Chapter Text
byler playlist made by me here!
secrets are a thing that I cannot escape.
I can keep them.
I can’t share them.
but my secrets?
oh my secrets.
It’s been quiet in our apartment for awhile.
Will got an invite to an “artist only” premiere event somewhere I forgot.
He said "I'll be back in a few days, please take care of yourself, I love you dearly” and left.
I call him everyday now to check up on how his trip is.
It’s been 6 days since he left
5 days since I ate something from the kitchen.
of course I eat..
lie.
I just don’t eat full meals..
“take care of yourself” he said
hah..
like I could ever.
~
I stand on the balcony of the apartment and light a cigarette.
It burns up and lights, then smoke starts appearing.
I know I'm supposed to quit this.
But blame my father.
oh my father.
those afternoons after school.
the walls would pound.
scream
yell
fight.
smoke.
burn
yell some more
repeat.
That's all I heard in my afternoons.
But the weekends were worse.
Constant headaches and fights
The smell of smoking just got more intense and I got used to it way more.
Then one day when I turned 16 I found one of my fathers packs of cigarettes.
So I lit one.
tried it out.
and here I am today, at 22 years old.
~
I don’t go outside much anymore as I used to.
People are rude, and judgey.
and apparently that’s something I can’t handle.
God, I wish my life was so much easier.
Will seems like his life is amazing.
but I can’t say that since what he went through.
I’m not jealous.
I’m just wishing.
~
My birthday was a few days ago.
I officially turned 22.
Pretty sure I already said that.
I had cake and some chinese food.
Just me and Will.
We-
I didn’t want anyone to come because it would've been some time for others to travel.
Especially my parents.
I don’t like talking about my feelings or whatever with people.
like I said, others are judgey, and if I said the wrong thing then I would be the blame.
but since i’m just here now.
I may as well talk about it.
And how it started.
<ᴛᴡ ᴡᴀʀɴs ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴘᴘʟɪᴇᴅ ʜᴇʀᴇ! >
Back when Will was missing, things got worse and weird.
And it wasn’t just when Will was missing it was a lot before as well.
And speaking of Will, My father hated Will.
Hate is a strong word.
And when I use it I mean it.
My parents fought over the same things every single day.
Whenever my parents were drunk they would always tell me things that weren’t true, such as how I was too skinny or that I wasn’t enough.
And as the 12 year old I was, believed it.
My mother most of the time was the victim on my dads part of mind.
My mother never smoked, she only drank and yelled.
My father, on the other hand, did everything.
He smoked.
He drank.
He yelled.
And I'm supposed to live through it all.
I always tried to leave the house whenever they fought but my father would just tell me to sit and watch.
But then I just learned to stay in the basement, since it had better soundproof walls.
I hated the yelling.
It was so bad to the point I'd start to have panic attacks because of my own parents.
Of course I never told anyone about it.
Not even Will.
But ever since we got engaged he started noticing the signs.
Not eating, smoking while I thought he never noticed the scars.
I still do all the things he notices.
I can’t stop myself.
Will tries to help but I can’t stop.
and there are days where I do seem happy, and so is Will.
But deep down I’m dying.
just dying.
~
The clock says 3:39 in the afternoon
And I've done nothing all day long except bed rot, read, write, smoke, and try to watch some TV without the cable glitching.
So, I guess I should call Will to see how he’s doing.
I dial the number he left for me on the table and it starts to ring.
“Hello?”
“Hey Will, how’s today going?”
“Oh hey Mike! It’s great! The weather is so nice today, how’s home?”
It's been at least 14 hours since I heard his voice, and about the same amount of hours since I heard my name.
“It's like actually warming out for once.. like 75 out.”
I push the phone closer to my ear, and lean onto the counter.
“Wow! Man, why is it always warmer there when I'm not there..” He laughs slightly.
“Anyway, what have you done since the last time I called you?” Will lightens his voice.
I freeze up and pause, cause like I said, I literally did nothing today.
“Uh..nothing much” I replied back
“hm..that’s not fun.. but I have somewhat of good news, I’m coming home tomorrow!!” Will exclaims with excitement.
I can hear him jumping through the phone, it’s so cute when he does that.
“That's great!!” I think for a moment, I really have to clean though, it’s pretty messy.
“I know! Of course I’ll miss this place but I miss you more” Will giggles.
“When I get home I’m going to make sure you’ll get all the love I can possibly give you” Will's tone turns flirty and I blush to the point I'm about to scream.
“Y-yeah I-I love you t-to babe..” I stutter.
GOD WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STUTTERING
I turn red.
Nobody even is watching me but I swear I'm embarrassed as shit from my stutter.
Look, I really need to fix that.
Every time Will flirts or something with me I stutter and he thinks it’s cute.
“Yes I love you as well, But I should probably get going, I’ll call you later tonight! Love you with all my heart, bye!”
The phone clicks meaning he hung up.
I’m glad he’s coming home, but that also means I need to clean.
~
dirty laundry goes there.
dishes in sink.
cat toys in box
Did I mention we have a cat?
Aubrey.
Aubrey is the cat's name.
She’s a very sweet girl.
Aubrey can do tricks, like sit when we tell her too, roll over, jump, stay, kinda the basics, she acts like a dog but she’s a cat fully.
She doesn’t bark, obviously, but she does make noise.
she purrs, and meows, and hiss, pretty much all the cat noises.
We rescued her from a shelter a year ago and we got her vaccinated and soon adopted her.
I technically adopted her, it was for Will’s 21st birthday.
Will LOVES cats, he never owned one but he absolutely adores them.
On my side, I love cats as well, but I'm kinda allergic, so I take medicine for it.
When I put Aubrey into Will's hands for the first time he started crying.
Not sad tears, happy tears.
I hugged him.
for a long, long, long time.
and I never wanted to let go.
~
I could talk about my whole existence at this point.
but I'd rather not.
but I will cover some stuff up.
Number 1.
I write stories.
not like children's books.
actual stories.
And Will is an artist, obviously.
I adore his art.
He draws us sometimes.
And it’s amazing.
It doesn’t matter what he draws, I will ALWAYS love it no matter what.
We plan on writing our own book.
As I'm the writer and he’s the artist.
maybe even a children’s book.
Number 2.
Will and I got married on July 10th.
We both were 20, in age of course.
And it was at our local town hall.
Since the church would never.
Joyce, Hopper, Jonathan, Nancy, Lucas, Dustin, Max, El, Steve, Robin, Vickie, My mom, Holly, and some others, came.
A few weeks before the wedding, Will asked if we were gonna invite my father.
Now, you’d think I would never invite him.
But I did.
And he never came.
My mom and Holly walked in without my father and they both had pretty dresses just for the occasion, and my mom walked up to me and said,
“Michael, I’m so proud of you. I’m sorry for what your father has done. He decided to not come. I’m not repeating what he said, but I'm here and so is Holly, we love you.”
Holly hugged me as soon as she saw me for the first time in months.
And, I know exactly what he said, I just never heard it.
But overall the wedding was perfect.
It wasn’t big, just perfect in me and Will's world.
We both loved it.
But of course worse had struck us a few weeks later.
The phone rang and rang until I picked it up.
It was my father.
and he was very mad.
“Micheal.”
“W-Who’s this?”
“It’s your father.”
“O-Oh.. is there something you need?”
“How could you possibly marry that..that weirdo.”
“Excuse me..?”
“You heard me.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Micheal, how could you, you're disgusting.”
“COMING FROM YOU, YOUR MY FATHER AND YOU WERE NEVER THERE FOR ME”
“YOU'RE A DISGRACE! YOUR DISGUSTING! HOW COULD YOU MARRY A BOY? THATS ABSOLUTELY AWFUL! IT'S NOT RIGHT!”
“I LOVE HIM AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS”
“YOU KNOW WHAT MICHAEL? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND YOUR FAG OF A HUSBAND!”
Then the phone clicked.
I hung the phone up and stood there.
“Mike? what was all that screaming abou-“ Will walks in.
He runs towards me and hugs me softly as I sob sliding down the wall.
I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed til Will's shoulder was wet.
Number 3.
I hate eating.
Not just like eating in general, just eating.
I feel bad after eating because I'm afraid I'll be overweight.
So technically i’m afraid to eat.
I’m 5.11 and I only weigh 143 pounds.
Will doesn’t seem to care how much I weigh or how tall I am, He loves me no matter what.
But deep down I care so much.
I eat.
But then to throw up later.
Will has seen it happen, I accidentally left the door open once.
And that’s when he found everything out.
I’ve accidentally done many things, like leaving out bandages in the bathroom.
Or when I accidentally threw out bloody tissues instead of flushing them down the toilet.
Will doesn’t always talk to me about it but he’s starting to notice way more and more.
So I'm expecting him to talk to me.
And I'm scared.
Going back to when Will was missing,
When the bullies threatened to cut Dustin’s teeth out, I didn’t hesitate to jump when they said too because I didn’t want to live any longer since my best friend was gone.
Everyone believed he was dead, and with that I got to the point that I started to believe it as well.
And I thought, If I didn’t have the one person that would make my days better, then I would just kill myself because there’s nothing else for me to live for.
Will was the only person that I could go to when I was having bad days or something and he would make them feel better.
I know Will had at home issues such as Lonnie, but he’s gotten over it since he and Joyce split up.
And to be honest, I’m afraid of Lonnie as well because he’s just like my father just more abusive.
~
The sun shines through the kitchen window of the apartment and the sky is starting to set.
I mean, it is a beautiful day out so maybe I could take a walk.
I shut the front door and take the stairs down to the lobby.
Me and Will live on the 6th floor out of 8, so it takes some time to walk down..since the elevator is broken.
I made it downstairs and it only took like 4 minutes because of all the heavy doors and people.
I open the front door to the lobby and walk through people chatting all around.
The front lobby doors push open automatically and I walk out quietly minding my own business.
The sun sets faintly and I walk through the streets while others walk and talk and yell.
Me and Will live in the city, not because we need to for collages, we choose to because it’s one of the places we both wanted to go to when we were young.
Music, people talking, yelling, so many noises surrounding me.
I hate loud noises.
but it sometimes depends on what the sound is.
I like music a lot.
I like singing, but it’s something I do rarely because I’m embarrassed by my own voice.
If I say so myself, I do have a lot of insecurities.
It’s just a thing I developed.
-ᴡɪʟʟ ᴘᴏᴠ sᴡɪᴛᴄʜ-
Gosh, I love Mike's singing voice
I miss it.
He only sings in the shower though
But it’s beautiful.
I mean it.
He doesn’t think that of course.
He’s very insecure about almost everything and anything.
He’s been.. struggling.. I should say
(that’s the word.. I think)
I’ve been noticing a lot of things lately
He’s been puking a lot.
But I try to help him overcome those insecurities.
(another one of my specialties)
but that’s not something to talk about now..
I sometimes find..tissues..and bandages in the bathroom back at home.
And I do see..scars on Mike’s arms
I don’t talk to him about it because I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.
But when I get home I’m gonna try to talk to him.
I feel scared.
I feel so bad.
I try my best to keep him happy but I know that won’t do much.
But enough of.. Mike.. I don’t like to talk about him behind his back like that.
anyways…
Man, I am sad that I have to go home.
It was so amazing to see all of the art and the fact I, Yes me! Got invited to an artist premiere!
I mean.. how cool is that?
Amazing of course.
But I miss Mike so much.
I really do hope he’s okay..
I really miss him, a lot.
When I get home I'm gonna give him the biggest hug ever because that’s what I want right now.
Now, people often do ask,
“hey- wait.. aren’t you the kid who came back from the dead of something?”
and, I don’t understand how they even recognize me, but I do respond and say yes, because obviously that is me.
I did overcome the trauma and the fact that I was literally possessed, but ever since I've gotten married, got myself into an amazing art job, and started a new life, I kinda just forgot about it all.
I do still have nightmares, but not often.
Randomly, me and Mike kinda flipped.
Like, I had all the trauma and scary stuff while he was okay for a while, and then we flipped.
Which to me, it’s interesting.
I don’t know if he’s just been hiding all of it or we actually did flip something.
But the few things I do know is that his father is the worst person ever, something happened at the lake when I was missing, and that Mike and Dustin were included.
And of course he won’t tell me why.
but I know deep down he wants to tell me.
-ᴍɪᴋᴇ ᴘᴏᴠ sᴡɪᴛᴄʜ-
I wish I could tell Will things.
I really want to.
I feel guilty not telling him things, I really do.
but I know that if I tell him I feel as if he'll be overly cautious with things and I just want to be treated normally.
I look around downtown for a bit and then I head back to the apartment building.
It’s too noisy for me.
Too many people.
I wait at the crosswalk and my leg bounces up and down faster and faster every time.
My breathing gets faster and quicker.
My leg bounces faster.
The crosswalk signals to walk.
Groups of people surrounded me as I start to walk.
faster. faster. faster.
People are slow.
I start to run a bit because I have to get home.
I can’t take it anymore.
I run and run and run til i’m out of breath.
My breathing hurts and hurts until I reach lobby doors
I walk inside like nothing crazy happened even though my leg still bounces when I stand still and my breathing is still fast.
I walk up to the elevator and try to press a button.
shit.
it’s broken.
great, now I have to walk up the stairs.
I pause and then walk to the stairwell and push open the heavy doors.
About 6 minutes later I finally made it to my apartment.
I unlock the door and push it open and close it shut.
I hear Aubrey meow and she comes to my legs and greets me.
“Hey Aubrey..” I kneel down and stroke her back softly.
She purrs and runs away back to her bed.
sigh. I miss Will.
I stood there for a moment.
Then walk to the kitchen to at least try to eat something.
I open the fridge,
Fruits
Vegetables
Leftovers from last Wednesday, that probably needs to be thrown out.
I open the cabinet full of some snacks and other things.
I grab some crackers just for the sake of it.
I open the box and pour some into a small bowl.
I usually don’t eat crackers.. or really anything actually.
But I should at least try some.
I try a cracker, and it’s just salt and softness.
I grab the bowl and set it down on the counter and then look at the rest of the place.
I really need to clean.
So I do.
I pick up the cat toys and put them into the box of the rest of them.
I clean some dishes because Will would die if he saw they weren’t done.
Then I do the laundry.
And then I just organize some stuff.
The clock says 9:34 PM
I assume that Will is packing all his stuff for his flight tomorrow morning.
I hope he’s feeling okay for his flight, he hates planes as much as I do.
I turn on the tv and try to mess with the cable until the phone rings.
I get up and walk to the wall and pick up the phone
“Hello?”
“Hi Mike!”
Will’s excited tone pops into the phone.
“Oh hey Will, Second call today huh?”
I smirk slightly messing with him.
“Yeah, second call”
He plays back.
“I called to check up on you, how are you doing since the last time you picked up the phone and talked to me..I would say about 4-5 hours ago?”
Will isn’t dumb, he’s pretty smart in fact.
He’s really intelligent but he likes to push buttons and act like he’s not, sometimes.
“I’m..doing good, I took a walk, but it got a bit much so I came back.”
“Oh that’s great! I’m proud of you”
I can hear his smile through the phone, I know he’s smiling I just can’t prove it.
We talk for a little and then hang up, Will said he’s tired so he doesn’t want to miss his flight.
I hang up the phone and change into clothing that I can sleep in.
The lights get turned off, doors locked, curtains closed, cat asleep, and I get into bed for a good night's rest because I get to see Will tomorrow and that’s the only thing keeping my mood stable.
night.