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Agreeing to this was a mistake, Shadow thought, staring at the large swimming pool.
Maddie had finally gotten to remove her arm cast roughly a week ago, and the moment it was safe for her to swim, she and Tom decided that it was time to teach the boys how to swim. They’d been planning it since Sonic and Shadow fell in that frozen lake together, worried that they’d end up in a situation like that again with no knowledge of how to swim. But they hadn’t gotten the chance to until now, as for the past few months, they’d either been too busy to, or somebody in their family was recovering from something. It certainly hadn’t helped that Shadow had practically refused to leave the house for any reason other than his therapy appointments.
When Tom and Maddie had first suggested the boys learn how to swim, Shadow hadn’t thought anything of it. He figured swimming could be a useful skill to learn, and agreed without a second thought. Tails had been willing as well, and Knuckles was happy to join them despite already knowing how to swim, but Sonic…
Sonic had argued about it when they first brought it up, and continued to fight against it days later. He’d even complained about it in the car, even though he’d begrudgingly agreed to try learning.
Tom and Maddie made it very clear that they wouldn’t force the boys to learn, even if it could help them later on. They understood that Sonic and Shadow each had several bad memories tied to water, and didn’t want to scare them. Something about that reassurance must have put Sonic at ease somewhat, which was why he’d agreed to this in the first place.
Shadow had faced far worse than a little water, and didn’t think that he’d have a problem with it (if he could survive what happened to him in the hospital, he could handle a swimming pool). It wasn’t until he was actually standing at the edge of a pool that he realized he might not be ready for this. Just the sight of the water was enough to make his heart speed up.
It was a public pool within a large building, though it was currently empty apart from Tom, Maddie and the boys. The whole building had a chemical smell that burned Shadow’s nose, and whenever one of them spoke, it echoed in a way that he knew would give him a headache if they stayed long enough.
There was a more shallow end of the pool, only a couple feet deep. Tom and Maddie could easily stand in it, but even that was almost too deep for the four aliens to comfortably stand in.
Tom and Maddie entered the pool first. Tom was wearing swim trunks patterned with little donuts that, in Shadow’s opinion, looked absolutely horrendous, but he didn’t tell Tom that. Maddie wore a dark green bathing suit with a spiraling butterfly design that looked significantly better than the donuts (sorry, Tom).
“C’mon, boys.” Tom said, waiting at the edge of the pool. “The water’s warm.”
Sonic glared down at the water like it had personally offended him. He’d removed his shoes and socks, but refused to take off his gloves. He’d brought a spare pair to change into when they left, despite how clearly he had zero intention of getting in the pool.
The other boys hadn’t minded removing both their shoes and gloves (Shadow assumed they would have left the gloves on, had anyone else been at the pool), leaving their paws bare as they walked along the pool’s edge. It was the first time Shadow had seen Tails remove his gloves, and though the fox kit didn’t say anything about it, Shadow still avoided looking at his paws. He still didn’t get why other aliens had this weird problem with showing their paws, but he tried to respect it regardless.
Tails slipped into the pool carefully, grimacing when it instantly soaked his fur. He kept his paws on the side of the pool, just short enough that his feet struggled to touch the bottom. It certainly didn’t help that his namesakes wanted to float up to the surface of the water, making it even harder for him to keep his legs down.
“Feels weird.” Tails said, trying to keep his namesakes tucked close to his body. “It’s like a bath, but… worse.”
Knuckles lacked the carefulness Tails had, instead running up to the pool’s edge and jumping into the deeper end, causing a large splash that managed to reach their parents, just barely stopping before it could hit the two hedgehogs lingering at the side of the pool. He popped up again a moment later, swimming over to the shallow end easily.
Shadow glanced at Sonic, and Sonic frowned in silent response. As much as Shadow didn’t enjoy water after the lake incident (and the experiments he tried not to think about), he could only imagine how Sonic felt about it, having nearly died to water twice.
Shadow took a deep, shaky breath before lowering himself into the pool beside Tails, tensing when the water reached his just below his shoulders.
“…It’s not that bad.” Shadow told Sonic, voice unconvincing.
Sonic snorted. “Oh, it’s not? Then why do you look like you just watched a bird fly away with a bunny?”
Shadow’s eyes widened, and his gaze snapped to Maddie. “Birds eat bunnies?!”
“Some birds.” Maddie replied.
Shadow scowled at Sonic. “Great, birds suck now. Thanks, Sonic.”
“Anytime, Shads.”
Tails pulled himself up to the side of the pool, leaning over on his elbows and reaching toward Sonic. He tapped Sonic’s foot with a wet paw, making Sonic flinch back, and said, “C’mon, your turn.”
Sonic’s gaze turned apprehensive, glancing from the pool to the door they’d entered through, as if he was considering running back home instead.
“It’s alright if you aren’t ready, honey.” Maddie said softly, resting an arm on the side of the pool. “You can just watch, if you want. You can always try again another day.”
Sonic’s expression became pinched. With a quiet sigh, he lowered himself down to the very edge of the pool and carefully slipped into the water, clinging to the edge like it was the only thing keeping him alive. He didn’t lower himself enough to touch the bottom, refusing to let the water hit his shoulders.
“Need some help, bud?” Tom asked.
Sonic shook his head, looking more than a little paralyzed. “I’m, uh, I’m just gonna stay here for a minute. Get used to the water, y’know?” He chuckled nervously.
With a knowing look, Tom eased Sonic off the side of the pool, choosing to hold him instead. Sonic relaxed minutely, clinging to Tom’s shoulders.
“See? The water won’t hurt you. I’ve got you.” Tom said with a grin.
Sonic scoffed weakly. “I knew that.”
***
Tails was the first to get used to the water, wading through it without assistance long before Sonic and Shadow were even willing to attempt it. Shadow wondered if this was meant to be instinctual to them, something they were just supposed to know how to do like many normal animals, or if it was just a lack of fear to hold Tails back, something Sonic and Shadow lacked due to their past experiences with water.
While Knuckles kept an eye on Tails, teaching him how to cross the whole pool fast enough to put the two hedgehogs to shame, Tom and Maddie tried their best to ease both hedgehogs’ worries, holding them to keep them from sinking. It didn’t help that Shadow was unable to remove the Limiter Rings around his wrists and ankles for extended periods of time, meaning he had four pieces of metal trying to pull his limbs down. He was completely used to their added weight on land, but in water, they became an issue.
“Don’t feel bad if you still can’t swim by the time we leave.” Maddie said, one arm holding Shadow on her hip, the other shifting around gently in the water.
She’d gone a bit deeper into the pool, not deep enough that her feet stopped touching the bottom, but too much for Shadow to stand in it without help. He kept his arms around her shoulders, trying really hard not to freak out. Considering the fact that Maddie hadn’t given him that worried look she always did when she saw him panicking, he figured he was hiding it well enough.
“Most kids need at least a few lessons before they’re comfortable enough in water to tread it on their own.” Maddie continued.
Shadow frowned, looking to where Tails was happily doggy-paddling beside Knuckles. “Tails figured it out in two seconds.”
Maddie smiled, watching the two boys swim together. “I don’t think it was quite that fast.”
“Felt like it.” Shadow grumbled.
“Aww, are you jealous, baby?”
Shadow scoffed, muzzle heating up. “No, I just… want to get this over with.”
“I know, but you shouldn’t try to rush it. Let’s just get you comfortable with being in water to start, okay?”
“…Fine.” Shadow mumbled, resting his chin on Maddie’s shoulder. He didn’t think he’d ever truly be comfortable in the water, though. Not like how Knuckles and Tails were.
He couldn’t put a number to how many times he’d nearly drowned in the labs, forcibly submerged over and over and over again until the scientists were either satisfied with his results or just done with testing for the day. And as soon as he was done getting shoved into water against his will, he was locked up in a mix of chemicals instead, some sort of liquid he still didn’t know the contents of, made to sleep there until he was dragged out the next day, then shoved back into more water, left to struggle. Rinse and repeat every day for weeks until the frigid water stopped bothering him.
Hold your breath, ignore how cold the water is, keep your eyes open, it doesn’t burn that bad, stop being such a child, you should have held your breath longer, cough up the water in your lungs, recover faster, you’re wasting time Project-
He needed to stop thinking about it. He tried to focus on the warmth of the water, and Maddie’s gentle voice in his ears, but he could already feel the tightness forming in his chest, making it harder to breathe. It had been slowly building for several minutes now, despite his best efforts to ignore it.
He looked over to Sonic, expecting the older hedgehog to be in a similar state, and his mouth fell open at what he saw.
Sonic was floating on his back, with Tom’s hands underneath him to hold him up and keep him from sinking. They were chatting away about something Shadow was too distracted to focus on.
Sonic looked completely relaxed, trusting Tom to keep him safe. Shadow could still see his lingering distaste for water in the way his muzzle wrinkled every time it splashed a little too close to his face, but he was still doing far better than Shadow despite his fear of water.
Shadow was failing. That was the only conclusion he could come to. Sonic was already getting used to the feel of the water, Tails was already swimming near the deep end with Knuckles, and Shadow was clinging to Maddie like he would die the second he let go.
He’d been trained better than this.
This was a skill that could save lives. He might need to know this one day.
He knew how to push past his discomfort, how to force himself to learn a skill quickly. If he could handle what the scientists put him through for three years, he could handle this. It was just water.
Shadow took a deep breath to steady himself and drew back a bit from Maddie’s arms. “Okay, I’m- I think I’m ready now.”
Maddie gave him a doubtful look. “Are you sure, sweetheart? It’s alright if you need more time.”
Shadow shook his head, repeating, “I’m ready.”
***
Shadow wasn’t ready.
He’d tried listening to Maddie’s instructions, and for a little while, he was succeeding. He’d managed to float on his back without assistance (the Rings made it extremely difficult, but Shadow refused to fail), and was just beginning to tread through the water when the panic building in his chest made itself known again. It wasn’t even the water surrounding him that triggered it; he’d been watching Tails when it reached its peak.
Despite Tom and Maddie trusting Knuckles to keep Tails safe in the water, they’d still requested that Tails not go too far into the deep end of the pool. Around an hour after Tails had first started following Knuckles around the pool, he’d whispered something to the echidna, then climbed out of the pool. It wasn’t until Tails was standing near the deep end that Tom finally realized what he intended to do.
“Whoa, Tails, let’s come back to the shallow end-” Tom said, but it was already too late.
Tails took a running start, heading straight for the deep end. At the last second, he jumped, tucking his legs to his chest as he hit the water, causing a loud splash.
Shadow’s heart sank to the bottom of the pool, memories of a frozen lake flashing in his mind. He couldn’t see Tails at all below the water, it was too far and the pool was darker on that end. Why did Knuckles let him jump? He was supposed to keep an eye on the youngest, and now he was just resting an arm on the side of the pool, doing nothing as Tails-
Was Tails drowning? Did he know how to come back up for air? Shadow was too far away to get to him in time, he couldn’t find Tails and teleport him out like he’d done for Sonic Tails was alone down there he was drowning Shadow was about to loseanothersibling-
Maddie gasped, eyes leaving Shadow for a moment. “Knuckles! Get-“
“Do not worry.” Knuckles said, waiting close to where Tails had jumped.
Hardly a moment passed before Tails’ head broke through the water’s surface. He spat out a bit of water, took a small gasp of air, then laughed triumphantly.
“I did it!” Tails cheered, making his way back toward the rest of his family. “Did you see it?!”
Tom let out a chuckle, sounding relieved. “We saw! Good job, kiddo.”
Maddie sighed, looking back to Shadow. “Alright, Shadow-“
One of Shadow’s paws shot forward, grasping Maddie’s arm with desperation when his focus lapsed and he started sinking.
Maddie was quick to hold him, not letting the water go past his chin. “Hey, stay calm, baby, I’m here.”
He felt like he couldn’t breathe, the water around his chest crushing his rib cage, squeezing his lungs until they were painfully empty. He tried to gasp for breath, but every bit of past training beaten into him wouldn’t let him inhale with the water this high around him.
“I need- out-“ Shadow choked, paw clenching around Maddie’s bicep, just barely reminding himself to mind his claws.
Maddie shifted him back onto her hip, quick to return him to the shallowest part of the pool. Shadow took a deep, shuddering breath once the water was below his chest, letting it out again with a choked noise that wasn’t quite a sob, but couldn’t really be called anything else.
Maddie didn’t stop until she and Shadow were out of the pool. She sat on the edge and held him sideways in her lap as he trembled, the air cold against his soaked fur.
He was facing away from his siblings, which he assumed Maddie had done to give him some semblance of privacy, but it only made his panic worse, unable to see that his brothers were okay. He knew they were, Tom and Knuckles could keep them safe - Knuckles had even saved Sonic from drowning before, according to Sonic - but it wasn’t enough to ease the frantic worry that had flooded his veins the moment Tails disappeared under the water.
His brain worked sluggishly to remind him of what he was supposed to do when he was panicking. His fangs itched with the urge to sink his teeth into his arm. He bit down on his tongue instead (gentle, don’t draw blood), pulling his arms up to his chest. He hooked his thumbs together, paws shaking as he pressed his fingertips to the space just below his collar bones on either side of his chest.
He focused on his breathing (too fast, too shallow) as he tapped against his chest rhythmically, alternating sides the same way his therapist taught him to. He rested his head against Maddie’s shoulder, hearing her whispering gentle, comforting words he couldn’t fully register at the moment.
She kept one arm around his back, her other hand lifting to pet his quills. He nuzzled her shoulder, gradually releasing the tension in his limbs.
He squeezed his eyes shut, keeping them closed while his rapid heart beat started to slow down. He took deep breaths, counting the space between them, not stopping the butterfly taps until he was finally calm.
He opened his eyes, startling when he saw Tails sitting next to Maddie, right in front of him. He hadn’t heard the fox kit leave the water.
“Are you okay?” Tails asked, head tilting.
Shadow lowered his paws with a sigh. “Yeah, just… remembered something bad.” He smiled weakly. “I’ll be alright.”
Tails’ ears twitched down. “Was it something I did? Was I… being too loud, or…?”
Shadow shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault. Just my brain being stupid again. You can get back to swimming, don’t worry about me.”
Tails glanced back to the pool, lips pursed in consideration. After a moment, he shifted closer to Maddie, leaning against her arm and reaching one of his paws toward Shadow in silent offering. Shadow hardly hesitated before offering his own paw, letting Tails hold it tightly. He felt Maddie press a kiss between his ears.
Without meaning to, Shadow looked down at the bare paw holding his own. The back of his paw was orange like the rest of the fur on his arms, except for his fingers and palms, which were white like his muzzle and stomach. The white fur gradually blended into the orange around his knuckles, mixing in a way that looked natural, rather than the way Shadow’s red stripes cut a solid line down the backs of his own paws.
Tails caught him staring, but he didn’t seem uncomfortable with it. His namesakes swayed lightly behind him, relaxed and not at all self-conscious.
“…I know why Sonic and Knuckles wear them,” Shadow started, “but why do you wear gloves?”
Tails shrugged. “I have sensory issues. The gloves help.”
“Sensory issues?”
Tails bit his lip, thinking. “Have you ever touched something with a texture that made you want to gag?”
Shadow blinked. “There’s a term for that? Gerald always said I was being dramatic.”
“That’s because Gerald sucked.” Tails deadpanned. “I’m glad he got the mosquito treatment.”
“Tails.” Maddie sighed, voice lightly scolding, although she didn’t necessarily sound like she disagreed with the fox.
“…Mosquito treatment?” Shadow questioned.
Tails stiffened. “Um, yeah… when Gerald died-“
“Tails, don’t.” Maddie said, firm, but not harsh.
Shadow frowned at Maddie. “I want to hear it.” He turned back to Tails. “Tell me… please.”
Tails looked to Maddie for permission. She just sighed again, holding Shadow tighter, as if preemptively comforting him.
“Eggman zapped Gerald with a quill, and he ended up getting caught in your Chaos energy.” Tails explained, slowly shrinking in on himself. “He sort of… disintegrated? Immediately?”
After all these months, Shadow had never once thought to ask how Gerald actually died. He’d known Gerald was gone, and he’d guessed that it was Ivo’s work since he hadn’t seen Gerald with Ivo when they worked together to stabilize and move the Cannon (and even if Gerald had still been alive by that point, there was no way he survived the explosion), but he never actually knew how it happened.
Shadow’s energy killed Gerald.
The energy Gerald was once willing to torture Shadow to collect had been what ended his life.
He wasn’t certain why, but hearing that made him burst out laughing.
Maddie and Tails both flinched at the reaction; they’d probably expected the information to upset him, maybe make him cry or spiral into panic again. Shadow would have expected that kind of reaction from himself.
Instead, he found himself laughing hysterically, shoving a paw over his muzzle to try and stifle it. He laughed so hard his ribs ached, and tears filled his eyes.
“D-dis-“ Shadow wheezed. “Disintegrated.”
Tails let out a tiny giggle of his own, but Maddie seemed at least mildly concerned by Shadow’s reaction. She stroked his ears as his laughter tapered off into soft chuckles.
Shadow scrubbed at his muzzle, intending to wipe away the stray tears that had slipped down his cheeks and grimacing when he remembered that his paw was still wet from the pool.
“Doing alright, Shadow?” Tom called from the other side of the shallow end.
“Yeah, I’m… I’m okay.” Shadow replied, not even needing to lie.
Just a few months ago, he probably would have been deeply upset to hear about Gerald’s true death- he probably would have felt guilty for being the indirect cause of it, but now, knowing that Gerald had only pretended to care for him, knowing that Gerald had used him and manipulated him, he realized that he was… kind of glad Gerald was dead. Obviously, he was glad that Gerald couldn’t hurt anybody, but on a more personal level, he knew that he didn’t miss Gerald.
Part of him still loved the man - still thought of him as his ‘first father’ - and probably always would, despite how much he resented him, but he didn’t miss Gerald, not anymore, and that realization meant everything to him.
Shadow squeezed Tails’ paw gently. “Thank you for telling me.”
Tails just squeezed his paw back, a small smile on his face.
***
Shadow decided not to get back in the pool, thoroughly exhausted by his attempts to swim and subsequent panic attack. He dried himself off with one of the towels Tom and Maddie brought, then flattened it across the floor beside the pool so he could lie down on his stomach and watch the others swim.
Sonic still refused to let go of Tom for even a second, but he hadn’t complained about the water in a while, which Shadow figured was a good sign. Knuckles and Tails decided to compete to see who could hold their breath underwater the longest, and after a lot of convincing, Sonic eventually joined them, keeping one paw clenched against the side of the pool, the other wrapped around Tom’s hand.
Shadow’s heart stuttered every time he watched them go under the water, but Tom and Maddie stayed right by their sides the whole time in case anything went wrong.
By the end of their little competition, Knuckles had won almost every round, only losing once because Tails decided to play dirty. Unfortunately for Tails, his lung capacity was weaker than Sonic’s, so he still lost.
When they all left the pool, Sonic shook himself off like a dog instead of using his towel, splashing everyone but Shadow.
“Ack-! We brought towels for a reason!” Tom complained, making Sonic laugh.
“I’ll make sure to stand even closer next time.” Sonic said with a smirk.
“Next time?” Maddie said, amused. “Does that mean you enjoyed swimming, honey?”
Sonic froze up. “Wh- uh…” he scoffed. “Nope. Not at all. Water is lame.”
Tails threw his towel at Sonic once he was done with it. “No, it’s not! I wanna swim again.”
“I would not be opposed to returning.” Knuckles agreed, also throwing his towel at Sonic.
“I’m not a towel rack!” Sonic cried, pulling them away from where they’d gotten stuck on his quills.
“…I’d like to try swimming again.” Shadow said softly.
“Yeah?” Maddie said, running her hand over his quills affectionately.
Shadow nodded. “I think I’ll do better next time. I know what to expect now.”
Maddie smiled. “You did very well for your first time.”
Shadow’s eye ridges furrowed. “But I had a panic attack?”
“It happens sometimes. Lots of kids are scared of water. That doesn’t mean you did badly.” She bent down to kiss his forehead. “And I’m so proud of you for trying, even though you were scared.”
Shadow’s tail gave a little wag despite himself.
Sonic groaned. “We smell like chlorine. Can we go home?”
“I’m hungry. I want ice cream.” Tails said.
“Ice cream isn’t real food, bud.” Tom snorted.
“How does ice cream not qualify as ‘real food’, but cheese does, even though they are made from the same thing?” Knuckles asked.
“I don’t think most people are eating cheese as a whole meal.”
Sonic made an offended noise. “Speak for yourself.”
“‘Why do I always have stomach aches?’” Tails said in a sarcastic tone.
“You can pry cheese out of my cold, dead hands.”
Shadow nudged Tails’ shoulder and whispered in his ear, “Sonic would eat straight uranium if he could get away with it.”
Tails choked on a laugh.
The boys all put their gloves back on (or swapped out the wet ones for a dry pair, in Sonic’s case), and piled into the back of Tom’s truck, Tails and Knuckles sitting together on one side while Sonic and Shadow sat on the other.
Shadow leaned against Sonic’s side, and his eyes widened when he realized Sonic was trembling. It was faint and not visibly noticeable; he probably wouldn’t have realized it if Sonic hadn’t chosen to sit beside him.
Being in the water for so long must have affected him more than he let on. Even if he had ended up having fun, it didn’t completely eliminate his fear.
Reaching between them, Shadow grabbed one of Sonic’s paws, holding it tight. Sonic gave him a small smile, the light tremor in his limbs gradually easing.
They stayed like that during the whole ride home.