Work Text:
Regulus Black has always been the hard to get player when he wasn't in love. But when he was, he was a bleeding soldier. He yearned for the person he loved so bad, that his entire dorm room used to be covered in poetry books. He casted a spell over them, so that no one could touch them except him.
Barty jumped on Regulus' bed, throwing a pillow at him as he placed one of his book in the shelf. Regulus caught the pillow before it hit him, throwing it back at Barty.
"You know Potter can read right?"
"No shit, Crouch"
"For Salazar's sake, give them to Potter, would you Reg? Y'know its hard for me to see the heir of the noble and most ancient house of black like this"
"Like what?"
"Like a 12 year old girl giggling over her crush while writing him a love letter-"
"Oh shut it, would you? It's not as hard as you when Rosier walks by"
Regulus said with a smirk.
"Oh you don't know what love feels like....'
Barty said, with a sigh, the look of love on his face.
Regulus rolled his eyes, pretending to gag.
But really, Regulus felt hollow at Barty's words. He wanted someone for himself, and that so came out to be none other than James Fleamont Potter—a blood traitor and the person Sirius considered more brotherly than Regulus. James Potter who gave Sirius shelter when Sirius left 12 Grimmauld Place. James Potter who cared for everyone around him. James Potter who probably fancied Evans, Lily Evans. James Potter-
James Potter who could just ask Regulus for his soul.
And the bad part is that Regulus would probably give it to him with a smile.
Regulus' train of thoughts was stopped when when he heard a knock at the door.
"Are you two not hungry or something?"
Evan said, peeking from the door.
"Coming rosie, hang on a minute"
Regulus gave Barty a glare, Barty just smirked back. The boys headed to the Main hall. The chatter filled table of Slytherins had saved seats for the three. Dorcas sat on the opposite side of the table, facing the Ravenclaw table. The three sat next to each other, Barty in the center.
Regulus fiddled with his food, taking small bites frequently. The Black family manners had still not left him, he still sat straight on the table, unlike the Gryffindors sitting across the table. He could see Pettigrew sitting slumped over the table, and then leaning back on his chair, moving the food on his plate with a fork. Regulus sighed, his eyes moving just a little side ways.
And Oh god the sight that blessed him.
The choclate brown eyes of the older were shining a hazel under the sunlight. The tanned skin that has no crease, softly curved in dimples when he smiled. And oh god, his smile, the one curve of lips the can get Regulus on his knees.
Their eyes met.
And for a moment, Regulus had no idea what to do. He looked away the very next second, suddenly finding his food very exciting. He mentally slapped himself for the slip up.
___________________________
He looked out of the astronomy tower, his violin and book sitting under the moonlight like him. The book was in his hand, a quill between his fingers as he scribbled his nerves on the pages. He'd been here for almost an hour and half.
Regulus heard soft footsteps, climbing up the stairs. He closed his book, waiting for that someone to arrive. The steps came closer and a tall figure entered in a rush, body movements tired. He saw the figure go to a corner, sitting behind a desk.
Regulus bit his lip, it was certain that the person was a student, as he had caught the glimpse of the red tie hanging from the man's neck. But who? Which gryffindor?
Regulus kept his book at a side, walking to the desk. As he moved closer, he heard soft sobs.
Okay now it was bad.
There was something in his hand—probably his wand—the fell down with a thump. The wand came in the moonlight and...
And Regulus stopped breathing.
He knew that wand a little too well. Maybe knew the owner a little too well. He sighed as he looked further, walking a step closer.
His guess was correct.
It indeed was him.
James Potter sat there, under the desk, curled up, tears striking down his face. They probably were, regulus assumed.
He had no idea what to do. He had never been good at consoling people. He never was consoled by anyone when Walburga hexed and cursed him. When he recieved those punishments. It was just him alone, after Sirius left.
"James?"
Regulus whispered and as on cue, James' head moves up to look at the source of voice. He doesn't recognise it at first. It was very similar to Sirius' voice, but a little shriller.
James' eyes catches Regulus's and for a moment he was just sitting there, looking in the eyes of the boy who was staring at him during breakfast. The same boy now glowed under the moonlight. His deathly pale skin reflected light like a ghost's. His gray eyes and face concern portrayed the concern in his mind.
"Regulus?"
James spoke, his voice cracked a little.
"Why are you here in the middle of the night?"
Regulus asked, crouching down to James' level.
"Just....I could ask you the same"
"I...uh..."
Regulus couldn't say what he was doing. He wasn't going to tell james that he was writing love poems about the very person he shouldn't. He wasn't going to tell James he was in love with him. He wasn't-
"...was practicing my violin.."
Regulus spoke, he was sure that a soft blush crept over his neck, but the dullness of the hall covered it up perfectly.
"I see.."
"Why are you here, potter?"
James didn't reply, a silence fell over them.
"How's Sirius?"
Regulus asked, changing the topic so he felt a little better from the crying earlier.
"He's... he's fine...he's alright..."
James replied as he saw regulus walk over to the violin kept under the moonlight, the notebook with the musical notes sitting in front of it.
"Were you practicing?"
James asked, his voice still a little shaky as he wiped off his tears.
"What makes you think that?"
Regulus says, rolling his eyes. That brings a small smile on James's red face.
James walked a little closer, dragging a small stool with him. He sat on it, close to regulus as he spoke.
"Can you play well?"
Regulus sighed before he spoke, picking up the bow.
"Be the judge?"
Regulus spoke, as the bow gazed over the strings of the violin, playing a tune that lulled James in a captivating calmness. The music flowed like water in James' ears, calming his mind and relaxing his body. The tune felt comforting, familiar, close.
As the music filled the room, James couldn't help but notice how different Regulus looked when he played. His features relaxed, his back curls falling softly before his ears, making him look very near to peaceful.
But one thing that James knew, even if he barely talked to Regulus, was that the boy was never at peace.
James just sat there, admiring baby black as he played. When the music stopped and Regulus opened his eyes, he saw James staring at him in awe.
"Merlin, Reg..."
James spoke, getting up from the seat, still staring at Regulus. Regulus could feel the blush the moved up his cheeks. His skin felt warm against James' gaze.
"I do need a lot more practice, Maman says I'm not worthy enough-"
And before Regulus could continue, James has moved closer than Regulus would ever let him. He could feel the older boy's hand on his ear, pushing back the strands of hair that fell on his face. Regulus felt like his skin was on fire where James' hand was.
And the thing Regulus hated the most was that he leaned in James' touch, yearned for more, knowing he could never have it.
"You really are very skilled, baby black"
"Not the best, I haven't been practicing well for a long time'
"You're very fucking beautiful"
And oh how bad regulus wanted to just melt into a puddle right at James' feet. His eyes moved away breaking eye contact. It was surely just about how he played.
He hoped that it wasn't.
"What is this?"
James asked, holding up a diary kept next to the violin. It has Regulus's initial carved on the leather cover of the diary.
R.A.B.
James ran his fingers through the silver lining of the letters, feelings them raised on his fingerpads before he heard Regulus.
"Give it back, Potter!"
James held it up in the air as Regulus tried to grab it, the height difference making it way difficult for Regulus to get a hold of the diary.
"Merlin Regulus, switching back to Potter? I liked James more"
James said with a soft grin.
"What even is this? homework? I'm a grade older than you, I'm not gonna copy it"
James fooled. Regulus couldn't help but feel panic grow a little as James tried to open the diary.
"Potter stop!"
He almost yelled, before jumping up, trying to grab the diary, but slipping on his feet as he landed, falling on top of James. His head fell on James' chest as the older stumbled back, catching Regulus by his waist, hand still held up and very much stable.
"Careful love"
James said with a chuckle.
Regulus was a blushing mess, he took a step back, looking away from James.
"You're so light weighted, like a feather" He added.
Regulus but the inside of his lower lip. That was one thing he wasn't really proud of, his weight. His eating habits were bad. He forgets to eat sometimes, other time he's busy with work, or the other times...he just is stressed.
"Reg, you okay?"
James asked, as he felt a little change in Regulus's mood. He had a hint of concern on his face as he continued.
"Regulus, I'm sorry, Are you okay? Gosh I'm dumb I shouldn't have-"
"James"
"...yea?"
"It's...it's okay...just give me the book back"
James sighed "you sure you're fine? I'm sorry, again"
"It's alright...just give me the book back please?"
And there he was, pleading.
Sometimes for his life
Sometimes for love
Sometimes for a brown haired boy to pull him in a hug without him saying
But currently for a book
"What is innit that you have it so treasured?"
James asked.
"It's...personal"
"Poetry?"
Regulus's eyes snapped to look at James' as he moved through the pages.
"Potter!"
He said, now finally snatching the book back.
"Who could ever guess that Regulus black could feel things?"
James spoke with a smirk.
Regulus closed the book, tossing it under the violin table.
"Who's made you such a hopeless romantic, reg? The last time I saw you, you were such a bitch"
"Fuck off"
"No seriously, who's the lady?"
Lady.
Well fuck.
"Not anyone that you know off"
Regulus replied with a huff, picking up his bow.
"Let me read one poem, reg"
"No"
"Please"
"No"
"Pretty please, Reggie"
"For godric's sake James, no!"
Regulus didn't want to deny, he could never willingly say no to James. But there was no way in hell that he was going to let James read those poems.
"Well then atleast tell me who is it for?"
"No"
"Why regulus?"
Regulus bit his lip, looking out of the window, at the moon.
"Because I know he doesn't like me"
"It's a He??"
James spoke, the pure shock in his voice clear. He never ever thought of Regulus being in love with a guy. Regulus didn't respond to that
"Why do you think that he doesn't like you?"
"Because he fancies ladies, probably"
"Probably?"
"I...I don't know...but I'm sure he doesn't fancy me"
"Reg, Remus and Sirius are together for over an year, if it's something about your past-"
"It's nothing related to that James. It's not"
Regulus could feel tears prick at the corner of his eyes. When did he let his guards down so easily for James?
"Regulus....are you crying?"
James took steps closer, untill he stood next to Regulus. He could see the stranded tears on the younger boy's cheeks.
"Regulus, look at me"
Regulus sighed, his breath a little uneven
"Leave....please..."
Regulus whispered, he couldn't afford to be seen like this, not now, and especially not James
"But reg-"
"James, please....leave"
James silenced himself, sighed as he walked away. He stopped at his tracks for a moment, wanting to push a little and get the truth out of the younger black, but he knew better than pushing someone when they were low, so he continued again, walking out of the door.
__________________________
Regulus sat in his potions class, against a cauldron of amortentia. Slughorn usually allowed regulus in the place without supervison, as the Slytherin excelled in potions. His head was rested on the table, fingers fidgeting with the lid of the cauldron. The same smell entered his nose whenever he smelled the liquid—cinnamon, broomstick wood and the smell that went over him when he fell on James Potter's chest last night. It was the same since he was 11, Amortentia always smelt the same to him, never a difference
How stupid was he.
He sat in the lab while doing his work, just to have a sense of James around him. It helped him work slightly better, and damage every shard of hope in him.
He heard footsteps as a figure entered the class
Well it wasn't just one
"....Remus was so shocked when I showed him that...."
Sirius spoke, entering the lab, James walking beside him
"Gosh this place...was Rem here, Regulus?"
"No"
"It smells of him, like a lottt, you smell it too James, don't you?'
Sirius said, picking up some bottles of potion.
"I'm not able to, because your brother's perfume is fogging up my nose. Seriously reg, use a little less next time."
Regulus's ears perked up at the sound of that.
It couldn't be
No
No way
"Regulus where's the Amortentia?"
Sirius asked
"Here.."
Regulus said, closing the cauldron. His eyes flecked to James' for a moment, handing him the cauldron instead on Sirius.
"Why do you need it?"
Regulus asked
"Slughorn is teaching something related to love potions..."
James replied, with a soft smile.
"Oh"
"Perhaps we can see for ourselves first too?"
Sirius said with a smirk, looking at James. He found James already looking at him, rolling his eyes.
"Come on Sirius, all you'll ever smell is moony...."
Sirius just chuckled
"Let's wait till class, Prongs, don't wanna spoil the fun"
James said with a wink as they left the room, leaving a messy Regulus behind.
He wasn't wearing perfume today.
If Sirius could smell Remus' scent in the room, even though he wasn't there, while the Amortentia was open, that could only mean one thing, Sirius was in love with Remus.
But James.....
Oh how fucked Regulus was.
________________________________
Regulus sat in the support of the wall, notebook backed up on his raised thigh as he wrote something in it. The violin sat next to him, the moon casting it's glow on the instruments wood.
Regulus couldn't help but wonder. What could even be there in him to like. He was a hollow soul, barely talked to anyone, didn't have the courage to even run from the house that abused him to near death. It was only because of the death of his parents that he was alive. He was struggling with his mind, he was-
"You're here tonight too?'
He heard a familiar voice coming from the entrance. His head turned to look at the same tall figure he's seen here last night.
"Why can't I be?"
He said, turning back to his notebook.
"Of course you can be....were you playing?"
James spoke, eyes flickering to the violin sitting.
"Did, will practice later"
James took a long breath before he walked towards regulus, sitting across him.
"What did you smell?" Regulus asked, straightforward.
"Huh?"
"In the Amortentia....what was it like?"
"Oh....it was like ink...probably some cedar...and.."
"And?"
James took a deep breath.
"Nothing"
"Nothing?"
Regulus said, a little disappointed.
"Sounds like you were expecting something"
"I was"
The response came quick.
"It's smelled...of you"
James replied, closing his eyes. He tilted his head back, a million thoughts in mind.
"I don't know why...but it...it just does...I really liked you since...probably since year 5...but I thought..I thought I moved on, until when you told me you fancy someone last night and I couldn't take it. I hated that you cried for them...and when I smelled it today, the Amortentia, it smelled of you. God it reeked of you.."
Regulus couldn't hold his tears back. He tried to, but it was difficult when he saw James letting all his guards down, in front of him.
"Who's...who's the guy?"
What are you talking ab-"
"The one you write poems about, the one you fancy, the one you cried for because you thought he didn't like you back?"
"He does...he does fancy me...I just got to know"
"Oh"
James said, his head falling down, the small glint of hope losing his eyes. Regulus moved a little closer when he saw James, his hand moving to hold the older's
"Don't you want to know?"
"Will..will you tell me?'
"It's you, James.."
James head snapped up at the words, the uncertainty clear on his face.
"What?"
"It's...you"
Regulus spoke, his head moving down, staring at James' hand in his on his lap. He fiddled softly with the taller's fingers, as he spoke
"From 2nd year...all my Amortentia and my mind was all about you. I lived with them, you see, so I never knew that liking lads could be a thing...i thought I just wanted you to be a very close friend. But...but then I though that friends don't get jealous when their friends like another person, they don't blush when the see the other shirtless after a quidditch match....and then I heard about Sirius and Lupin, that's when I realised I wanted to be anything but friends...I tried, I tried to talk to you, but I couldn't, I just couldn't. So I wrote, I wrote everything, hell I bled ink on the paper for you James-"
And before he could even turn his head to look at the boy he loves more than his life, he felt a soft pair of lips press against his, pouring out all the emotion that words couldn't even try to make him understand. His hand moved up to cup the younger boy's face, before pulling back ever so slowly.
James looked in Regulus's eyes, trying to find any hints of discomfort or doubt, but all his questions were answer when Regulus pulled James down by his tie, colliding their lips together in a deep kiss. Now it was his turn to show the things he couldn't—wouldn't—talk of. The poems, the glances, the brush of hands, everything that affected Regulus in a way that made him realise his love for the boy holding him.
Regulus pulled back slowly, his forehead resting against James'. James smiled, still holding Regulus, cupping his cheeks.
"Sirius is gonna kill me if he finds out" James said with a chuckle.
"Should think of the time when I walked in on him and Lupin making out in a class"
"That's...Merlin Regulus"
Regulus smiled. It was rare, very rare for the Slytherin to smile. And especially in front of James. James couldn't help but stare, just admiring the way Regulus's lips curved when he smiled. He moved just a little down, pressing a soft kiss on the tip of Regulus' nose.
"You're beautiful.....smile more"
James spoke, his voice soft as he looked in Regulus's eyes. Hesitance was clear in them, like smiling was a thing that was something he practiced only once a while.
"I'll...try"
Regulus replied, his eyes moving down to stare at James' lips then back in his eyes. James took the sign well, leaning down, pulling the younger in another kiss.
"I'll just take my shirt off after quidditch, that'll be enough- to make you you smile, innit?"
James said with a smirk.
That was the night when Regulus black realised that he, indeed was someone who could be loved without any advantage taken, he realised someone could care about him, hold him so gently and never let go. A part of him still said that he didn't deserve this. But James Potter's soft stares and kisses were enough to block thought like that.
The Aftermath
Regulus stood by the support of the wall, tilting his head to see the stars. He was in the quidditch stadium, his poetry book with him, thoughts spiralling as he admired the soft twinkle in the sky above before two big arms rounded his waist and caught his attention. He felt a head drop in the nape of his neck, smooth hair tickling his skin.
"I missed you so much...what are you doing here?"
James said, pulling the younger black closer by his waist, pressing a soft kiss on his shoulder.
"Just...watching the stars.."
"Can I join?'
"Of course, mon amour"
"Gosh it's got when you speak French"
James said with a smirk, sitting on the ground next to Regulus. Regulus moved a little closer as James rested his head on the slytherin's shoulder. Regulus felt James head rest on his shoulder, a smile falling on his face.
His eyes moved to look at the stars above, just admiring the way the shining stones embedded in the darkness of the night sky. As a child, Regulus and Sirius watched them together and talked to them, always having questions for the twinkling stones.
"James?"
"Yes, love?"
"Will the stars forgive me?"
"Forgive you for what?'
"For taking something which I don't deserve?"
"And that is?"
"You..this...us.."
Regulus asked, biting his bottom lip, his eyes closing, so close to expecting to hear something like 'no, they won't' because that was all he was told since the start. Always thrown at him, leaving him there. Broken, Crumbled, Shattered.
James moved his head up to stare at his boy. He'd seen Regulus vulnerable, but not this much. He'd said it often that he didn't deserve love, but that always seemed absurd to the older boy. He wrapped his arm around the younger's small back, pulling him closer by his waist.
"The stars will have to question fate if they think that I'm something you don't deserve, reg"
James spoke, placing a soft kiss on Regulus's forehead
"You're one of the best things that ever happened to me Regulus, I'm not just in love with your body or the way you do things, I'm in love with your soul, your mind, the real you. I don't care if I deserve you or not, I'm taking you anyways, Regulus Arcturus Black"
James spoke with a small smile on his face. The softest, calmest look on his face while his eyes filled with a hundred different emotion, the one which was prominently standing out was love, love for the person who thought that he can't be loved by anyone.
Regulus pulled him in a soft kiss, placing his lips on the older's. His hand moved just enough to reach the boy's shirt, clutching it in his fist. It wasn't slow, but wasn't speedy either. Just the perfect mix between the paces of the two. James pulled back after a while, smiling like an idiot.
They sat there for sometime, talking about the quidditch match the Gryffindor won in the morning against Ravenclaw and how James had taken off his shirt and looked directly at Regulus in the crowd.
"You were such a blushing mess, I wanted to kiss you right then and there"
"Oh shut it will you?"
Regulus said, looking away with an embarrassed smile.
"Reg?"
"Mhm?"
"Can I read your poems? The one you write for me?"
"I don't...no"
"Pleaseeeee Reggie"
"I don't have my notebook"
"It's kept right there"
James said, rolling his eyes
"Well I've written in French"
Regulus said holding the book behind him.
"Regulus we both know that's not gonna work-"
"Well....get up"
"Will you let me read the poems if I do?"
"Hm....maybe"
Regulus said, biting the inside of his lip. James got up in his feet, hands at his side as I spoke
"Can I pleaseeee read them now?"
"Well.....you have to catch me for that"
Regulus said with a smile, running towards the door of the quidditch stadium. Well there he was, a happy Regulus back, running from his boyfriend with his poetry book. That was when Regulus finally felt the happiness go through his veins, passing through each cell of his body. James Potter was his. He was alive and well, happy. It was all he ever wanted, all he could ever ask for. Everything little Reggie had asked The stars to fullfill had been done. And the rest that wasn't( there was no such thing) James Potter was there for that. The stars must be smiling, Regulus thought, as now he doesn't have any questions for them.