the time. I chased after the creature, but I was beaten to a pulp by a bunch of ghosts. What humiliation! He also sent one of his lackeys to tell me that if you eat a whole family of pigs, it’s only fair for a pig to slaughter your whole family in revenge. It’s your lucky day if the pig doesn’t seek revenge, and if it does, then you deserved it. Now tell me, what is that rotten logic?!”

“What a coincidence! Our sect experienced something similar, but it was in regards to a rooster spirit!”

“Our story’s simple. The heavenly official we worshipped in our sect had his name on his hit list, so no matter how many temples we built, he’d always burn them down. What an outrage! Absolutely unreasonable!”

“Hear, hear. You all know of my shixiong, right? He was talented and had an infinite future! He only had one tiny vice: he loved to dally with women. Decades ago, a prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry. Turned him into human jerky. That Hua...Hua...that ghost king dared shelter her.”

The criticism was flaming down below, but above it, Hua Cheng looked bored out of his mind, not even bothering to give a taunting smirk.

“I think I’ve heard of your shixiong before,” Heaven’s Eye said. “Wasn’t he the guy who would force himself on married women under the pretense of conducting rituals and ceremonies? The one who got locked up for three months?”

Shen Yuan’s eyebrows shot up. That thing (because he certainly wasn’t a man after hearing that) turning into human jerky was the least that could’ve happened to him!

“Ahem, ahem, ahem!”

The attendants brought their food over just then, and the crowd’s attention was diverted.

“Food’s here, food’s here. Come, come, come, let’s say no more, Heaven’s Eye-xiong. Let’s eat.”

Shen Yuan straightened up and squinted at the dishes the inn attendants brought over.

“Don’t bother looking. They’ll keel over the moment they eat that stuff,” Hua Cheng said.

“This is going to be troublesome,” Xie Lian murmured, and Shen Yuan nodded in agreement.

While the mob of monks and cultivators was relentless and extremely annoying, the group couldn’t just let them croak in this strange, shady establishment. But it would also be rather awkward for them to raise the alarm.

Ghost Yuan, however, merely shrugged. “Don’t worry. They’re smarter than your average NPC. Somewhat.”

Shen Yuan was inclined to believe him, and so he mostly stopped worrying.

He was just wondering if he was making a mistake trusting him, when suddenly Heaven’s Eye spoke up. “Hold it!”

He stared at the dishes and blocked the others from digging in, his eyes sharp and flashing.

“Heaven’s Eye-xiong, what’s wrong?” the others wondered.

Heaven’s Eye reached out with one finger and wiped around the edge of a plate, then raised that finger high in the air. “So much grease from just one wipe of a finger!” he yelled in rage. “These plates aren’t clean. What kind of business are you guys running here?!”

“...”

Shen Yuan thought the man had noticed that something was off, but he hadn’t imagined it was a different sort of off. He was rather surprised, but still, the result was the same. The moment Heaven’s Eye complained, the others began to gripe as well.

“My gosh, it’s true! What is this, it’s all sticky like spit... Wait! There’s hair in this dish!”

Someone reached out with their chopsticks and stirred out a few strands of long black hair.

“Holy shit, what’s going on with your kitchen?! Who the hell’s working in the back?”

“Told you.” Said Ghost Yuan, sounding smug.

The smiling attendants nervously rubbed their hands together. “Um… We recently butchered a few pigs, so those are probably pig hairs!”

But when the chopsticks plucked at those hairs to pull them from the dish, the hairs only seemed to grow longer and longer the more they pulled.

“What kind of pigs have hair this long?! Is your boss lady washing her hair in the kitchen?!”

“Take all of this away and redo it!”

“Yessir, yessir!” the attendants hurriedly acquiesced. “We’ll redo everything right away! My Lords, please drink water, drink water.”

They shouldn’t drink the water either, though. There had to be something in the cups as well.

Just before the cups reached the mob’s lips, and before the attendants could get away, Heaven’s Eye called out again.

“Get back here!”

One of the attendants returned, smiling apologetically. “Does my Lord Daozhang need anything else?”

“Let me ask you something. Have you seen a very strange woman lurking around, accompanied by a small child?” Heaven’s Eye asked.

The attendant responded without missing a beat. “Oh, yes!”

Shen Yuan wasn’t surprised and could only sigh softly. The plot demanded conflict, and so conflict there was!

The mob was shocked, and they put down their water and hushed their voices. “Where are they?”

The attendant also hushed his voice. “Upstairs!”

The mob went on high alert, their gazes flicking upward. Shen Yuan swiftly blocked the hole Hua Cheng had poked out with his finger, Xie Lian doing the same. A moment later, they heard the sound of a group of people creeping upstairs.

Shen Yuan skulked to the door, listening to the footsteps. It seemed that the attendant had led the mob to the second floor, and they were sneaking toward them. Xie Lian’s left arm held Hua Cheng, and he clutched his sword in his right. Ruoye stood next to them to serve as a shield. Shen Yuan held up his fan that wasn’t menacing in the slightest. All weapons were at the ready, and Xie Lian was tense and wholly prepared to launch an attack.

However, the footsteps passed by their room and continued down the long hallway. Puzzled, Shen Yuan pressed against the door and looked out through the crack. The mob had passed them by and surrounded the entrance to another room.

There seemed to be someone in that suite. Faint light filtered through the paper windows and reflected the silhouette of a woman sitting at the table.

He never would’ve imagined that the attendants would actually stick to their word and keep their presence under wraps, but the attendant had been referring to another guest! It seemed there was another “very strange woman” accompanied by a small child who had come to this inn to lodge for the night. Either that, or they were flat-out lying to their faces. 

Heaven’s Eye and his group shared a look. After miming a series of hand gestures to each other, the group prepared to kick the door down.

Suddenly, the light inside the room was extinguished, and the silhouette disappeared. Following right after was a series of hurried footsteps. Thud, thud, thud.

A woman yanked the door open, cussing. “What are ya stinkin’ men doing, lurking outside my door in the middle of the night?! Yer grandmama wants to take a bath, so what are y’all planning? Huh?!”

The lady’s figure was slender and sensual, and her face was unpainted. Although she had the air of a fighting man, she was nonetheless wholly a woman. She clicked her tongue, rolled up her sleeves, and continued to curse.

“And it’s a bunch of monks and cultivators, to boot! Aren’t y’all men of the cloth? What happened to all yer chastity vows?!”

A few of the monks mumbled, “It’s a misunderstanding, a misunderstanding-!”

The woman raised her brows impossibly high, then lifted her hand as if ready to strike. “I don’t care if it’s a misunderstanding or a meeting! Leave now or this grandmama will grant y’all a nice tub of bathwater!”

“Hey, hey, hey, lady benefactor, how can you be like this?! Consider your virtue!”

“Let’s get outta here...”

While Shen Yuan didn’t recognize the woman’s face, her voice and the air about her was extremely familiar. A moment later, he gasped in shock. “Lan Chang?”

“That’s right. It’s her,” Hua Cheng confirmed just as Ghost Yuan nodded. “Yep! Our one and only ghost woman who’s the cause of a lot of issues but also none!”

…Please stop being cryptic, Parasite! Maybe just be quiet if you can't say what was going on!

Seeing the crowd disperse, Lan Chang seemed to let out a sigh of relief. She glanced around, then hurried back to her room, shutting the door behind her. She wasn’t covered in heavy makeup for once and showed the world a plain face. While there were quite a number of wrinkles around her eyes that made her age apparent, unexpectedly, she was rather elegantly beautiful. Shen Yuan almost didn’t recognize her. If she had presented herself like this on that day at the Palace of Divine Might, Pei Ming’s claim to innocence might not have been as convincing.

During the first wave of tremors from Mount Tonglu’s reopening, a significant number of ghosts and monsters used the chaos to escape imprisonment. Lan Chang and the fetus spirit were among them. If the “very strange woman” the attendant referred to was Lan Chang, then that meant the “child” was...

“The fetus spirit must be with her,” Xie Lian whispered to Hua Cheng, having come to the same conclusion. “That creature is too dangerous. We can’t let them run loose like this.”

But the inn where they were staying was already seedy, and on top of that, there was that band of mortal religious masters in pursuit of Hua Cheng. It wasn’t going to be easy for them to capture Lan Chang under these circumstances.

The crowd of monks and cultivators made it to the staircase, and the attendant asked, “How did it go? Was that not the person my Lords were searching for?”

“It was not!” Heaven’s Eye replied, then sighed heavily. “Let me ask you this, then. Have you seen a cultivator with a small child? With a wealthy man or woman.”

The attendant gave it some thought. “There’s no child or wealthy person, but there is a cultivator who is here by himself!”

Hearing this, the mob grew spirited again. “Where is he?” they asked in hushed voices.

The attendant replied in a hushed voice as well. “Over here.”

This time, he pointed to a different room. The crowd exchanged glances once more and yet again tiptoed after the attendant to where he indicated.

When they were still a stone’s throw away from the room’s entrance, a sharp sound snapped through the air. A yellow talisman shot through the crack of the door, brushing past Heaven’s Eye’s cheek before nailing itself into the wall behind him. Stunned, the crowd went to take a look and found the talisman halfway embedded in the wall. The wood had been split, like that sheet of paper was made of iron. The group was deeply shaken.

Several of the mob’s members were about to charge into the room, but Heaven’s Eye stopped them.

“It’s not him! But it’s still someone formidable. Don’t be rash and start something.” Then he gestured politely with an arm tucked behind him and called out to the guest. “Sorry to have disturbed you, skilled master. This is simply a misunderstanding.”

The one inside the room declined to respond, as expected of a supposedly "skilled master."

As the crowd backed away, someone asked, “Dao-xiong, why did you say it’s not him inside the room? Wasn’t that scrap cultivator’s hand just as powerful when he threw those hidden weapons?”

Scrap cultivator... Shen Yuan had to really think about it before he realized the “hidden weapons” they referenced were Xie Lian’s Incorruptible Chastity Pellets. Well, alright, he supposed.

“Of course it’s not him,” Heaven’s Eye replied in a low voice. “They both throw hidden weapons, but the one inside the room is slightly weaker in strength and skill than that scrap cultivator-”

He hadn’t yet finished his sentence before another seven or eight yellow talismans came shooting from behind them, nailing into the nearby doors and walls like a volley of arrows. The crowd fled downstairs in terror, and at great speed, without another word.

Seeing that everyone had left, Shen Yuan stealthily opened the door, tugged a yellow talisman from the wall, and returned to their room. Hua Cheng pinched the yellow talisman with two fingers, then lightly tossed it away after taking only a cursory glance.

“Heaven’s Eye’s eye really isn’t too bad.”

A layer of spiritual qi was plated on the yellow talisman’s surface, which was why it was as sharp as a knife and strong as iron when it shot out and nailed itself deeply into the wall.

When Xie Lian hurled those meatballs, they flew forth with such terrifying might that it was like they were a barrage of iron pellets. But they were not enhanced by any sort of spiritual powers. It was by his own strength alone. After all, he had spent centuries without any spiritual power, and he had long since gotten accustomed to depending on only himself and his own skill in all matters. The reliance on spiritual powers was how Heaven’s Eye judged their difference in strength.

Just how many different kinds of people were gathered here?! What reason did a cultivator like that lodging here? Could he also be here to exorcise evil? It’s understandable that those mortal monks and cultivators didn’t notice anything, but it would be impossible for someone of his skill level not to sense anything weird about this place.

“Stop thinking so loud, will you? He’s not dangerous to you guys, jeez.” Ghost Yuan huffed.

The mob went back downstairs and returned to the lobby, sitting back down at the long table. Shen Yuan peeked back through one of the holes Hua Cheng had created.

“I’ll go have the kitchens redo your orders right away,” the attendant said. “Please wait just a bit longer, my Lords, hee hee hee.”

“Wait! Take the waters away too. Wash your cups properly before serving us.”

“Of course, of course. Hee hee hee.”

…How suspicious could you be?! Saying "hee hee hee" at the end of every sentence, it's like they want to be caught!

The attendant left with a face full of smiles, probably headed for the kitchen. When they were still outside, Shen Yuan had noticed that the kitchen was located behind the building, so he hopped out the window before anyone could say anything and landed outside the inn. Xie Lian picked up Hua Cheng and flipped out of the window as well, following without complaint or question. As they circled to the back, Shen Yuan grabbed a few small pebbles and clutched them in his hand in case they needed to use them later, at Ghost Yuan’s insistence.

They skulked to a spot outside the kitchen. Hua Cheng poked twice again, and a pair of small holes silently materialized, as if the wall were made of tofu. Shen Yuan pressed close, peering inside to see just what kind of person ran this shady establishment.

The light from the kitchen was dim. Only a few dying lamps were lit, and there was no one in sight. But if he listened carefully, he could hear the sound of crunching coming from one corner.

Shen Yuan changed his viewing angle a few times, until he finally discovered that the sound was coming from below the stove. His vision was blocked by the stove itself, but there was a human leg flung atop the brick stove-top. Its owner was obviously already dead, but the limb was still twitching in time to the sounds of someone munching and savoring their meal.

Several attendants entered the kitchen. “My king...”

A disheveled, grimy man abruptly raised his head from behind the stove-tops.

“What?!” he replied blearily, his voice muffled by what he was chewing.

The man’s lips were covered with fresh blood, and his eyes gleamed with a greedy glow. A human hand dangled from his mouth as if it were a chicken foot. His expression and appearance were as horrifying as his identity was obvious. It was the man Qi Rong was currently possessing.

If he was here, then Guzi was nearby as well! Shen Yuan quickly glanced around, but he didn’t see the kid anywhere. Well, as long as he wasn’t inside the kitchen with the cannibal, then that was better than nothing. Who knew? Maybe he was somewhere with a new loving mom and dad! One could dream...

Qi Rong slurped the hand’s uneaten fingers into his stuffed cheeks. A moment later, he spat out a few bones right at the attendants’ faces.

“You useless trash! Born from a pile of shit!” he cussed. “Coming in here to cry like you’re at a funeral! And here I thought you were bringing this ancestor food. Well? Where are the humans? Where’s the meat? DIDN’T I ALREADY GIVE YOU THAT POISON?! WHY ARE THEY STILL STANDING?!”

The person lying dead on the ground (and currently being munched on) was likely either the original owner of this establishment or some other traveler who had passed by.

The attendants were aggrieved. “My king, it’s not that we’re useless! Those monks and cultivators are all picky sons of bitches. They’re making everything difficult. First they complained that the plates were too greasy, then they complained that there was hair in the dishes... They refuse to eat anything we’re serving.”

They say, as of those aren't reasonable complaints to have.

Qi Rong chewed, crunched, and then sucked on the remains of the blood from those ten fingers. “What?! What the fuck?! This ancestor will personally cook them an execution meal! They should already be crying tears of joy for not being forced to kneel and lick their food off the ground! Who gave those fuckfaces the right to complain about anything?! They should try eating what Cousin Crown Prince makes. That shit’s worse than shit! THOSE FUCKERS SHOULD KNOW TO GROVEL BEFORE THIS ANCESTOR IN GRATITUDE!”

“...” Shen Yuan was speechless. Little did Qi Rong know that they had, indeed, already eaten Xie Lian’s food.

Still, he patted Xie Lian’s shoulder comfortingly. “I’m sure your food is wonderful.”

Even if it did make him hallucinate for hours on end the first and only time he had it.

“Gege, don’t pay any mind to what such useless trash says,” Hua Cheng comforted as well.

Xie Lian looked aggrieved. “...Yeah.”

Qi Rong leapt to his feet and erupted into a string of curses as he beat the attendants, making Shen Yuan wince.

“It’s ’cause you’re all useless trash! Can’t even wash a plate right!”

His anger satisfied, Qi Rong rolled up his sleeves and wiped his blood-covered lips clean with one hand. Cursing and griping all the while, he took up a spatula and impatiently beat it against an iron wok, producing a noisy riot of clinking and clanking.

“One more time! Open your shitty eyes, I’ll let you witness this ancestor’s skills! We’ll see if any of you have any more crap to say after this!”

Flames roared to the skies, and he swiftly remade a full spread of dishes and ordered the attendants to carry them out.

And what a spread indeed! The meat was abundant and the vegetables fresh. The dishes were surprisingly aromatic and alluring. After seeing the dishes were made, the group began to head back to the inn.

That, of course, was when Ghost Yuan had to ruin it.

“Oh, how I adore Qi Rong.” He said admiringly.

Before he could stop himself, Shen Yuan whirled, his jaw agape and his eyes narrowed. Surely he'd misheard?!

Ghost Yuan raised an eyebrow.

“What?” Then, his eyes widened and he frowned. “Don’t tell me you’re a Qi Rong hater.”

With a quick glance to make sure Xie Lian was still walking with Hua Cheng, Shen Yuan hissed quietly, “What do you mean?! Are you a Qi Rong lover? He’s such an awful person!”

Ghost Yuan merely shrugged. “He brings some lighthearted comedy into the story, what can I say?”

Shen Yuan fought the urge to hit him over the head purely because he knew Zhishi would phase through him and he would just make a fool of himself. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you could start with finding a more compelling reason? He’s a cannibal!”

“Okay, he has his flaws, so what? We all do! At least he’s fun, unlike Mr. “Oh I’m So Serious and Can’t Ever Have Fun” here!”

Shen Yuan glared. He was having plenty of fun, thank you very much! It’s just that having Ghost Yuan around sucked the fun out of everything!

He opened his mouth to say just that when Xie Lian suddenly called out.

“Shen Yuan?”

He whirled around to see Xie Lian looking at him with concern from up ahead, Hua Cheng in his arms with an unreadable expression.

“Are you alright?”

Shen Yuan gave one last glare to Ghost Yuan, who looked far too smug for Shen Yuan’s liking, before responding. “Yes! I’m fine, apologies. I just had to look at something really quickly.”

Xie Lian frowned but thankfully didn’t press for more.

Shen Yuan returned to their guest room on the second floor and wasted no time in peeking below through the hole that was still there.

The monks and cultivators were in awe.

“This looks good!”

“Yeah! This is so well done. Especially these salt-and-pepper chicken feet. So fat and tender...though perhaps a little too fat and tender? I’ve never seen chicken feet with such long digits...”

“Oh! This is our house specialty. They’re not your typical chicken feet. They’re the finest specially selected feet sourced exclusively from the rare white phoenix chicken,” the attendants explained. “With their claws removed, don’t they look tempting? Just like the soft, delicate hands of a young woman?”

“You’re right. But I’m most excited for this fried pig skin. It looks lightly crispy and tender, and the fire was controlled just right... Wait, why does the pork have tattoos?”

“Oh! It’s because our chef wanted to demonstrate his godly carving skills,” the attendants explained. “He intentionally etched that on to show off a bit, that’s all.”

“The sweet-and-sour ribs don’t seem cooked through, and the sauce is too thick. You’re not trying to cover up anything funny with the flavor, are you?”

“Oh! Nothing of the sort,” the attendants explained. “Everything in this establishment is butchered on the day of and sold fresh. It’s just that our chef has a taste for stronger flavors, that’s all.”

“...”

What was it that Ghost Yuan said? That these NPC’s were smarter than average?

Ghost Yuan seemed to know exactly what he was thinking and shrugged. “I did say somewhat. I didn’t claim they were geniuses.”

Shen Yuan sighed softly.

Seeing how they were endlessly praising the dishes and were ready to dig in, Xie Lian really couldn’t continue to stand by and looked indecisive on what to do.

“Hey, go ahead and hand him those pebbles you picked up earlier.” Ghost Yuan suggested.

Shen Yuan, feeling bitter from the apparent reality of Ghost Yuan liking Qi Rong, didn’t give Xie Lian the pebbles.

Instead, he flung one of the pebbles out of the small hole. His shot hit the hand Heaven’s Eye was using to raise his cup, which was filled with water for his continued pursual of “detoxing.” His arm shuddered, causing water to spill from the cup and splash right onto a smiling attendant’s face.

While the liquid wasn’t hot, it was like he’d poured boiling water on the attendant. The attendant covered his face, wailing.

“Aaaah!”

Everyone at the table brandished their weapons in shock.

“What’s going on?!”

Heaven’s Eye seized the attendant’s hand and yanked it aside, and the crowd gasped. The attendant’s facial features were half melted, as if water had spilled onto a sheet of paper and blotted the ink. Blurry, hazy trails of ink spread along his cheeks and rolled down.

The attendant’s facial features and ever-present smile had been drawn on with a brush.

Without missing a beat, the mob flipped the table and started a brawl. The attendants hugged their heads in defense as they were beaten.

“My Lords! Please stop!” they howled. “Um- that- um, that very strange woman with a small child and wealthy man you’re looking for- that strange cultivator! He’s upstairs! They’re right upstairs! Go find them! Let us go! We’re only part-timers!”

“Bah! Part-timers? Who are you kidding?!”

“Tryin’ to deceive us? Think we’re that easy to fool?! It’s too late now!”

“We’re not lying! It’s true!” The attendants cried miserably.

The brawl downstairs was getting wild, and, seeing that the masters had an overwhelming upper hand, Shen Yuan shook his head and left them to it. Xie Lian was about to make his move to capture Lan Chang and the fetus spirit amidst this chaos, but before he could even open the door to his guest room, an unexpected shriek came from the hallway.

The terrified voice of Lan Chang rang out. “No... I beg you, I don’t want to go! Please, I beg you, let us go! I’ll kneel and kowtow!”

“Who cares about your prostrating?” said the angry voice of a young man. “If you leave, then what can I- What can my general do? Fuck, you two really did him in this time! Enough useless talk, you’re coming with me!”

Upon hearing that voice, Shen Yuan flung the door open.

“It’s you?!”

A black-clad youth stood in the long hallway blocking Lan Chang’s path, his expression dark. He looked up the moment Shen Yuan emerged, clearly flabbergasted.

“It’s you?!”

Xie Lian walked outside his room as well. “Fu Yao? Why are you here?”

Lan Chang saw them and widened her eyes. “The Crown Prince, his Majesty...?”

Fu Yao looked him up and down. His lips twitched, but at least his eyes didn’t roll. “Why are you here?”

Xie Lian glanced down at himself, then hurriedly stripped off the women’s clothing he was wearing. “It’s a long story.”

Just then, Fu Yao noticed Hua Cheng standing by Xie Lian’s side, and his pupils shrank.

“...You?!” he cried in spite of himself.

Hua Cheng sneered and ignored him, and Shen Yuan put a hand on Hua Cheng’s shoulder with a pointed look in Fu Yao’s direction. Really, you were going to get yourself killed, Fu Yao! Be nicer!

As for Lan Chang, she turned to bolt the moment she saw them. Fu Yao noticed and whirled around.

“Stop right there!”

He hadn’t taken a single step before a long, white silk band shot out and wrapped around her ankle. Lan Chang tumbled to the ground, but she immediately flipped onto her back, hugging her belly. It would seem that the fetus spirit was hidden in her stomach again.

“If you wanted her to stop, you should’ve done this... Just shouting about it is pointless,” Xie Lian said as he reeled Ruoye in, reminding Shen Yuan of what Ghost Yuan had said before. “By the way, you were talking about your general earlier. What happened to him?”

Fu Yao didn’t respond. He simply humphed and stormed over to seize Lan Chang’s arm. He seemed truly furious. Not only did he forcefully grab a woman with a hard, unforgiving hand, but he had even uttered a profanity earlier. This was not at all the Fu Yao they knew. Unexpectedly, before he managed to pull Lan Chang up, her belly swelled up like a balloon. A white figure shot out and lunged at Fu Yao’s face, shrieking.

It was the fetus spirit!

Every time it returned to its mother’s womb, it recovered enough energy for another round of mayhem. Thus, its strike was ferocious and treacherous, and Fu Yao had to focus to beat it back. With a swift smack of his hand, the fetus spirit was slapped away like a ball. It hit a nearby wall with a bang, then ricocheted off and shot toward Xie Lian.

“Catch it! Don’t let it run away!” Fu Yao shouted.

Before Xie Lian had even moved, Hua Cheng was already there in front of him to act as a shield. The fetus ball abruptly halted in front of him, then changed trajectory to charge at Fu Yao once again.

As the ghost ball ricocheted and rampaged about the upstairs corridor, complete chaos also reigned down below. From the first floor, they could hear the cries of the “attendants” begging for mercy.

“My Lord cultivators, please be magnanimous! We lowly ones were only doing this for a bite to eat!”

“Yeah, we won’t do it again! Truth be told, normally we only steal chickens at most to eat! We only did this because that green...green lord forced us to be his underlings! He’s in the kitchen right now!”

Seeing that the situation had fallen into complete chaos, Shen Yuan suddenly remembered something and leapt out the second-floor window once more.

Qi Rong sat in the kitchen with his legs crossed, picking at his teeth as he cheerfully waited for his “meal” to serve itself.

A loud rumbling sound shook the room, then someone kicked down the wall and leapt into the kitchen.

“Qi Rong! Where’s Guzi?”

This classic martial god entrance shocked Qi Rong to his feet. “You?! Why are you here?! CAN’T YOU KNOCK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON?!”

Without missing a beat, Shen Yuan went over and smacked Qi Rong’s head onto the chopping board, then pinned him down hard like he was a duck to be butchered.

“Cut the nonsense! What did you do to the child?”

Qi Rong grinned a smile full of teeth. “Hee hee hee, look- Isn’t he right here, all over the ground?”

What was the ground littered with? Human bones!

Shen Yuan tightened his grip and squeezed harder. If that was actually true…

“Relax, will you?” Ghost Yuan grumbled. “It’s not actually Guzi. He’s just being him and making jokes.” 

As if in confirmation to that, Qi Rong started wailing and howling.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow! Arm! My arm’s broken! BROKEN, BROKEN! JUN WU’S PET, WAIT! Okay, okay, okay, I’ll be honest, I lied, I didn’t eat him! I didn’t! I was gonna, but I haven’t yet!”

“Where is he now?” Shen Yuan demanded.

"STOP CRUSHING ME, STOP CRUSHING! I’ll tell you! The excess baggage is locked up in the firewood shed right there! Just take a look and you’ll see!”

Shen Yuan hit him around a few more times just to make sure he wouldn’t do anything, as he wasn’t against hurting the body Qi Rong possessed like Xie Lian was, before he opened a small door on the side of the kitchen.

Sure enough, Guzi was curled up inside. Shen Yuan reached out under his nose to check his breathing. It was steady, and his little face was red and flushed. He looked like he was sound asleep.

However, when Shen Yuan lifted the boy, he could feel that the small child was feverishly hot to the touch. Oh, this was bad, bad. He quickly gathered the child into his arms.

By that point, Xie Lian, the monks, and the cultivators had poured into the kitchen as well. The moment the latter two groups entered, they nearly tripped on the piles of human bones on the floor. It was a shocking sight, and they cried out in alarm.

“Huh?! What a shady establishment!”

“So all those dishes... They were all...made of human flesh?!”

“I told you that I’ve never seen chicken feet that long!”

Took them long enough!

There was another loud rumbling noise, and the ceiling was punched through, leaving a new hole. A white ball came crashing down.

“What’s that?!” the mob cried.

Soon after, Fu Yao jumped down through the hole as well, hurling out over a dozen yellow talismans with one swing of his hand. “Get lost! Don’t get in the way of my work!” he yelled.

“Ah! It’s the skilled master!” the mob cried.

Lan Chang dragged herself over and rolled down through the hole too. “Stop hitting him!”

“Wha-! A woman!” the mob cried again.

Yellow talismans shot everywhere like iron needles and flying blades. While Shen Yuan dodged with a slight shift of his body., Qi Rong couldn’t get away, and all of the talismans thudded squarely into his back.

“GHOST MURDER!” he wailed pathetically.

The mob swarmed over and gathered around him to examine the talismans, gasping in awe.

“Wow, what incredible aim...”

The once perfectly serviceable kitchen was suddenly horribly crowded, cramped, and clamorous. Fu Yao was chasing the leaping and dodging fetus spirit, and Lan Chang was chasing Fu Yao as if she’d gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face had been crushed out of shape by Shen Yuan pressing him to the chopping board, and his back had turned into a target for the talismans Fu Yao had hurled while the crowd watched. Lan Chang would even occasionally step on Qi Rong in the heat of her chase.

“Why? Why are there so many people?!” Qi Rong lamented. “Who are you? And who are you? Is no one gonna let me fucking eat?! WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS NO MATTER WHERE I GO?! WHAT DO Y’ALL HAVE AGAINST ME?!”

As he wailed, his eyes spun, and he saw through the collapsed wall of the kitchen to the yard outside. Hua Cheng was out there, looking like he hadn’t noticed the mayhem inside; he sat calmly under a tree, relaxed and idle enough that he’d built a gold foil palace. Who knew how long he’d been playing around, bored out of his mind? He had already constructed a sumptuous little mansion from over a dozen sheets of gold foil.

Qi Rong instantly changed his tune. “Everyone, look outside, quick! Crimson Rain Sought Flower turned into a ghost brat!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. “If you hold a grudge against him, go now! Don’t miss this chance! If you pass this up, you won’t get another shot-!”

Before he could finish, a cold, glistening, bloody butcher's knife was thrust between his teeth. Xie Lian’s hand was gripping the knife’s handle.

Xie Lian smiled, like the absolute maniac he was. “Hmm? What are you yelling about?”

Qi Rong (or Shen Yuan, for that matter) did not see how Xie Lian had managed to thrust the knife into his mouth so swiftly. He had only felt a sudden chill on his lips before realizing there was a new and extremely sharp object present on the tip of his tongue. Although he was unharmed as of yet, blood would flood his mouth if he tried moving the slightest bit. His voice died in his throat.

Shen Yuan gave a small nod of approval.

However, the crowd had already seen Hua Cheng stacking the gold foil palace in the yard outside the inn.

“Is that him?!”

“Probably!”

With Guzi in Shen Yuan’s arms and Xie Lian with Ruoye, the two dashed outside to get there before the rest of them. Qi Rong had been bound by Ruoye, and he shrieked as he was dragged along the ground.

“DOG-FUCKED XIE LIAN, YOU MUST BE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE! I’ve never seen anyone as evil as you! You fake white lotus, AAAAAAAAAAH-”

The mob gathered around.

“Do we...charge?”

“Watch out for traps. How about we observe first?”

In the meantime, Hua Cheng had finished building the little gold palace and had risen to his feet. He arched an eyebrow as he looked condescendingly down at the building he’d constructed, and then he gave a gentle kick.

Flop, flop, flop. The gold palace collapsed.

And the inn crumbled as well, rumbling as it did.

The spell was broken. Shen Yuan turned back and looked. Behind him was no inn but rather a collapsed little cottage, the type of building that was a normal sight in barren hills like these. The inn was only an illusion, though that wasn’t much of a surprise at this point.

The crowd of monks and cultivators hadn’t yet decided whether to charge outside, so they were crushed by the collapsing roof and knocked unconscious by rotten logs and ragged straw. Shen Yuan and Xie Lian jogged to Hua Cheng’s side, Ghost Yuan right behind them, though only one of them was aware of that.

“San Lang, won’t using your power like this affect you?” asked Xie Lian.

Hua Cheng gave an effortless wave, and the gold foil disappeared into thin air. “Don’t worry, Gege, something small like this is no bother.”

A piece of the broken roof moved, and Fu Yao’s head poked out. He shoved a pile of hay away, exclaiming angrily, “You’re not bothered, but I am!”

Just moments before, he had finally captured the fetus spirit! But his vision suddenly went dark. When he looked up, the dilapidated roof was splitting and caving in, crumbling right on top of him. What a disaster! Fu Yao plucked a bunch of straw from his hair and stomped over to the three plus Ghost Yuan. He glared at Hua Cheng, who was shorter than him at present.

“You... You did this on purpose!” he raged.

Hua Cheng blinked. He neither denied the accusation nor taunted him. He only raised his inky black eyes to look at Xie Lian. Xie Lian immediately grasped Hua Cheng’s shoulder to push him behind his own body.

“No, no, surely not. Kids don’t know how to control their strength… Sorry about that, Fu Yao.”

Shen Yuan let out a startled laugh but nodded along anyways. Yep, because Hua Cheng was totally just a normal kid with nothing odd about him in the slightest.

Fu Yao’s hair was a frightful mess. He stared at Xie Lian in disbelief. “Kids...? Your Highness, do you really think I’m blind enough to not recognize who that is?”

“What are you talking about?” Shen Yuan replied, sounding puzzled. “That is just a very normal little boy. I picked him up not too long ago. You should know how prone I am to picking up children.”

“...”

Fu Yao stared at Hua Cheng and narrowed his eyes.

Behind them came faint creaking sounds. It seemed Lan Chang had also pushed away a section of the collapsed roof and crawled free. After a moment's hesitation, Fu Yao turned to walk over.

Shen Yuan ignored him and instead carefully lowered Guzi onto a relatively clean patch of ground and knelt beside him. The boy stirred weakly but didn't wake. Up close, his face looked even redder than before, his cheeks flushed with fever.

Shen Yuan brushed several damp strands of hair away from Guzi's forehead.

"Guzi?" he called softly.

No response. The child merely frowned in his sleep and turned his head slightly, which definitely wasn't a good sign.

Shen Yuan pressed the back of his fingers against Guzi's neck, then his forehead. The heat radiating from him was alarming.

"A fever," he muttered, though this was hardly any new, groundbreaking information. He'd figured that out when he first saw him.

Hua Cheng crouched beside him and placed a hand against Guzi's forehead as well.

"It's fairly high."

No shit!

Shen Yuan checked the boy's pulse next. It was quick, though not alarmingly so. Then he gently lifted one eyelid. The pupil reacted normally, so that was something at least.

He pressed lightly against Guzi's stomach, and there was no reaction. His limbs didn't appear injured either. No bruising, no obvious swelling, and no signs of broken bones from being trapped beneath the rubble.

Shen Yuan frowned. He checked behind Guzi's ears and along his neck, searching for signs of infection. Nothing immediately stood out.

"He hasn’t been coughing or vomiting,” he muttered, bringing a hand up to his chin, and Hua Cheng only nodded.

That ruled out several possibilities.

Then again, diagnosing illness without proper equipment was little more than educated guesswork. Even during his original life, he hadn't been a doctor and has only ever been a patient. Most of what he knew came from the memories from Shen Lan. They certainly helped, but they weren’t amazing.

Guzi shifted again, a small, unhappy sound escaping him.

"Easy," Shen Yuan said quietly.

He reached out and adjusted the boy's position, making sure his breathing remained unobstructed. Guzi seemed to settle once more, thankfully.

Then Hua Cheng suddenly said, "His breathing."

Shen Yuan looked up. "What about it?"

"It's a little fast."

He frowned and listened more carefully.

Now that Hua Cheng had pointed it out, he could hear it too. It wasn’t severe, but it was noticeable.

Shen Yuan's frown deepened. He had a fever and rapid breathing. Neither symptom was particularly dangerous on its own, but together...

As the two of them focused on the child, Ghost Yuan spoke up, and Shen Yuan’s concentration was completely shot by his next words.

“Oh, before I forget. Feng Xin’s about to contact Xie Lian through a private communication array. He’s going to tell him that Mu Qing’s the culprit behind the fetus spirit.”