Work Text:
“Hey Cap?” Luca called from across the locker room.
Practice had been particularly fun today. Ever since Shane had officially signed with the team a few months prior, it was like a breath of fresh air had blown through the whole team. The energy was incredible and everyone was just so excited.
The cup would be theirs this year, they were sure of it.
Ilya looked up to see Luca Haas’s face scrunched in confusion.
“Luca, whatever your face is doing, I don’t like it. Why do you look like someone asked you a math problem?”
A chorus of laughter echoed against the crowded walls.
“First of all fuck you i’m excellent at math–”
“Haas there is literally a video of you trying to add the tip onto a bill at that restaurant we went to,” Bood teased from the other side of the locker room. “You pulled out a calculator when the recommended amount was written on the receipt.”
Luca’s face went bright pink with frustration, “You know what, fine. I won’t tell you guys what I just saw on Twitter then.”
“What is happening out here?” Shane said, as he walked out of the showers to change.
“Haasy was just going to tell us what he saw online,” Ilya answered.
“Yeah I was, but then you all were being assholes–”
Shane looked around at the chaos that ensued. Each teammate talked and teased, it became overwhelming very quickly. Loud shouts bounced off every corner and Shane could feel each sound in his chest.
So, Shane did something he did not typically do. He hopped up onto the bench, wearing only his towel around his waist, and clapped his hands together twice loudly.
“Enough!” Shane shouted over the noise.
Everyone froze and went absolutely silent. This was a side of Shane they hadn’t seen yet, Captain Hollander.
“Now that I can hear myself think,” Shane said as he hopped down, “Luca, what did you want to say?”
Luca looked like a deer in headlights. His eyes were wide and almost looked like he was worried Shane was about to ground him for life. Luca raised a pointed finger at Ilya and words tumbled out of his mouth.
“Ilyas-trending-on-Twitter-again.”
Shane blinked a few times, “Um, can you repeat but a little slower?”
Luca took a deep breath, “Cap is trending on Twitter again. Apparently some of the fans found a Spotify account that they are claiming belongs to him.”
The whole team looked to Ilya for explanation. Ilya looked at Shane for a second before slowly turning back to Luca.
“What’s the name of the account…?”
@ Hollanovfanatic -
Um? Did I just find Ilya Rozanov’s account?
*Screenshot attached of a Spotify account with the user name ‘BostonMenace81’ with several playlists*
‘Workout’
‘Running Alone’
‘Running with Shane’
‘Boring Yoga Music’
‘Songs About Jane❤️’
‘Songs About Jane🖤’
‘Mama.’
💬8k 🔁20k❤️350k
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ ottawaforthewin -
I mean…idk who else would be called ‘The Boston Menace’ besides the guy who was nicknamed that. Also? The two playlists that were created first and named the exact same thing?
💬40 🔁2k❤️10k
@ Hollanovfanatic & @ ottawaforthewin
➡️@ samlovesilya -
Not only that but the fact that one is filled with love songs and the other is filled with tragic breakup songs?? AND the sad one hasn’t been updated since 2017??
💬17 🔁400 ❤️1k
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️ @ montrealsucks -
Lmao the “running alone” playlist is filled with absolute BANGERS this has to be Ilya’s account. There’s so much Bad Bunny and Cardi B it’s insane.
💬27 🔁5k ❤️28k
Liked by @notilya🔒
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ hollanov69 -
guys some of these songs are insane…if this is Ilya’s account he was really going through some shit before they came out…
*Screenshot from Songs About Jane🖤*
- Love of My Life - Queen, 3:39
- All I Want - Kodaline, 5:06
- She Used to Be Mine - Sara Bareilles, 4:10
- If I Could Fly - One Direction, 3:50
- Once in a Lifetime - One Direction, 2:38
- Sad Beautiful Tragic - Taylor Swift, 4:45
- All I Wanted - Paramore, 3:49
💬400 🔁15k ❤️465k
@ hollanov69
➡️ RaidersGuy -
You idiots are delusional if you think Rozanov would ever listen to Taylor Swift or that group of washed up guys.
💬5 🔁6 ❤️3
@ RaidersGuy
➡️@ hollanov69 -
If you think The Bisexual Millennial that is Ilya Rozanov wouldn’t listen to One Direction or Taylor Swift you are lying to yourself. That’s literally the target audience dumbass
💬15 🔁8k ❤️20k
@ RaidersGuy
➡️@hollanovlawyer -
Brad, you may be able to make a new account but I will still always have your address and employer’s number… #tryme
💬37 🔁900 ❤️35k
@RaidersGuy Not Found
@ hollanovlawyer -
LMAO HE DELETED HAHA GET FUCKED BRAD
💬49 🔁3k ❤️100k
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ nashvillegirl -
What about the fact that while the sad version hasn’t been updated since 2017, the happy playlist was updated yesterday 🥹#LoverboyIlya
*Screenshot from Songs About Jane❤️*
- This Love - Maroon 5, 3:26
- You Take My Breath Away - Queen, 5:07
- Landslide - Fleetwood Mac, 3:18
- Timeless (TV, FTV) - Taylor Swift, 5:21
- At Last - Etta James, 3:27
Newly added-
I’ll Believe in Anything - Wolf Parade, 4:37
💬78 🔁734 ❤️1.4k
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️goalielover -
90 QUEEN SONGS?!? man bro would have been outed by his spotify alone
💬7 🔁24 ❤️81
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ censfan12 -
You guys are sleeping on the yoga playlist, it’s actually super calming
💬3 🔁5 ❤️10
Liked by janeloveslily🔒
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ chironsnumberonefan -
The “Mama” playlist just ripped my heart out and stomped all over it in case anyone was wondering
💬14 🔁101 ❤️221
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ hockey4all -
Ilya Rozanov, this is criminal.
*Screenshot from Songs About Jane🖤*
- Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron&Wine, 4:02
💬70 🔁734 ❤️3.6k
@ hockey4all
➡️@ hollanovstan -
Is it criminal or is he just a twilight stan 👀
💬100 🔁36k ❤️127k
Liked by @LucaHaas✅
@ hollanovstan -
Luca??? Is that a yes??
💬5 🔁22 ❤️71
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ 24and81 -
Wait a damn minute, both “Songs about Jane” playlists were created when this account was in 2009. It's possible Ilya made them after meeting Shane for the first time…brb picking up my pen immediately
💬6 🔁64 ❤️2.7k
Bookmarked for Later by @notilya🔒
@ 24and81
➡️@ shilyaenjoyer -
Idk that’s kinda a stretch. When they came out they said they got together in 2017, which lines up with him not adding any more sad songs to the depressing playlist. But do let me know when you post that fic tho 👀
💬4 🔁17 ❤️82
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ marwritesstuff -
How am I supposed to be normal about this??
*Screenshot from Songs About Jane❤️*
- 18 - One Direction, 4:08
*Followed by a screenshot from Mama*
- Marjorie - Taylor Swift, 4:19
💬6 🔁33 ❤️2.4k
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ censcupsoon -
Girls/Girls/Boys by Panic! at the Disco on the workout playlist? Oh, Ilya knows ball alright.
💬7 🔁96 ❤️8.9k
@ Hollanovfanatic
➡️@ user1221 -
Now why the hell is “O Canada” one of only 5 songs on the “Running with Shane” playlist???
💬18 🔁1.7k ❤️9.2k
@ user1221
➡️@ IlyaRoz81✅-
It’s one of the only songs he knows
💬19k 🔁39k ❤️749k
@ShaneHollanderHockeyplayer✅
➡️@IlyaRoz81✅-
Not true, and you are such an asshole.
💬23k 🔁189k ❤️1M
Trending Now-
#BostonMenace
#SongsAboutJane
#LoverboyIlya
#BisexualMillennial
#OCanada
#YearningKing
#Hollanov
“Ilya, seriously?” Shane asked as Ilya made his way to his side of their bed.
“What? It’s true, you know almost no music,” Ilya replied as he fell into bed.
“O Canada is not the only song I know. I especially don’t run to it.”
Ilya tried to keep a straight face, but failed miserably. Shane picked up the nearest pillow and popped his husband on the head with an equally large smile on his face.
“You’re lucky I love you.”
A smile spread across Ilya’s face, “Yes, I’m the luckiest.”