Work Text:
It's always worth it.
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Ok so what about Alex pulling herself together and realising that she does need Maggie, even as a friend? She still has so much to figure out and she knows she needs guidance and just looking up things on Google is not enough.
On the other hand, Maggie never stopped thinking about that night in the bar. She tried to call and message Alex but Alex never replied or picked up. She never showed up in crime scenes again and she realised that obviously Alex is avoiding her. She is up all night thinking about it and she knows, she knows in her bones that as soon as all the fireworks of self discovery gone off, Alex won’t want anything to do with her, cos shes a sociopath, right? That’s what she’s been told and so many relationships of hers didn’t work that she’s now pretty much convinced that it is true. She's no good for Alex, not at all. Alex deserves so much more than her, she has literally nothing to offer.
Until a few days later Alex shows up at the bar again and approaches Maggie. She apologises for advancing and she says she knows Maggie doesn’t have any feelings for her. Something like this:
“I’m sorry I kissed you, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable”
“I said that you did nothing wrong and I still think you did nothing wrong, Danvers.”
“I know. But still. You don’t like me like that, you don’t have feelings for me. I get it. And now I see that it’s ok. I see that I want and need your friendship because I have so much to figure out, so many questions and I need a friend to help me through this.”
That’s when it hits Maggie. She realises that Alex thinks that she has no feelings for her and even though she knows that staying away is the right thing to do, she can’t stand that Alex thinks that.
“That’s… not exactly what I said.”
And then Alex gets confused. She frowns. She doesn’t know what’s going on anymore.
“What…What do you mean? You said you shouldn’t be with someone fresh off the boat, that these relationships never work.”
Alex is the embodiment of confusion.
“Yes, I said that and that’s true. But I never said I don’t like you or don’t have feelings for you. I just know how this things work, ok? I've been there way too many times. As soon as you have yourself all figured out, you’ll realise that I’m not all that great. You’ll realise that I work too much or I drink too much or I spent too much time at the bar. You’ll see that I have nothing to offer you, and then you’ll leave, because you’ll realise that you deserve so much better than me.”
Alex eyes widen as she understands. Maggie is scared. Her girlfriend had recently broken up with her and it was a really bad break up. Shes guarding herself because she thinks she’s no good.
“Maggie, I would never think that about you. I… I work too much too, I’m never home, I’m always, I don’t know, looking after Kara and at the DEO… You’re not just something shiny. You made me realise that I don’t have to lie to myself anymore, that I can be who I am.”
But Maggie interrupts her, because of course Alex will try to convince her that she won’t leave and that everything will be fine in the end but she knows better now. Alex is her only friend in National City and she can’t let this…whatever this is, ruin her only friendship because this is how it always goes, right?
“Look, Danvers, just trust me on this, okay? I told you I’ve been there and I know for sure that as soon that all the blur fades and you’re secure of who you are, you’ll find millions of women wanting to be with you.”
“What if I don’t want millions of women? What if I know exactly who I want?” Alex asks crossing her arms on her chest.
Maggie is so torn because Alex looks so goddamn real and right there in front of her. And the ‘what if’ keeps poking her and maybe this is her chance of happiness. But the fear she has is so so so so big, it’s stronger than her, so she shrugs and turns away, walking towards the pool table.
“Unfortunately, what you want is no good for you. Believe me, Danvers. I’m doing you a favour. You’ll thank me someday soon.”
And she sounds broken. She sounds defeated because that’s it, isn’t it? A woman like Alex would never in a million years want anything to do with her.
But Alex can see it clearly now. The fear is palpable, the sadness is palpable and she can’t believe how blind she was. I mean, when Alex kissed her, she kissed her back, she said 'wow’ after for god’s sake. It had to mean something, right? So she follows Maggie and pulls her shoulder so she can face each other and she takes a deep breath.
“I would have never pegged you as a coward.”
Alex doesn’t really know where this is coming from but for some reason she feel brave. So she carries on as Maggie widen her eyes in surprise.
“I like you, Maggie Sawyer. I really like you. And because of you, of your help, I decided to break free from my fears so I can be happy, so I can be myself. So whenever you feel ready to break free from your fears, you know where to find me.”
And then she walks away and leaves Maggie there again. But this time, she has a smile on her face because now she knows that Maggie likes her back. And maybe, just maybe, she’ll have a chance of being truly happy.
—
That night, Maggie goes home and she cries. She cries in the shower, she cries laying on her sofa. She cries because she wants to not be scared. She wants it SO MUCH. But what can she do? What if she is right after all and Alex leaves her after the first wave of excitement is gone? What will be of her then? Alone again, rejected again, and without a friend. It’s late at night and the rain is pouring outside and she’s looking out the window and pondering. And then she remembers her father, who was not the most open-minded person ever but he said to her after she came out 'if anything has a remote chance of making you happy, even for a moment, is your duty to pursue it’. And he is right. She can’t just sit around feeling sorry for herself. She is scared yes, so scared but Alex is so beautiful and she likes her and she wants to be with her and maybe it will be exciting, you know? Getting to go through the first steps of self discovery with Alex, showing her everything, teaching her everything, being touched by her and being able to touch her and walk through this path with her. And in the end if she does leave, well, it doesn’t get worse than it is now, right? I mean, it won’t be much different. She knows Alex for a few weeks only and yea, they became friends but just the prospect of being more than friends with Alex, of waking up by her side, of spending more time with her makes everything worth it.
So she checks her clock and runs out of her flat onto her bike and rides in the rain.
—
Alex is getting ready to leave. Her phone just went, the DEO is reporting some suspect activity near the city centre and Supergirl is already on her way. She’s holstering her gun when she hears the knocking. It’s late, very late and she frowns at the idea of who it might be. Her jaw drops when she opens the door and sees a soaked to the bones Maggie, holding her bike helmet.
“Maggie?”
“You were right, Danvers. I am a coward.”
Alex takes a deep breath and steps aside so Maggie can come in. She closed the door and watches as Maggie presses her eyes, building up the courage to speak. Whatever is happening in central National City can wait.
“I’ll make you a coffee, you need to get dry.” Alex says as she takes a towel from a cabinet and hands to Maggie.
“You look like you’re about to leave.” Maggie says as she notices Alex’s outfit.
“Don’t worry about it. It can wait.”
Alex gives Maggie the coffee and sits on one of the benches around the kitchen isle. Maggie follows her and puts the hot cup on the surface. She then raises her eyes to face Alex and takes a deep breath.
Alex can see the internal battle in Maggie’s eyes and she decided to let her take her time. Whatever is going on, it has to be a good thing, right? But she cant help but being scared to death because what if Maggie is there to just tell her that it’s not gonna happen, that she needs to move on. To be honest, maybe it won’t be so bad, she thinks. She had already made peace with the idea of being just her friend but… but who is she trying to fool? She knows know that Maggie has feelings for her and she won’t be able to simply brush this off. So she just looks at Maggie and waits until the woman finally speaks.
“I never said I don’t have feelings for you, because I do. I do, Alex and it scares me. Because you’re so much more than me. And you will, I know you will realise that at some point and I don’t know if I can take it. I will be not only losing the woman I like but also I will be losing the only friend I have in this city.”
Alex didn’t realise the tears that started running down her face as she listened to Maggie. But she knew she shouldn’t interrupt her. Not yet.
“And…and I don’t know, maybe you’re right, maybe you will stick around and it will all be fine but this possibility also scares me because I have nothing to offer you. I’m just… me. And I’m broken and full of worries and I overwork and I’m annoying and I don’t want you to see the ugly sides of me because what if they’re bigger than the pretty sides? I couldn’t stand disappointing you especially because I know you look up to me and you want my help. I’d hate to disappoint you.”
And now Alex is really crying so she get’s up and starts walking towards Maggie but a big woosh of air comes through her balcony window and in a second Supergirl is there.
“Alex, what’s going on, you didn’t show up to work again and…are you crying?”
Alex wipes the tears from her cheeks as the blonde woman turns her attention to Maggie who is still sat across the kitchen isle.
“What are you doing here?” She asks drily. She then turns her attention to her sister and back to Maggie. “Haven’t you done enough damage?”
Maggie widens her eyes and get’s confused. What is she talking about? How does she know. What is the relationship between Alex and Supergirl? Why would she tell her what happen between them?
“Supergirl, it’s fine, I’ll get in touch with you tomorrow.” Alex says, trying to avoid any more problems.
But Supergirl is slowly pacing towards Maggie and she looks quite angry.
“You’ve already broken her heart, Officer Sawyer, what else do you want?”
“Supergirl, I think you should go now…” Alex is still crying.
“And now Alex is crying again because of you?” Supergirl is getting too close and Alex doesn’t know why Maggie isn’t moving or what that puzzled look on her face means so, for the first time, she doesn’t think.
“KARA, STOP.”
Maggie’s eyes widen, Kara’s eyes widen and her own eyes widen.
She then closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. I… I didn’t think.” Alex says as Kara tries to make sense of it all.
So Maggie get’s up, now understanding why Alex and Supergirl are running buddies.
“I should just go.” She says as she walks towards the door. But Kara puts herself in front of her.
“You stay. I’ll go.” And then she looks at Alex, as if asking her if she is ok.
“I’m fine. It will be fine.” Alex says to her sister.
“I’m sorry, I saw you crying and I just…” Kara takes a deep breath and hugs her sister. She walks out and flies away the same way she came in and Alex is on her own with Maggie again and all that bubbly scary feeling is back in a second.
“So… You’re full of surprises aren’t you?” Maggie asks with a half smile on her face.
“Well… I guess now I have literally nothing about me that you don’t know.”
“You do though. Don’t you?” Maggie asks as she walks towards Alex.
“Maggie… I… I know you’re scared. And so am I, I’m terrified of all of this. But I want to try. I want to give it a go because I think I deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy and I…”
Maggie doesn’t let her finish. In the same fashion as Alex did to her at the bar, she pulls Alex’s arm and kisses her. She kisses her gently and she sighs into the kiss. She doesn’t pull away and she feels Alex’s hands on her waist and she tangles her fingers on Alex’s hair and when they finally pull apart Alex says “wow” and they both laugh and they hug and they are so scared of everything that being together might mean but do you know what? It’s worth it. It will always be worth it.