Chapter Text
~One month after The Battle Of Manhattan~
Percy groans and walks up the path to Mount Olympus with several campers in tow. They're only up on Olympus after many campers found a dinner invite with The Olympians floating down on their plates after a pleasant 'beach day.' Depending on who you asked, the invited demigod were either pleased, horrified, or wishing they could dip out. Percy was very much of the latter of the group as he very much wanted to not deal with anyone while he crammed some homework in during dinner, especially by the king and queen of the gods.
They were following after a cheerful, yet seemingly young naiad in the nicest clothes they had at camp, many of them having been sent back by Chiron and Drew for their attire until it met both of their standards. Some, like Katie Gardner, Pollux, and Annabeth, were perfectly fine. Others, such as Clarisse, Percy, and Leo, were not as much and had to be given clothes from her cabin. Drew forced Chiron to concede when Percy refused to part with his clearly duct-taped vans, much to the frustration of the centaur.
"I can't believe we have to have a dinner with all of them." Percy grumbled lowly to Nico, hand being tightly held by a very nervous Leo as Beckendorf decided to stay to watch the littles of the camp.
"Well dinner will be pretty dull. I don't see why we're invited in the first place when we were just up here not long ago to be paraded around." The young boy mumbled, bumping his shoulder against Percy's. "At least we get food? Good not at all camp food too."
"Yeah, you're right about that." He snorted, only to stifle a frustrated noise when they got to the door. "Aight you lot, we unfortunately have to play nice and polite upstanding children of the gods. Please bottle any and all frustration until we're back at camp and I'll personally let you folks go against me three on one. Excluding you, Clarisse. Chiron is still complaining after we broke the last training ground."
Clarisse huffed in amusement and tilted her chin up at Percy, arms crossed and a crooked smile on her lips. "I'll just let the babies pile on ya for me, pipsqueak."
"I'm taller than y-!" Percy stopped with a clack of his teeth when he felt the doors start to open behind him. He quickly spun around to make sure he faced towards the room of what looks to hold a banquet table with seats mostly filled by The Olympians. There's a few immortals roaming around, seeming to fill up glasses and to place appetizers on the large table.
"Welcome, our elusive demigods, heroes of the new age!" A man boomed from here he stands at the head of the table. He's wearing what looks like a king of England, like King Edward VII or some other british royal. He pushes back a dark curl back with the rest of his loosely slick back hair and grins at them with electric bright eyes. "I hope you will find an enjoyable meal with the rest of us this evening."
The man, who must be Zeus, beckons them in, directing each of them to a designated seat. Percy found himself sitting between his uncle and his father, with Nico between his own father and Thalia, who's in a somehow fancy punk get up. Percy thought it was a choice to place all three of the kings children at one end of the table, all within touching distance of each other and their fathers. Percy gave Nico and Thalia a raised eyebrow before he took a moment to stare at the oddity that was his father.
A friendly looking man who's normally seen in a casual fisherman's garb, with hair even more of a mess than his own prior to him growing it out. Yet sitting next to him is a cleaned up man who could pass as his older brother, if he ignored what he wore. His chaotic hair was somehow in an elaborate plait, beard trimmed, and wearing what looked like an old fancy navy outfit that he saw from Pirates Of The Caribbean. At this point, Percy wished the deities would just wear what they normally wore or what they used to wear in times of old. He mentally cemented that point when he looked down to see his older uncle in what must be Victorian garb, what looks to be a couple of his cousins in normal 21st century clothing, and the remainder wearing clothes that reminded Percy of Night In The Museum. He blinked at Ares, who looked like he was wearing George Washington's fancy uniform. He forced himself to look away and back at his sibling-cousins.
"We thought you children would be comfortable with us wearing formal wear within the last century, as a way to honor our modern heroes! You may not be a hero of old, but you are ones who will be known among the ages. My queen helped me with our banquet. I do hope you will find time to thank her for helping with the menu, oh and to make sure our outfits were suitable when Aphrodite wasn't available. While I thought the idea and was involved in the various preparations, it was largely from my lovely wife." Percy knew the other campers were joining him in staring at the king with an incredulous look at the smile he sent to the queen. Percy knew the smile was genuine, but not with the love he sees Paul having for his mom. It looked strained and awkward, as if the king wasn't used to delegating or even hosting after what's probably forever since he last hosted.
Percy sat up straight and turns to The Queen at the end of the table, noting with mild amusement that the only ones sitting close to her were Demeter and Hestia. With a twist of his fingers, hidden under the table, he gently jabbed every camper with a very cold bit of ice he subtly pulled from a nearby fountain.
"Thank you, Queen Hera, for helping King-Uncle Zeus into hosting. We greatly appreciate your time and effort into such an event." Percy spoke and gave a slight head bow towards the shocked queen, making sure to jab a few of the more stubborn campers into saying their things, even if it sounded a bit sullen. "We look forward to seeing how this dinner evolves." He knew he would try to keep everything in hand. For his younger uncle that he's been seeing around his apartment like one sees a feral street cat. Not for the king.
"I do hope you enjoy dessert! I tried to find all your favorites! No need to have my queen help me find such treats you all enjoy. Why, I even have something special for you, my son!" Zeus grinned properly.
He had hope it would go well.
He want it noted that he genuinely tried. Absolutely tried. He knew that promising it'll go well, even in his mind, was a horrible idea and a way to invite something to ruin it royally. He should know by now that formal family dinners are a myth by Big Corporations like Hallmark. Fuck Hallmark and it's stupid standards of family and love. It's ruining it for the everyday folk with messy as fuck family. Him! He's the everyday folk!!
Percy just stared down at the 'American' delicacy for their dessert. The rest of the meal was lovely, with no ambrosia or nectar being forced upon the campers and there being options for those with dietary restrictions. Percy himself had a refreshing colorful salad, with a flavorful chili crunch salmon with smashed cucumber salad, and a simple coke for the side. He felt a bit too unpolished for drinking a soda with this fancy of a meal, but he noted that others were doing the same thing. But that doesn't help that he can recognize the confetti box cake with freezer-burnt Neapolitan ice cream that's on his fancy gold rimed plate.
He swallowed thickly and looked at what was on the other's plates. He noticed that most of the deities had some fancy ambrosia treat with what looked like nectar sauce drizzled on it, but not all. Dionysus was staring down at his own plate of what looked like a toxic sorbet with how brightly purple it was. The other campers had equally shoddy desserts, such as Leo poking at flan still in it's prepackaged cup, film still on top. Or Clarisse staring down a choco-taco like it personally offended her. Pollux looked confused at the grape flavored frozen juice pouch on his plate, with Katie looking offended at being served a whole slice of watermelon. Just watermelon. Travis was holding his Spiderman ice-cream in horror, Nico blankly staring a his bright red snow cone, and Thalia faintly green at her large bowl of green jello. Grover was furiously blinking back tears at the bundle of straw not even on a plate, Annabeth was refusing to look at her tapioca pudding cup, and Will looked at his unopened orange otter pop with glowing cheeks.
It was Drew looking at him with hurt and devastation at the cheap box of Valentine's Day chocolates on her plate that broke him. He took a deep breath and decided to channel one Lauren Cooper to deal with this bullshit.
"And I have so enjoyed where we found our residence to have landed." Zeus said happily, hand reaching out to try and sneak Poseidon's sweet tread, arm reaching over Percy's plate in a manner that his momma would've gently smacked his hand form. "New York is such a lovely place. Why, I'd say I've always lived here! I'm all native!" He laughed.
"Oh! Are you New Yorker?" Percy chirped, making many people side-eye him funny and Zeus to startle.
"Ah, not at all. I'm Greek, you know this Percy." The god said, mildly confused.
"So you ain't American then." He smiled sweetly, putting on the best innocent face possible and smacking his father's hand when it gripped his knee. He ignored the quiet hiss as he focused on the utter confusion blooming on his uncle's face.
"N-no, Percy. I'm European, if you must label my ties to a continent."
"That ain't American, though." He ignored some of the campers who were starting to catch on, which he sure hoped so since he made all of them watch Lauren Cooper episodes on YouTube with him. He really hoped he took the bait. Just straight up walk into the trap he'd laid out.
"No, but as you can see, I can still speak like a New Yorker or any American as we've lived here for so long." Kudos to his uncle for actually having patience to try and educate him. Really. He's almost proud of him if he wasn't about to lose his shit for being served food that's nigh on insulting towards him and the rest of the demigods- Dionysus included.
"But I can't understand what you're saying, uncle." He enjoyed the slight twitch of his uncle's eye, even as he flicked his wrist to make sure someone knows to keep Annabeth's mouth shut.
"Well clearly you can, nephew." He smacked his father's hand away again, noting how his uncle's voice seem to drop a bit, almost as if he's about to sulk. And yet he took it. He took the bait.
"Sorry, are you talking Ancient Greek right now?" Thank Khaos that Ares shoved a roll into Athena's mouth and pulled her down to quietly talk to her.
"I'm talking English right now, Percy." There's the hook. And thank Chronos, the time primordial, that Artemis muted Annabeth. Gods he loved his cousins.
"Don't sound like it though, uncle." And there goes both of his aunts keeping Hera quiet and still. He should really drop some heavy offerings for the lot of them.
"Okay, fine. Can I continue talking about New York and how I helped cultivate it to what it is today, Perseus?" Yeah, his uncle as definitely pouting. And yet there's the line.
"I don't think you're qualified to talk about New York, uncle." He made it a point to put all that acting from Gabe into use. Please please can his mask of concern and stupidity pull through with this god.
"I am perfectly qualified to talk about New York. Why, I am more qualified to talk about the English language than any little mortal in this day and age." And there goes the sinker. His uncle is pouting and is going to be so much easier to bait into The Lauren Cooper Special.
"...Right, but is this dinner with The Greeks or dinner with the New Yorkers?" He tilted his head a bit for good measure. He heard someone snort down the table, but the coughing seemed to cover it up nicely.
"Perseus Jackson." The god slowly turned towards him, frowning just a touch, as if he's trying to not ruin the dinner he already insulted his guests with.
"Yes, Uncle Zeus?" He asks, voice sweeter than honey, having long learned how to mimic the littles at camp. He ignored the strangled noise from both his father and his cousin-auntie. He has long learned not to ask questions when those two are involved.
"Your reputation precedes you." He growled and turned to look at his now red-faced and clearly trying to not lose it sibling-cousins. "As I was saying. I-"
"Uncle?"
"-have helped many demigods and mortals of old in-"
"Tío."
"-the creation of what they call 'The New World'-"
"дядя"
"-even have helped them find substance an-"
"叔叔"
"help them defend their territories from-"
"ਚਾਚਾ"
"beasts, both monsters and aggressive animals-"
"פעטער"
"I've learned that these mortals that I was helping were-"
"Zietto"
"being punished for being poor by the monarch in England-"
"uso o le tamā"
"who really was causing problems for several of us and-"
"ʻanakala"
"What, Jackson." Never say he isn't a polyglot, because he has long since picked up more languages as a hobby and for school. He has a feeling he'll be completely harassed by Hermes later on though. He's not sitting even remotely close to the god, but even he can feel him vibrating from way over here.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"No, not now. Just a moment." Wow, why did he go soft like that. Ew. No. Back up. Don't look at him like that. What the fuck.
"But can I ask you a question now?"
"Just-just wait a moment."
"Can I just ask you a question? Others asks you a question. Don't know why you're so against me and my question. I'm just asking you a question, strýko. Can I ask you a question?" It was way too glorifying to hear his father sigh like the old man he is. The twitching eye and gritted teeth coming from his uncle? Cherry on top, really.
"What. Is. It." He gritted out. Percy wondered if he should stop, but seeing how there's no lightning and how there's still a spark of amusement in his uncle's eyes (revolting really), then he's really going to just keep going.
"Are you like The Doctor?" He asked, leaning forward a touch as if he's an eager child. He knew he was technically a child and is very much eager to see his uncle's reaction, but schematics, really.
"Doctor... who?" They both ignored how several people let out a muffled cheer, clearly enraptured with what's going on between the two. "I... pardon, but I don't know what you're talking about?" It's amusing to see how confused the eons old god can get from his dumbass pull stupid shit.
"You know, I thought you're from Doctor Who. Traveling around with some companions and creating new worlds and stuff? Like an alien, but cooler."
"I'm a god? A powerful god with powerful domains, but just a god who happens to be your uncle." ...And he's back with being patient to a toddler again. Thanks. He rather not.
"Are you sure you're not a nine hundred and forty-five year old Time Lord? Did a quick spot up to uh." He quickly ran through all the planets to find one that's not related to a titan or a god, Roman or other. He's never been so glad to have fixated on Astronomy as a child or as a teen. Honestly, too many objects are named after some deity. Yay, homage to the deities! Boo, he had to dig. "Oberon? Heard it's a nice spot to have a date. Do some ice skating, really."
"Percy, I don't even know what you're ta-"
"Say, you know your bedroom? House? Temple? Wherever you live?" He cut Zeus off, genuinely curious for this information.
"Yes...? I live adjacent from my temple. It's more of my compound. I do have to share Olympus, you know." He ignored how wary his uncle was, fascinated to learn that he has a whole compound to himself.
"Is it bigger on the inside?"
"Perseus I am done with your inane questions!"
"Okay, but if you had a Tardis, could you take me to a planet far away? Like Gallifrey pre-war?"
"I'm going back to my topic of how I helped United States form to my interested daughter and behaved nephew, thank you." And with that, his uncle turned in his seat, crossed his arms and pouted like a 6 year old. Wow. Sucked for his uncle, since he wasn't done.
"So... do you fancy to take Billie Piper out on a trip to the stars, uncle?" He asked with a smile that he knows is cheeky. He is his father's child. Said father who's currently hiding his face in his hands and seeming to try to ignore the situation. Not that Percy paid much attention to when Zeus whipped around in his chair, sparking just a tad like Thalia. Enough to warn him that hands may be thrown, but all in good jest. His other children warn Percy in similar ways, so he figured it came from their father.
"All right. You, dear nephew, are the most insolent and most obnoxious child I've ever had the misfortune to converse with. And I've met your many siblings. Worse than Triton, I say!" He yelled, throwing his hands up in the air, only to shove them in his hair.
"Thank you." He gave Zeus a small nod and a brighter smile, eyes glowing a touch as the god growled at him.
"You, little boy, are pointless, repetitious, and extremely dull." He didn't move as his uncle leaned closer to him.
"A bit like your topic. And taste." The strangled noises he heard from most of the table is one he'd be floating on for the rest of the week.
"You're not even worthy to mention my taste. I have- I, Zeus, God King of Olympus, have great taste! I have long perfected it! Trimmed and modified it to perfection, I say! And you! You, nephew mine, have not an iota. So you best be a good little demigod and keep your mouth shut for the rest of dessert." Someone kicked his shin, and not knowing who, he kicked them back, biting back the satisfied smirk of Thalia yelping in pain. He cleared his throat and looked right in the eyes of a lightly heated, but now clearly confused Zeus.
"Ammist I bothered, uncle." Said uncle blinked rapidly at him, trying to process what in the world just happened.
"W-what?"
"Ammist bothered, Lord Uncle." He leaned back in his chair and took a dainty sip of his coke, noting the consistent twitch of Zeus' right eye.
"Percy."
"Looketh at my face." He set the cup down, gesturing to his face.
"I don't-"
"Looketh at my face!"
"Perseus-"
"Me? Bothered? Nay. Looketh at my face! Is this a bothered face thou see before thee?" He was grinning, patting one cheek and leaning closer to Zeus.
"That's en-"
"Unbothered! My Face! Looketh!"
"I'm calling your mother, Perseus." There were several gasps behind them all, including Poseidon groaning further into his hands.
Percy pushed back from the table, making the chair clatter behind him when he stood abruptly. "Are you disrespecting the house of Jackson?! Are you calling my mother a pox-ridden wench" He yelled, one hand on the table and the other on his hip, perfectly mimicking his momma's stance with unruly children.
"I'm not-" Zeus looked so bewildered and had both hands up as if to try and calm Percy down.
"Are thou calling my father a goodly rotten apple?!" That got a snort from both his older uncle and his father. Again, he smacked his father's hand from trying to stop and/or pull him down into the recently corrected chair.
"Percy-"
"But he ain’t even a goodly rotten apple." He barely caught Hades mumbling something along the line of "I'm sure it's not the rot one has to worry about." which got some snickering from the peanut gallery.
"Nephew, listen to me." Zeus reached out to grab his arms, but Percy stepped out of reach, voice going a bit louder for the audience at the edge of the room.
"But he ain’t even a goodly rotten apple, though!"
"Perseus, please."
"Face ith-"
"Percy."
"Bothered-"
"Perseus."
"Looketh."
"Enough-"
"Looketh."
"Stop. That is enough-"
"But my liege-"
"When on Khaos'- you never call me 'liege'. What in the-" At this point, most the table was trying and failing to stop laughing, especially at the bewildered look Zeus regained at what Percy called him.
"My liege!"
"That's somehow worse."
"But my liege! Listen!"
"Stop calling me that."
"Bothered, face- this bothere-"
"Percy, be quiet!"
Percy stands on his chair and in a thick accent from one of the worst parts of New York, shouts "All the world’s a stage./And all the men and women merely players./They have their exits and their entrances!"
"Wait, hold on. Are you okay-" Zeus stands up and holds his arms out to catch Percy if he fell, very much seen to be out of his depth. Percy grins and leans down a bit to be more face to face with Zeus, accent normal."
"I ain’t even bothered. I ain’t bothered. Look, face, bothered, bothered, face, bothered, I ain’t even bothered. My liege, I be not bothered forsooth, I be not bothered. Face, bothered, I ain’t even bothered, face, bothered, I can tout Shakespeare with how bothered I am." Zeus reaches down to grab some of the cake on Percy's plate, only to yelp when it gets kicked away by Percy, making the plate nearly land on a cackling Thalia's lap.
"And one man in his time plays many parts,/His acts being seven ages." Percy shouts again, accent going back to it's thick drawl as he hops down from the chair, watching Zeus nearly fall over the chair in his rush to try to grab him.
"At first the infant,/ Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;/And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel/And shining morning face, creeping like snail/Unwillingly to school." He lead Zeus around the edges of the table, dancing and weaving out of every grasp. At this point it's less of worried adult trying to calm a wayward teen, but a young adult about to strangle their younger family member.
"And then the lover,/Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad/Made to his mistress’ eyebrow." He passed by a laughing Aphrodite and a grinning Drew, who gives him a high five. "Then a soldier,/Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,/Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,/Seeking the bubble reputation/Even in the cannon’s mouth." He ignores the gentle cuffing from Ares and dodges the light punch Clarisse threw towards him, both now invested in the chaos he's reaping.
"And then the justice,/In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,/With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,/Full of wise saws and modern instances;/And so he plays his part." He passes Athena, Artemis, and Annabeth. He taps one on the shoulder and ducks the grabs of the other two with a laugh, yet nearly stumbles against Apollo's chair.
"The sixth age shifts/Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,/With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;/His youthful hose, well sav’d, a world too wide" He quickly dances around Apollo, Will, Hermes, and Connor, with three having issues breathing and the fourth watching in pure glee. "For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,/Turning again toward childish treble, pipes/And whistles in his sound." He ruffles Leo's hair and pats Hephaestus' should in passing, quickly jumping up on an empty chair and jumping to Zeus' discarded one.
"Last scene of all," He shouts, ignoring everyone else's calls of concern. He snags the ice cream off his discarded plate and watched Zeus scramble towards him. "That ends this strange eventful history,/Is second childishness and mere oblivion."
He grins and stands tall as a red face Zeus comes barreling at him. "Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything." And with that, he jumps at Zeus, making them both fall to the floor with a loud thump. Soon after is a shriek quickly followed by cackling as Percy shoved the ice cream down Zeus' shirt.
"And that is for getting us shit we got trauma with." Percy snapped at the shocked god under him.
"I wasn't the one who made the list." Zeus quietly blurted out in confusion, wiping ice cream from his face as it got smeared. "But I will fix it and let this slide for now. Also this was my favorite shirt!"
"You can just get a new one!"
"You're going to pay for- did you fucking bite me? "
"And? So what if I did! Wait- hey getoffmeyoufatass!"
Poseidon stared at his brother and his youngest demigod in muted horror, eyes dragging towards Hades who sits next to him. "I thought we got over Triton biting and getting into spats with my brother."
Hades laughed loudly and clapped him on the shoulder. "You forget, brother, that all of your godly children and all of your favorite mortal children have and will constantly fight him. Our baby brother doesn't like that you are focusing on others. So have fun with both babies acting like littermates."
Poseidon, ignores the loud crash from his son and now looking mortally younger brother wrestling on the floor. "...I wish our parents never parentified my some days."
Hades, watching most of his nieces and nephews, along with two of his three sisters egg the duo on with the eldest 'trying' to bring calm but is glowing brightly in utter glee.
"...We are one messy family. But I would never trade it for another."