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Satoru doesn’t know what time is it exactly, but he knows it must be the middle of the night as he comforts his crying daughter in his arms. She doesn’t seem to have an exact reason for crying, she’s not hungry, her nappy doesn’t need changing, so Satoru thinks that maybe she simply wanted to be held and given attention. Suguru likes to say she got that from Satoru, he’s probably not wrong.
Some might think that Satoru would be a little annoyed at having to wake up from his little hours of sleep, but he’s not, not at all. He could never be annoyed at his little girl wanting to be held by one of her fathers, he’d indulge her forever her if he could.
He sometimes finds it hard to believe, that he and Suguru could create something so perfect. With Suguru’s brown eyes and Satoru’s light white locks, she is the perfect mixture of the both of them and Satoru can’t wait until she grows up and can notice more of his lovers features in her.
She’s so tiny and fragile in his arms, cries now subsiding into little whimpers as she’s rocked gently by her dad, the moonlight peering in through the gaps of the curtain near her cot. Satoru is so used to having to use his strength: to fight, to show off, to live up the image people have of him, but he never has to use it for her. When she’s in his arms, all that matters is holding her gently as she’s cacooned in her blanket. He thinks he’s the most soft when he’s with her, for the first time in his life he doesn’t think he minds that too much.
He still remembers how it felt when he first realised he and Suguru were going to have a baby, he was scared, frightened even, and for one of the rare moments in Satoru’s life, he felt unprepared. He didn’t know if he could raise a child, didn’t know if he was strong enough to.
Funny huh? The Strongest not being strong enough to raise his own child.
The doubt nearly consumed him and he didn’t think he had felt so terrified in his life, not of her, but the realisation he might want a life he was never built for. But, then there was Suguru. Sweet, loving, Suguru. He was so considerate to Satoru, told him that he’d support him no matter what with any decision he would make, and slowly wiped away Satoru’s tears that he knew he would only ever let free in front of him.
That’s when Satoru realised what he truly wanted, as he sat there held in his husband’s arms. Suguru was the love of his life, his one and only, and he had spent so long being told what he should be that he lost sight of what his heart actually wants, Jujutsu Society be damned. Even if he is The Strongest, the holder of the six-eyes and limitless, the Gojo clan heir, and whatever other title people want to give him, why should he not be able to have a family with the love of his life? Especially when he’s given so much to Jujutsu Society, would it really be such a crime to also be able to live a domestic life despite it all?
So then it was decided, they were having a baby.
They named her Sachi, because it means happiness and good fortune, which is exactly what she has brought to their lives. Of course, when the news broke about their family it came with a heap of trouble and people sticking their opinion where it wasn’t wanted, but that wasn’t her fault. Then there was the issue of her cursed energy, that being that she had none. Most people thought that fact would upset Satoru, due to his whole life basically being woven into Sorcerery like unremoveable stitches. It didn’t upset him at all though, he was happy for it even.
She could have a life outside of sorcery, free from the pressures to live a life destined for bloodshed and loss, it’s all he could’ve ever wanted from her. She would never have to grow up feeling like a weapon, or pawn being moved for other people’s pleasure. It also meant that they didn’t have to worry as much about the Gojo clan trying to interfere with her upbringing which was always a welcomed bonus. Not that either of them really feared the Gojo clan or anyone putting a hand on their daughter, because the both of them would eradicate them before they even tried. The perks of having the strongest sorcerers as parents.
They both decided that they would at least train her in basic combat when she grows older, as it wouldn’t hurt to have her be able to defend herself just in case the worst occurs. That’s not for her to worry about now though, right now she doesn’t have a care in the world other than being coddled and fed.
She’s completely quiet now, apart from the little sound of her breaths, successfully lulled back to sleep. A part of Satoru wants to stand here all night, holding her as she sleeps peacefully, but he can also feel his own fatigue closing in on him and the coziness of his and his husband’s bed feels hard to deny.
Delicately, he lowers her down into her cot until she’s placed against the mattress, observing for a moment to make sure she doesn’t wake up again and notice she’s not being held. The room is still silent, she remains asleep.
“Goodnight, sweetheart. Daddy loves you so much.” he whispers into the night, only for her to hear. Even in sleep, he hopes her subconscious will recognise the words and that she’ll always know she’s loved.
Satoru lets out a small sigh of relief and carefully treads towards the door of the nursery while avoiding any floorboard that would make a creek. He closes the door slowly, making sure not to wake her with any sudden sound, and then makes his way towards his and Suguru’s bedroom. With each moment that passes, he can feel his eyelids drooping more and more.
Despite his efforts to be as quiet as possible, as he enters the bedroom Suguru’s head perks up from his pillow, clearly just awoken.
“Everything ok?” his husband asks with a groggy voice that’s thick with sleep.
“Yeah, just wanted some love”, Satoru replies with a smile and then starts getting himself under the covers, taking his spot in Suguru’s open arms that await him.
Sugurus hums in acknowledgement, then gives a chaste kiss to Satoru’s hairline before scanning his face “And are you ok? You look like there’s something on your mind.”he observes, somehow always having the ability to read Satoru’s mind as easily as one would read a book.
Satoru nods lightly against Suguru’s shoulder “Yeah, it’s just- I love her so much.” he settles on, finding it hard to articulate what he’s truly feeling right now.
“Me too”, the other man agrees, but adds on nothing more, sensing that there’s more that Satoru needs to say and that he just needs to find the words to express it.
“It scares me sometimes” Satoru confesses, a rare admission that even he can be weak sometimes, one that Suguru knows does not come easily to him.
“Because you’re afraid to lose her?” Suguru suggests, threading a hand through Satoru’s unruly white hair in an act of comfort and reassurance.
“Maybe” Satoru mumbles into his husband’s chest “But also just, I don’t want to screw her up, y’know?” Satoru sits up now, a sign he’s finally ready to say what’s really racing through his mind. Suguru sits up with him, fully ready to listen and offer any support that he can.
“I didn’t have parents growing up, or anything equivalent to it really. So sometimes I worry that because I don’t have an example of good parenting in my life, I’ll mess up somehow when it comes to her.”
“Satoru-”
“I know, I know. It’s stupid, but it makes me worry sometimes, that’s all. I just want what’s best for her.”
“It’s not stupid. It’s untrue, but how you feel could never be stupid.” Suguru replies softly, taking both of Satoru’s hands in his and rubbing the back of them with his thumbs.
“Your upbringing means nothing in terms of how good of a parent you can be. You’re such a good dad Satoru, really. Even if you don’t recognize it. And we’re in this together, yeah? We’ll make mistakes sometimes, but we’ll always figure it out. We’re the strongest together, and that means in everything.”
It’s in moments like these that Satoru knows he made the right choice, in choosing Suguru, in escaping from the life that was once built for him. It’s an indescribable feeling, to be loved this much and to love them back just the same, to feel a constant pillar of support behind you even through the hardest of times.
“I love you.” Satoru says in what might be the fondest voice he’s capable of uttering, before pulling Suguru in for a kiss.
“I love you too” Suguru replies back with a sweet smile “Now let’s go to sleep, hm? No more thinking for tonight.” he says as he pulls the both of them down into the comfort of the mattress, limbs entwined.
The peace lasts for mere moments, before the sound of crying erupts from the baby monitor on their bedside table, the interruption of the silence makes them both laugh.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” Suguru says before kissing Satoru’s forehead and getting out of the bed to soothe their baby’s cries.
Satoru wouldn’t wish for anything more than this.