Chapter Text
"No, Black! For the last time, you cannot break up with Marlene!"
"Please, Evans! It's too good of an opportunity to waste! And I bet you it'll make the front page!"
"For all the wrong reasons! It could ruin your career!"
Sirius let out a long sigh of protest and crossed his arms, turning away from his publicity manager. She was impossible to argue with, even though she usually knew best. He decided the best solution would be to distract (or annoy) her.
"James!" he wailed. "Your girlfriend is doing it again!"
"Doing what?" his best friend, James Potter, called from his bedroom down the hall.
"She's not letting me be gay!" Sirius exclaimed. It was a bit of an exaggeration, but the goal was to rile them all up.
"Lily!" James cried, sounding aghast, albeit muffled through the wall.
"Oh, come on," Lily growled, scowling unabashedly. "He can be as gay as he wants! He just can't dump his beard on Lockhart's bloody talk show and have that be his coming out event!"
"So, can I come out at the award ceremony?" Sirius asked, waggling his eyebrows.
Lily groaned and buried her face in her hands. "You, Sirius Black, are the most ridiculous man I have ever encountered."
"That's why all those fans love him," James said through a yawn, stepping into the room. His hair was tousled and his shirt rumpled. Apparently, they had woken him.
"Good morning, you bum," Lily teased, smiling through her exasperation.
Distraction successful, thought Sirius, watching with a smirk as James bent over to give her a morning-mouth kiss.
She let out a mmph! of protest and shoved him off. "Potter, it's almost noon! Go brush your teeth," she ordered.
"I'd rather not," James confessed. He took her in with another kiss, and she barely protested this time.
"Why don't I head off and leave you two for your fun?" Sirius suggested. He had no intentions of watching his best friend snog his publicist, as pleased as he was to have set them up five months ago. He had other plans for the rest of his day.
Lily Evans, however, was determined if not anything else, and she wasn't about to let Sirius get away. She pulled away from her sleep-addled boyfriend to glare at them both.
"Not so fast, Black. I wasn't done with you yet."
He rolled his eyes and turned around, leaning against the doorframe. "Oh, sorry. I think I forgot what we were discussing," he lied, done with rattling over the subject for now.
"We were talking about your inherent homosexuality and how public you're to be about it," James said cheerfully.
Entirely not helpful.
"Yes," said Lily, her eyes narrowing. "Specifically, we were discussing whether or not you maintain your public relationship with Marlene."
Sirius felt just about ready to explode.
"I'm tired of this, Lily," he grumbled, coming back into the room and plopping down on the couch next to her. James sat down on the other side of her.
"Of what? Holding a girl's hand when you have to be on camera?" Lily demanded, sounding all around done with the topic as well.
"Of lying!" he exclaimed bitterly. "You know that Marlene wants to go public with Dorcas. And I happen to want a boyfriend."
James gave him a sympathetic look, and reached around Lily to pat him on the shoulder. "There, there. You know what they say: all's fair in fame and glory. Your job's worth not having a date, right?"
"That's not what they say," Sirius groused. "It's all's fair in love and war. And that is the statement I'd like to stick by. I'm tired of all this lying and hiding. I'll do whatever it takes if it means being me."
"Then you shouldn't have become an actor," Lily reminded him, though her voice had gone soft. She put a reassuring hand on his knee. "Listen, I'm sorry if I've sounded harsh. How about you break up with Marlene-- not on the talk show--and then she can announce that she's really been dating Dorcas all along, and you just went with it to help her out. And then no one questions your sexuality."
"That's not exactly what I was asking for," Sirius pointed out, feeling deflated. " I want to come out, too."
"You haven't anyone to come out for !" James pointed out.
"That's not how it works, Jamie," he replied, scooting away from the two of them to the other end of the sofa. "You've never had to hide the fact that you liked women, even before you dated Lily."
"I suppose," James sighed, and he began staring at Lily with moons for eyes again.
She ignored him and looked intently at Sirius. "Listen to me, okay? I know how lovely it would be for you to have a boyfriend and all that, but you really don't have that luxury right now. You've a mostly female-based audience, and you being gay is going to make them angry that you're not available."
It was a spiel he had heard a thousand times before.
"And making them think I'm dating Marlene somehow makes me available?" he demanded crossly.
"They have a chance with you if you date women. If you date men, then they don't."
"Then let me tell them I'm fucking pansexual! I don't care about the fans, okay? I just want to stop pretending that I'm straight. It's killing me."
"I know it is," Lily said softly, and she and James were both looking at him with the same sad stare. "But your film's just about to be released, and we need that to be successful if you want to be signed onto another big one anytime soon."
Sirius groaned, sick and tired of hearing the same things over again. "I don't want to listen to this right now," he said softly. He got up to leave again.
"Wait, Sirius," Lily called after him. "We'll work something out, okay? We want you to be happy, but you also have to consider your career. Once you're signed onto a proper contract, then we'll see what we can do about coming out."
He ignored her and made for the front door, almost forgetting that it was his house he was storming out of, and Lily was the visitor. That made it more awkward to try and ignore her, but he had to get ready before going on the talk show. He spun on his heel, glared at them, and marched past them to his own bedroom, where he would spend the next three or four hours brooding and making himself look good for Lockhart's show that evening.
He would have to pretend to be happy. He could do that. He was an actor, after all.
This Evening with Gilderoy Lockhart
Lockhart: And now, we have our next guest, Sirius Black, who recently starred in the film Westward. Here's a clip before we bring him out.
[Screen shifts. A bleak snowscape is shown, with mountains rising in the distance. There is a single, ragged tent in the distance. As things come into focus, a dark form is seen trudging towards the tent. As it closes in, Sirius Black is revealed, haggard and unshaven and dressed in several layers of furs. He is breathing heavily over the sound of the wind as he moves closer to the tent. Finally, he arrives, and a burnt-out fire is next to it. He regards it for a moment, and then rips open the flap door of the tent. Inside, a dead body is sprawled out over the floor, blood trickling from the mouth. Black curses, and the scene fades to black.]
Lockhart: Wow, that was intense! Sirius Black, everybody!
[The band starts to play upbeat music, complete with trumpets and a saxophone. Sirius Black skips out from backstage, dressed in a black tuxedo, an exaggerated smile plastered on his face as he strides to meet Lockhart. They embrace quickly, and then sit down.]
Black: Hi, there.
Lockhart: Hello! It's been a while since you've been on my show. You were just starting up back then. Would you say your success has anything to do with me?
Black: No. [Scattered laughter in the audience]
Lockhart: Ouch, right where it hurts. Well, it's certainly wonderful to have you back on the show! What about that new film, eh? Pretty intense.
Black: [deadpan] I wouldn't know. I've forgotten all the lines already. [More laughter]
Lockhart: Oh, that's a good one. But seriously, Sirius--whoops, there's that pun again!--this film is, er, serious . Dammit! [Audience erupts in laughter, Lockhart grins with satisfaction, Black glares intensely] Really, I'm trying not to say that word. This film is more somber than what you normally do. I'm used to watching you in comedies, maybe a few action films. Would you call this a shift in your career?
Black: Oh, definitely. It's been a totally different experience from the comedies, but sometimes it felt like an action film. I mean, sans the major action, because most of the people in this film are already dead, so there's no one to fight. It's mostly about my character, Judas, struggling with the grief of losing everyone and learning how to survive on his own.
Lockhart: Very intense. Now, for those of you who don't know--and really, keep up with the times, people!-- Westward is a story about a virus wiping out most of the world's population. Your character is, and correct me if I'm wrong, one of the last men on the planet, and he's trying to find any others left.
Black: [Nods gravely] And there's aliens. You can't forget the aliens.
Lockhart: [Laughs heartily] Of course, of course. It wouldn't be Sirius Black if there weren't something strange like that! Oh, I remember the last time you were here, you played a shapeshifter. What was that one called?
Black: Fringes. The whole thing was about me being able change into a fuzzy black dog named Padfoot. Bloody ridiculous, it was.
Lockhart: Oh, yes, adorable, you mean. You were so young then, just a little starlet! How old? Sixteen? Seventeen? Ah, yes, I remember. It wasn't public back then, but you had just been disowned by your family, hadn't you? Barely grown and thrown on the street. [Tuts sadly, audience awws ]
Black: [Turning grave] Yes. We disagreed on more than one front, and they were terrible to my brother and I anyway. I don't miss them. Besides, I have to thank them for it. I wouldn't be where I am today without them kicking me out like that. I'm better off.
Lockhart: [smiles uneasily] Well, we all owe something to our mothers, don't we? [Clears throat] Now, when you were doing Fringes, you were also attending Newark Academy of Arts. How did that come about? You were just disowned, and then you somehow waltzed right into the country's best theater school?
Black: Yeah, basically. [Laughter from audience] No, really! I mean, my parents were pretty posh, so I was lucky enough to grow up with connections. And I had this uncle--hi, Uncle Alphard, I know you're watching!-- who helped me get into the school and paid for it. But it was the family of my best friend, James Potter--[some applause interrupts] Yeah, him, that James bloody Potter, my most wonderful best friend. Anyhow, his family practically adopted me as their second son. They're responsible for getting me into Fringes , actually.
Lockhart: No kidding? Isn't James Potter a professional athlete? What does he have to do with the film?
Black: [chuckles] He's a football player, yeah. Plays for Puddlemere United. [Loud applause from the audience] That's right, these people know what's good! Actually, I don't know shit about sports, but James tells me they're great. [Audience laughs] He's the only one in the family not in theater, actually--which is a bloody shame, because he's a brilliant actor. He has this face that can convince even the hardest of professors that he's perfectly innocent.
Lockhart: I've got a feeling that there's a story behind that, but I don't really care. [Scattered laughter from audience] Really, so they got you into the film? Just chatted up the director and said, "Hey, give this kid a part! You'll thank us later!" Or was there bribery involved?
Black: [shaking head earnestly] No, no! It wasn't like that, I swear! I got in because of my own talent! I'm brilliant! [More laughter] They're not into the movie business. The Potters are big on Broadway--gods, don’t you know anything, Lockhart? [Lockhart ducks his head in red-faced embarrassment as the audience hoots and laughs, Black looks smug] So they just got me to audition for the film.
Lockhart: [Still looking flustered] So, that was it, then? Not Broadway?
Black: Wasn't for me. Or James, apparently.
Lockhart: You don't think you'd ever do it, then? Do something on the stage, I mean.
Black: I haven't thought about it. Maybe.
Lockhart: Well, you never know. I'm seriously sorry, Sirius, but our time is up. Go and see Westward in theaters when it comes out on the 17th! Sirius Black, everyone!
[Loud applause, Black and Lockhart laugh and banter as the show comes to an end]