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Phoebe’s life is simple, but simple means peaceful, and she likes it that way.
She goes to the cathedral every day, performing her acolyte duties with passion and diligence. Both at work and outside of it she spends time with her fellow acolytes, always going home with a smile on her face.
However, tonight her expression is more thoughtful than cheerful.
“Oh my Imperator, have you guys heard??“ Lenore, one of the acolytes of the Order of the Deep approaches a group of her friends sitting in a circle in the corner of the cathedral, Phoebe amongst them.
“Hm? What is it, Lenore?” Phoebe asks curiously.
“A new guy just arrived in Ragunna! Black hair, interesting outfit, apparently he came from Huanglong. And I heard he’s pretty cute as well…” She smirks and winks and Phoebe gasps.
“Lenore! W-What, why do you care about that?!” Phoebe sputters and blushes.
“Well, why not? We ought to find a husband eventually. I know the Order would prefer it would rather be someone from our ranks, but, oh well. Are you not interested in anyone, Phoebe?”
“No, not really…” The blonde frowns, muttering. “I just prefer keeping to myself and fulfilling my duties.”
“Also, I already met the man when he arrived. His name is Rover. He’s… pretty, I guess.” She then continues, suddenly all eyes on her.
“Aww, you like him, don’t you?” A different girl speaks up, the rest snickering.
“Look at how she’s blushing, she definitely does!” Another girl laughs and points at Phoebe, who currently resembles a ripe tomato rather than an acolyte.
“I-I…” Phoebe stutters, feeling her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Does she like him? He is attractive and seems kind. Is this what “liking someone” feels like?
“Not even denying it huh?” Lenore laughs. “I can already hear the wedding bells.”
The rest laugh again and Phoebe pulls her hat down to hide her embarrassed expression, whining loudly.
As she walks back home, she recounts the conversation and feels a strange, uncertain feeling deep in her gut.
________________________________________
A month has passed, and life is not so simple anymore. Phoebe got to spend more time with Rover than she anticipated, helping him and Carlotta Montelli uncover secrets she didn’t know Ragunna or even the Order had.
They even went fishing together, Rover helping her solve a mystery at Riccioli Islands. It was a fun time, and the black-haired man was very charming and friendly, especially to the blonde herself.
The whole time Phoebe kept thinking back to her conversation with the other acolytes in the cathedral on the day Rover arrived to Rinascita. Does she like him?
He’s nice and she likes being around him. He calls her cute, treats her well, and enjoys pinching her squishy cheeks, a gesture that never fails to make her blush.
Yeah, she likes him.
She has never been this close to a man before. While there are male acolytes within the Order, basically all of her friends are girls, and otherwise she doesn’t talk to anyone else much. And with how much they tease her about having a “crush,” she thinks to herself, is this what a crush feels like?
Is this what eventually could be… love?
Phoebe sighs, slumping on her apartment couch she’s been sitting on and overthinking for the last hour. However, her thoughts are interrupted by her terminal buzzing with a notification.
She opens it, and it’s a text from Rover asking her to help him with a certain echo problem. She quickly replies to him and jumps off the couch, exiting her apartment.
________________________________________
The problem was specifically with an Overlord class echo that resides within the Atrium of Reflections - Lorelei. She had fallen under the influence of the Leviathan and needed to be saved.
But Rover and Phoebe wouldn’t do this alone. Arriving to Nimbus Sanctum, Phoebe’s eyes widen as they meet a tall, horned woman with a long, thin tail swishing behind her.
Beautiful.
Is the first thing Phoebe thinks. This woman is very beautiful.
“Hello again, Mr. Rover. Oh- and this is…?” Her voice is smooth, heavily accented, very pleasant to the ears.
“Hello Miss Zani.” Rover smiles, then turns his gaze to the acolyte. “This is Phoebe, an acolyte of the Order of the Deep. She understands echoes very well, so I believe she will be a great help.”
“Hi, Miss.” Zani’s expression is kind, and Phoebe notices the tired look in her eyes with deep bags under them. “I’m Zani, employee of the Averardo Bank.”
Ah, that explains the Montelli crest on her shoulder band and coat.
“H-Hi.” Phoebe smiles but averts her gaze, suddenly growing shy. “I’m Phoebe.” They shake hands after the introduction and all three go save the poor echo.
Once they enter the echo’s abode the atmosphere shifts and it’s clear danger awaits them. Phoebe gets a little scared, but when Rover places his hand upon her shoulder, she relaxes a little.
“Don’t worry.” He says softly. “We’ll be okay.”
From the corner of her eye she notices Zani glancing back at them, saying nothing.
Slowly the trio approaches the center of the Atrium, hearing a faint female voice singing around them. Phoebe looks around while gripping her staff, and once she lets go of it with one hand, she feels something big and warm grasp it.
With a gasp her head swirls to the side, only to see Rover smiling at her, holding her hand.
“Sorry, you looked a little nervous there.” His cheeks blush the slightest tint of red, his golden eyes averting her gaze. Phoebe, her heart thumping fast from the shock still, only chuckles awkwardly, but still holds his hand.
“O-oh, it’s okay, thank you.” Her answer is simple, and they continue on with Zani ahead of them, her long black tail swishing… impatiently? In agitation? Phoebe can’t tell.
When Lorelei finally appears and they confront her, Rover is still holding Phoebe’s hand, at moment’s giving it a squeeze in reassurance. The blonde isn’t even that scared anymore, though she still appreciates the gesture, though in a fleeting thought she can’t help but glance at Zani’s hands and think I wonder how hers would feel.
She pauses the moment that thought crosses her mind. Why did she think that? It’s weird! Miss Zani would certainly think it’s a weird thought, for sure. Wait, does that mean Miss Zani thinks Phoebe is weird? Surely not, right. Why would she even think that.
Why-
“Phoebe!” The acolyte gasps when Rover suddenly yells out and tackles her to the ground. She tilts her head to look behind him and sees the corrupted echo is now charging at them, thankfully Zani quickly swings in and blocks an initial hit with her shield.
Phoebe swiftly regains her bearing, pushing Rover off of her with an amount of force that surprises them both, summoning holy light with her staff and joining the fight.
The echo roars, her attacks swift and unmerciful, though Zani manages to block most of them while Phoebe and Rover both go in from the sides, trying to overwhelm the corrupted creature.
Lorelei is powerful, but not strong enough against the three of them, and the battle ends as soon as it began. Before delving the final blow by shooting a holy beam through the echoes chest and purifying her Phoebe stumbles and falls, barely catching herself on her hands.
She feels a gentle yet strong hands on her shoulders, keeping her steady and helping her stand back up.
“Ah, thank yo-” She turns to look at the person helping her, expecting to see golden eyes and black hair, but instead she sees a pair of black and red eyes looking straight into her soul.
“Are you alright, Phoebe?” Zani asks in a smooth, slightly worried voice. Both hold each other’s gaze for a few beats, not even noticing Zani dropped the honorific.
“Y-yes, thank you.” The blonde finds her words again, feeling heat in her cheeks and silently hoping she isn’t blushing too much.
After the confrontation and saving Lorelei they all went their separate ways, Zani returning to Averardo Vault while Rover accompanies Phoebe to Ragunna City.
Their walk is slow and peaceful, they don’t hold hands again, but their fingers occasionally brush against each other. They converse lightly, though it’s mostly Rover telling Phoebe about his adventures in Huanglong.
The blonde nods and listens, asking about a place or a person he mentions here and there. Though his stories are entertaining her mind begins to wonder after a bit, less focused on him and more so coming back to a certain silver-haired Montelli employee.
She remembers the way those black and red eyes looked at her, so unique and mesmerizing. The way her strong hands held her steady when she fell. It felt nice.
Miss Zani is very nice.
“Ah, sorry, you were saying?” Phoebe asks when she realizes Rover had stopped talking and is now looking at her, possibly expecting a reply to a question he asked.
Rover is also nice. And kind. And sweet to her.
He repeats his question and she answers, their conversation continuing until they reach the edge of the city.
She likes him very much, and it seems like he likes her too. She thinks back to the words of her friends back at the cathedral. Is it possible she likes him like that? Maybe.
She tries her hardest to believe those words yet can’t deny the small yet persistent feeling within her chest that something is off, that there’s a crucial piece of this confusing puzzle that is emotions that she’s missing.
________________________________________
A week passes and life goes on, Phoebe once again engulfing herself in her acolyte duties, and life sort of feels normal again.
Except for the fact the feeling in her chest never vanished.
Distractions help, and by Imperator the church work is more than distracting, yet not enough to stop the whirlwind that is her thoughts.
She had seen Rover only twice since their Lorelei encounter as he had been busy running around Ragunna with Carlotta, apparently uncovering some conspiracy within the Montelli family itself.
The blonde is a bit sad they don’t as much time together anymore, she would say she even misses him. The teasing from her fellow acolytes hadn’t stopped but rather doubled and frankly, Phoebe is getting tired of it.
Her thoughts then switch to Zani, whom she hasn’t seen at all since that fight. They did exchange contacts prior departing and going separate ways, mostly just in case another emergency like that rises up again.
She doesn’t even realize she started blushing when thinking about the horned girl until, as she walks through a hallway of the cathedral, Lenore stops her.
“Heyyy Phoebe- oooo~” The brunette interrupts her greeting. “Someone’s blushing! Thinking about a certain dark-haired prince charming again?”
“Hi- huh, what?” Phoebe blushes harder in embarrassment, wanting to disprove her friend’s words immediately, but she freezes on the spot.
Then, she realizes. She is blushing this hard not from thinking about Rover, a boy, but Zani, a girl.
She’s blushing from thinking about Miss Zani!
“Uh, Phoebe, you okay?” Lenore asks with a tilt of her head when the redness of Phoebe’s face could rival a ripe tomato and she looks like she’s about to faint.
“Yessorrygoodtalkokaybye-!” The blonde practically sprints off, only stopping once she almost runs into a priest and drops her book of prayers she’s been holding.
“Whoah! Watch out, young lady.” The man gently scolds her, taking her hand to steady her. Phoebe apologizes profusely, quickly stumbling away and keeping her head low.
She can still feel the phantom warmth of his hand and thinks back to when Rover held it. She didn’t like this contact, though it didn’t feel much different from Rover’s. Is she that unused to physical contact from another person?
With a groan she walks towards the praying stools that lie in the center of the building, right before the great statue of the Imperator. She kneels down, opens her book, and hopes the prayers will wash her worries away.
.
.
.
Unfortunately, they do not, even though she finds some peace in praying to her Sentinel. Crestfallen she leaves the cathedral, unsure of what to do and overwhelmed by her feelings.
She feels all alone in her whirlwind of emotions. She does think of telling someone, but who? All her friends do is tease her and she can’t really tell Rover “Oh I think I’m crushing on you maybe perhaps but not really?”
…though to be honest, now that she thinks about it, she doesn’t really want to talk to him about that anyways. He’s busy running around Ragunna, and at one point Phoebe saw him with Carlotta, being awfully close just like he was with her before. But then, she remembers one more person.
Zani.
badump, badump
Her heart speeds up again.
Should she go to talk to Zani about it? They aren’t too close, but the horned girl seems so open and judgement-free. Plus, Phoebe definitely wants to spend more time with her…
Before she knows it, Phoebe is already pulling out her terminal, dialing Zani’s number.
“Hello?” Comes a familiar, heavily accented voice after just two rings. “Miss Phoebe, is everything alright?”
“Miss Zani, hiii.” Phoebe chuckles nervously, mentally facepalming at how awkward she sounds. “Do you think we could hang out for a bit? I want to talk to you about something.”
A brief silence follows and the blonde grows nervous. Did she overstep? Is Miss Zani going to hate her no-
“Sure, I’m still at work though, and will be until much later today. But I’m alone in my office dealing with boring paperwork, I could use some company.”
Phoebe beams at Zani’s words, immediately regaining a pep in her step. “Yes! I-I mean, that’s great, I’ll be there in a bit then, thank you!”
The acolyte proceeds to practically sprint into the direction of Zani’s in-the-city office, desperately trying to ignore the blush creeping up onto her cheeks again.
Thus she quickly reaches the old and tall building, entering through its tall oak doors and searching through various hallways for a certain office. Finally she finds it, knocking three times until she hears a confirmation of “Come in!”
“Hi.” Phoebe enters with a smile and a wave, Zani only giving her a nod as she doesn’t even raise her head from her paperwork.
“Hello, Miss Phoebe. Sorry, I’ve had some documents arrive few minutes ago, but I’m all ears. What did you want to talk about?” Zani’s tone is friendly and inviting, making Phoebe’s smile even larger.
“W-well…” The blonde begins, sitting down on a chair in front of Zani’s desk. She doesn’t like this position very much as it feels rather like she’s at a job interview, but as she doesn’t see any other seating available, this will have to do.
“I’ve just been very… confused, lately.” Phoebe admits, trying not to blush.
“Confused? About what?” Zani glances at her in between putting paperwork to the other side of the table.
“About some feelings.” Her answer is pretty vague, she knows that even without Zani looking at her with a puzzled expression. She bites her lip, trying to find the right words to explain herself.
Ugh, why does talking about your feelings have to be this hard, Phoebe thinks to herself, taking a deep breath.
“I… I think I like someone. Like, like like, you know? I think.” The blonde stammers, rambling on.
Zani interrupts her with “So, you have a crush?” That makes Phoebe pause and look at her.
“Y-yeah, maybe. Or at least that’s what my friends keep telling me.” “Your friends?”
“A few of the other acolytes at the cathedral.” Phoebe explains. “They keep teasing me about “liking the new guy“ and that “I’m constantly swooning over him“…”
“Aha! So, it is about Rover.” Zani smirks with a knowing smile, eliciting a blush on Phoebe’s cheeks. “So… do you have a crush on him?”
“W-well… he’s kind, funny…”
“But do you have a crush on him?”
Zani presses further, her attention fully on the blonde. “…I guess he’s pretty good-looking too…”
“But.” Zani leans over her desk towards Phoebe. “Do you have a crush on him?”
Phoebe stops talking and looks deep in thought for a long minute. Then, with a quiet, trembling breath, she whispers-
“I don’t know.”
Zani, upon hearing her tone leans back to give her more space.
“My apologies, I didn’t mean to make you feel suffocated or pressured. I just feel like there’s two distinctly different things mingling, and that’s what you feel and what you feel like you SHOULD feel.” Zani explains calmly with Phoebe listening intently.
“What I should feel?” She asks, slightly puzzled and Zani nods.
“You say your friends keep teasing you about it. But did you ever tell them you like him? Or even how you like him?”
Phoebe stays silent.
“Phoebe.” Zani speaks up after a few beats of silence, making Phoebe look up at her “How do you feel?”
The acolyte falls silent again, but for much longer. She thinks deeply about the question, realizes that this might be the first time someone has ever asked her that.
How does she feel?
“I like him.” She confirms. “I like spending time with him, and he is very nice but…”
Phoebe takes a deep breath, Zani stays silent while looking at her to show she’s keeping her attention, giving her space to continue.
“…but when I imagine doing more with him, like what I heard that typical couples do, I… I don’t want that with him.”
She then looks at her hands in reminiscence.
“After helping Lorelei, while going back to Ragunna City, we held hands. It was nice, but, nothing special. Is that how it’s supposed to feel?”
Zani leans back in her chair, staring up at the ceiling in thought before looking back at the blonde.
“Hmm, I don’t know.” The horned girl answers truthfully. “Why don’t you try holding my hand then? See how it feels?”
The suggestion comes so unexpectedly Phoebe almost falls from her chair, but she braces herself, staring at Zani with wide eyes.
“H-hold your hand?” A blush engulfs her face again, hands shaking and leg bouncing in anticipation.
Oh.
That’s definitely a different reaction than when Rover had suggested holding her hand back then.
“Okay, please.” Phoebe steels herself with a determined nod, standing up just as Zani does the same.
“Okay.” Zani murmurs softly, stepping closer to her. Gently, slowly, she takes her hand, intertwining their fingers and holding their connected hands up, both looking at them, Phoebe in awe, Zani with the slightest hint of a blush on her stoic face.
Zani’s hand is warm and feels nice. But not nice like yeah this is okay, like Rover’s did, but nice like oh my gosh I’m touching Zani’s hand and our fingers are locked together, and her skin feels so rough but also soft at the same time she’s so close to me-
Thoughts spiral inside of Phoebe’s head as her brain tries not to short-circuit from all the sensations. She didn’t expect such a simple contact to feel so different from before, yet this is beyond her expectations. This feels electrifying, liberating.
Suddenly, Phoebe finds herself imagining more, feeling more. She wants to hug her, feel more of her warmth and the scent of her perfume. She wants Zani to wrap her hands around her, or maybe squish her cheeks, perhaps even pat her head.
Her eyes then look up at Zani’s face, those black and red eyes basically piercing her soul. Then, she glances towards her lips, and she’d swear she saw Zani glancing at hers.
A truly dangerous thought crosses her mind, one she had never dared to think before.
I want to kiss her.
It’s like a freight train has hit her. A horrified expression dawns on her face, and she quickly yanks her hand away from Zani’s, confusing the horned girl.
“Phoebe? What’s wro-” Before Zani can finish her question Phoebe interrupts her.
“Sorry, I-I have to go now uhhh church emergency!” The blonde rambles with tightly closed eyes, grabbing her hat and bolting towards the door.
She opens it and before she sprints out, she turns to look at Zani with “This was very lovely, thank you for hearing me out!”
And with that, she disappears before Zani can even blink.
The horned girl stands there in the middle of her office, confused with her hand still raised and with the lingering warmth of Phoebe’s hand.
“Huh. Polite as ever, even when embarrassed.” Zani murmurs in amusement, shaking her head and walking back to sit down at her desk. She thinks Phoebe just grew shy, unused to such close contact. Not that Zani is much more used to it either.
Before she continues writing her documents, Zani thinks back to what just happened before Phoebe rushed out. When was the last time she held anyone’s hand, let alone suggested it? Hm.
It felt nice.
________________________________________
Phoebe practically sprinted towards the cathedral, her thoughts racing the whole time.
What was I thinking? Why did I think that??
She had never felt like this before, never realized she could feel like this. It’s completely different than how she felt towards Rover, and while with him she was very unsure, now she feels almost too certain in what those chaotic emotions swirling within her chest are.
The panting acolyte enters the holy building, making her way towards the praying stools, kneeling down and immediately starting to recite a prayer.
Having feelings towards another woman, that shouldn’t be possible, or if so, must be a great sin, one she must wash and pray away right away. Tears shimmer at the corners of her eyes, yet she doesn’t stop, praying over and over as a storm of emotions rages inside her.
Some time, possibly hours later, once her voice is sore and her legs ache Phoebe gets up, wiping away her tears. As she drags herself towards the exit, she’s grateful that none of her friends are around, as teasing of any kind would’ve sent her spiraling.
The walk to her apartment feels like an eternity, and she flops onto her bed with a heavy thud. Though, there is one more thing she feels guilty about.
“Running out like that on Zani wasn’t nice… I need to apologize.” She sighs to herself, gathering courage to grab her terminal and dial up Zani’s number.
“Hello, Phoebe. How are you doing?” Zani picks the call up in seconds.
Dammit, why did she drop the honorific again-
“H-hi, Miss Zani. I just wanted to apologize for leaving so abruptly. I just… am not used to being so close to someone like this, so I panicked. I’m sorry for acting so rudely.” Phoebe apologizes, trying not to cry.
“Don’t worry, Miss Phoebe, it is alright.” Zani reassures her, her tone warm and showing she’s not angry or offended whatsoever. “I understand. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
Phoebe didn’t expect to hear a hint of insecurity creep into Zani’s voice. She shakes her head, even though the horned girl can’t see the motion, and says a tad bit too loudly “No, no absolutely not!”
“E-erm, I mean, you didn’t make me uncomfortable or anything like that.” The blonde tries to correct her tone, making Zani chuckle. “I liked it, actually…”
The confession makes Zani blush ever-so-slightly.
“Well, I’m glad then.” The horned girl answers simply, and both stay silent for a few beats before Phoebe speaks up again.
“I still feel bad though, so, could I invite you for like a lunch or something?” Phoebe asks nervously, heartbeat speeding up just a bit.
“Sure, I can do tomorrow during my lunch break, if you’re free.”
“Yes! Okay, see you then!” Phoebe tries (and fails) to not sound too excited.
“Have a good night, Miss Phoebe.” With those final words the line falls silent, Phoebe left alone with her thoughts and confused feelings.
She does her best to keep her brain occupied and not overthink anything, though being exhausted from all the emotional turmoil helps her greatly. They confirm time and date through text, and although Phoebe struggles to sleep that night, she, thank the Imperator, falls asleep eventually.
________________________________________
Phoebe is standing nervously near the Trattoria Margherita restaurant, fiddling with her hands and shifting her weight from side to side. She’s waiting on Zani to show up any minute, knowing the horned girl wouldn’t waste any second of her precious lunchbreak.
Indeed, the Montelli employee finally shows up, waving at Phoebe as she approaches her.
“Miss Phoebe, hello.” She greets the blonde smoothly with a smile, Phoebe responding with one of her own.
“Hello Miss Zani. Shall we go sit down?”
They make their way towards one of the empty tables, Margherita quickly jumping in to take their orders. As they get their drinks and wait for their food they converse lightly, Phoebe asking about Zani’s work while Zani asks her about her duties at the cathedral.
Slowly, their conversation turns more serious as Zani asks the blonde “So, how are you feeling?”
Phoebe recognizes right away Zani isn’t asking how she currently is, but rather referencing yesterday’s talk.
“W-well, to be honest, I might be even more confused now.” Phoebe decides an honest answer is the best one.
“Confused? How so?” Zani asks, both her hands on the table, her full focus on the acolyte in front of her.
“Miss Zani…” deep breath “Can girls like girls?”
“What?” The horned girl is taken aback by the unexpected question.
“I think I like a girl.” Phoebe confesses in a whisper, eyes darting around in case anyone’s listening. Thankfully, even though it’s noon there’s only a few people at the restaurant, all of them, including Margherita with Bakey, minding their own business.
“Oh.” Is all Zani answers.
Phoebe goes fully red and panics internally.
Oh no, did Zani realize it’s her? Will she think it’s weird?? I knew it, it’s not possible and wro-
“Miss Phoebe.” Zani suddenly speaks up, Phoebe’s attention snapping to her. “Do you think, or do you like a girl?
This time, the blonde doesn’t ponder for long. “I do.” She answers simply.
“Well, what’s there to be confused about?” Zani asks with a tilt of her head, truly not understanding. Phoebe gapes at her.
“B-b-but, that’s not possible! It shouldn’t be! O-or if so, it must be wrong and sinful!” Phoebe’s blind tirade makes Zani grimace.
“Miss Phoebe… I don’t know what you’ve been told and taught by the Order, but sometimes girls like girls, or boys like boys, and it’s completely normal and okay.” Zani explains in a calm voice, watching Phoebe’s eyes go wide.
“Wait, really?” Her tone is full of disbelief.
“Yeah. It’s natural and even quite common.” Zani turns to her side, jerking her head towards a table in the back. Phoebe also looks at it, gasping when she sees two girls sitting there next to each other, holding hands and even feeding each other pieces of their meals.
“Maybe they’re just good friends…”
Zani lets out a bark of laughter at Phoebe’s words.
“I can assure you, no friends look at each other like that.”
As if on cue, at that exact moments, violet eyes meet black and red ones. However, when Phoebe opens her mouth to say something, she is interrupted by Margherita appearing seemingly out of nowhere, holding plates with their food.
They thank her and eat in silence, Zani only asking “Is it good?” with Phoebe nodding without saying anything. The food is good, but her thoughts are elsewhere, recounting Zani’s words while occasionally glancing at the table with the two girls.
Is it really okay to like another girl? To even… love?
Those thoughts still seem dangerous to her, but she’s not so scared of them as she initially was. Though the warmth she feels towards Zani is still intimidating, she feels like she has discovered a whole new perspective on the world she never thought of.
After they finish eating Zani glances at her pocket watch that’s three times the size of a pocket, noting she now has to return to her office.
Phoebe is sad they have to part, but she too has duties to return to. They stand up and step away from the table, Zani walking up to the counter to pay for their meals even though it was Phoebe who invited her. However, Zani doesn’t listen to Phoebe’s protests, so the blonde just stands at the exit shyly, waiting for Zani to finish.
Once Zani comes back to her it is time to say their goodbyes, though both seem reluctant to do so. As Zani is about to say it, Phoebe suddenly blurts out-
“Can I hug you?”
She didn’t even realize what she said until after she said it, eyes going wide in shock. She expects Zani to tell her no, that she crossed a line, and she’s about to apologize when suddenly she feels two strong arms around her.
“Of course, if you don’t mind me hugging you.” Zani chuckles, holding Phoebe in a way that the blonde’s face is buried in her shoulder. Her face is bright red, and her heart feels like it might burst out of her chest.
Zani is warm and smells nice, she already noticed that before when holding her hand. But this time the sensations are amplified as she feels her strong yet soft body against her. Some of her zippers and clips are a bit scratchy, yet the hug still feels like heaven to the acolyte.
Unfortunately, it’s over as soon as it started, Zani pulling away with only her hand lingering on Phoebe’s shoulder.
“Alright, I must go now. Thank you for the lovely meal and wonderful time, Miss Phoebe.” With that, Zani gives Phoebe a wink and turns to leave.
“T-thank you, see you around…” Phoebe responds as she watches the horned girl retreat, turning away herself to walk towards the cathedral, her heart still beating fast.
________________________________________
The next few weeks are full of many unexpected events Phoebe would have never foreseen. If her past self learnt about them, she would, best case scenario, only faint (it doesn’t even have to be years into the past - last week’s Phoebe would most likely react the same).
After her lunch with Zani the blonde was set out on a mission. Every day she would find time to walk through the city and notice couples holding hands, hugging or even kissing, to her surprise so many of them were of the same sex.
She also visited the Order’s library, but that one (obviously) didn’t contain anything regarding love except towards the Sentinel. However, Phoebe isn’t one to give up, and so she visited the city’s library instead. She didn’t have any expectations, yet then proceeded to spend the rest of the day reading through novels and lifestyle magazines celebrating queer love.
Even though the Order is quite closed off from this topic, the rest of the city and presumably nation is very much open and accepting, which warms Phoebe’s heart greatly. She is never one to judge or dislike people for different beliefs, unless those beliefs harm others, which loving someone definitely does not.
She really admires Zani in this as well. Despite being a Montelli employee, one that doesn’t seem to comfortable with the Order and Phoebe, well, being one of the acolytes, they get along so well, completely judgement free and appreciating the other as a person.
Speaking of Zani…
Phoebe’s realization that loving girls is both possible and okay helped her accurately pinpoint what her feelings truly are. They have been spending more time together, sharing more lunches and even a dinner.
As they sat together at a private table, enjoying a good meal and a glass of fine, the atmosphere felt very warm and intimate. Phoebe was sure she wasn’t blushing just from the wine, but who could blame her with how intensely Zani was looking at her the whole time, even placing her hand over the blonde’s and keeping it there until their dessert arrived.
By the time their date dinner had ended, Phoebe, although having a great time, thought she was going to faint. If there is a moment of her realizing what one of the newfound phrases she learned (“gay panic”) means, it was right then and there.
Zani offered to walk Phoebe to her home as it was already quite late, and the horned girl wanted to make sure the blonde got home safe. Phoebe, of course, couldn’t (aka would never dream of) refuse, and by the time they reached near the Order’s dormitory her heart was pounding once again. They stood face to face, about to say their goodbyes when Zani suddenly leaned forward, Phoebe closing her eyes and ever so slightly pursing her lips in anticipation-
A hug. That’s all Zani gave her, wrapping her strong arms around her and holding her close for a few moments before pulling away with a smile. Phoebe stood there, taken aback and embarrassed, mostly at the fact she expected something entirely different.
“Thank you for the lovely evening, Miss Phoebe.” Zani smiled, the sight almost knocking Phoebe off her feet. “It’s always wonderful to spend time with you.”
“You too, Miss Zani.” Phoebe replied, surprised with how calm her voice is in contrast to the feelings raging within her chest. “See you again soon?”
“For sure.” Zani winked and turned to walk away, leaving Phoebe still stood there looking at her retreating form, hand clutching her chest.
________________________________________
Unfortunately, since then, they haven’t hung out again. Not because they didn’t want to (because trust, Phoebe really wants to), but as it became summertime and people took vacations, Zani was suddenly slumped with a lot more work and now basically spent all her time in the office.
It never worked out for Phoebe to visit her in the office either, though they still texted quite regularly, even sneaking in a call or two. Zani kept being almost frustratingly friendly, still using the honorific (even with the occasional slip) and it’s slowly but surely driving the blonde mad.
Yet Phoebe can’t stop and convince herself Zani doesn’t see anything deeper with her, only appreciating her as a friend and helping her figure out her sexuality. Or well, she can convince herself of that, but she can’t stop her feelings and the way her stomach does flips and heart feels like bursting whenever she’s around the horned girl.
She knows it’s probably a bad idea, that she should minimize or at least cut contact until her feelings go away lest she ruin their friendship. She cares a lot about Zani even outside her not-so-little crush and she would hate ruining what they have.
However, it’s getting more and more difficult to hide or even ignore her feelings. She had basically completely forgotten about Rover now, they haven’t talked ever since her left to continue his quest in Septimont, and to be honest, Phoebe doesn’t even want nor care to reach out.
As she walks along the street she keeps noticing couples of all genders holding hands, hugging, even kissing, and her heart aches with a deep longing. She thinks back to her hangouts with Zani, how close she was to her, be it shoulder to shoulder or idly touching her hand, yet never closing that imaginary gap that Phoebe yearns for her to cross.
Alas, too much of a chicken to make a move on her own, the acolyte bears it all with a smile, even when Zani ignored some of her way too obvious advances, like kissing her cheek as a goodbye one time and still only getting a hug in return.
Phoebe knows the easiest (and best) thing would be to talk to her. But again, she is just too scared, preferring to suffer in silence.
Unbeknownst to her, one moment forces her hand…
________________________________________
Phoebe was supposed to be on confession duty at the moment, but the cathedral is quiet and nearly empty, so with two other acolytes at the booths she was told to leave early.
Deciding to go on a walk through the sunny and warm city the blonde strolls along the
streets, thinking of what to do for the rest of the day. She thinks she might go back to the cathedral and do at least some minor chores, but she can’t deny that having some time off seems very appealing.
Time off, huh… I wonder when was the last time Zani had that…
Thoughts of the horned girl invade her mind once more, as they often do. Phoebe would love to hang out with her again, but she’s probably working as always. She didn’t even reply to the blonde’s good morning message…
Phoebe sighs to herself and turns a corner, not realizing she has reached the Bank street, which seems to be busier than usual. There is a big crowd of people, many muttering to
themselves about seeing the Fisalia head out in the streets today, which is quite surprising to them as according to rumors, the purple-haired lady doesn’t leave her castle/estate much.
The blonde doesn’t think much of it, never one to listen to or focus on rumors. But, as she reaches the central part of the city quarter, she stops dead in her tracks.
She sees the Fisalia matriarch herself, Cantarella. Huh, so the mutters of the crowd were true. However, what catches her gaze is the person standing next to her, talking with quite an enthusiasm that Cantarella mirrors, both engaged in a lively conversation.
Phoebe gulps audibly and her stomach drops. She had never felt this way before, yet unlike the other newly discovered feelings for her, this one is painful and unpleasant. It makes her chest ache and tighten, her stomach churn and tears well up in her eyes.
Zani is standing there, seemingly having the time of her life, talking to the Fisalia. Don’t the Montellis hate the Fisalias? To be fair Zani is only their employee, but still, shouldn’t her values align with the family’s she works for??
Okay, no, it’s unfair to think like that, Phoebe chastises herself. Miss Zani is a very open and respectful person. The Montellis also don’t like the Order, yet she talks to me freely. I can’t judge her like this.
Taking a few deep breaths, she manages to calm down a bit, approaching the two tall women.
“Miss Phoebe, hello!” Zani calls out when she notices the blonde, waving with a smile. However, Phoebe doesn’t smile back.
“Hi, Miss Zani.” She greets back in a murmur before nodding at the Fisalia. “Lady Cantarella.”
Cantarella responds with a nod of her own and that ever-present smirk on her lips.
“Haven’t seen you in a while, Miss Zani. Thought you were glued to that office desk of yours.” Phoebe knows she sounds too harsh and regrets her tone when she sees Zani be taken aback by her tone. Though the fact they haven’t even texted the whole day doesn’t help the blonde’s inner turmoil.
“A-ah, well, Miss Phoebe-” Zani is clearly embarrassed, trying to explain herself. “You see, Lady Cantarella-”
“Oh right, how rude of me to interrupt you. I apologize.” The acolyte bows slightly, both out of respect and to hide tears welling up in her eyes once more. “Enjoy the rest of your… date.”
“I-it’s just a meeting-”
“Right. Meeting then.” Phoebe’s voice sounds so wrong without its usual warmth, Cantarella quirking up an eyebrow while Zani stands frozen, gaping at Phoebe’s rapidly retreating form.
“My, didn’t know any acolytes could be so feisty. Especially this one.” The Fisalia head shakes her head in amusement. Zani gives her a glare.
“I’m so sorry, Lady Canterella, but I must excuse myself.” The Montelli employee’s voice is firm. She only glances back at the purple-haired woman, her features softening. “On behalf of the Montellis, thank you for meeting me.”
Cantarella shakes her head again as she watches the horned girl chase after the acolyte. Turning away she doesn’t head towards her castle, but in the direction of the Montelli quarter instead. She can’t leave a business unfinished after all, so seems like she will need to visit Lady Carlotta herself.
________________________________________
“Miss Phoebe! Stop, please!” Zani yells out, running through the street. The blonde is surprisingly fast, and Zani needs a slight boost from her powers to catch her.
“Phoebe!”
The blonde yelps when she’s suddenly tackled, both women falling onto the ground. Once Zani leans up and sees the acolyte’s face, she notices she’s been crying, tears running down her cheeks.
“Shit, are you okay?!” The horned girl panics, realizing she had just pretty much thrown her onto the ground. Phoebe only sobs harder, making Zani panic more and feel incredibly guilty.
“I’m so sorry for hurting you, I didn’t mean-” Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! Zani scolds herself in her head, getting off the blonde and helping her onto her feet, checking for any bruises or injuries.
“I-” Phoebe sniffles, “I’m okay, I think.” She hiccups, trying to speak.
Great, this is so embarrassing! Both of them think.
“I-I’m so sorry for running, I just…” Just what? Got jealous seeing you with Lady Cantarella? I can’t say that!
Yet she can’t bring herself to lie to Zani either.
“Forget it. I’m sorry for troubling you.” She tries to turn away again, but Zani grabs her arm, making her stop.
“Phoebe, please, stop running away and talk to me.” Zani sighs. “…please.”
Phoebe stops and hugs herself, her back turned to Zani as she refuses to look at her. “Why do you care?” The blonde yells. “Go back to your date or something!”
Zani is wholly taken aback, never seeing the acolyte so angry. Heck, never knowing Phoebe was capable of such emotion. It breaks her heart and twists her guts.
“It’s not a date!” The horned girl raises her voice as well, “Just a work meeting! I know I should have told you earlier…”
“Damn right you should’ve! Ugh, you’re just so-”
“Stupid? Forgetful? Dumb?” Now Zani’s eyes brim with tears. “Do you hate me, Phoebe?”
“No, I love you! I love you Zani!” Phoebe blurts out, voice full of emotion that shows her words are sincere. The sudden confession knocks the wind out of Zani’s lungs, her brain short-circuiting.
It takes a few seconds for the blonde to realize what she just said and she gasps, taking Zani out of her shock. Dropping the honorifics was one thing, and their friendship had been growing, but she didn’t expect to have such an outburst like that-
It was completely uncharacteristic, yet it also felt so relieving, like a crushing pressure was just lifted from her chest. But, as Zani just keeps staring at her, trying (and failing) to find words to say, cold dread fills her quickly.
“Phoebe… did you… do you mean those words?” Zani finally manages to mutter in utter disbelief.
Well, no point in hiding anything now, is there? Even if this might ruin their friendship and make Zani hate her, the cat is out of the bag already.
“Yes.” Phoebe answers simply, trying not to cry again, turning slightly but still avoiding Zani’s equally teary eyes.
“I-I do.” Her voice cracks and she hiccups. “I liked you ever since we met, but after you helped me discover new feelings… I realized they were directed at you.”
When Zani stays silent, Phoebe continues.
“I tried giving you hints, but you never reciprocated, so I understand you only see me as a friend and I’m so sorry for ruining our friendship.” She sobs at the end, covering her face with her hands. She doesn’t see Zani step closer to her, glancing around and thankful that the small street they’re in is completely empty.
“Phoebe.” Zani says, gently pulling Phoebe’s hands down and making the blonde look at her. “I don’t see you as a friend.”
Oh, dear Imperator, I’ve really ruined everything-
“N-no, wait, I-I mean, you are a very dear friend to me Phoebe, but I too wish to be more!” Zani rambles when she sees the horrified expression on Phoebe’s face after her previous statement.
“Wait…” Phoebe processes the horned girl’s words. “You do??! B-b-but-” “You never returned any advances!”
“Yes, I did. Didn’t I hold your hand during dinner one time? I didn’t notice any of your advances!”
“W-what? But I went to kiss you when we said goodbye, multiple times actually, but you always went in for a hug instead!”
“Well, yeah! I’m not gonna kiss you in front of your acolyte dorm, in case someone would see us!… wait… YOU WANTED TO KISS ME?!”
Phoebe is now more so laughing than crying, feeling relieved, exasperated, angry and joyful all at the same time.
“Oh, oh boy-” The blonde manages between laughs. “Oh, this is hilarious!”
Zani’s face has probably never been redder and she sighs, though there is a smile on her lips.
“I confess, I really didn’t expect you to fall for me after I helped you with your feelings.” Zani gives a breathless chuckle.
“Me neither.” Phoebe takes a deep breath. “For a moment it was just my brain tricking me again, but it feels too real.”
“I was so scared to confess…” The blonde places her hand on Zani’s shoulder.
“And I’m truly sorry for ruining your meeting. I hope Lady Cantarella won’t be too angry.”
________________________________________
“Nah, she probably went to Lady Carlotta directly, so she will be more than fine.” Zani chuckles breathlessly, her hands coming up to rest at Phoebe’s hips.
“And I truly am sorry for not hanging out with you for so long. I should’ve been a better friend.” Zani lowers her head but then tilts it back up when she sees Phoebe wearing coy smile.
“Well, now you can be a betterrr… girlfriend?” It sounded smoother in her head, but it makes them both giggle.
“I suppose so. If you’ll have me.” Zani’s full-on grinning now and fresh tears spill down Phoebe’s cheeks, now ones of joy.
“Unless you do really only see me as a friend.” “I don’t. I love you too, Phoebe.”
Silence falls, both women looking into each other’s teary eyes. Then, Phoebe closes her own, pursing her lips and moving her head forward. Zani briefly pauses to glance at their sides, and when she sees they’re still alone, she closes her eyes as well and meets her lips halfway.
The connection is simple yet so powerful, the sensation sending a wave of euphoria down their spines. Even though the contact is brief and they separate quickly, warmth blooms through their chests.
After all, they have plenty of time to practice and to keep on discovering many wonderful new feelings. Phoebe will be forever grateful that she was able to find herself and her happiness. And so will Zani.