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Shadow didn’t have a birthday. Not a real one, anyway.
Maria had claimed that the day he was freed from that chunk of meteorite was his ‘birthday’, and she’d fought hard to get the scientists to agree to let Shadow celebrate it. They’d refused that first year, telling Maria that their work was too important to put on hold for an entire day. By that point, Maria hadn’t yet known the truth about the experiments that took place, so she just waited until they were done for the day, then dragged Shadow into the nearest kitchen so they could bake cupcakes together.
Shadow hadn’t known anything about birthdays (he hadn’t been allowed to spend Maria’s first birthday in the base with her either, and only got to spend the latter half of Maria’s next two birthdays with her, so he was still quite clueless as to how normal birthdays were supposed to be spent, even now), and didn’t understand the significance of baking something for it. Maria had told him that most people had regular cakes on their birthdays, but she knew Shadow’s favorite treat they’d made together was cupcakes, so they made those instead.
Gerald had caught them in the kitchen, but he hadn’t scolded Shadow for the mess they’d made, or him eating something he knew wasn’t allowed. He simply reminded Maria that she had to be awake early the next morning for something Gerald had planned the next day (even though the Professor had been extremely busy, he’d made sure to spend time with Maria at least once a week. Shadow had always been excluded during his first year in the base, despite Maria’s best efforts). It was one of the very few times Gerald had let Shadow’s disobedience slide, and he could only assume that it was because Maria had been too close. He knew that anything Gerald had to say to Shadow in that moment would have broken Maria’s heart, and he never would have done that to his precious granddaughter.
Maria used to make him cards as well, another thing he didn’t understand the significance of. But they were pretty, and they had kind words written in them, so Shadow kept them. They’d stayed hidden away in a spot within Maria’s bedroom, somewhere he could store things so the scientists wouldn’t take them, as they weren’t allowed in Maria’s room for any reason other than a life-threatening emergency. If they’d seen the cards, they probably would have confiscated them. Weapons weren’t allowed to have possessions.
Maria was the only person who had ever even mentioned his birthday, let alone celebrated it, which is why it came as a shock when Maddie had asked him when his birthday was a few months ago. It had been sudden, and at the time, Shadow had no idea why she’d even thought to ask at all. He’d tried explaining to her that he didn’t have a true birthday, as far as he knew, but after a bit more prodding, he’d ended up telling her about the day he and Maria had always celebrated his ‘birthday’ on.
He hadn’t thought about that conversation again until about a week ago, when Maddie mentioned during breakfast that his birthday was coming up. His brothers hadn’t known because he never planned to tell them.
It quickly became clear that they planned to celebrate it, which confused Shadow. It probably wasn’t even his real birthday, and even if it was, why did that make it worth celebrating?
Since when has his life ever been something to celebrate?
He knew his parents had something planned, but they’d decided to keep it a secret. They hadn’t given even the slightest of hints, so Shadow couldn’t begin to guess their surprise.
When he woke up on the morning of his ‘birthday’, he’d thought that he might have felt excited, or at least a little happy. In reality, he sort of felt… numb.
He spent the better part of an hour just staring at his wall, holding his plushie loosely in his arms. It felt weird knowing that this day was supposed to be special, but the only person to ever make it special was gone. It wasn’t this agonizing sense of loss that he’d felt on Maria’s birthday, but something far more empty. On her birthday, all he could feel - before Maddie had sought him out and comforted him - was her absence. Now, he could hardly even feel that. He was just tired.
He wished he could be excited about it. He wished he always felt happy during happy moments like his brothers did, and he didn’t know why he couldn’t. He was safe, surrounded by people who loved him, and actively working to heal from everything those scientists put him through. Why did he still have days where he struggled to leave his bedroom? Why did he have days where just getting up to eat or use the bathroom felt like such a monumental chore? Why did he lie down and stare at his wall or ceiling for hours, wanting to go out and see his brothers but having zero motivation to actually leave?
It didn’t even make sense sometimes. He’d want to go out and play games with them, or watch movies, or just be in the same room as them, yet he couldn’t drag himself out of bed. It would be so easy to; nothing was stopping him but his own brain, and the odd fog that seemed to cloud his mind during those days.
The fog won every single time.
He didn’t want to spend the day stuck in his bedroom. He wanted to hang out with his family, but… it just didn’t feel right. It almost felt like he was waiting for something to happen, and until it did, he couldn’t do anything else.
He was waiting for Maria.
The realization struck him suddenly, making his eyes water. His ‘birthday’ never truly began until Maria dragged him out of the labs to do something fun together. He didn’t have a birthday until Maria made it happen.
But Maria was gone, and he couldn’t even fathom the idea of celebrating this without her. It didn’t feel like something he was allowed to do.
Maybe that was stupid. She’d been dead for decades, and though he hadn’t been awake that long, he’d still lived without her for several months now. He still missed her, but it wasn’t as debilitating as it had been when he first joined the Wachowskis’ family. He shouldn’t let her death hold him back from anything.
That thought still wasn’t enough to get him out of bed.
***
Some time passed - a few minutes, a few hours, Shadow wasn’t certain - before his parents awoke. He heard them both in the kitchen, their voices muffled as they began preparing breakfast. If he tried hard enough, he could probably make out what they were saying, but he couldn’t be bothered.
He heard his brothers come downstairs soon after, laughing loudly about something. Shadow felt a pang of jealousy, but it was gone quickly, fading as it was overtaken by the numbness he’d felt since waking up.
Around maybe an hour later, a sudden knock on his door made him flinch. He hadn’t heard anyone approaching.
“…Hello?” Shadow called out.
The door opened, and Maddie peeked inside, a soft smile on her face.
“Good morning, sweetheart.” She said, entering the room. “Happy birthday.”
Shadow gave a noncommittal hum, looking back toward the wall.
Maddie walked to Shadow’s bedside, leaning against the bed with a small frown slowly forming on her face. “Are you feeling alright, Shadow?”
Shadow shrugged, holding Daisy tighter. “I’m uninjured.”
“That’s not what I asked.” Maddie said lightly, reaching out to pet one of his ears. He gave a quiet little purr despite himself. “How are you feeling right now?”
“I’m-“ Shadow paused, eye ridges furrowing. “I don’t… know how to say it.”
“Just try your best, honey.” Maddie encouraged.
Shadow thought about it for a moment, struggling to put all of his overwhelming thoughts into words. “…Is it… okay for me to celebrate my birthday, even though it’s not… real?”
Maddie’s head tilted curiously. “What do you mean?”
“This probably isn’t my real birthday, it’s just the day Maria picked, but she’s gone. I just… feel like I’m not supposed to do this without her.”
Maddie’s hand moved from his ear to his shoulder, resting there as a gentle, grounding pressure. “Well, Tom and I didn’t know Sonic’s real birthday either, so we just celebrated it exactly one year after he moved in with us.” She gave a slight chuckle. “You know, that was actually the day you escaped from GUN.”
Shadow’s eyes widened. “Really?”
His ears folded back guiltily when he realized he must have ruined Sonic’s birthday. Why would they want to celebrate Shadow’s after what he’d done?
Maddie nodded. “It probably wasn’t his ‘real’ birthday, but we still chose to celebrate it, and we’d like to do the same for your birthday.”
“…But my life isn’t worth celebrating.” It came out close to a whisper, almost muffled by how Shadow pressed his muzzle into Daisy’s fur.
All these years later, he still didn’t understand why Maria had been so adamant about celebrating his birthday. He wasn’t like her. She’d been kind, and smart, and she never would have hurt anyone for any reason. And Sonic shared so many qualities she’d once possessed; Shadow understood why Tom and Maddie would have dedicated a whole day to celebrating his life. But Shadow…
He hurt people. He’d become so violently angry that he was willing to assist in the destruction of the entire world. Why celebrate the birth of a monster so willing to rip the lives from others?
He didn’t miss the soft, wounded sound Maddie made when she heard it.
“Baby, look at me.”
Shadow reluctantly turned his gaze back to Maddie, swallowing roughly when he noticed the sadness in her eyes. Sometimes it felt like all he ever did was make the people he loved upset.
“You make our lives so much better just by being a part of it.” Maddie said, giving him a watery smile. “Your life absolutely is worth celebrating, and it makes me sad that there was a time when people made you believe otherwise.”
He wanted to believe it; Maddie had never lied to him before, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d be doing something wrong if he tried to celebrate. It wasn’t something he was supposed to do. He only occasionally got away with things like that if he was with Maria.
But the scientists were gone, he reminded himself. It was allowed. Tom and Maddie were allowing it- encouraging it. He wished it was enough to eliminate the worry.
Maddie must have seen the lingering apprehension in his expression. She sighed softly, stroking his cheek with the backs of her fingers. “It’s alright if you don’t want a big party, or any surprises. It’s your special day, and we can celebrate it however you want.”
A weight Shadow hadn’t even noticed pressing down on him was lifted in the span of a single breath. All of this pressure had been slowly crushing him; this worry that he couldn’t force himself to act however kids were supposed to act on their birthdays, or even exit his room at an appropriate time, leaving the rest of his family waiting on him as he wasted time lying in bed. He didn’t need to panic over anything he couldn’t handle today. Even if it was meant to be ‘special’, Tom and Maddie wouldn’t force him into a large celebration.
“…Will the others be disappointed if I don’t want a big party?” Shadow asked quietly.
“Of course not, baby.” Maddie replied. “All they really want is to spend the day with you.”
Shadow bit his lip. “But you and daddy had something planned…” his ears flattened. “I don’t wanna ruin it.”
“Oh, come here, sweetheart.” Maddie said, opening her arms.
Shadow finally sat up, leaning into Maddie’s arms as she hugged him gently.
“You aren’t ruining anything.” Maddie murmured, kissing the space between his ears. “We only want you to be happy. We can just stay home and spend time together if that’s what you want.”
“Stay home.” Shadow repeated, eyes narrowing. “Does that mean the surprise was somewhere else?”
Maddie tensed, realizing she’d finally let a small hint slip after a week of secrecy. She sighed softly. “I heard you telling your brothers about how you and Maria used to skate around the base together. Tom and I were going to take you and your brothers to a skating rink.”
They wanted to take him roller skating?
A little ball of conflicted emotions settled behind Shadow’s rib cage. On one hand, he’d love to roller skate with his brothers; it had easily been his favorite activity with Maria. But on the other, it almost felt like he’d be betraying her somehow. Skating together was their thing.
Shadow pressed his cheek to Maddie’s shoulder. “…Do you think Maria would be mad at me if I skated with them now, even though she’s gone?”
Maddie’s eyes softened. “No, baby, I don’t think she would. Though I never got to know her, I do know that she loved you very much, and I think she’d want you to do what makes you happy, even though she’s not here to do these things with you anymore.”
Shadow exhaled slowly. “I don’t want a party, that would be too much. But… I think I would like to go skating.”
Maddie smiled. “Yeah? Well, then, let’s go get some breakfast. We can go after, if you’re still feeling up to it.”
Honestly, Shadow didn’t know if he was feeling up to it, but he didn’t know when he’d get the chance to do this again. It wasn’t something he ever would have thought to ask his parents for. He just hoped that the odd way he’d felt since waking up would fade during breakfast (it rarely did, but he still held out hope).
Shadow followed Maddie out of his room and into the kitchen. He paused in the doorway, eyes widening in surprise.
There was a banner hanging from the ceiling with the words ‘Happy Birthday!’ displayed in bold letters. Colorful streamers hung from the corners of the counters and table, and others were taped to the ceiling on one end, the other end tied to the hanging lights above the kitchen island. There were even balloons tied to the back of the chair he always sat in.
Tom grinned when he spotted Shadow, standing in front of the waffle maker. “There’s the birthday boy!”
“When did you…?” Shadow glanced around at all the decorations, confused as to how they could have prepared all of this so quickly.
“About an hour ago. It helps to have a super fast hedgehog assist in decorating.”
Sonic grinned, sitting in his usual spot at the table. “Do you like it?”
Shadow let out a small chuckle, caught off guard. “Y- Yeah. They’re nice.”
Tom made waffles for breakfast, which he knew was Shadow’s favorite. Maddie let the other boys know that Shadow didn’t want a big party, to which they were far more understanding than Shadow had been expecting.
They left for the skating rink shortly after breakfast.
***
Shadow didn’t realize just how badly he’d missed skating around with someone until he was teaching his brothers how to do it.
The skating rink was a building with a large, open space, the floor of which was flat wood with an almost slippery quality. There were walls around the rink itself, protecting outside observers if one of the roller skaters lost control of their movements, and a few tables, along with a counter where roller skates could be rented.
Since Maddie’s arm was still in a cast, she and Tom decided to watch them skate from the sidelines. Tom helped the boys get their skates on, along with a pair of wrist guards (Shadow continued to use his air shoes since they were similar enough to the roller skates).
Tails held onto a nearby wall as he walked out onto the wooden floor, unused to the feel of the skates. He stared down at the floor nervously, but the way his namesakes swished gave away his underlying excitement.
Knuckles confidently walked out without assistance, claiming that the wheels would not hinder his movements, and almost immediately fell on his ass. Shadow had to help him stand again after he attempted to pick himself back up and slipped.
Sonic had an advantage the other two didn’t have; he already knew what it felt like to use skates. Though he’d never roller skated before, he did once wear Shadow’s air shoes, curious as to how it felt to use them. Shadow had laughed when Sonic asked to wear them, stating that he doubted Sonic could even stand up in them, let alone run. Sonic had accepted the challenge, and spent a whole day trying, failing and trying again to move without falling. By the end of the day, he was weaving through the trees near their house, not quite skating at the speed Shadow usually did, but it was still more than Shadow had expected in a single day.
Real roller skates felt a bit different from Shadow’s air shoes, but Sonic got the hang of it quickly. Together, he and Shadow taught Tails and Knuckles how to skate.
There were still a few stumbles, but the two hedgehogs always caught them before they could fall, and soon enough, the four of them were skating around the rink faster than the humans skating near them.
Shadow hardly even noticed the humans, too happy to be anxious.
By the time they left, Tails and Knuckles didn’t need any assistance to step out of the rink. Shadow could see that they still weren’t completely used to the feel of the skates, but the fact that they weren’t falling over was already a huge improvement.
They stopped at a fast food restaurant for lunch on the way home, and spent the next few hours afterwards playing games together.
***
Right before dinner time, Maddie brought out a box of cake mix, suggesting that the boys all make a cake together. Shadow’s ears perked up at the sight of the box.
“…Would it be okay if we made cupcakes instead?” Shadow asked, voice hesitant.
Maddie grinned, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He immediately groaned in embarrassment. “Of course, sweetheart.”
As Shadow learned very quickly, his brothers were absolute menaces in the kitchen. Tails spilled every single ingredient he was trusted with pouring, Sonic misread the instructions twice, and Knuckles managed to snap the handle off a measuring cup. If not for Tom’s supervision, they probably wouldn’t have gotten anything done.
Somehow, they managed to get the tray in the oven. The boys cleaned up their mess while Tom started on dinner, and by the time dinner was finished, the cupcakes were done as well. They were taken out of the oven to cool during dinner.
After dinner, Tom, Maddie and the boys revealed that they had one more surprise for Shadow.
Three bags were set on the table in front of him, all filled with thin, colorful paper. He gave his parents a confused frown.
“What’s this?” He asked, eyes scanning over the bags.
“Presents, kiddo.” Tom said, ruffling the fur between Shadow’s ears.
He’d completely forgotten that presents were even exchanged on birthdays. It was the one thing Maria couldn’t do to replicate a ‘normal’ birthday in the base, as she wasn’t able to go out of the base to get him anything. It had never bothered him, though.
He was almost frozen in shock, staring at the colorful bags. He looked to his parents, uncertain.
Maddie gave him a soft, reassuring smile. “Go ahead, baby.”
He reached out hesitantly, grabbing one of the bags at random.
“That one’s from Stone.” Tom said.
Shadow’s eyes widened. “Stone got me a gift?“
He pulled the colorful paper out of the bag and brought out the gift, revealing a bag of coffee beans from a brand he’d never heard of before. Attached to the bag was a sticky note.
‘For the coffee you loved (or just to eat) - happy birthday!’
Shadow gasped softly when he saw it, and made a mental note to head over to the Mean Bean sometime to thank Stone.
The next present Shadow opened was from Tom and Maddie. Inside their bag was a red and white box with ‘Nintendo’ across the top. The sides of the box showed a hand holding some sort of black - or possibly dark gray? - device with white buttons on either side of the screen. He recognized it as the same devices his brothers had in different colors, which they often used to play games together.
“You can play Pokémon with us now!” Knuckles said.
Shadow’s head tilted. “I… don’t know how to use this.” He glanced to Sonic. “Will you teach me?”
Sonic gasped. “Yes!”
The last gift was from Shadow’s brothers. Apparently, even Tom and Maddie didn’t know what they had gotten him.
He removed the paper and reached into the bag, grabbing something thin and hard. He pulled it out of the bag, seeing that it was a picture frame, and-
A familiar, smiling face greeted Shadow for the first time in five decades.
It was the same picture Maria used to keep in her bedroom, the only picture they’d ever gotten to take together. Shadow and Maria stood side by side, both smiling at the camera, although Shadow’s eye ridges had been furrowed, giving him an almost angry look. He’d been in pain when the picture was taken, recovering from a test he couldn’t quite remember at the moment, but he’d tried his hardest to hide it from Maria.
She’d been so happy when she received the picture, putting it on her nightstand so she could see it every day. Even knowing how horrible he’d felt when the picture was taken, he’d loved seeing it in her room. He hadn’t been able to retrieve the original picture before the base was destroyed by that black hole. It was the only thing he’d wished he could have saved from it.
Yet here it was now, undamaged.
“…H-How-“ Shadow’s voice cracked, tears welling up in his eyes. “How did you get this?”
Tails shifted his weight, smiling sheepishly. “I might have found it in your files a while back. We weren’t really sure what you would like, so-“
He was cut off by Shadow’s sob.
Tails tensed. “I- I’m sorry, we weren’t trying to upset you.”
Shadow’s next sob was half-chuckle, a couple stray tears slipping down his cheeks. “N-Not upset. Just… o-overwhelmed.” He scrubbed the tears off his muzzle and gave his family a watery smile. “Th-Thank you. I- I love you guys.”
He let out a slightly embarrassing squeak when he was all but tackled by his brothers, pulled into a tight hug.
Once the presents were all opened, the cupcakes had cooled off enough to be frosted. The boys worked together on the frosting, and it was easy to tell who had frosted each cupcake. The ones frosted by Tails and Shadow looked much cleaner than the ones done by Sonic and Knuckles, and the sprinkles on top were less messy, but they all looked delicious in Shadow’s opinion.
Tom set a candle on top of Shadow’s cupcake, and when he asked the purpose of it, Sonic explained that he had to make a wish and blow out the candle, but that he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone his wish, or it wouldn’t come true. He vaguely remembered Maria mentioning candles once, but she’d never been given access to any for Shadow’s birthdays, and he’d never been allowed to watch her blow out her candles (but she always made sure to sneak him a piece of cake later).
After the candle was lit, his family sang him the most horrendous song he’d ever heard in his life. It was somehow worse than Barbie Girl. Shadow just smiled through it, hoping it didn’t reveal the embarrassment he felt.
When the song finally ended, he thought about the wish he was supposed to make. After a moment, he blew out the candle, and took a bite of the cupcake, tail wagging behind him.
What he didn’t tell his family was that he only pretended to make a wish. He felt like he didn’t need to make one.
He was already happy with his life exactly how it was.