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Harumi groaned. “Why the hell is the educational system genuinely out to get us?”
Aki laughed, looking over the spread of papers and textbooks and stationary all laid out before them on Harumi’s table. Even though their coursework was all similar, it was easy to tell whose was whose from Aki’s neat scribbles and highlight lines clearly outlining notes as opposed to Harumi’s chaos child. Sometimes Aki didn’t know how Harumi functioned. Americans really were built off junk food and will.
Of course, Aki would never actually say this to Harumi, because despite the constant allegations Aki did have a will to live.
…He definitely wouldn’t say that to Harumi.
Aki rolled his eyes and said, “Stop being dramatic.”
Harumi shook his head. “Then you’d have a boring best friend.”
Best friend.
The thought still filled Aki with glee.
He pulled at his tie, the air conditioning maintaining a cool breeze throughout the flat in the autumn light as he said, “Maybe it’d be an upgrade.”
Aki got a piece of math homework to the face.
It was easy, this world Harumi and Aki created. Calm. It was exactly what grounded him last year, and this year, and all years in the foreseeable future. They were best friends. Aki hadn’t had one of those for a while.
There wasn’t much anything that would stop their walk home, even if they couldn’t literally walk anymore because of the rivalry. They were still in touch in the group chat with Mari and Ryu, or late night convenience store runs, or sleepovers and study sessions and little moments that were special to just the two of them. Aki couldn’t imagine a world where he could have made it through freshman year without the unwavering support of Harumi. He’d made a promise to himself months earlier that he’d not leave him, the one person who made him feel truly at ease.
This kind of closeness was something he needed.
A ground to walk on.
Even if it meant a few threats made to kick him out.
Harumi never really meant it anyways.
“I’ll show you ‘upgrade’,” Harumi said with the dangerous glare that matched his reputation.
There was a crinkle in the air from the box of what used to be his strawberry milk.
…Maybe sometimes he meant it.
…
Mushroom
this place is stupid.
suisha’s bright night<3
Which one bothered you this time?
Mushroom
all of them.
suisha’s bright night<3
Stop being anti-social then
Mushroom
no~
Aki smirked at his phone under the table as the sound of clamoring high school students ready to socialize grew louder. Even though people placed him at the top of the social hierarchy (much to his polite opposition), he usually sat with the same two people: Ryu and Mari.
Last year, before they were properly integrated into the group, he would just sit alone.
Or hide in the drama room.
Most of the time it was the latter.
Mari and Ryu made good company, and they actually got him in a way that most other people never would. Together, the four of them were a happy little friend group. Of traitors that would be harassed endlessly by their classmates if they found out they were affiliated with Higasa (or, in Harumi’s case, that he was best friends with only Suisha students), but details didn’t really matter. It kind of made their bond deeper.
“What’s got you grinning so much?” Mari said, poking him in the side. There was a glint to her eye as she said, “Texting a girl?” in the same way she did when hearing the latest gossip. That girl was scary when she wanted to be.
Ryu rolled his eyes as Aki spluttered out the same no he always did. “Mar, it’s probably Harumi. You need to stop assuming that every single time.”
Mari pouted as Aki sent over a grateful thank you via momentary eye contact, and she said, “It’s not my fault Aki makes that…face, every time they talk.”
“I-I-no, that’s not-Mari!! We’re both guys!”
He was going to die one day from her.
She shrugged, a maniacal grin on her face. “That doesn’t need to stop you.”
“Yes it does.”
Ryu shoved his girlfriend gently, reaching his long arms across the table while saying, “Aki, don’t listen to her.”
He paused, before shrugging. “But we accept you if, y’know, you are into guys.”
Aki was going to die.
Mari looked like a proud mother.
Ryu looked bored.
On second thought, sitting alone sounded wonderful.
…
Harumi had English debate club after school, so they couldn’t meet.
This was a normal occurrence. It wasn’t a bad thing they had things outside of school, and that sometimes they wouldn’t be able to meet, and it wasn’t like they were going completely incommunicado. They still had each other’s Lime ID. Harumi was still texting Aki about vaguely concealed threats if his classmates pretended to know what they were talking about. It was normal.
But Aki didn’t like how often it was happening.
Not necessarily after school classes.
Just…quiet moments where Aki missed him.
This was uncalled for, as they saw each other almost every day.
Aki didn’t know why that bothered him.
It was probably just because they were best friends, despite the constant teasing he faced from Mari.
She was insane for gossip anyways. She was probably just looking to fit Aki into another box.
Besides, Harumi wasn’t like that. He came to Japan after his relationship with one of those big cheerleaders, and even dated that one girl for a bit. They were technically still together, but Harumi was moody every time he mentioned it and it ticked Aki off for some reason, so they didn’t talk about her.
Aki assumed they were fighting.
…They never seemed really close.
Of course, Aki never met her. He couldn’t; the rivalry was coming to an all time high with midterms coming up again (something that Aki had been stressing over almost as bad as he had last year), but even in the pictures circulating throughout both the schools, the vibe was just…off. It was oddly reassuring. Harumi was still his best friend after all.
And nothing more.
They couldn’t be.
Aki trudged down the pathway to his own chaotic home. As usual, his older sister was being a nuisance (“hey bunny~”), and Kazuki wasn’t home yet from soccer. His younger brother really was the sweetest, even when his odd vocabulary came out in strange ways. He remembered the day Harumi and Kazuki met, and he’d vaguely heard Kazuki scream something about a homewrecker while he was getting tea.
His family really was a joy.
At least his mother wasn’t a functioning alcoholic anymore.
Aki sighed as he entered the kitchen, a place far more worn than Harumi’s. That boy never got the memo about cooking being a part of self care. It had taken a few too many convenience store runs to teach Harumi basic cooking skills, and even then he’d eat take out on a far too often basis to be healthy.
Akemi, his older sister, winked at him in a suggestive manner and sighed dramatically. “Did you finally decide to show your family some love instead of Haru?”
Aki, pointedly, did not look at her. “Harumi had English debate club.”
Akemi nodded sagely, remarking, “Guess your girlfriend needed to take a break from hanging out with you every day, Bunny. You need to improve your game.”
“He’s not a girl, and he’s not my girlfriend! What is it with you people today!?”
Akemi wiggled her eyebrows and said, “Ohoho, so you’re facing the allegations from everyone! I’m sure we’re all willing to hear about any of your teenage self-discovery.”
Aki’s face was hot.
Simply the weather.
And stupid older sisters.
…
Aki functioned best when there was organization to things. Back in middle school, the biggest reason why he was such a failure was mainly because he lacked focus and cared too much about the wrong things. Daiki was right about that back then, and he would be right about it now. Aki wasn’t sure if his friends were the reason he didn’t lock in as hard as he should have or if it was just him (probably the latter), but nowadays he was able to be known as the kid with the full marks.
So, he decided to make a list.
A “Why Harumi and I are Best Friends” list.
Underneath it he wrote “and nothing more”, before intensely scratching it out as hard as possible.
Then he started adding.
Because Aki knew he loved photography.
Because Harumi knew his favorite soda brand.
Because Aki could comfort him on a particularly brutal day.
Because Harumi could immediately stop him from spiraling.
Because they could take off their facades.
Because of all their little inside jokes that not even Mari and Ryu knew.
Because they were their core selves only with each other.
This was completely platonic.
Sure, Aki had some really close friends before, and even then he didn’t know them as well as he did Harumi, but it was different. Harumi found him before Aki could really sink in the waters of his own anxiety. Aki found him before Harumi would kill himself over too much junk food and nobody else to take care of him.
Sometimes he’d wonder why his parents were so willing to let him go from the distant United States all on his own.
Asking hurt Harumi, who was so used to playing cool. Aki was the only person he’d ever confided in.
Oh, hey. Another reason to add to the list.
Of completely platonic things they knew about each other.
It didn’t matter that he felt a strange wad of excitement every time they saw each other, as if it was their first meeting all over again.
They were best friends.
Not anything more.
…
Harumi laughed, one of those bright ones that filled the entire air, that was loud and complete and beautiful like him.
Aki had been adding to the list whenever he found himself getting bored or tired from slogging through studying alone. Reasons simple like ‘he knows my favorite drink order’ or ‘he taught me curse words in English’ or ‘his laugh is pretty’.
He’d thought about that last one.
Crossed it out.
Replaced it with, ‘his laugh is funny’.
There.
Completely best friend.
This was fine.
Harumi made a face at him, as if he could tell Aki was thinking strictly platonic thoughts in his brain (and only platonic). “Hello?? What do you think??”
Aki blinked, fast, forgetting he zoned out, and forced a smile on his face as he stared at the photo-it was genuinely beautiful, as it always was, because Harumi was an incredible photographer despite constantly downplaying his own skill. Harumi looked at him quizzically, but Aki had already hurriedly started going through the motions of, “This is so good!” and “Wow, your photos are so great!”
Harumi stared at him for a bit before flicking him on the forehead and offhandedly saying, “Stop spiraling, Aki, it’s not very cute on you.”
He was walking ahead before he could catch the way Aki 's mouth dropped.
…
Harumi had a girlfriend.
Aki would often conveniently forget this unless he needed to.
But Mari was whispering something about it to Ryu, and they kept sneaking pitying glances at him and Aki just wished Mari would stop being so loud about it.
Whatever.
It was fine.
It was good Harumi was getting over whatever girl he left in America.
Aki could ignore this simmering feeling in the bottom of his stomach.
He was still texting under the table, so he’d just have to ignore Mari and her loud existence.
Harumi sent another funny quip.
Aki could add another reason to the best friends list: ‘responds instantly’.
It was getting to be very long, but that was a good thing, right? It meant their relationship wasn’t just one aspect of life. There were genuine reasons for them sticking together. Even if the list had too many crossed out areas for rephrased areas that needed to be more platonic. That was normal. They were just closer than what most people would expect teenagers to be.
He heard someone whisper about Harumi’s girlfriend in the back of the lunchroom, and he resisted the urge to pull a Harumi and crush his strawberry milk.
At least he didn’t have gossip following his back.
The cool taste of the drink was turning sour on his tongue.
At least.
…
“Are you sure?” Mari asked.
Aki blew at his bangs. “Harumi’s literally in a relationship! With! A! Girl! What is so hard to understand?”
There was that glint to her eyes that was only bad news as she said, “You keep talking about him. You’re feeling things, aren’t you?”
“We’re best friends! Nothing more!”
Mari grinned. “You’re not denying.”
“Yes I am.”
She sighed the exact same way his older sister did as she said, “They grow up so fast. The lovebirds.”
He resisted the urge to cry into a pillow. He wasn’t a freshman anymore.
…So what?
“Anyways, they broke up, so I don’t-”
“What.”
Mari blinked at him. “Bro, he’s your best friend, why don’t you-no, nevermind, that just means I can fill you in! So basically…”
Aki stopped listening.
Harumi broke up with her.
Was he heartbroken? Dismissive? Why didn’t he mention it in any of his texts?
That must have hurt him.
Aki would check on him, then.
…Yeah.
He ignored the conflicting emotions of concern and something else battling in his mind.
(why did he feel like a weight was off his chest?)
Harumi must be so upset.
Yeah, Aki would find him and comfort him, just like how Harumi always did when they needed each other to cry or vent about whatever. That was exactly what Harumi would need.
…
That was not what Harumi needed.
They met that day, and Aki engaged in their typical banter before cautiously dipping his toes into the water by asking how Harumi was feeling.
He seemed more…relieved, than anything, and chuckled a little before saying Aki didn’t need to worry about it and they ended on good terms. “You’re too pure sometimes, Aki,” he remarked, as if it were a completely normal and platonic thing to say.
Aki added ‘flusters me’ to the list.
They didn’t talk about it anymore, instead circling back to the ‘debate’ on whether soup was warm vegetable juice (Aki genuinely just had no idea how Harumi could even imagine that to be a valid take). Harumi moved on, Aki could as well.
There was a warm flow of relief flooding through him, probably from all the worry he’d been holding about how Harumi would react. Definitely only about that. Harumi was his best friend. He was allowed to worry about him sometimes, instead of it always being the other way around.
…His.
Aki did not think about how much glee the thought brought him.
…
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Harumi, notebook in hand.
Aki, staring at him helplessly from across the room.
It was just going to be a normal post-midterm success hang out. A few sodas, some sitting in his room, maybe Aki being emotional like he always was and Harumi laughing at him. But Aki’d left to get some snacks, like the absolute American Harumi was, and he’d found The notebook.
Aki had upgraded his list into a little journal, and he’d jot things down in there a lot. Sometimes he wouldn’t even bother crossing anything out on it.
It wasn’t meant to be for anyone else’s eyes.
Of course, he couldn’t hide much from Harumi for long.
Aki didn’t realize what Harumi was holding until too late. It was Aki’s fault, honestly; he’d left it open in the smack center of his desk, and he was the one who told Harumi he didn’t care if he looked around. But Aki hadn’t known back then that he’d walk back to find him standing there, a huge grin on his face, and that one look that he’d picked up from the gossip queen, Ueno Mari.
“Aki…” Harumi said, slowly. Dangerously.
Aki almost dropped the bowl.
“Harumi…”
He smirked. “Why do you have a list of reasons why we’re”-he glanced down-“best friends?” He looked up, a glint in his eyes as he said, “Didn’t realize you had such little faith in our friendship.”
“Give that back.”
It would have been better if he’d just said no. But, to Aki’s horror, Harumi started reading. Out loud.
“Because he remembers my drink order.”
“Harumi.”
“Because he always texts back.”
“Harumi.”
“Because he sees through my excuses immediately.”
“Harumi.”
“Because if I had to choose…”
Harumi stared at the last page. He’d been absentmindedly flipping through, probably just to poke fun at Aki, but he could see the gears turning in Harumi’s head. The thing that would change, even though technically there was nothing romantic about the sentence, nothing wrong about the sentence.
Harumi’s voice wasn’t as humourous as before, as he finished the list. “Because if I had to choose, I’d choose him.”
There was silence for a moment. Then two.
Then Harumi burst out laughing.
Full on laughing.
Aki just stared, mouth agape, too stunned to properly say anything.
Harumi clutched at his ribs for a bit before finally composing himself and saying, “Aki.”
“...Yeah?”
“Did you write these while I had a girlfriend?”
Aki’s face heated up. “Wha-no, why’d you think-”
Harumi made a shooing motion with his hands. “It wasn’t real, anyways, you don’t have any competition-”
Aki blinked. Competition?
And then he saw it.
Harumi was smiling.
It was the same smile his best friend always had.
“Aki.”
There was a pause. The clock ticked.
“This isn’t a best friend’s list.”
It wasn’t.
There was no point in lying anymore.
“I know,” he said quietly, like if he said it softly enough the world wouldn’t be able to hear it.
Harumi’s smile grew wider. “Good.”
What?
“Because it means I’m not the only idiot here.”
What?
Aki stared at him.
Harumi was clutching the notebook with something of thinly disguised reverence, as if it was a good thing he wrote all this down.
Harumi looked glad.
Aki opened his mouth.
Closed it again.
Harumi opened the notebook again, flipping through the pages with a fond smile on his face, before he said, “Did you mean it?”
“I-what?”
Harumi hesitated a little, a rare sight that usually only Aki got to see. “Did you mean it? All the stuff you wrote in here?”
Aki, slowly, undecidedly nodded.
Harumi hummed a little. “This isn’t very platonic of you.”
Aki knew that.
He’d kind of known it all along.
But inner gaslighting was a nice thing sometimes.
Harumi looked down, averting his gaze, before asking, “Is this just friendship to you?”
Aki didn’t know.
He didn’t know anymore.
Harumi looked down at the notebook one more time. “Because he’s home.”
Aki was going to die of embarrassment.
Harumi looked up, meeting Aki’s eyes. “Y’know,” Harumi said casually. “It’s surprising how much my mental list overlaps with yours.”
“Wha-huh-what do you mean?”
Harumi shrugged. “The list of why I like you.”
He grinned. “It isn’t very different from this one. Just…inside my brain. The organizing stuff is more your thing.”
Aki stared at him.
“…You’re joking.”
“I’m not.”
Silence.
Aki’s voice cracked slightly when he spoke again.
“So… what now?”
Harumi considered this.
Then he smiled—properly this time. Not teasing.
Not mocking.
Just… warm.
Aki huffed a laugh.
Then, quieter:
“So we’re… what. Not best friends anymore?”
Harumi paused.
Looked genuinely offended by the question.
“We’re still best friends.”
Aki blinked.
“…We are?”
“Yeah,” Harumi said, like it was the simplest thing in the world.
Then he tilted his head slightly, smile returning.
“Just not only that.”
Aki went very still.
“…Oh.”
Harumi watched him for a second.
Then, lightly, in the shy way of his that rarely came out:
“Can I kiss you now or do we need to write a list about that first?”
Aki combusted for the fifth time that day.
Harumi laughed again.
And for once, Aki didn’t cross anything out.