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The concept of falling in love was something rather foreign to Kim Donghyun. It was an idea that Donghyun knew he’d have to sacrifice from the moment he decided to dedicate his life to being a trainee. While all his friends back in Busan would rant about cute girls and fleeting infatuations, he listened with the knowledge that he would never have that sense of normalcy anymore.
Let it be known that It’s not that Donghyun had a particular person in mind or anything. Hell, he had never really had a crush on anybody in all his measly eighteen years of living. But, despite his inexperience, Donghyun was a hopeless romantic.
He had grown up watching romance dramas with his mum that always wound up with a fairy tale like ending between the main couple. Oftentimes, he’d bother his mum with a barrage of questions, wondering when it would be his turn to find someone he’d spend the rest of his life loving. And every time, without fail, his mum would caress his cheeks and gently tell him that when the time comes, the right person would find him and he’ll just know they’re the one.
Safe to say, Donghyun had thought his childhood fantasy was basically scrapped and doomed to never be fulfilled the moment he signed the official contract with KOZ. At least, that was what he thought so until he met Dongmin.
On his first day, Donghyun had arrived at the cramped and somewhat isolated office building and met with the manager that was assigned to him. The man in question, a stern but patient guy, had been showing Donghyun around the building and was explaining the schedule to him, which honestly went in one ear and out the other as the words slowly blended into mush, when he suddenly pointed to a specific studio in the corner of the hallway.
“This studio is specially reserved for certain trainees who have taken an interest in composition. There's only one trainee that uses it and he’s your age so it’ll do you good to get acquainted with him.” The manager had said in a neutral tone.
Donghyun was about to ask for a name for reference when the door to the studio abruptly opened with comical timing. The manager seemed slightly shocked by the suddenness but quickly shifted back to his calm state when he noticed that it was just another trainee.
In all his glory, Han Dongmin had walked out of the cramped room clad in an all black attire, his slightly long hair tied up messily with strands falling out and features hidden under a white mask. The only thing that Donghyun could really notice about him was that he had really big brown eyes that widened when he made eye contact with the manager.
He bowed politely and was about to swiftly walk away when the manager stopped him, sensing a great opportunity.
“Dongmin, we have a new trainee your age here.” He says while pointing to Donghyun, who felt somewhat awkward being put under the spotlight in front of a stranger. But nevertheless, the extrovert in him was excited at the idea of making a new friend.
Before the manager could introduce him to the fellow trainee, Donghyun had already perked up.
“Hi! My name is Donghyun and I’m from Busan. I hope we can get along.” He said cheerily as Dongmin stared at him stunned.
“Uh, yeah hi.” was all the latter had said before walking off with another polite and reserve bow.
The manager, cast aside amidst Donghyun’s impromptu self-introduction, immediately stepped in and tried to defend Dongmin’s indifference, apologising for his behaviour in his stead. Truthfully, Donghyun didn’t mind. Maybe Dongmin was just shy? No matter the reason, Donghyun would make it his goal to be friends with him!
🐟⛰️
Okay so their first meeting was kind of stiff and underwhelming, but Donghyun would argue that Dongmin’s awkwardness was one of his many charms! Honestly though, it was their second meeting that Donghyun had vaguely known that he’d spend the next few years stuck with a Dongmin shaped piece permanently embedded in his heart.
It was practically midnight by the time his schedule ended and truth be told, it was grueling. Torturous, even. Two weeks into training and Donghyun was beginning to wonder if he could actually make it and debut as an idol. The worst part? He hadn’t made any new friends yet. Most trainees were already friends with each other and generally, all of them saw each other as purely competition. Not exactly a friendly environment but he coped with it.
That night, Donghyun had been mindlessly wandering around the cafeteria hoping to sneak a snack and hide himself in a corner to enjoy it. The whole floor was basically barren safe for a few trainees scattered around the dining area. Looking for a spot, he had noticed a familiar figure slurping down ramyeon in the space that was his usual corner.
Unlike other trainees who had shied away from interacting with Dongmin, given his reputation as one of the oldest trainees, Donghyun had boldly slid into the seat next to the feared senior and patiently waited till the latter raised his head. When he did, his shoulders notably tensed up and his eyes darted between his noodles and Donghyun himself. It’s then that Donghyun realized that he’d probably been staring and decided to offer a friendly smile. Something to break the ice.
Oddly enough, Dongmin just raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Do you want some?” He said while gesturing to his noodles.
“No. I already ate.” It was true, he was just there for some gummies, not a whole meal. He was slightly baffled that Dongmin had so easily offered his meal though, the kind gesture making him bolder with his advances.
“So, what do you want?”
“Me? I want us to be friends.” Donghyun replied eagerly.
Dongmin stared at him for a few beats.
“You want to be friends with me?” He asked, pointing to himself with a raised brow that suggested scepticism.
Donghyun nodded vigorously.
“Why?” Dongmin sounded genuinely surprised.
Enjoying their little back and forth, Donghyun argued. “Why not? We’re the same age and you seem cool!”
“You barely know me.” Dongmin retorted, making an incredulous expression.
“I can start now!”
Dongmin froze at that, eyes searching and scanning Donghyun’s clinically for any signs of mockery. When all he finds is pure intrigue, he lets out a dramatic sigh as if he had lost an internal battle with himself.
“Sure, let's be friends then.” He said with a casual smirk and a playful glint in his eyes.
Donghyun almost thought he had heard the latter wrongly with how distracted he was, stunned into silence by the anomaly before him. The first time he’d seen Dongmin, his face was almost entirely engulfed by his mask. Now that he was actually seeing Dongmin, sharp features and jawline and all, Donghyun realized for the very first time that Dongmin was incredibly good looking. Not in an outstanding or glamorous way, but in a charming yet alluring way.
For the first time in his life, Donghyun felt an odd thump in his chest. His heart beating rapidly and heating up the edge of his ears. A faint thought that he may be sick passed through his head as he watched Dongmin silently waiting for a reply.
Clenching the fabric of his shirt with his fingers, he gave Dongmin a genuine smile.
“Then, I’ll see you tomorrow my friend!” He said as he got up, glancing at the clock. Dongmin hummed in response, sounding amused.
Back in his cramped, humid dorm which he shared with several other new trainees, Donghyun found himself staring at the ceiling in a daze. Why did his heart start pounding so erratically? Was that the first time he found a guy attractive?
As his imaginations collided in his head, a nagging reminder broke him out of his delusion.
Dating is strictly prohibited
The manager had warned him beforehand that any trainee caught in a relationship would have their contracts terminated without exception. The reminder soured his mood, it served as a constant reminder that he may never experience dating and all the other paradisiacal things that he had fantasized about since young. Not to mention, he had just found the first person he had ever been interested in! Talk about irony.
As he spent the night daydreaming about what ifs and what nots, Donghyun descended into a deep slumber where his only concerns were the next day’s schedule and his plans to approach Dongmin again.
🐟⛰️
30th May 2023
It’s been a year since he met Han Dongmin and a year since Kim Donghyun started training at KOZ, and now he’s finally debuting for real. He spent the past year dreaming and yearning for the moment where his hard work would be fruitful and frankly, everything still feels surreal to him.
The six of them, his members, are gathered in the living area of the lower floor’s dorm to celebrate their debut date with a specially decorated cake gifted by their staff. Dongmin’s sitting next to him, legs crossed and knees brushing against his own. Whenever their eyes meet, Dongmin gives Donghyun a childish smile that makes his heart thump the same way it did a year ago.
Jaehyun’s giving an elaborate speech about how they should last a long time together and Woonhak’s trying to hide the fact that he’s sniffling by pretending to laugh. Meanwhile, Sungho’s teary eyed and Riwoo is no better. Donghyun can’t say much for himself as he is also in a rather emotional state, shedding a few tears out of joy and sheer disbelief.
On the contrary, Dongmin had been recording Jaehyun’s little impromptu speech and was teasing Woonhak for hiding his face from the camera. He was composed, but happy, ever the calm one. When Dongmin’s camera turned towards Donghyun and his embarrassing tears, Donghyun had expected his crush to tease him along with the others, but instead, he had put down the camera and brushed away his falling tears with his thumb tentatively.
What the hell.
Donghyun blushed. And he could only pray that Dongmin would be oblivious enough to not notice it. Surely enough, he had simply looked away and continued cooing at Woonhak’s tearful expressions. Staring at Dongmin from afar, he silently wonders if he could ever confess his feelings to him. He had spent a year hiding his stupid inconvenient crush on Dongmin and honestly it did nothing to stop his feelings from growing. But now it wasn’t just Dongmin he had to hide his feelings from, he had to make sure that his members, the staff, and their fans won’t find out about it.
The idea that his feelings may never be spoken out loud stings. Sure he had known this would be his reality but did it really have to be this way?
🐟⛰️
Donghyun wouldn’t call himself a schemer, he’s an awful planner and has no sense of organization. What he is though, is indulgent. He had come to the reasonable conclusion that if he could never declare his encompassing feelings for his fellow bandmate out loud, who's to say he can’t do so subtly.
Let it be said that Donghyun isn’t an idiot by any means, he knows that chances of Dongmin reciprocating his feelings are close to a very depressing zero and that his crush is likely straight. He has seen the songs that Dongmin wrote before they met and Donghyun’s almost certain that Dongmin must have liked someone from school before, someone who is a girl and most definitely not him.
He just wants, no, needs an outlet for his feelings. Needs a way to just release them into the wild and public without actually doing it. Because actually confessing could potentially ruin his friendship with Dongmin and also the bond between him and his members. As desperate as he is, he isn’t about to risk it all because of his horribly tragic infatuation with one rebranded Han Taesan.
And so it follows. Or starts.
🐟⛰️
1. words of affirmation
They’re a few months into activities after their debut mvs (that’s right, plural for a whopping three mvs released for their debut album) were released for the public to critique or enjoy and promotions had been an entirely new experience for Donghyun and his members. Everyone’s stuck between a daze of excitement and exhaustion as the group officially wraps up content shooting and music shows for their three songs and is now swamped with preparations for their first comeback, something that’s equally thrilling and stressful as their debut.
Donghyun’s physically and mentally drained by the strenuous schedules that came with promotions, waking up at dawn for pre-recordings and attending multiple different shoots in a day is guaranteed to do that to any sane person.
Apparently though, some of his fellow members aren’t. Said members being Dongmin, Woonhak, and Jaehyun. Immediately after their final schedule for their debut performances, the three of them began discussing in depth about their comeback, eager to make it as impactful as their debut.
On one of the rare off days they’re given, Donghyun wakes up to find every single member in their respective beds except for Dongmin. Assuming the love of his life had decided to abandon the joy of sleeping in favour or working, Donghyun naturally took the first bus available to their main office.
It’s deceptively easy to catch Dongmin whenever he’s working on a new project despite the building being elaborately enormous. Even though they were offered new studios as perks for being debuted idols, Dongmin fervently fought to keep his old studio. Honestly, it was endearing. When Donghyun reaches the studio, he can see Dongmin’s figure through the slightly laminated door. He hesitates before knocking.
Donghyun has learned that Dongmin has a resolutely curated timeline for his work. Step one would be shutting himself off in his room to write lyrics, step two would be shutting himself off with Woonhak and Jaehyun to discuss god knows what, and step three would be, you guessed it, shutting himself off in the studio and experimenting with melodies. And not once has Donghyun dared step in during one of his sessions but he guessed there was always going to be a first.
Dongmin calls out asking who it is and Donghyun takes it as an invitation to enter.
When he enters, he’s surprised to see the mess in the still cramped studio. Papers and notes are scattered across the table and highlighters are thrown skewed in the corner. The laptop remains opened with multiple tabs on. Instantly, Donghyun knows what happened.
“Did you stay here overnight?” It made sense the more he thought about it. All the members saw each other the night before for a meal but Dongmin was the only one who left midway claiming to have something to do.
Dongmin finally turns from his seat, taking off his headphones. He seems shaken to see that Donghyun was the one visiting, eyes widening a fraction before it crinkles along with a friendly smile.
“Yeah. I had a beat stuck in my head that I wanted to try out. What are you doing here?”
“Are you crazy? Today’s a day off, shouldn’t you be resting?” Donghyun nags as he takes a seat next to a chair that Dongmin had pulled out for him.
Dongmin shrugs indignantly. “It’s precisely because today’s a day off that I should be working. I work best without other things to worry about.”
Donghyun examines Dongmin, not wanting to give a response to that. Dongmin was still wearing one of his band tees and a pair of baggy jeans that he’d worn the day before. His dark hair was messed up as if fingers had been running through it in stress and his eyes were slightly swollen.
“You should take a break, you look like a mess.”
Dongmin pouts, feigning ignorance. “I swear I’m fine. Look, I’ll head back to the dorms for a nap later, that's fine with you?”
Donghyun nods, a smile creeping onto his face without his permission. He always enjoyed talking with Dongmin even if it were about meaningless things.
“Anyway, what are you doing here?” Dongmin asks out of the blue.
“Wanted to find you.” It’s Donghyun’s turn to shrug.
“Did you need something?”
“Do I need to have a reason to find you?”
Dongmin stares at him for a long second before his lips curled up into a bashful smile, one that’s typically reserved for Donghyun as he had noticed.
“Guess not.”
Donghyun turns away too fast, afraid of getting lost in his eyes and making a fool of himself by accidentally spilling out a year of suppressed longing and subsequently ruining their friendship. He picks up some of the lyrics sheet on the table, skimming through it as Dongmin fiddles with his laptop.
The lyrics radiated heartbreak and jealousy in a way that’s both petty and childish. It’s exactly the style that their group should adapt for their comeback and Donghyun almost gasps in amazement as he scans through the wordings and rhymes. He’d always known that Dongmin was an incredible composer but this was his first time really seeing the process.
“Dongmin-ah, these lyrics are great.” He compliments genuinely.
“Really? I was about to scrap those because I thought they were too cliche.” Dongmin says as he fumbles with the rings on his finger.
“Sure they’re kinda cliche, but isn’t that what makes it charming?” Donghyun argues, affronted by Dongmin’s lack of confidence.
Dongmin hums in response, a contemplative sound.
“I don’t know, it just- It feels too raw, too messy.” He scratches his head in frustration.
Donghyun grabs his hand and pushes it away, preventing Dongmin from damaging his scalp and risk getting nagged by their stylists. And if Donghyun keeps a gentle grip on it afterwards, well that’s just him rewarding himself for helping Dongmin.
“Well, that’s how love is in reality isn’t it? Raw and messy. It won’t be relatable if you portray love as perfect all the time.”
“Is this coming from experience?”
Donghyun freezes. He looks at his fingers pressed against Dongmin’s wrist and looks up to see Dongmin staring at him patiently.
“I guess you could say so.” He lets go of Dongmin’s hand, afraid the touch could reveal too much of the turmoil in his mind.
“Who made you realise love isn’t all sunshines and rainbows?” Dongmin asks in a teasing tone, but Donghyun can hear the underlying curious tone.
Donghyun scoffs at the poor attempt at being nosy, so he decides to be vague. Honest but not exposing.
“Someone close to me. Someone who’ll never know the impact they have on me.” He says while tilting his head up to the ceiling in a lousy attempt at avoiding seeing Dongmin from his peripheral vision and pretending like what he just revealed was simply a commonly known face about him instead of a vulnerability.
As expected, Dongmin doesn’t pry. He’s perceptive enough to know that Donghyun didn’t mention a name in the first place because he didn’t want to reveal it. He’s also intuitive enough to know that it was a sensitive topic for him. And Dongmin’s quiet understanding only makes things worse as it does nothing to erase the not so platonic affection Donghyun has for him. If anything, he thinks it only made it grow.
🐟⛰️
2. gift giving
Donghyun knows just how much Dongmin values small acts of kindness and he knows just how much birthdays mean to him. He had never explicitly mentioned wanting special treatment on his birthday, but Donghyun could tell that he’d been somewhat expectant and excited as his birthday approached.
It started small, mentions of missing his mum’s cooking and certain stuff he’d been wanting to get. Honestly, Dongmin had probably been unconsciously dropping the hints as a habit of sharing things with the bandmates, but they all collectively took note of it. Elaborate as always, Jaehyun had even started a separate chat room without Dongmin to allocate who buys what in order to avoid duplicates.
Despite already having planned to get Dongmin a new set of grillz, Donghyun had wanted to do something extra for him. Something just from him to Dongmin, no offense to the others.
And so he had prepared meticulously, searching up cooking videos and ingredients list on how to make homemade seaweed soup.
Dongmin had mentioned several times in passing that it had been years since he had seaweed soup on his birthday since he spent most of his life training during his birthday. Donghyun’s heart had clenched at the image of a younger Dongmin spending his birthday training instead of enjoying a warm meal with his family. It unknowingly made his admiration for the older grow.
On the day of Dongmin’s birthday, Donghyun’s alarm rang at 4 a.m. and he had to rush to turn it off before it woke Riwoo up. He carefully started his prep, washing the ingredients and preparing the water to boil. He had never been a great cook among his members, the most skillful one in the kitchen would probably be his roommate honestly. Or even Dongmin.
It’s almost 6 a.m. when Donghyun hears someone coming from one of the rooms and fortunately enough for him, it's Dongmin. The latter was still rubbing his eyes from being exposed to the light and was examining the scene in the disastrous kitchen when his eyes landed on the warm bowl of soup and rice laid out on the table.
“What’s this?”
Donghyun chuckles as he walks towards him. “Happy birthday Dongmin-ah. I made seaweed soup but I don’t know if it’ll taste nice. Worst case scenario you’ll have to eat leftovers for breakfast.”
Dongmin doesn’t respond for a while and Donghyun panics, wondering if he had gone too far and crossed an intangible line.
“It’s fine if you don’t like it, don’t force yourself to eat it.” He stutters out.
Dongmin looks up at that in disbelief and pulls Donghyun into a hug. Look, the two aren’t really physically affectionate with one another, so no one can blame Donghyun for stiffening up like a piece of wood before reciprocating the hug. The warmth from the proximity only makes Donghyun dizzy and he can only pray that Dongmin’s still drowsy enough that he won’t notice Donghyun’s heart beating at a dangerous speed. He hadn’t expected such a positive reaction and a sudden burst of pride courses through him along with a breathless laugh.
“I take it you like it?” Donghyun asks as Dongmin breaks the hug to sit before his meal.
“Of course I like it. Thank you, really. It’s been ages since I had a meal like this.” Dongmin says with an adorable smile as he scoops up a decent portion of seaweed.
“I know. That’s why I did it for you.” Donghyun let out unconsciously.
“You didn’t have to y’know.” Dongmin says shyly.
“Yeah, but I wanted to. You deserve nice things too.” He retorted simply.
Dongmin smiled with contentment and continued to smile for the rest of the day as the others gave him gifts along with Donghyun. Dongmin looked shocked to see that Donghyun was passing him another gift again and had said the same thing, leading to a similar back and forth.
In the end, Donghyun was glad that Dongmin had a day full of love and care. He was always the one caring for others in his own unique, carefree way, it's only fair that he gets the same treatment in return.
(Donghyun tries to ignore the way his heart had refused to stop acting up whenever Dongmin flashed a smile even when it wasn’t directed at him.)
(He fails.)
🐟⛰️
3. quality time
The day started out hectic. Their schedule for the day consisted of pre-recordings at dawn, photoshoots for their concept photos, and torturous hours in the practice room synchronising their dance.
It’s no surprise that by the end of it, everyone was drained of their social and mental battery. Even Riwoo who’s usually energised during night time and ready to game had fallen asleep immediately after entering the dorms and plummeting on his bed. He was probably going to be scolded by Sungho for not cleaning up before sleeping though.
As each member slowly falls asleep one by one, Donghyun finds that he’s strangely, chillingly awake. It’s not that he wasn’t completely exhausted but he just simply couldn’t fall asleep. And Riwoo does in fact snore rather loudly for someone who claims to have never snored in his sleep.
So, instead of falling into a slumber at 2 a.m, he finds himself opening his phone and going through his messages. When he sees Dongmin’s contact on his screen, he hesitates, finger hovering over the call button. Would he even be awake? He ignores the fact that Dongmin would probably chastise him if he were asleep and Donghyun had woken him up for no proper reason and pressed the call button in quick succession.
The blaring ringtone rings mockingly for a few beats and Donghyun has half a mind to just end the call before he and his sleep deprived brain does something stupid through the phone when the call actually goes through.
Dongmin’s voice comes out raspy and low.
“Why are you calling me at two in the morning?”
Frankly, Donghyun has no proper answer for that.
“Did I wake you up?”
“No. Did you want to ask something?”
“Can I come over?”
There’s no answer over the line for a good minute and Donghyun almost wonders if Dongmin had hung up on him when he hears a cough through the phone.
“Sure.”
That was all Donghyun needed to hear before he ended the call and bolted out the dorms as quickly as he could without waking up his members. Truthfully he has no idea why he asked to see Dongmin. It was impulsive and honestly a bit rash on Donghyun’s part.
When he reaches the upper dorm, he’s met with the surprising sight of Dongmin standing by the door in his pajamas, a flimsy oversized shirt and pants so short that Donghyun could see most of his legs bare. Dongmin ignored Donghyun’s blatant staring and gestured for him to follow him in.
The pair say nothing as they naturally navigate towards the couch where remnants of his member’s snacking lay forgotten on the ground. They sit close to each other, knees brushing against one another habitually and silently breathing next to one another.
“Can’t sleep?” Dongmin asks, voice soft and words spoken lazily in a languid tone.
Donghyun hums in response. “You too?”
Dongmin nods, huffing out a faint chuckle. “Too much going on in my head. Life’s been busy.”
Donghyun turns to Dongmin, eyelids heavy with exhaustion but heart still pounding against his chest from the proximity, he forces his eyes to focus and looks Dongmin in the eye, really looks.
He looks beautiful. Bare-faced and hair messy, cheeks slightly puffy probably from a heavy meal and comfy clothes that laid loose against his broad shoulders. Donghyun thinks that Dongmin looks the best in his simplicity.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He mutters.
A glint appears in Dongmin’s eyes, a faint glimmer from the attention Donghyun’s giving to him. Dongmin talks, talks about the stress of meeting the expectations of fans, talks about how draining it feels sometimes having to compete in the industry, talks about how he sometimes feels like everything he does is not enough.
Donghyun doesn’t say much, offering a few nods to let Dongmin know that he’s listening and responding here and there when Dongmin starts to get too lost in his pessimism, pulling him out from the damage of his own train of thoughts.
And maybe because there was an unfamiliar sombreness in the cool air or a newfound comfort in the vulnerability Dongmin showcases that night, but somehow Donghyun finds himself fueled with an odd sense of bravery. As Dongmin rambles on, Donghyun brushes his fingers against his, lacing his fingers with the latter’s till their hands are thoroughly intertwined intimately. Dongmin says nothing about it, occasionally caressing his thumb over Donghyun’s in a grounding motion as he continues on.
Neither of them would remember what time it was when they unanimously fell asleep slumped against the couch, but the next morning they’d be teased by Jaehyun and Woonhak who caught them leaning against each other in their sleep, showing pictures as undeniable evidence of their quiet moment together. Donghyun said nothing to deny their childish teases, instead bribing Woonhak to send him the photos for safekeeping in return for buying him meat.
That night was something special and also something uncharacteristic for both of them and they would unconsciously avoid talking about it afterwards. Although, Donghyun was pretty sure that he had caught Dongmin whispering to Woonhak for the picture too. What for? Donghyun wouldn’t know.
(The picture was mostly a blur besides the clear visual of two figures next to each other on the couch. Donghyun’s head was leaning against Dongmin’s shoulders, his fingers still interlaced with the other’s. Dongmin on the other hand, had his head lightly tilted against the crown of Donghyun’s head, face totally unguarded and fixed with a soft smile.)
🐟⛰️
4. acts of service
Considering how dependable Dongmin usually looks and acts, one would think that he’d know how to do something as simple as setting up a grill. Well today's the day that Donghyun and his members find out that Dongmin absolutely sucks at handling any equipment that isn’t the same as the one in his dorm.
It had been a month since their promotions ended again and their staff had sent them off to a villa to film another season of FUNNEXTDOOR. It was mostly fun and enjoyable since they got to basically hangout with each other as usual safe for the looming presence of the camera. Not to mention, the villa was unnecessarily big and spacious, some might say it's a perk of being an idol.
Spending their first night, Woonhak had debated with Jaehyun about the dinner menu before ultimately winning by making the most pitiful puppy eyes. So now the whole group is having a barbecue for dinner.
Thankfully enough, the staff had prepared thoroughly for all scenarios and had requested for appliances from the villa’s owner prior to making a booking. Sungho had been the voluntary servant for the night, slaving away over the hot grill while indulging in some of the meat he cooked as he stood.
Donghyun had been sitting with Riwoo, eating the meat along with some of the ramyeon that they had cooked together beforehand. Across from their seats, Jaehyun and Dongmin were betting with Woonhak to see if he could stuff the whole packet of noodles in one bite. Stubbornly, Woonhak had taunted them and scolded them from looking down on him, making his attempt which ended in him spilling most of the noodles back into the bowl.
Riwoo snickers next to him, yelling at Woonhak for being too easily tricked into doing stupid things. Donghyun doesn’t say much until Sungho suddenly comes to the table and leisurely takes a seat next to him.
“Weren’t you grilling the meat?”
“Yeah but Taesan volunteered to take over.” Sungho points towards the grill that Dongmin was slowly making his way towards.
“Ah.” Donghyun replies out of courtesy before getting up and heading towards Dongmin.
Dongmin is fiddling around the meat with a steel tong that presumably Sungho had left before being replaced. He looked distracted and unaware of Donghyun approaching, eyes entirely focused on ensuring that the meat doesn’t burn under his care. He flips the meat mindlessly and frowns in confusion when he sees that it's still spotting a light shade of red, a sign that the meat still wasn’t edible.
Donghyun stands next to the clueless Dongmin, hovering and tiptoeing against the taller guy’s shoulder to take a peek at his progress.
“I don’t think you’ve started the fire.” Donghyun notes factually, tone flat comically.
Dongmin flinches from where he stands, turning with an endearingly confused look with his eyebrows furrowed.
“What? Didn’t Sungho do that already.”
“Yeah but he already grilled meat for almost an hour, it looks like the fire needs to be rekindled.”
“And uh, how do I do that?” He smiles awkwardly, still flipping the meat around as if it could save him from the embarrassment of admitting that he doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Donghyun laughs at him. “You’re telling me you volunteered to do this yet you’re clueless?”
“Oh come on, Sungho-hyung was standing here for an hour. I felt bad.” Dongmin admits.
The intentions behind Dongmin’s actions were so innocent and sweet that Donghyun has to physically restrain himself from pinching Dongmin’s very pinchable cheeks.
“I’ll show you how to do it, pass me that.” He says while gesturing towards the bucket of charcoal. “Get the meat off the grill while I start a new fire.”
Dongmin follows compliantly as he mutters out a thanks, passing the bucket and making quick work of removing the meat. He stares at Donghyun as he uses the tongs that Dongmin was using to spread out the charcoal and add a small amount of fresh charcoal directly on the existing hot embers. It takes awhile but the fire starts again, igniting blazingly and missing Donghyun’s fingers by the skin of his teeth. He hears Dongmin hiss loudly in urgency when Donghyun almost damn near burns his finger off.
“Did you get burned?” He asks, voice laced with concern.
“Nah, I’m fine. The fire is ready now, you can start grilling the meat properly now.” Donghyun dismisses the worry and changes the subject.
Dongmin does hurry to place the raw meat back onto the grill, but not before grabbing Donghyun’s fingers and examining it closely, only releasing it in favour of attending to the meat when he sees that Donghyun is indeed fine. But now Donghyun feels his insides burning instead.
As noted, he and Dongmin aren’t physically affectionate like they are with the other members. Dongmin smothers Woonhak in hugs and Donghyun can tolerate forehead kisses from Jaehyun, but they aren’t the type to touch each other so casually. The warmth of Dongmin’s fingers on his lingers even when Dongmin shifts his focus to cooking the last few ribs of pork and Donghyun silently wished he had actually gotten hurt, that way he could indulge himself by basking in Dongmin’s quiet care.
It’s funny what a stupid crush does to a person. Donghyun’s having some mad masochistic thoughts now.
🐟⛰️
5. physical touch
With the excuse of a team bonding exercise, Jaehyun had somehow convinced their manager to sneak them some booze and canned beer for the night all thanks to Jaehyun’s very convincing bullshit of an argument. Donghyun’s pretty sure he just wanted a drink.
Not that he’s complaining though, he hadn’t had a drink in awhile and he’s sure that it’ll be fun catching Woonhak drunk and out of his mind.
The six of them are gathered in the cramped shared room of Woonhak and Dongmin, the older ones on one bed and the younger three on the other. Jaehyun had dumped the plastic bag of drinks with the grace of an elephant, earning a nag from Sungho who is the only one concerned of spills getting on the sheets.
They play meaningless drinking games to pass the time, chatting mindlessly as they each get tipsier by the second. By the time Donghyun’s on his second can of beer, Woonhak’s practically passed out, his long limbs draped across Riwoo’s folded legs (no one noticed when he got there) and mumbling out random words. Riwoo silently pats the younger, smiling fondly at him.
Sungho seems to be holding up fine, safe for a light blush across his face as he clutches his can and leans his head onto his propped up knees. Jaehyun seems way too energised for someone who supposedly had the longest and most tiring schedule out of all of them, the alcohol serving as a booster instead of calming him into a slumber like it did to Woonhak.
On the other hand, Dongmin was definitely tipsy and halfway close to being drunk. Dongmin doesn’t drink often, only ever drinking whenever it's the six of them together and never having had enough to the point where he’d be drunk. It seems today’s the first time he’ll reach the point of being drunk though. Unlike the energetic Jaehyun and the knocked out Woonhak, an alcohol fueled Dongmin is a clingy one.
Even though the bed most definitely could comfortably fit both of them (seeing as Woonhak had travelled to Riwoo’s side), Dongmin remained way too close to Donghyun, leaning his head on his shoulder and snaking both his arms to hug Donghyun’s. The display of affection is both mind boggling and exhilarating.
“Are you drunk?” He asks for safe measures.
“I don’t know Donghyun-ah, do I look drunk? You feel warm, it’s nice.” Dongmin smiles against his shoulder and Donghyun physically shivers, Dongmin’s breath brushes dangerously close to his neck and he can tell that his ear is reddening. Thankfully, he can excuse it for being a result of his tipsy state.
Jaehyun’s using an empty bottle to spin again on the table, continuing with the stupid drinking game he had found online that they had agreed to indulge in. Sungho perks up eagerly, ready for another round when Jaehyun looks up questioningly at the pair.
“You joining?”
Donghyun hesitates, looking down at Dongmin perched on his shoulder, clearly out of it.
“I think we’ll sit this one out. I’ll bring him out to clear his mind.”
Jaehyun and Sungho nod in acknowledgement, not prying any further as Donghyun tries to placate Dongmin and convince him to stand up.
“Why are you moving? Stay still.” He whines, arms clutched tight on Donghyun’s sleeves.
“You’re drunk, Dongmin-ah. Let’s go to the balcony for a bit, it’ll clear your head.” Donghyun whispers softly as he pulls Dongmin off his shirt, as if he’s trying to persuade a stubborn child to follow him. Which isn’t really far from the truth.
Despite Dongmin’s groans of frustration at the loss of contact with Donghyun, he follows obediently, arms now wrapped around Donghyun’s shoulders instead as they trudge towards the balcony.
The cool breeze instantly hits the both of them as they step into the balcony, Donghyun leaning against the railing with a six foot tall man draped across his back. He hears Dongmin hiss as the stark change in temperature finally registers into his alcohol induced mind.
“Dude, you’re heavy. Get off.” Donghyun complains but there's no heat to it. He can literally feel Dongmin shaking his head in refusal.
“Nuh uh. You let Jaehyun kiss you before you sleep and you always hug the others but why can’t I?” His tone is playful, almost pouty too.
Dongmin’s warm breath against his neck sends shivers up his spine, he never had such physical intimacy with his crush before and he doesn’t know how much longer he can handle it.
With a shaky breath, Donghyun teases Dongmin like he usually would.
“What’s with you tonight? You wanna kiss me?” His tone is purposely light and sarcastic, anyone would think that he was joking and not internally burning up at the thought of actually kissing Dongmin.
The air suddenly grows tense for no reason as Dongmin hesitates to answer. Donghyun sees Dongmin’s finger fiddle around with his rings from where it's draped in front of him.
“Maybe I do.”
Donghyun pauses. His eyes widened in shock and he carefully angled his head towards Dongmin’s to scan his face for any signs of mockery or deceit. He finds neither of them, all he sees is Dongmin staring pensively at him, his gaze dropping to his lips. Dongmin’s lips curled up into a tentative smile as he released his hold on Donghyun to cup his cheeks with his hand.
Donghyun, still uncertain if he’s hallucinating this whole thing or if this was one of Dongmin’s odd drunk traits, lets himself indulge in the warmth emitting from the feeling of Dongmin’s hand against his cheek.
“What are we doing?” He asks, voice so soft his question might as well have gone unasked.
“I don’t know.” Dongmin admits, and that's the last thing he says before he’s leaning closer to Donghyun and closing the gap between their lips.
Donghyun’s heart is beating frantically, his mind slightly fuzzled by the beer but conscious enough that he can register the fact that he’s kissing his crush who is also his best friend and bandmate. He can taste the alcohol on Dongmin’s lips but it doesn’t bother him so much as the feeling of soft lips carefully pressed against his own does.
Dongmin tilts Donghyun’s head higher, deepening the kiss which causes Donghyun to gasp. He traces his tongue over Donghyun’s lower lip, silently insisting for him to part his lips wider. Donghyun’s senses are in overdrive because now Dongmin is full on making out with him, he kisses him back eagerly but his lack of experience makes the kiss messy and wet, not that Dongmin seems to care.
The kiss wasn’t rushed or frantic, it was passionate and fiery and fueled with every unspoken confession that Donghyun had been holding back for far too long. Dongmin instinctively moved his other hand to rest on Donghyun’s waist, clutching it tightly with a newfound possessiveness in response to Donghyun's eagerness. Donghyun catches up to Dongmin, wrapping his arms around his neck and tangling his fingers into his soft dark locks the way that he used to fantasise doing in his dreams.
They stay like that for a few minutes, bodies pressed against one another and unwilling to break the kiss and face the aftermath. It’s only when Jaehyun and Sungho’s voices echoed through the dorm and seemed to get closer by the second that the pair finally released one another.
Donghyun releases his hold on Dongmin’s neck immediately but Dongmin’s arm still remains perched on his waist, lightly pinching it teasingly. Dongmin’s lips are red and swollen, saliva slightly smeared across the corners of his lips. Donghyun’s sure he doesn’t look any better, he can bet that his face is thoroughly crimson now. And it's not because of the alcohol.
The two of them part wordlessly, Dongmin’s gaze lingering on Donghyun’s lips before he shifts his gaze towards Jaehyun who was calling them over to clean up and call it for the day. Donghyun’s still stuck in a daze, unwilling to believe that he had just crossed all boundaries of their friendship and that he now knew just how soft Dongmin’s lips felt and tasted the slight tanginess of cherry from his lip balm.
Dongmin had walked away first, making a snark remark at Jaehyun for something that Donghyun doesn’t quite register from his labyrinth of thoughts. It’s only when Sungho calls for him so that they can head back together to the dorm that he snaps out of it and the horror of what he had just done fully seeped in.
He didn't sleep at all that night.
🐟⛰️
+1
Donghyun ignores Dongmin for the next two weeks. And honestly he was pretty good at it. Between schedules and shoots for their first digital single, they hardly get a chance to sit down and talk about how they had probably fucked up their entire friendship.
Whenever they have dance practice, Dongmin would linger too long next to Donghyun before being called out by their instructor for slacking off. And whenever they shot content for their channel, Dongmin would intentionally sit right next to him, trying to snatch Donghyun aside for a conversation the moment shooting ends.
Unfortunately for Dongmin, he underestimated Donghyun’s stubbornness. If Dongmin mingled around Donghyun during shoots, he’d simply make up an excuse to stay attached with either Riwoo or Woonhak, not daring to be alone within Dongmin’s peripheral vision.
Once, he noticed Dongmin staring at him from across the stage at one of their prerecording and managed to escape being caught by lingering on stage and talking to the fans. He had gotten lectured by the staff for going overtime but at least he avoided whatever confrontation Dongmin was planning on.
A week in, Donghyun very belatedly realizes that there's no way he can drag this on for long. Some of the members have already noticed the odd estranged tension between him and Dongmin and it's obvious that they’re both curious and concerned for them. Jaehyun had cornered him at one point during one of their breaks to ask for an explanation, fulfilling his duties as a leader and a friend.
“Did you and Taesan get into a fight? What happened?” Jaehyun asks with sad droopy eyes that instantly made Donghyun guilty for making his members worried for no reason.
“It’s nothing hyung, we’ll get it sorted out soon. Don’t worry.” He brushed it off. It’s easier said than done.
Almost two weeks in and nothing seems to have changed except for the fact that Dongmin’s been way more apparent about wanting to talk to Donghyun, bribing Woonhak to call him over and even trying to ask Riwoo to help him get Donghyun alone. But Donghyun isn’t Dongmin’s best friend for nothing, he’s equally thorough when he puts his mind into it so he had already bribed the pair in advance, much to Dongmin’s dismay.
The guilt starts to kick in at the two-week mark when Donghyun sees Dongmin hesitating to even get near him when they’re paired up for photoshoots. Their stiff figures irritated their photographer to the point where their manager had to step in and shove them next to each other. They had spent the hour in an agonizing silence.
Nothing happens until that night where they’re all back in the dorm and Dongyun hears a knock on his door. Too tired to think things through, he had just called for whoever it was to enter, completely forgetting about an important variable.
“It’s me.” Dongmin’s voice was low and soft, he was still in the same nirvana hoodie and cargo pants that he had on since their first schedule of the day. His make up was completely wiped off, evident from the lack of rosiness on his lips that he’d usually have with lip tint on. Not that Donghyun was staring, no.
It's the first time Dongmin had successfully caught Donghyun alone and he looked exhausted, face fixed with a stony expression but his eyes were wary.
“Oh. Uh, come in.” Donghyun invited him in with resignation for what was to come. He knew he couldn’t keep avoiding this anyways.
Dongmin approached him and sat next to him on the edge of the bed, the combined weight of two grown men causing the mattress to plummet inwards slightly, eliciting a small giggle from Donghyun.
They sit in silence until they both speak up.
“I know y-” I know you probably think I’m a creep now.
“I’m sorry!” Dongmin interjects.
Donghyun stares at him in confusion.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you when I was drunk and I’m sorry for scaring you by trying to get you alone with me these past few weeks.” He breathes in. “I just wanted to apologise for crossing the line, sorry.” He adds again.
Oh. That was so off trail with what Donghyun was expecting. He was expecting something akin to anger. Perhaps frustration at their ruined friendship or even regret. The last thing he was expecting from Dongmin was an apology.
“Why are you sorry? I should be the sorry one!”
“What? Why?” Dongmin raises an eyebrow, Donghyun doesn’t know why he finds that attractive.
“I mean, you were drunk and I kissed you back. I basically took advantage of you oh my god. I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry for ignoring you. I was just scared that our friendship would be over and everything.” Donghyun confesses.
“You thought you took advantage of me?”
“You thought you scared me?”
The pair stared at each other in bafflement, the whole unravelling of their drunken kiss was too comical for them to hold in their laughter and Dongmin’s the first one to start laughing, failing to hide his smile with his hand. Donghyun allows himself a huff of amusement.
“Donghyun-ah, in case it wasn’t obvious enough, I like you. I kissed you that night not because I was drunk but because I’m hopelessly in love with you.”
Donghyun thinks he could die happy now, a flood of both relief and ecstasy consuming him as he processed the confession. Han Dongmin likes me back. He loves me. He spent the last two years pining for his best friend without any hope of having his feelings reciprocated, now that he has exactly what he’s been dreaming of right in front of him, he doesn’t go for subtlety anymore.
He hooks his arm around Dongmin’s neck before pulling him in for a kiss. Dongmin makes a shocked sound against his lips but quickly recovers and kisses him back fervently. It’s softer this time, without the weight of uncertainties and non-existent boundaries. When they part, Dongmin stares at Donghyun with a fond smile.
“You’re an idiot for thinking you scared me. I like you too by the way, in case it wasn’t obvious enough.” Donghyun giggled, letting himself indulge by curling Dongmin’s hair with his fingers.
Dongmin tilts his head downwards, letting Donghyun play with his hair. “I’m your idiot now, how does that sound?” Donghyun sees the blush forming on his ears and he wonders how blind he must have been to have only noticed it now.
“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” Donghyun cups Dongmin’s unfairly small face into his hands, making Dongmin’s big brown eyes meet his.
“I guess I am.” He smiles so hard his eyes crinkles.
“Then I’m your idiot too. How’s that?” Donghyun’s heart feels so incredibly full right now. It’s still pounding rapidly the same way it always does when he’s near Dongmin but now it's also beating out of sheer happiness.
“That’s lovely.”
Dongmin stays over that night, lying next to Donghyun and talking about everything and nothing. They’ll figure out how to explain their relationship to their members the next day. And they’ll have to figure out how to handle hiding it from their staff and fans. But they brush all their concerns aside for the night.
Without the constant eerie feeling of being watched under a camera lens and void of any expectations, they lay side by side on Donghyun’s bed, Dongmin brushing Donghyun’s hair away from his face affectionately and Donghyun lightheartedly sharing about all the troubles he went through to avoid him. Donghyun’s still in a state of disarray from the unexpected twist in his fate. It’s both awkward and natural at the same time, whatever they have, but at least it's honest.
Just for one night, they’ll love each other without worry.