Work Text:
Staring at the tens of boxes of black dye on the shelf, Koharu stilled as she came to the realization: she had forgotten the shade of her hair.
In reality, it didn’t matter— the dyes were the same in the end, only small nuances set them apart— warm or cool toned, brown tinted or jet black. But this time, reality didn’t count. Not when, in only a few months of being a Cupid, she’d already forgotten the pattern of patches colouring the cat that crept around her school. The cashier’s face at the convenience store closest to her house.
The brief stutter of Aki’s voice as she spoke to defend her against an onslaught of matchmaker requests, for the hundredth time.
It didn’t count when she’d forgotten the colour of her own hair she would pull into matching pigtails everyday before school.
In the empty store, too late at night to garner customers, tears silently welled up in her eyes. The sole witness of her own heartbreak too many times, she tiredly grabbed the dye nearest to her and checked it over.
Natural Black. Brown Undertones. 100% Coverage, Permanent Colour.
It would be good enough. Forcing back her tears for another day, she headed to the Cupids’ house to get the job done.
Flying back, she marvelled at the cool wind under her new wings and felt a tinge of guilt at the box tucked under her arm. As lucky as she was to be given a second chance, she couldn’t resist the tug of her past as she navigated her new life.
That wasn’t to say that she didn’t love being a Cupid, especially with the things she’d learned about herself. The opportunities that made her grow into more than a matchmaker. The people that it came with.
Other times, her heart ached with grief. She scanned the dark landscape below her, the familiar suburbs of her town still, asleep, and nothing like her. In these moments, her mind felt frantic and desperate to take back any part of her old life. Even the mundane parts: the routine of class in the morning, walking home with Aki, the surety returning to her bed at night. Koharu treated her memories like a guilty pleasure— a place she could slip into and forget how quickly her life had changed the day she died.
This life didn’t exist anymore: it was fifteen years in the past, buried in the strata of time. Mostly, it never crossed her mind, too caught up in her role as a Cupid and the stress and joy that came with it. But sometimes, her lingering past would peek its head out of the dark and show itself to her. In the quiet of the night, she would still wake up and think she was in her childhood home, fifteen and alive. Which is how she found herself at the convenience store, and now, arriving at the foot of the house with her new possession.
The Cupids’ house was an old, abandoned property in the outskirts of town that they had moved into and revamped. Even so, as she opened the door and slipped her shoes off, she tiptoed across the floor to avoid its creaky planks. Koharu blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the hall and made her way to the bathroom.
She flicked the lights on and closed the door behind her. The house was quiet, and the other Cupids were probably asleep, which meant that it was the perfect time to dye her hair.
Taking off her jacket and dress-shirt so that she was in a tank top, she got to work. The bathroom was large, being the only one in the small house. Luckily, this meant that there was lots of room to lay the contents of the box on the counter.
Pulling her hair out of her pigtails, the white strands settled into a bob. Looking into the mirror, it felt wrong, the colour like bleached bones, a blank slate she was about to paint over. Koharu sighed and looked uncertainly at the box of dye. Was this really the right shade?
She went on anyway, eager to get the white out of her hair. Halfway through mixing the two tubes of solution together, Koharu heard a knock at the door and startled.
“Koharu? Are you in there…?”
Kanna’s sleepy voice was muffled on the other side of the door, but Koharu knew it was her. She often found Kanna in a dead sleep when she woke up in the morning, letting her nap in a little later in their shared room. It must’ve been one of those nights when she stayed up late.
“I— um, I’m here. Wait a minute,” Koharu stutters, trying to hide the hair dye behind a pile of towels. She opens the door just a crack, leaky light spilling into the hallway. Squinting at the sudden brightness, Kanna looked at Koharu in suspicion as she stepped forward.
“Are you okay? I was just worried, since you haven’t come to bed yet,” she said, raising an eyebrow.
Koharu faltered as she tried to come up with an excuse.
“Kanna, I—”
“Wait, what’s that smell?”
She failed to keep the door closed as Kanna pushed past her, eye catching on the bowl of dye hastily shoved behind some towels on the counter. Kanna picked it up and looked back up at Koharu, brows furrowed.
“Koharu, what is this? You’re trying to dye your hair?” Kanna asked, a tiny smile forming at her lips.
“I— I thought that I would try, yeah,” Koharu replied, still shaken from being exposed. Guilt filled her chest. How could she be seen trying to escape this life before the very person who made it better?
Outside the door, she heard two more sets of footsteps made their way down the stairs. Drawn in by the light, Chiyo and Ena squinted as they made their way into the bathroom as well.
“Ugh, why does it smell like cleaner in here? Shouldn’t you two be asleep?” Chiyo complained loudly, despite looking like she’d just woken up. Behind her, Ena spotted the bowl of hair dye Kanna was holding.
“Why’re you dyeing your hair, Kanna?”
Bombarded by their sudden presence and onslaught of questions, Koharu froze. Kanna seemed to notice this, eyeing Koharu in worry.
“Oh, no, I’m not,” she said calmly, “Koharu is. I guess she wanted a change, right?”
Kanna nodded at Koharu, who regained the ability to speak.
“Yeah, um, that’s right,” Koharu said, but Chiyo and Ena still looked confused.
“But why black? I mean, if you’re going to dye your hair, you might as well go with something a bit flashier, right?” Chiyo said, giving Koharu a quick grin.
Koharu stilled again. She had no good excuse for why she chose the colour, other than the fact that it made her feel at home again. Even in a shade of black she didn’t remember.
“I— I was missing my past life, so I thought…” she paused, unsure of if it would make sense to them.
“You thought you’d dye your hair back to black,” Kanna supplied. Koharu looked at her gratefully.
“Yeah,” Koharu said, and then realized what she was implying.
“And I’m so sorry, not that being a Cupid isn’t worth it— not that you guys aren’t enough— I was just…” she rambled, stopping to catch her breath as her eyes welled with tears again.
“I just get sad, I guess. About how my memories are fading. And how quickly it happened.”
The first tear rolled down her cheek as Kanna set the bowl down on the counter and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“Awh, Koharu, don’t be sorry,” Chiyo said, stepping forward putting a palm on her back. “All new Cupids are still a bit soft.”
Ena came closer as well, looking a bit hesitant. “It’s natural for some Cupids to miss their past lives. No need to apologize.”
At Chiyo and Ena’s words, Koharu sobbed even harder, her cheeks drenched with tears. Kanna plucked a tissue from the counter and wiped her face, soaking up the wetness.
“It’s not your fault that your life ended. It’s okay to miss it,” she said, smiling at Koharu, who had begun to stop crying. Sniffling now, she palmed her chin to wipe off the tears.
“But I forgot the shade of my hair,” she frowned, staring down at the blurry floor. “Isn’t that something you remember?”
“Ah, Koharu! You must’ve forgotten because we’ve busied you with so many missions since you’ve started,” Chiyo exclaimed, clapping her hands together.
“But we remember the shade. You know, we had to look at a lot of pictures of Koharu in her files before she became a Cupid, right guys?” She looked around at the two other Cupids, grinning.
“That’s right. I also remember that you complained about it,” Kanna teased, eyes flicking to Chiyo, who scowled at her in mock annoyance.
“Let’s see the box.”
Ena picked up the box from where it lay discarded on the counter, scanning the picture of the model’s hair on the front.
“Hmm, that’s accurate, I think,” she commented, handing off the box to Chiyo. The other girl held it beside Koharu’s head, who had begun to smile.
“Looks just like how I remember,” Chiyo said confidently, as Kanna retracted her arm from Koharu and moved to look at her.
“Yup,” Kanna said, popping the ‘p,’ “Perfect match.”
“Just need to put it in your hair now, right Koharu?” Chiyo prompted, giving her another toothy grin.
Koharu grinned back at her, eyes crinkling. “Mhm!”
The Cupids got to work. Ena pulled in a stool from the kitchen for Koharu to sit on while they parted her hair, Kanna fussing over the evenness.
“No, it’s like this,” Kanna said, glaring at Chiyo as they argued over the layers. She slipped a piece of Koharu’s hair under her fingers, ever so slightly making the layer denser.
“Obviously not! Now she has too much on the top,” Chiyo argued, tugging the strand back.
Ena snorted at their bickering from behind the instructions, and Koharu made a small noise from beside her.
“Look, you’re hurting her, stop!” Kanna batted Chiyo’s hands away from Koharu’s hair.
Smiling underneath her touch, Koharu started laughing even harder, until Kanna’s hands fell away. Kanna smiled back at her in the mirror while Chiyo pouted.
“What do you think, Koharu? More or less on the top?”
“Um, what you had last was good,” she said, and Kanna stuck her tongue out at a sulking Chiyo. “But we should dye it soon, it’s so late.”
Their argument finally settled, Kanna finished parting her hair and the three Cupids got out their brushes. Starting at the roots, they coated Koharu’s hair in the black dye, which felt cool and thick on her scalp.
Koharu watched them work in the mirror. Ena applied the strokes with precision while Chiyo messily plopped the dye on in clumps. Catching her eye in the mirror, Kanna quickly grinned at her before stopping Chiyo from dripping dye all over her arm.
For a second, Koharu allowed herself to relax in the care of the Cupids. She wasn’t ever surrounded by so many people in high school, and the hordes of people looking for matchmaking didn’t count. She really only had Aki, and that was enough for her.
Yet, looking at the smiling faces around her, Chiyo teasing Ena about the dye she’d spilled on her hands— she wished she had been more selfish. Selfish enough to dream about a bigger life for herself than just the school’s matchmaker.
Maybe if she’d dreamt bigger, she wouldn’t feel so much grief about the past, about the things she wasn’t able to do. But here was her second chance: and really, it felt like all of the dreams she didn’t know she had were coming true in this room. With Kanna, Chiyo, and Ena by her side, she felt like this life could be okay. Even when the past pulled her back, she’d have them to rescue her.
“Ta-da! Done!” Chiyo cheered, snapping Koharu out of her thoughts. Staring at her reflection, her hair was a warm shade of black. It felt right.
“Thank you so much Kanna, Chiyo, Ena…” she paused, looking at them in the mirror and smiling gratefully, “It’s just the perfect shade.”
“I’m glad you like it,” Kanna said, “Because now we need to wait forty minutes before we wash it out.”
“I’m going to make tea,” Ena declared, yawning, “Come on, let’s wait in the kitchen.”
The Cupids followed Ena, who filled the kettle with water as Chiyo worked beside her to make instant ramen. Kanna and Koharu sat at the table together.
“Feel any better?” Kanna asked, turning to Koharu.
“I think so. But I also feel the same,” she said, and Kanna raised her eyebrows.
“What do you mean?”
“I realized that… I’m happy where I am right now. With you guys,” she added, beaming. “I can look back sometimes, but I don’t have to be so upset. Because I have this life, too.”
Kanna wiped away an imaginary tear. “Wow, they grow up so fast…”
Koharu laughed as Ena brought the tea over, Chiyo following with her bowl of ramen.
“Thank you, Ena,” Koharu said, taking a sip. It was hot and bitter in her mouth, but calmed her nonetheless.
As the night crept on, the Cupids talked as they drank. Kanna occasionally stole noodles from Chiyo’s ramen to her annoyance, until it was time to wash Koharu’s hair.
With her head dunked in the sink, Koharu winced as the cool water touched her scalp. After it was fully soaked, Kanna worked in shampoo with her fingers. As Koharu relaxed, she could hear Ena and Chiyo cleaning up the mess they’d made in the bathroom.
“Koharu, did you really think you could dye your hair without us?” Chiyo teased, “You know, we would’ve seen in the morning. And, this was so much more fun!”
“I guess it didn’t cross my mind,” Koharu replied, blushing, “But I’m glad all of you ended up helping me.”
Koharu felt the water cease, and started to lift her head up before Kanna stopped her.
“Wait, Koharu, there’s a problem,” she said, worry in her voice. “Don’t be upset.”
When Koharu finally raised her head to look in the mirror, her hair was still white. Well, white with some black clinging to it, salt-and-pepper coloured.
Her eyes widened as she ran her fingers through the wet mass, the colour slipping into her hands as she did so. The three Cupids huddled behind her, looking concerned.
“Sorry it didn’t work out, it must be some quality of Cupid hair,” Kanna frowned, “We can—”
Bursting into laughter, Koharu cut her off. “This must be a sign, right? The universe must really want me to focus on this life.”
“Hah, way to tell you to take a hint,” Chiyo chipped in, smiling. Ena chuckled beside her.
“You two can go to sleep. I’ll help Koharu wash out the rest of it,” Kanna offered, placing a hand on her back.
Chiyo cheered and Ena said her thanks as they headed back to their shared room. Kanna turned back to Koharu.
“Well, I’m sorry that it didn’t work out, but at least we learned something,” she said, smiling, “Hair dye doesn’t stay on Cupid hair.”
Koharu snorted as Kanna guided her back to the sink.
“Thank you for looking after me today,” Koharu said, pausing before she placed her head under the faucet.
“Of course,” Kanna said warmly.
As the water ran over her hair once again, Koharu thought about how lucky she was to have friends like Kanna, Chiyo, and Ena. Ones that followed her chaotic late night plans without hesitating. Ones that washed out the black in her hair as she watched it streak into the sink, reminding her that this was where she belonged.