Chapter Text
The castle of lions came into view, but what was usually a beacon of hope was now a reminder of what was at stake. It wasn’t like he purposely messed up- but the reason behind his failure didn’t matter.
Lance closed his eyes as the lions flew in, engaging in docking procedures which were becoming instinctual. He sat inside Blue, letting his most recent failure sink in.
It seemed like no matter how hard he tried, how many hours he trained, he would never be as talented as Shiro, or have instincts as good as Keith. He would never be as smart and innovative as Pidge, or as loyal and overall awesome as Hunk.
After a few minutes, he exited his Lion. Nothing would make the coming scolding easier. As he exited his hangar, he spotted Hunk waiting for him. His friend was already changed out of his armor.
“Hey!” Lance threw up an easy wave of his hand, plastering what he hoped was a believable smile on his face.
“Lance.” Hunk gripped his shoulders once he was in range. The hallway between the Blue Lion's hanger and their ready room was empty save for the two of them.
“Huuunk.” He cocked his head, “Pretty nice flying today buddy!”
Hunk’s hands squeezed his shoulders tightly. “Buddy! Dude, what was that? Stop pretending you're not shaken! You and Keith almost bit it.”
Lance waved his hands off. “We've had closer calls before. Don't worry, I'm fiiiine!” He wiggled his eyebrows, trying to make a double entendre.
“You seemed… sloppy today Lance. Just… promise you'll be more careful?”
“I'm the definition of careful.” He crossed his arms, leaning back with a smirk to complete his facade.
Hunk only sighed and turned to head back down the hall. If he saw through Lance’s fake bravado, he didn't show it. And Lance wasn’t sure if that was for the best or not.
He waited a few moments to collect himself before following Hunk down the hall. As expected, the team was still in the ready room. Everyone seemed to have changed already and about to head for dinner and a well deserved sleep. Well, everyone except Shiro who stood near the exit with crossed arms.
Hunk shot him a reassuring smile before letting Pidge push him from the room. At least Hunk hadn’t completely written him off.
Keith grabbed his red jacket and walked past him without so much as a glance. It wasn’t abnormal for Keith to ignore his presence when he was focused on something, but this time he radiated scorn. Lance wished just once the red paladin would offer him reassurance instead of writing him off. Or better, hold him close and whisper sweet nothings until Lance fell asleep in his arms. It was a far off dream, one he'd finally stopped pretending didn’t exist. And that made it hurt all the more.
Did he just erase all of the progress he’d made... or thought he made? Because of one mistake? Lance stared after Keith, wanting nothing more than to chase after him and apologize.
“Lance.” Shiro stepped towards him before he could pull his armor over his head. “What happened today was unacceptable.”
Lance hung his head. “I know.”
“I thought you were over trying to show off. We are a team, we all have our separate strengths which work together as a whole.” Shiro frowned down at him.
“I’m sorry. I know you’re angry with me, and I’ll keep to the plan from now on.” There was no way to bravado his way out of a conversation with Shiro.
Lance squeezed his eyes shut. They had came close, too close, to a major loss. He would live with the ‘what-ifs’ for a long time.
“I’m not angry.” Shiro’s human hand reached up to squeeze Lance’s shoulder. “I’m disappointed. You put all of our lives in danger, especially Keith’s, because you want to be the star. Or do you not trust us to do our parts?”
Lance snapped his head up, meeting Shiro’s gaze with watery eyes. “I trust you. All of you. I’m so sorry I screwed up.”
“Help us trust you, too.” Shiro turned, leaving the room without another word.
Lance collapsed on the nearby bench. The team didn’t trust him? He dropped his head into his hands. Of course they wouldn’t trust him to have their backs. Why would they?
An hour later, Lance was changed and wandering the halls of the castle. He knew he owed the team an apology… but how could he even face them? He kept to the parts of the castle the paladins rarely went to, hoping to continue his solitude for a while longer.
He passed a room with an open door, chancing a glance inside. It was a lounge of sorts, bookshelves lined one wall and comfortable couches and chairs were scattered around the room. On one of the small couches was Coran, a tall lamp illuminating the book in his hands.
Before Lance could continue on his way, Coran glanced up. When he spotted Lance, his face lit up. “Lance, come join me.” He patted the cushion next to him.
Lance glanced down the hall, he could just as easily decline and continue his lonely walk. But, if there was one person who could offer advice, it was Coran. The older man proved over and over he was available whenever anyone needed an ear. He was sitting on the couch before he’d fully made up his mind.
“I am glad you are well.” Coran closed the book, placing it to the side. “I was worried when you didn’t join us for dinner, but Hunk assured me you were uninjured from today’s battle.”
“I wasn’t hungry.” After a glance at Coran’s worried expression he added, “Thank you for your concern. It’s… it’s nice to know someone cares.”
Coran’s eyebrows rose, “We all care, Lance. Don’t let a momentary argument dissuade you from that fact.”
Lance stared at his knees. Having a serious discussion with Coran wasn’t rare, but having an extended one certainly was. “Coran? I-” he paused, picking at his fingernails as he worked the courage to continue. “Do you think I’m cut out to be a Paladin? Do I even come close to the previous Blue pilot?”
Coran shifted in his seat, reaching forward to place a gloved hand over Lance’s tangled hands. “You, Lance, are brilliant. You have the potential to be the best Blue Paladin I’ve seen-- you’re certainly close even now.” He patted Lance’s hand, “You need to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.”
Lance tried to laugh, but it came out closer to a snort. “No need to lie to save my feelings. I know I’m not on the level as everyone else.”
Coran sighed and pulled his hand away. “I will never lie to you Lance. Please, believe me when I give you my word on this.”
The silence hung heavy in the air between them. It was a strange atmosphere, Lance would always break tension with humor, offering some sort of joke. Same with Coran… and it just spoke volumes to how much he screwed up that they were both sitting quietly without a joke between them.
“You can come to me about anything, Lance. Anything.” Coran’s eyes had the same strange glint they often had when he didn’t think Lance was looking. It quickly disappeared, replaced with a wide smile and outstretched arms. “Come, hug it out. Everything will be okay.”
Lance gave in with a small smile, leaning into Coran’s offered embrace. It was quick, as they often were, but the contact helped lessen the overbearing feeling of loneliness. “Thank you.”
“Get some rest. You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow.”
“LANCE!” Shiro’s voice screamed in his helmet. “Pull up!”
Lance blinked, following the instruction as quickly as his sluggish body would cooperate. After leaving Coran the previous night, he hadn’t been able to sleep. He’d just laid in his bed until the lights began to brighten in the hallway, signaling morning.
Despite following Shiro’s orders, he was too slow. As Blue flew up towards the atmosphere of the planet, the Red Lion made her scheduled pass.
Keith’s shout rang through as their lions collided “Watch it! What is wrong with you?”
“Lance!” Shiro nearly growled.
“Everyone okay?” The yellow lion flew next to Lance.
Allura's voice chimed into the fray, stern as ever. “Get it together, Paladins. The universe is depending on you to work as a team.”
Pidge stayed quiet, keeping her lion in formation-- which was already broken anyway.
“Okay, team. Let’s break for lunch, then we’re in the training room until dinner.” His tone was stern and everyone kept their usual groans to themselves.
Lance brought up the rear, and once again sat inside Blue for a few extra minutes before going to change. “Good girl. Sorry I keep getting you hurt,” he patted Blue as he left the hanger.
The ready room was empty when he arrived. No doubt everyone rushed off for lunch. Despite skipping dinner the night before and only having a juice pack for breakfast, Lance wasn’t hungry. Logically, he knew he needed to eat, but the thought of it made his stomach churn.
He pulled the last of his armor off, storing it gently in its storage. As he pulled down the top of his black body suit, he heard the scuffle of feet behind him. He turned his head, finding Keith standing in the middle of the room.
“Um, hi, Keith.” Lance was aware of his own state of undress. Since he was alone, he hadn't bothered with one of the changing rooms. It wasn’t like they'd never changed around each other, but it was quick- no time for lingering looks.
Keith’s eyes flicked over him before boring into his eyes. “Do you have a problem with me?”
Lance swallowed. They’d moved past their totally mutual rivalry months ago. He'd hoped their budding friendship would last… maybe grow? But standing shirtless in front of an angry Keith pushed any thoughts of mutual attraction from his mind. He just wanted to hold onto a friend.
“No, Keith. I don’t! We're friends, right?” Right? Or had he misread everything?
“Get yourself together. Shiro may be gentle about it, but the fact is you're not keeping up. You're going to get one- or all- of us killed with your carelessness.”
“I-” Lance looked away. Of course. He was holding everyone back.
Keith turned on his heel, exiting as swiftly as he'd arrived. Despite the churning in his stomach, Lance looked up to watch him walk away. It was a guilty pleasure, one which had taken far too long to admit to himself.
He fully intended to skip lunch to take a nap instead, but Coran caught him in the corridor as he passed the dining room.
“Lance!” His smile was wide, warm and welcoming… everything Lance needed. Everything he didn’t deserve.
“Coran…”
“Hey, now. Turn that frown upside down.” He reached forward to pull at Lance’s lips. His gloves felt smooth on his skin, and Lance could feel the warmth of Coran’s fingers through the cloth.
Lance pulled away, swatting at Coran’s hands.
“Come now, it isn't so bad. Let's get a warm meal in you before your afternoon training.”
“ ‘m not hungry.” Lance dug at his dry eyes, keeping them open through pure willpower.
“Ah.” Coran tapped his chin, “How about I bring you a plate in private?”
Lance blinked at Coran. The other man was always so perceptive. Did he sense Lance’s need for a nap, or his reluctance to be around the others? Either way, it was a nice offer. “Yea… thanks. My room?”
Coran nodded with a knowing smile, folding his arms into the small of his back before heading to the kitchen.
Lance awoke to the sound of the tray being sat on his nightstand. He jumped up, nearly headbutting Coran with the movement. “Sorry, I didn't try to fall asleep!”
Coran passed him a cup of fragrant warm liquid. “Maybe you did? You did leave your door open, after all.”
“I did?” He didn't have any memory of even coming into his room.
Coran straightened the front of his shirt. “Promise you'll eat?”
Lance glanced at the green goo. The drink warmed his hands, and he wondered if it may be some sort of Altean tea. “Can you stay? If I fall asleep and miss training....”
Coran nodded empathetically. “Sure thing.” He helped himself to Lance’s desk chair, folding his hands in his lap.
Lance’s eyes focused on Coran’s white gloves. “Why do you always wear those?”
Coran blinked up at him, “What? My gloves?”
“Yea.” Lance spooned some of the green goo into his mouth, despite his stomach’s protest.
“Ah, well. It is a long, long story. But… I suppose the simplest explanation is a single word: Tradition.” He flexed his fingers. “More specifically… it’s something of an old tradition on Altea, but one I adopted even if it was out of fashion.”
“Tradition?” Lance scrunched his face.
“Yes… it was replaced with an bracelet of sorts- an armband, but a full glove just felt right for me. The short version is: the men of Altea covered their hands to signify they were no longer available for courtship.”
“Like a woman wears a ring?”
“Our women wore various jewelry as their replacement of the gloves. But, my unavailability was due to a loss, so the gloves seemed a logical choice.”
“A loss?” Lance looked down. It hit him, just how much didn't he know about Coran?
“When they...left they took my heart with them. And these gloves served as a reminder.” Coran chuckled. “When it is a matter of the heart, one throws logic out the window.”
“Yea…” Lance sipped at the warm drink now that it was cooled. It was sweet, and the aroma was relaxing. “Sorry you had to go through that, you're too good for that to happen to. Who was it?”
“You're kind. And that is a story for another time.” Coran tugged at his mustache before changing the subject. “You seem to be having a hard time of it lately. Anything I can assist with?”
“Unless you can cure an unwelcome crush.” Lance left the spoon on the tray, knowing the few bites he managed was already past his limit.
“Crush? Has something gone wrong with the Lion's configuration? Or did the-”
“Whoa.” Lance motioned for Coran to sit back down. “No… crush is an Earth term… for liking someone.”
Coran’s eyebrows rose. “Like, like like?”
“Yea.” Lance groaned. Was he really having a conversation about this? “Like, I've had crushes before, ya know? Not just the ‘hey, you're cute and I'm going to flirt’ kind. But I'm totally down for that too. But this is beyond that. I want him to look at me! And he won't!”
“Ah.” Coran leaned back, his hand rubbing his chin. “I hadn't realized… Well, no matter. I suppose this is the explanation behind your recent bout of poor decisions?”
“I just!” Lance threw his head back. “Why him, ya know? He clearly likes Shiro…”
Coran grunted.
“Any advice?”
Coran was quiet for a long while, and Lance wondered if he was going to answer. Then, he sighed and stood from the chair. “Lance, I cannot offer advice. Just… experience. I've been where you are, with feelings for someone I thought unobtainable. Yet, my heart wouldn't listen to reason.”
“What did you do?”
“I confessed. I knew either way, I would be free of the what-ifs and could move forward.”
Lance nodded. “Thank you. I'm used to rejection… I just don't want to hurt the team… but I guess I'm already doing that, huh?”
“You're doing great, Lance. Don’t let a few off days snowball into something worse.”
“Thank you, Coran. For everything.”
Coran gave him a reserved smile and picked up his tray. “You are welcome, Lance. Good luck with your training this afternoon.”
Lance watched him leave, his stomach churning with unease. A quick glance at his clock told him he had five minutes to get to the training room. He could only hope it went smoother than that morning's training