Work Text:
Something both Rocky and Grace had pretty much agreed on at this point was that no topic was off-limits. They were both curious, both generally and especially regarding this new, strange alien they’d met and all of its cultures, customs, and lived experiences. And, well, they were going to be stuck with only each other as company for a long, long time (not nearly as long as Rocky had been alone, but still - even for Eridians, the several years the trip would take was going to be a long stretch, especially with only one other person to interact with). There was no point in keeping secrets from each other, really. Not anymore.
That’s not to say that they didn’t have any limits - they each understood when something was a sensitive topic, and generally wouldn’t push when either of them was genuinely reluctant to share. Rocky was perhaps more pushy, but even he understood when to let a matter rest. And some things were just plain uncomfortable, so they’d get tabled for another day. But the rule was there was nothing they weren’t allowed to at least ask - what answer they’d get, how in-depth it was, and whether it was merely a “I’m not comfortable talking about this” or it was a topic of passionate interest, all depended on the day, their moods, and the topic at hand.
All in all, it was almost a surprise that it had taken this long (a few months into their journey to Erid) for Rocky to bring up the comas again. Or, rather, to demand answers as to why humans had chosen to do such a thing, beyond Grace’s earlier explanations of it just being “safer” or “easier”. The concept was still utterly horrifying to him - forced sleep that lasted several years (Earth years! The equivalent time was over three Eridian decades1), while in space, with no one to watch over them. The fact that Grace had survived it seemed downright miraculous - especially considering that his two crewmates hadn’t. He tried not to bring it up too often - Rocky knew far too well the pain of fallen crewmates, the guilt from being the sole survivor, the anguish over wishing you could have done something different to save them, even if there was nothing that could have been done with the knowledge one’d had at the time.
But... it was precisely that reason that he couldn’t help but bring it up again, eventually.
They were sitting in the dormitory, Grace huddled in a pile of cushions on the floor, while Rocky sat beside him in his ball. Grace had been, ostensibly, reading a book at first, but it had long since become an entangled discussion. Now, Grace was sighing as he tried to formulate an answer to Rocky’s question.
“Well, there were a few reasons, honestly,” he began, staring at nothing in particular in that way he did when he was contemplating a serious issue. “For one, it was honestly just... easier. No need to worry about making sure we have proper meals - and variety, at that, no need to set up the systems for constant, continuous use for four years, no need to account for the boredom or the stress of waiting idly without being able to solve the problem yet,” he mused.
“But, well... I’m pretty sure the main reason was so that we didn’t go crazy,” he continued with a laugh, and Rocky hummed quietly, attention fully caught by that. “There’s a reason the term “stir-crazy” is a thing. Humans... don’t do well when they have too long with nothing to do. Especially in small, confined spaces. The fact that we can’t really leave the ship, and that there’s only a few rooms... we’d have so much pent-up energy with nowhere to take it. Not exactly ideal. And the isolation would only make it worse, because while being bored and restless is bad enough, being unable to interact with anyone else in the world is even worse.”
Rocky trilled quietly, tapping his claws nervously.
“But you would not be alone. It was meant to be three people, yes, question?” He hummed gently, puzzled and already not-too-pleased with the direction this conversation was taking.
Grace huffed out a laugh.
“Three people is not nearly enough, bud. Not for several years, especially when it’s the same three people. No access to the world at large, no access to your family, your friends, your loved ones, everyone you’ve ever known. Plus... most people like meeting someone new, every once in a while. And that’s not exactly an option when you’re trapped on a spaceship with only two other people.” Grace paused, glancing at Rocky. “Well, it’s usually not an option. I just got extremely lucky,” he added, grinning widely.
Rocky would return the sentiment, if everything else Grace was saying wasn’t so concerning.
“Anyways... while total isolation is awful, people debate whether isolation with a small number of others is worse. Having no one to interact with deteriorates our mental state pretty fast, but when people are stuck with each other, they tend to get on each other’s nerves pretty quickly, too. The longer you spend with someone without being able to get a break from them, the higher the chances that every little thing they do will start to annoy you, even if it normally wouldn’t bother you if you only saw each other occasionally,” he continued, shrugging. “Which kinda leads me to the other big factor: privacy. Humans need privacy, need the ability to just... have a moment to themself, without anyone nearby. How frequently depends on the person and the circumstances, but everyone needs it occasionally, at the least. And on a cramped spaceship like this, that’s also not really an option. I mean, maybe you could hangout in one room while the other two people are in the other rooms, but that’s still not quite the same. You’d probably still be able to hear them, and even without that, there’s the mental aspect of just knowing someone is in the same space as you, and could walk into wherever you are at any given moment. It starts to really mess with someone’s head.”
Grace laughed, although the sound had less humor in it now, and he was staring into the distance again (not that there was much of a “distance” in the small room, but it was a human phrase, so Rocky brushed the thought aside).
“Y’know, when Stratt was first considering the idea, I remember what she said to me. She was stressed out of her mind, and told me that they - the astronauts, since I wasn’t in-line for the job at the time - would kill each other if they were subjected to that isolation and lack of privacy for so long,” he mused, tone that odd mix of humor that wasn’t really humor. “I’d like to think she was wrong, that the esteemed astronauts willing to die for the mission would be smart enough to not take their frustrations out on each other. If only because they knew it would doom humanity. But... yeah, going insane was a real concern,” he finished wryly.
Rocky stared (the best an Eridian could, anyways) for a long moment, silent save for the gentle tapping of his claws.
Humans didn’t do well in isolation, even with another person, because of the cramped space and the boredom and the lack of privacy. To the point that they might actually kill the only other occupant of that space, because they had gone so mad from the conditions.
And Rocky was about to be (was already, even) trapped in that same cramped space, alone, with a human for several years. A human who would not only be bored and restless, but who would also be starving and suffering from various health issues by the end of the trip.
A human who physically could not get any semblance of privacy from him, because Rocky could perceive him wherever he was on the ship, due to his hearing.
...
Rocky was fucked.
He trusted Grace. He really did. But Grace was still human - and he couldn’t help his own biology. The fact that the Grace he now knew, who was kind and smart and friendly even when he had an occasional poor mood, might be soon entirely gone as the human quite literally went mad from the conditions they were in... it was terrifying beyond words. Made worse by the fact that Rocky was literally trapped with him - and constantly surrounded by a very dangerous, very deadly atmosphere. He’d been in it once, he really did not want to experience that again. But all it would take was one crack in his xenonite walls, one accident that damaged his ball with him inside it, one malfunction of the airlock...
Rocky shuddered.
He knew Grace. He trusted him, more than he had ever trusted anyone. He knew Grace would never purposefully harm him - the idea would never even occur to Grace. But... that was the Grace who was sane and lucid and in full-health (well, as much as he could be, after everything). That wasn’t the Grace who was suffering from years of isolation and slow starvation and no privacy all while travelling so far away from his home and the possibility of ever meeting another human, possibly forever. Grace already got grumpy and stupid when he was suffering from only one or two maladies - just a bit too long without sleep, or forgetting to eat. Just how much could his mind change once subjected to the full realm of suffering that was awaiting them on this trip?
...would Rocky be safe?
He tried to shake the thought off, he really did - this was Grace, the same Grace who had carried him up two floors worth of ladders while being horribly burned by the contact to get Rocky back into his own atmosphere, the same Grace who had turned around to save Rocky when it meant not only never seeing his home again, but also starving to death before even arriving to Erid (before they came to the solution of supplementing with taumoeba). After regaining his memories, of learning that he had gone against his will, that he had fought hard to not be on this trip to the stars - and still chose this time, to make that sacrifice that he had not been willing to make for all of Earth, but now had been willing to make, for Erid. For Rocky.
Even insane and suffering, Rocky didn’t think Grace would be able to bring himself to harm him, to even try. Even if Grace wanted to, Rocky didn’t think Grace would be able to do it without feeling immense guilt, if only for the hypocrisy of the actions.
Rocky really hoped he was right.
But...
“...all are issues Grace will face on the trip to Erid,” Rocky trilled quietly, and even Grace could tell that he sounded like he was delivering the news of a fatal condition. “...correct, question?” he hedged, knowing the answer even as some foolish part of him hoped Grace would prove him wrong.
Grace winced, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Yeah, not looking forward to that,” he answered through a grimace. “But, hey. We’ve got a while before any of that sets in. And, if it helps at all, I think I like you better than most humans I’ve interacted with, so if there’s anyone I would choose to be stuck with, it’s you,” he joked, attempting to “lighten the mood”, Rocky was sure.
Rocky didn’t find it funny.
“...Rock, I’m gonna be honest with you,” Grace began with a sigh, and oh, that wasn’t a good sign, either. Grace rarely took things this seriously, rarely allowed the weight of everything to get to him so noticeably - sometimes even only for Rocky’s sake, it seemed, but even still. “It’s gonna be a miserable trip back. I’m gonna slowly get sicker, even if it won’t kill me - and it shouldn’t, we’ve planned it out, I should survive to Erid, just... not well. And being sick, and weak, and isolated...” Grace looked away, seeming to slump into himself.
“I’m not going to be a pleasant person to be around. I’ll try my hardest not to take it out on you, I really will, but... well, you’ve already seen how grumpy I get sometimes when I’m just a little bit unwell. I want you to know it’s not your fault, and please don’t take any of it personal. But... I’m probably going to get more disagreeable. And I’ll probably snap more frequently, too, once I’m getting really sick,” he admits quietly. “But I promise you now: I’ll never try to actually hurt you. You mean the world to me, Rock. And I trust you, more than anyone I’ve ever met, actually. Those concerns about going insane? I think having you around will actually help, will prevent the worst of it from coming to pass,” Grace assured him, quiet but achingly sincere.
“I... I spent most of my life alone, Rocky. There were always people around, but I never... never felt truly close to them. Never truly felt like I was a part of the groups I was in,” Grace admitted slowly, his throat making those awful noises that it made when he was struggling to speak, nearly imperceptible to the human, Rocky was sure, but unmistakable to Rocky. “It’s stupid, looking back on it. I was so much closer to people than I ever realized. I had people that actually cared about me, people who thought well of me, and I was too... too darn blind to see it,” he wiped at his eyes, leaking more steadily now. Rocky trilled quietly, pressing closer to the xenonite barrier.
“But the point is... I’m used to the isolation. To feeling - and to some degree, being - alone. So... having you by my side? Someone who I finally, actually feel at home with? That’s done more for my sanity than any human crew could. Because, as crazy as it is, and as much as it sucks that it took being jettisoned away from all of humanity and everything I’ve ever known... when I’m with you, I don’t feel alone anymore,” Grace’s face muscles contorted in that way that Rocky had come to recognize as a smile, but one that was strained, struggled to maintain as tears fell freely now.
“So... you don’t have to worry about me going crazy, okay? I know you’ll keep me sane,” Grace chuckled, the sound warbling with far too much emotion.
Rocky rolled forward in his ball, colliding into Grace with only barely-restrained force, just enough to not injure the squishy human by his side.
“Grace never alone with Rocky here, statement. Never never never.” He vowed, trilling urgently until Grace finally wrapped his arms around the xenonite ball, hugging as tightly as he could against the bulky frame.
Rocky wasn’t sure he fully believed Grace. Could Grace truly overcome all the struggles he had outlined - the isolation, the cramped space, the inability to meet anyone new, the lack of privacy, the lack of familiar comforts, the constant presence of another person in his space, on top of all the physical health issues he would face - simply by virtue of having Rocky’s support?
Rocky prided himself on being able to fix anything, but the reality of it was, there was so much about this situation he couldn’t change. He couldn’t make the trip any shorter. He couldn’t make the Hail Mary any less cramped (at least, not without fundamentally altering its design, and he’d already changed so much of the ship, he wasn’t sure Grace would approve) - in fact, he had made it more cramped by moving in, by virtue of not just all his belongings, but all the tunnels he’d constructed to be able to navigate the ship safely. Even his ball, while smaller and more mobile, took up a decent amount of space. He couldn’t simply materialize more food for Grace, or give Grace some of his own food. He couldn’t simply “turn off” his hearing, the way humans could with their vision - something he had once considered such an obvious flaw in design, but now, he was beginning to understand why it might be so vital.
But... what he could do was ensure that Grace never felt alone again. Easy enough, since they literally couldn’t leave each other - but then, knowing something and feeling it were two different things. Just being present wasn’t enough; but Rocky was going to do much more than that.
The rest of the problems could be solved once they reached Erid - they could synthesize new food, they could create a new environment for Grace, with more space than he could ever need, they could introduce him to new people as often as he wanted, they could build him soundproof walls for when he needed his privacy. All Rocky had to do, now, was keep Grace sane and happy long enough to get there.
And, well, with how much time Grace spent sleeping (and eating, and attending to various other needs - honestly, humans were so inefficient), there was even less time that Grace needed to be kept mentally present. Rocky had never been the best at navigating social situations - he fixed objects, not people, usually - but for his friend, his people’s hero, his personal saving grace... Rocky would learn how to do just about anything.