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Josh was fine.
This was fine.
‘This’ being another doctor flirting with Oliver directly in front of him. Oliver didn’t seem to really notice he was being flirted with, but he was.
But Josh was fine with this.
He was back together with an ex of his and they were doing great.
So Josh was fine.
He was definitely not jealous. Not at all.
…
So why did it feel like he was being stabbed in the heart, watching Oliver get flirted with by another doctor? Oliver was attractive, objectively, that was a fact. He knew that others would be interested in him, especially knowing that he’s currently single.
He just wasn’t expecting to see it happening or for it to hurt so much.
Carol met his eyes across the lobby and she made her way to where he was standing off to the side.
“I know that look,” she said, standing next to him and lowering her voice. “You still have feelings for him.”
He sighed and nodded. She could read him better than nearly anyone else.
“Then why did you get back together with someone else?” she asked, pointedly glaring at him. He could feel himself shrink a little under her gaze. “Especially so soon when you’d told Ollie that you were falling for him?”
Josh opened his mouth to respond but Carol cut him off before he could.
“And I don’t want that crap answer you gave Ollie about it being ‘easy’ with Beau.”
Oh, Oliver had told her about that.
Who was he kidding, of course he told her about that. She’s his best friend.
Josh wilted just a little. “I… I don’t know if I have an answer other than that, Carol.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “Whether that’s true or not, you clearly still like him. A lot. I can tell from the way you’re getting jealous that someone else is flirting with him. And there’s the fact that the name you said when you’d almost died was Ollie’s.” She took a breath. “Look, I know that Oliver messed up by not telling you about Noah. He messed up big time with that. But I also know that you know that he doesn’t deal with world-shattering things well when they’re the normal ones people usually deal with. You need to think long and hard about your feelings towards Oliver. Because you both deserve to be happy and right now, this is hurting both of you and it’s going to hurt Beau, too.”
Carol walked away after that and Josh rarely had someone else make him feel small. Especially because she was right.
He was jealous and he definitely was still in love with Wolf.
And he’d noticed the change in him after his father reappeared in his life. His behavior had been erratic and concerning, he hadn’t been sleeping, hadn’t been eating enough, and he hadn’t taken care of his ferns or gone back home or gone swimming.
And then Noah disappeared from his life. Again.
He’d wanted to comfort Oliver and be there for him. But so much had happened and one night he’d agreed to go out with an ex of his and he just… stayed.
Then Oliver wanted to get back together, said things were better. Josh could still remember how he could see the pain in Oliver’s eyes when he said he was with someone else now.
His pain hurt him too.
Fuck, Carol’s right.
He’s so deeply in love with Oliver, even now.
~~~~
Oliver was at home, a few new ferns around the house along with the ones his mother had been able to revive. She and Carol had been the ones to talk him into getting some more, even buying a couple of them for him.
His mother reminding him that it was her that he learned about ferns from was a good step towards him not neglecting them again. He’d thought it was his father for so long that when he showed up again, Oliver had forgotten the uncovered memory of his mom with him that day, not his dad.
He was currently checking to see if any of the ferns needed anything, especially the ones that had been on the verge of death, when he heard someone at the door. He froze, heart pounding for a few moments, remembering that one of the last times someone was at his door, it was his dad showing back up in his life and setting it ablaze.
Eventually he was able to shake himself out of that memory and went to the door, opening it to see Josh there and his heart pounded for a different reason. Remembering when Josh told him that he was back together with an ex, that they were over even if he didn’t say those exact words.
“Uh, Dr. Nichols… what’re you doing here?” Oliver asked, heart hurting just a little at refraining from using Josh’s name to try and keep up the distance Josh so clearly wanted them to have. Though he didn’t know why he was showing up at his house in the evening.
“Oliver… can I come in?” Josh asked, looking at Oliver with… hope? in his eyes. He also called him by his first name, so it didn’t seem like it was work related…
Oliver moved aside and opened the door enough for the other man to get through and then closed it behind him. He saw Josh walk into the living room, looking at the ferns and taking note of the new ones where they sat around the room. Oliver followed him, the two still standing but distanced from each other. He felt wrong-footed, unsure. He didn’t know why Josh was here.
“So… why are you here? This doesn’t seem like it’s related to the hospital,” Oliver started, trying to get some answers.
“No, it’s not related to the hospital. It’s… related to us.”
Oliver would really like it if his heart could stay beating at its normal rhythm and not keep changing so quickly so much. But he couldn’t help it. “‘Us’? I’m not sure I understand.”
“I…” Josh trailed off, looking a bit unsure like Oliver was. “I realized something earlier, though part of it was someone pointing it out to me.” He looked up at Oliver. “I’m still in love with you.”
His voice caught in his throat as he looked back at Josh, picking out his distinct features, not sure if he was hearing things correctly. Sure, Josh had said he’d been falling for him, but that was back before Noah had shown up. Back before Oliver’s life was reduced to rubble.
He finally got himself to breathe again, startled to find his vision blurring the slightest amount.
“You… love me? But, what about your new boyfriend, Beau?” Oliver found himself asking.
“I broke up with him earlier. It wasn’t fair to be with him when I wasn’t in love with him and was still in love with someone else. I was wondering, hoping, that maybe you’d still want us to try again?”
Between one moment and the next, Oliver had crossed the distance separating them and was holding Josh’s face and kissing him like he had in the middle of the sidewalk all those months ago. It was fitting to restart their relationship the same way it originally started.
They’d have a lot to talk about and work through, he knew that. He wasn’t stupid enough to believe they could just continue on like nothing had happened between then and now. But the fact that they were starting again was enough.
He didn’t even register the tears that had slipped out of his closed eyes until he felt Josh reach up to wipe them away before he pulled back from the kiss, a small smile on his face. For now, Oliver would bask in this small moment of happiness.