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☆
There were times they didn't speak about, times in the night where Gen went quiet when he was away from everyone else. When only Senku was around to see him and in those moments Gen felt understood in a way he didn't ever feel before.
Yet, Senku wouldn't allow him to sit in silence, not alone anyway.
Senku saw Gen looking up at the stars, clearly appreciating them but lost in thought. At that moment, Gen was also thinking of something else, how the stars used to be blocked by the light pollution of cities, people.
Senku doesn't get what he's thinking exactly, but there was this feeling of loneliness that seemed to encompass him.
“You know Einstein’s theories suggested that time travel can only go forward, not backward. I've been thinking about it lately."
Gen knew why Senku was talking about innate facts like this, it helped to take his mind off of it, but not entirely.
“Is this where you tell me about how we can’t go back to the past and there’s no point in moping about it?”
“No. I’m not you.” Senku scoffs, but Gen had a feeling that was some sort of message in itself.
“Right,” Gen says, a small smile gracing his face, it’s a bit sly this time, “You’re not like me. I always wonder about you though. How you managed by yourself, how you counted for so long…I’m not you, it’s hard for me in these moments to not think of the before. The past.”
I had a life, it may not have been perfect, but it was mine. How does he not dwell on it, even a little?
"I think of before everything too. What life could have been like for me if all of humanity never turned to stone."
Senku pauses, taking an audible breath, he's not looking at Gen, but Gen is looking right at him.
"But as for how I managed to live, there was no other option. To me, it was either I do it, or I’d die. That’s how I saw it. I didn’t know what would have happened if I stopped counting, so I couldn’t and it was…”
"It is difficult to say it was hard, because in that time it was all I knew, all I could feel. I can only think of it in hindsight how it was, and even that's hard to explain, almost like it wasn't me going through it."
Gen can't look at Senku's expression in this discomfort, it feels like a unnatural thing to witness. Senku in pain, even now, even in front of him he was trying not to show it or even feel it. So Gen looks out into the sky when Senku speaks next, giving him as much time as he needs to continue. Gen is thinking of how hard it must be for Senku to even admit this, it'd be impossible for anyone to understand if they haven't been through it.
When Senku speaks next, it feels like no time has passed between them at all.
"I knew once I woke up I'd be faced with a different world than the one I was raised in. When I finally broke out, it hit me."
"It's surreal." Gen whispers, knowingly, in his own way. He doesn't know what it was really like to count for over a millenia. When he was told about the state of the world, it was one thing to see it that first day, but over time it was a gradual undeniable realization. He'd have the feeling it would hit Senku over and over again just how much he had lost, how much all of them had lost.
It hits Gen sometimes, all over again like it has now.
“…It’s not something I’d ever want to do ever again that’s for sure.”
Senku's tone attempts to be lighthearted, and Gen feels the need to reassure him. But it's hard to, on this night when he wishes he could feel something soft against his skin again, or take a hot shower. Things he wouldn't have considered luxuries, but now weren’t possible in this stone world. Its not even just those comforts he took for granted but the assurance.
“I hear that.” Gen laughs, it’s slightly forced, Senku can tell, and that’s probably why he doesn’t laugh either.
"You should sleep Gen, I'll need you in the morning."
"I'll sleep if you sleep, Dear Senku." Gen remarks, knowing those habits of his.
"Then I suppose we will be up for some time." Senku admits, and they face each other, Senku's red eyes look like the tone of a deep crimson in the natural moonlight from the window and Gen doesn't mind staring at them for a long time.
They talk about anything and everything, the members of the Kingdom of Science, potential inventions, and what they thought of some foreign food, while Gen mentions who he'd kill just for a plate of whatever food again. Senku smiles just a little, but Gen feels he really might kill for some decent ramen not this buckwheat shit. Or any dish spicier than salt or pepper really.
Gen asks if they could make walkie talkies instead of lugging that "phone" around, and Senku said to keep dreaming for now saying something about it not being what Gen used to know, something about decoding, and sound quality. That what they has was fine. It'd work.
Gen trusts Senku more than himself by this point, so he's sure it will. Doesn't make him less uneasy though.
They just continue to talk about the future. Notably far beyond this upcoming battle, with the assumption of victory and survival. Senku's plans to eventually go to the Americas which will take a while, and a boat. He speaks of space, naming stars they can see from the observatory, and not once do they talk about the past again.
Gen feels that time is irrelevant, that he could stay here with Senku in this place and talk to him for thousands of hours. Senku was one of a kind and Gen was enchanted by him. It was over.
☆
"Gen!" Senku calls, Gen ignoring him in favor of pretending to do somehting.
"He's calling you." Kohaku says, it felt like she may be mocking Gen with this annoying tone she was using.
As if Gen can't hear Senku for himself. Gen half wanted to ignore her, likes he's been ignoring Senku the past two times he called, but he knew better than to do that. Kohaku would just drag him there. Anything Senku did was deemed important and mysterious to her.
"Alright," He talks to himself not looking at her as he trudges to Senku and Chrome's lab. It's a bit of a dramatic and childish display. Expectedly he noticed that someone who should be here was suspiciously absent. Suspicious meaning, not suspicious at all.
If Senku is calling for him, it means Chrome likely isn't here. Chrome is either kicking rocks or searching for them. Either way not here so Gen is forced to be the assist for their resident mad scientist. Just great.
"What do you need me for, Senku dear?" In his absolute most annoying voice.
In another life, he might have added some unwelcome flirtatious remark but this was Senku. Not only would he not appreciate it, he'd either twist it or plainly make it weird for everyone involved. Still, the next thing he wanted to say was funny in his head.
"Come over here," Senku says, as if he's saying Cut the shit. Gen drops his fake smile, rolling his eyes. He's tired and didn't want Senku working him to the bone again. Senku must know that. Gen was the kind of student who got away doing the bare minimum, this felt like a sentence sometimes.
At least, he forced himself to think of it that way.
Gen comes closer slowly and it makes Senku look directly at him for the delay. Senku surprises him, by moving quick and pulling and manuevering Gen to his side. Being rather impatient as Gen is taking his sweet time to help him with whatever he needed. Gen is sure Senku doesn't actually need his help. Not him specifically Gen brought no expertise to the table.
"You were ignoring me." Senku says, Gen bites back the automatic thought of, 'obviously.'
Like really, who did Senku think Gen was because the only time he's spent in a lab was high school biology. Of course he didn't want to be here, not only that but Senku was always—it was hard to even think it: touchy. He didn't even mean to be, it means nothing to him.
Gen just needs to get over himself and he'll be fine.
"I wasn't, ignoring you I just didn't hear you." Gen says neutrally when it's a complete lie. "But I'll have you know—"
Senku already knows Gen's spiel and honestly it seemed to only make him more determined to get Gen in here when Chrome wasn't here to be his science buddy. Just because Gen was a modern man that didn't make him useful.
"I'm not asking you to do anything hard Gen, I know you were about to lie and say your hands still hurt. Just like you lied about not hearing me. Come on, you're better than that."
This is why you never show your employer how confident you actually are, Gen thinks to himself.
Gen doesn't really seriously lie to Senku about his hands and he was always going to help. But dragging his feet was par for the course. It was like a pre-requisite. Deku must know by now he always saw right through him.
"What if they do hurt?" He takes his hands out his sleeves palms up, near-pouting.
Not only does Senku roll his eyes, he levels him with a look that Gen can't resist. It makes his heart speed up just a little.
Senku pulls Gen even closer to him right until they're right in front of each other, a step or two apart. With his hands resting momentarily in Gen's midsection, and this close it's almost like a dance. Briefly, very very briefly. Gen doesn't want to entertain the thought but it graced his mind. (Senku was probably a horrible dancer)
Before he knew it, Senku was moving to take Gen's hands in his. He turned them over, a finger pressed into the palm lines where his wrist met his junction between his index and thumb. Testing the reflex maybe even looking at his face for a reaction. Gen wouldn't know, he's focused so much on Senku's hands that it feels almost stupid to feign any pain like this.
Senku drops his hands soon enough, it was a sarcastic 'inspection.' Gen didn't let them fall immediately instead gracefully putting his hands back in his sleeves. Training his expression to be amused instead of awed.
"They're fine, you didn't even twitch. You're one of the most dramatic people I know."
"Yet you still asked me to come."
"Don't be difficult, I just need you to hold something for me. Think you can manage that?"
"Depends, Senku dear. What's the chances of it blowing up in my face?"
"Next to none."
"That's not none."
Senku looks half willing to put his hand over Gen's mouth to shut him up. Instead he sighs.
"This is serious, and you've got good hands." Senku says, pausing. Clearly unknowing how that would make Gen feel. "Trust me I just checked. Plus I've seen you do your little tricks. You've already got a steady hand you're perfect."
He always finds the perfect reason to involve Gen. Senku knew everyone's usefulness of course. It was a necessity considering that to overcome Tsukasa they need ingenuity instead of brute force.
If Senku were anyone else, or if this were the modern world, Gen might have taken this as something it wasn't five times over. But it was Senku and he was dead serious about Gen being good for this job. Whatever it was.
Senku wasn't particularly partial to Gen.
"And before you ask—'cause I know you want to, my hands have a slight tremor Gen. I shouldn't be doing this, andChrome is not in tune with the finer motor functions as you. He's also not here."
"…Fine," He answers if it were something he actually needed to be convinced into accepting. Unfortunately, helping Senku do whatever he needed wasabsolutely his top priority. Try as he might to not let Senku know that.
"Stand here," Senku says, once again pushing and pulling him into place. He's moving a little quickly, but he grabs one of Kaseki's expertly made beakers, pours whatver tinted green fluid in there from the beaker and hands it to Gen. Which Gen holds, like it's a bomb.
"How many millileters would you say this is?" Senku asks him, oblivious to Gen's dismay. He's sure he'd feel better not asking Senku for the finer details or whatever they were doing. (If not just to avoid an information load) But to Senku's question, Gen takes a guess, and a look.
Certainly, Senku isn't trusting his judgement on this because guessing is rudimentary at best and they're dealing with fucking chemicals.
"I don't know? 120?" Gen would shrug if the liquid in his hand didn't look so menacing to him.
Senku laughs, "You hardly even looked, but good guess. It's harder to measure by volume in the stone world, but good thing it doesn't eh really matter."
"Then why'd you even ask me—?!"
And whats with the lacksidasical attitude? Gen's seem him and Chrome blow shit up in this exact spot before! He didn't need to be a chemist to know you don't just measure things by sight. You do it by volume!
"Just to hear your answer," He answers quickly, with some amusement while waving him off, literally, with his hand. "Now, hold that, then slowly pour around half of it, into this."
On the table, there's a much smaller vial that can't possibly hold all this liquid in this beaker, The vial's opening is small, entirely held by a metal stand considering its rounded bottom. Standard item Gen's seen before but pour into it? Senku could probably do this on his own, but seeing as he's watching some sort of invisible mark Gen could see how he needed an extra hand. Still, he could have done this alone.
"Exactly half?" Gen asks incredulously.
"Don't worry about exact just eyeball it. And relax, you're tense. I'll tell you when to stop. Is your reaction time good?"
"Good enough." Gen answers dryly considering he's holding this thing already.
When Gen finally pours and mixes whatever mystery chemicals, it changes color slowly from a blue to a blue green and he pours slowly until Senku tells him. It's closer to the top than he'd like.
"Okay, stop."
"It's not perfect," Senku says mostly to himself. Picking up the vial with a cloth between his fingers. Gen wondered if it was an acid? Or something he just shouldn't be touching.
Why is he so uncaring about all this dangerous shit. You'd think he grew up experimenting in a lab.
"But it's good for now and better than what I could do. Thank you Gen. See! It was incredibly easy."
"Are we good here?" Gen asks, and Senku looks at him like he can't believe Gen is so dismissive. For Gen though, he knew he wasn't needed. Actually he bothers to say it, "Am I actually needed here?"
"I could pick someone else, but I'd rather you than anyone else. I already told you why. And we only just started you can't leave on me yet Mentalist. That was only the beginning. We need to do it again, I'm actually testing this so I'll need you around half of the day. After even Chrome gets back, but I don't think he'd mind having you take his place anyway. He'd getting bored of this he's also not good at it so we're wasting material.
He wondered if Senku also just called him to have someone here with him, but that was a fairly dumb thought, Senku's fine working alone. He's sure working with Chrome is nice, but not fully necessary. Plus, their gap in knowledge was too great, it can't be that good of an arrangement having Gen here.
Senku answered him without much emotion to it, just logic and he's still amused by Gen's reaction. Gen didn't expect a way out, but probably more of a dismissal to basically asking to leave more than any reasoning.
"Come on, I thought you liked being around me? Beats manual labor doesn't it?"
"Based on the batteries, I consider you the manual labor team."
Those stupid fucking batteries.
"You'll never let that rest you did perfectly." Senku says, a smile at the edge of his lips and Gen knows in that moment that he won't make it this whole day.
"Flattery will get you nowhere with me. Where's Chrome?"
"Chrome gets a bit anxious pouring stuff ever since that recent fire that it's counterproductive, he started shaking now. I sent him away to gather some materials we'll need in the near future."
"And, I think flattery gets me somewhere Mentalist, because you look a little less annoyed than when you came in."
"I can fix that problem easily." Gen really can't help himself, being around Senku was always the best part of his day. It was just the truth. Which is why he tried not to be in the lab so much. Senku was just being as he was, he meant nothing by any of this. "Especially if you're keeping me here against my will when you don't actually need me."
Senku looks, almost kind of hurt. Gen's stomach twisted, he didn't mean for it to come out badly, he just felt like Senku toyed with him too much sometimes.
"Hey if you really don't want to stay then I'm not stopping you from going." Senku says, "It's no dictatorship here."
Singling him out to help, talking to him during late nights…this banter that Gen could sometimes interpret as flirting, meant nothing in the end. So Gen really shouldn't get annoyed at Senku, when he meant nothing by it.
Throughout different days and in the hours in the Lab with Senku, Senku gently touches his hand to manuever him better, and his waist occassionally. Hell, even his hair to brush it out of the way. Everytime, Gen could feel his body tense as he would continue to struggle to keep it cool under these circumstances.
Gen needed Senku to find another lab lackey immediately or he was doomed to do something stupid. Like confess or something.
☆
Gen knows Senku, has known the man for years now, can't imagine his life without him. Senku has confided in him, trusted him when he sometimes couldn't or didn't trust anyone else with sensitive subjects. The two of them were a team, orbiting each other and balancing each other out. At least, that's how Gen saw it.
He didn't know what Senku thought, if he thought of them as just very close friends or something more. Gen thought about what Senku thinks a lot. He can put himself in the headspace of Senku, but can't just straightforwardly ask him what he thought. That wasn't how this worked.
Gen took things more seriously, even if he didn't always portray that seriousness outwardly. Things weighed heavy on his mind when it seemed they didn't for Senku. He took Senku as someone who is naturally more resilient than him. Gen felt like he were made of paperwhen compared to Senku's mental strength.
The most obvious non-starter, was the fact there was no way in hell Gen could have survived counting for 10 billion or so seconds with his mind still intact. He's certain he wouldn't even have made it to 1,000 seconds without completely losing it.
Gen couldn't have survived Tsukasa—he barely even survived the attack on his life from Magma. Which, horrifying even still, to think he could have died there from some idiotic asshole like that. He'd rather have died on Treasure Island, or South America getting shot by Stanley.
Okay, dark, but he can make light of one of the worst days of his life occassionally.
Point is, he wouldn't have survived if Senku didn't help him. If he didn't have a plan, and he can't pose the same thing reversed. Everyone needed Senku, but Senku didn't need Gen. This didn't mean Senku himself didn't want him around, just that sometimes Gen got it in his head how much he relied on Senku to stay afloat.
He used to be terrified every single day they were on Treasure Island, and Senku seemed to move forward without anything stopping him.
Everyone turning to stone, sinking to the bottom of the water to rot. Moz's threats and Gen feeling like his throat was on fire with how he was attempting to manipulate Moz who was far less bright than Tsukasa or Hyoga. It was strange, trying to manipulate and reason with someone who sought killing as their first option not an 'unfortunate circumstance' or 'sometimes necessary.' He could work with those. But he did it, and god was there a lot riding on that.
Gen's fear was always hardly masked, while Senku wouldn't let himself feel it at all. To the point where Gen was convinced for a time that Senku might just be genius to the point of recklessness. To the point of having no fear at all.
How could the same event affect them so differently?
Senku was just so much better of a person than Gen. He was considerate, and a leader who inspired people. Even though he never asked to be, he stepped into a role that no one could have replicated or replaced. Gen more than admired him for it.
On the New Perseus, after Treasure Island, things had calmed down for Gen briefly. Being away from the place that caused everyone immense stress was nice. He could relax with everyone in daylight but sleeping in the boat with Senku near him made the distance fade away.
Gen had abstract and explicitly violent dreams…nightmares, actually. Before leaving Ishigami Village perhaps it started after. Hyoga nearly killed him. Tsukasa made him fear for the life he may have had there, while Hyoga made him fear the stretch in morality people may take in this stone world.
So Gen dreamt of blood, violence and death for a long time.
When Gen had his first nightmare on the New Perseus, he was reminded of how much of a coward he was. How couldn't just will these feelings away like he pretended.
Senku had nightmares too. Back in Ishigami Village sometimes he woke, and Gen would either pretend to not hear or try and comfort him with distraction. It was the only way Gen knew how to operate until Senku felt more comfortable talking to him. But Gen knew Senku was stressed with the potential outcome of the 'war' with Tsukasa, and thinking back, god that hadn't even been nearly the worst of what they'd suffer through later.
Senku's nightmares became a bit of a rarity, in the subsequent years. Like he's acclimated to this environment of constant adjustment and stress already. Gen himself wasn't sure he'd ever adjust, he'd think back to the past and remember a time where his biggest problem was what internet strangers thought of his shitty books. Or what to wear to an event.
Gen felt like such a loser for having nightmares even now when Senku didn't. All their dangers have passed now.
Senku's been through worse, and he was younger. If Senku was unafraid how were his own emotions valid at all?
Gen knows this is not something to be compared, rationally. If this were a thought occuring to any of his friends then he'd dissuade them of the notion that recovery is linear. Trauma affects people differently, everyone needs time to heal, etcetera…but himself? No he should be above this, he should use what he knows to push through it quickly. To be on the same level as Senku.
He can't be lagging behind when things were just moving forward with nothing stopping them anymore. He needed to work on himself before even considering asking Senku anything. If he ever would.
It's been years, close to a decade if he excluded all the petrified years they spent in South America of course. Gen needs to figure their thing out or find himself content with the status quo.
The status quo being, that they're a pair. Science and Mentalism. Mentioned in the same sentences, sleeping in the same room without complaint. They eat together, talk constantly. Senku's practically on Gen's mind more than himself. Gen loves Senku, deeply, completely all-consuming.
They're not anything, and Gen both aches with it, and he's content with it. There has to be a reason for that. Gen was just being his insecurely attached self. Latching onto the most safety he's had ever. He loves Senku's intelligence, his wit and careless charisma. Senku could see things between them entirely differently.
Or perhaps they were both afraid.
There's a doctored proximity now. No reason for them to interact so often other than desire to be close.
They were long since past the point of Senku pretending to need Gen in the lab specifically. They could easily sleep somewhere else alone at night. But they don't, and that's why Gen can't get this out of his head.
What did Senku think it was, and why can't Gen just figure it out like he could with anyone else? Is it because he fears for the answer?
Gen might actually die if he tried to do something now and had the wrong reading. Which is why he hasn't done anything at all, in these years they've known each other. Besides the fact it was never a good time.
"Mentalist!" Senku calls him and it's like that stupid romantic legend about the red string, he's alert, pulled taut. It was over for Gen a long time ago, he's long accepted that, but where did this leave Senku?
Certainly not with Luna. At least that petty thought gave him some comfort.
"Come here, I want to show you something."
Oh he's insistent, and also right in front of him.
"You didn't actually finish that damn Time Machine. Did you?"
Gen's been poking fun at the machine because he used to watch too many movies when he was younger. Senku gets all his references somehow and no one else does. Gen thinks Byakuya was some movie nerd, but he's never pushed for info on Senku's father. (Sometimes Senku just shares, briefly, or quietly then moves on.)
Gen stopped making movie references around Chrome so frequently because the kid needs to get the entire story down before moving on. And it's not like Gen remembers everything that well…Chrome asked so many questions.
"No I suspect we are still at minimum a decade out from that…" Senku muses, but he's smiling softly. In a way Gen knew meant something, even subtle.
What is it?
Gen looked down to Senku's hand in his pocket, and met his eyes. Senku didn't need to explain, or elaborate, he simply pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to Gen.
"This is for you."
Senku hands it over easy, and Gen takes it as affectionately as one could treat an object. He feels it in his hands, it's not super clear what it is at first glance. Considering it's a wooden jar with a lid that doesn't come off easy, but unscrews. When shifted, something inside made a noise, not dissimilar to small uniform beads just moving against this container.
It doesn't have Senku's quintessential writing anywhere, and Gen twirled it curiously before opening. Senku seemed to smile a little more at Gen's questioning look of why isn't your name on here. (Or a label)
He opens it to reveal the cause of the slight rattling sound.
Gen's first thought is pills, and he would be correct. Senku chose to enlighten him quickly.
"It's melatonin," Senku says, "It might be useful. Well, everyone could benefit, I should have made it sooner but I needed a…"
At Gen's awestruck look, he paused.
"You made melatonin."
"I had help, but…yeah," Senku says, abnormally shy, Gen hardly knew who he was looking at, "I know you don't want to talk about it."
He didn't but…Gen hadn't mentioned wanting this, or needing it. It didn't even register in his head as something to ask for.
"Senku you're…amazing." Gen says, genuinely.
This seemed to be a bit too sincere for Senku to take at such a time so he rubs his head in a 'it's nothing' way. But Gen saw it for what it was. He let Senku speak though.
"This is much smaller scale though than what we were used to, for now. I've been testing it and it's perfectly safe. Though I did need an actual pharmaceutical chemist because I—"
"I've been testing it." Senku admits, "For a little while now. It works."
Oh.
Oh my god.
Gen felt like an idiot. Maybe not really an idiot but…he felt like he should have noticed something before.
Gen could kiss him right there, but he doesn't. It maybe takes all his willpower not to.
"I'll make more and Ryusui can—I don't know, do distribution. I wonder what shitty name he'll give that company."
Gen wants to interrupt him and say he doesn't have to make this moment humorous or brush it off easy. Gen really wants Senku to know how much this meant to him.
It meant more than Senku probably meant for it to. It hurt, a little but more than that slight pain was the thought that Senku was so effortlessly considerate, and kind.
But he says nothing, letting Senku's words wash over him before he just nods and says,
"Thank you." Gen says, he's not hiding behind anything with Senku, letting absolutely everything in him show, the way it always should have been. "Really."
Gen knows Senku would never see this thing, this trauma, plaguing him as a weakness, that he'd accommodate him whereas all Gen wanted to do was shove it down so he didn't feel it anymore. To convince himself it didn't matter.
"I only ever want to do is help you." Senku says, and his attempt at being blasé about it failed. Senku lets everything in him out now too. "Gen, I…"
Gen, isn't really sure what Senku is going to say next. He's not sure if he has the mind to hear it.
"I know." Gen says, and his attempt at making things more light is not an attempt at all. Those two words are said with all the seriousness and love as he could fit into them.
It comes back to this, in the end. He asks a question he may know the answer to. He just wants to hear it.
He shakes the bottle once and puts it in one of his many pockets.
"It's been a long time hasn't it? Since then? How come I still—"
Feel scared?
But he can't bring himself to say that out loud it's hardly something he acknowledges in his own head. It was easier to be angry than to feel fear.
But his nightmares weren't usually about him. They were about Senku, about failure and about being in stone.
Or,
Stan told me you were dead.
The man didn't relish in it, didn't gloat. Said it like it was just a completed task off of a fucking checklist. Routine.
Senku knows what he's thinking. That's funny, it's usually the other way around.
"I'm right here." Assurance is all good, but it doesn't abate the memory of that feeling. Something that tore him apart and made him realize just how much he valued Senku because he didn't see a point to any of it if Senku wasn't here.
Gen takes a while to respond to that. He can't be sure if his voice will break or not because there's this feeling. This frustration, this anger, this pain that eats at him whenever he thinks about it too hard.
"I'd endure it. If it's for you I'll always endure it." Gen says, it's a statement of truth. It's like having a conversation in his head for a bit, bringing Senku back to the center stage when he's worked through it. Senku, ever the genius, an anticipator, seems to get his meaning and it's more than a comfort.
Maybe, just maybe he can find himself understanding Stanley just a bit. No matter how much it hurt to think, of undying loyalty as his vice, his motivation. He thinks that may be it. It used to be the case where he was only loyal to himself, but Senku gave him something to believe in, bigger than himself.
"I don't want you to." Senku replies, and Gen doesn't understand. "I don't want you to endure it, or endure anything. I don't want you to change yourself for someone you think you need to be."
"This isn't just the one thing either, it's about everything else," He continues, "You don't have to hide from me or lie, you don't have to like them or change your mind. Challenge me and grow with me as you are."
"Okay," Gen is usually a better conversationalist than that. When was it this easy for Senku to see through him, was it always this way?
"I know what you're thinking and I know that you think you could somehow fix yourself by yourself," Senku's emotions are in his words so clearly. As if simply passion in his voice will make Gen change. "More than anything I want you to understand that you're safe. Nothing bad will happen to you again. To me, or us."
They've had some of this conversation before, but Gen was far too emotional at the time, he wanted it out of his head the very next day and so it was. But Senku knew nightmares he has, even if it wasn't all of it, Senku was never dumb a day in his life.
"How do you do it? How do you constantly make nice with the people who hurt you. Why do you not…"
Feel afraid?
Gen just sighs, he knew what Senku would say. That it was the only option, having them as allies rather than enemies was preferable, and it was. Gen could never refute that. Senku could come to forgive and trust and he…
Gen only sees the gun. He only sees Suika, older than she should be. He only sees Senku, bloody and lifeless.
He hoped the melatonin worked, it wasn't a permanent solution, but it was a step that Senku took for him.
It was a temporary fix for a long term issue that Gen's been facing.
"Do you think I'll stop having nightmares?"
"Not sure." Senku pauses. "Mine haven't stopped. Not really. I still think about it too. Not only that, but the darkness…in the stone. I think it'll get better. Three years, or ten, isn't enough to make up for it. Not yet."
Maybe not ever.
"…So with time," Gen finishes despite his bitter thought.
"Yeah. Eventually we will move on."
Senku makes a move to intertwine his hand with Gen's and Gen knows it means more than they say but it doesn't matter right now. Maybe in the future it'll mean something more but for now it's a nice gesture.