Chapter Text
Rose straightened in her chair as Harris adjusted the camera. Her most recent movie brought her to Montreal, and a rare break in her filming schedule brought her to visit her best friend and his husband Ottawa. She hadn’t seen them since their wedding almost a year ago, a reunion was long overdue. Shane had told her that his team social media manager had practically squealed in excitement upon hearing about her plans, sheepishly asking if she would mind maybe being back in front of the camera even though she was on break. Of course she didn’t mind, it would probably be significantly more fun than the interviews she was used to doing.
Harris set two white boards on the table in front of the couple sitting across from her.
“Any questions before I start filming?”
Everyone shook their heads. Harris fiddled with the camera and gave them the go sign.
“I’m Rose Landry, and I have with me the first husbands of hockey, Shane and Ilya Hollander. Today we are going to be playing… the Newlywed Game.”
Rose grinned at the camera. She had raised her eyebrow when Shane first told her about the premise for the video. Even though they were now out and married, Shane still liked to keep the details of his relationship private, and Ilya wanted whatever Shane wanted. Maybe he was feeling sappy after their first anniversary had passed, or maybe he was just tired of the endless speculation about the couple. When did it start? Who made the first move? When did it become love? The Centaurs barely even knew their story, hence the small crowd watching them behind the camera. She recognized Troy, Wyatt, Zane, Luca, and maybe a few others, comically squeezing themselves into the corner of the small media room. Rose gathered up her cards to read off the first question.
“First question. When did you two first kiss?”
Shane and Ilya quickly scribbled, simultaneously holding up identical answers. They read at the same time.
“June 17th, 2010, 9:01 PM.”
Eyes around the room widened. There was a quiet shuffling in the corner as the team all pulled a few bills out of their wallets, handing them to a smug Luca.
Harris piped up from behind the camera. “Holy shit, seriously? When did you guys first hook up then?”
Ilya glanced at Shane, who gave him a nod. They held up their boards again. “June 17th, 2010, 9:02 PM.”
“No fucking way.” Wyatt let out before slapping a hand over his mouth. “Sorry Harris.”
“Maybe also clarify when you decided to become exclusive.” Rose needed to make sure her more rabid fans didn’t chop Shane’s head off for cheating on her.
They didn’t bother with the boards, instead Ilya put his arm around his husband and kissed his cheek. Shane smiled and said “Officially in July 2017.”
Rose winked at him. “I’d like to remind everyone that me and Shane broke up in January 2017. Alright, second question. Who was their first celebrity crush?”
Ilya smirked as he held up his answer. “Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Shane cannot help his love for men with soft, beautiful curls.”
Shane rolled his eyes, but still knocked his shoulder against his husband’s. He held up his board, the exact same answer written on it. “He’s right, my mom watches that movie at least once a month. There was something about the way that Johnny was able to lift her so effortlessly… Ilya’s was Keanu Reeves in Point Break.”
Ilya’s board said the same. The questions continued.
“What was their most embarrassing moment?”
Shane smiled affectionately as he wrote.
“Ilya’s was the time that I caught him and Marleau crying while watching The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.”
“Wrong, I wrote that Russians do not feel shame.”
They both erased their boards, thinking about Shane’s most embarrassing moment. Ilya knew exactly what to write, speaking before Shane had a chance to write anything down.
“Your most embarrassing moment was the time you kissed Hayden Pike.”
Rose slapped a hand across her mouth, how dare Shane not tell her about that. “Shane! Elaborate right now.”
“Oh my god.” Shane groaned. “It was an accident, and technically Hayden kissed me! It wasn’t even a kiss, it was just a slight bump into each other. We were in the locker room after our first cup win, all the guys were running around me, it was chaotic. I was texting so I didn’t know Hayden was behind me until he leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek; it’s normal for guys to do that when we’re all celebrating, ya know? Well at the same time Mitty called my name, I turned, I think you can figure out the rest. How the hell did you find out about that Ilya? Hayden and I swore to both take that to the grave.”
“Jackie and I don’t have any secrets between us. It came out during one of our margaritas and Desperate Housewives nights.”
The rest of the room was shaking with silent laughter. Rose could practically see stars in Harris’s eyes at the thought of the metrics. Shane was absolutely glaring at his husband, but the grin he was failing to hide betrayed him.
“Okay, next question. What is their go-to karaoke song?”
Ilya rolled his eyes. “This is not fair, Shane won't do karaoke with me. He prefers to enjoy the silence like a psychopath. For the record, I think he’d do a good Billy Joel. Piano Man, maybe.”
Shane finished carefully writing and held up his board. “Руки Вверх! - Крошка моя.”
“Wait, how did you know that?”
“You mentioned it in an ESPN interview in June 2012.”
With a gentle nudge Troy side eyed Wyatt, these men were actually insane. If he didn’t know how head over heels they were for each other, he might suggest that Ilya file a restraining order. Nope, never mind, Troy didn’t want to find out what sort of joke Ilya would make about restraining Shane. He had both seen and heard enough in the locker room to haunt his dreams.
The game continued. “Favorite pizza toppings?”
Shane didn’t bother with the board. “Ilya gets one pizza with sausage, mushrooms, and caramelized onions, a drizzle of hot sauce if they have a good one. The other one he gets pepperoni, chicken, mushrooms, and fresh tomatoes sprinkled with salt and pepper. He’ll also get a side of cheesy bread and either a brownie or a chocolate lava cake depending on what they have. Coke to drink obviously, unless the place has good vodka.”
“Shane is a good Canadian, if he has a cheat day he’ll get pepperoni, bacon, and mushrooms. It has to be bacon strips though, none of that crumbled shit. Properly crispy too. If he’s wanting more veggies he’ll get pesto instead of tomato sauce with zucchini and spinach on top. If tomatoes are in season he’ll get them too. He’ll also want a side arugula salad, freshly shaved parmesan on top, a drizzle of olive oil, and a dash of lemon juice. Just water or iced tea to drink, since he won’t want something heavy or syrupy on top of all the cheese; then he’ll say ‘Oh, I couldn’t possibly get dessert, I’m so full’ just to steal the first bite of whatever I get. He is lucky he is so cute.”
Zane didn’t know there was that much detail to go into for such a simple question. If someone were to ask him and Cassie that question it would only be a few words. Meat lovers for himself, probably spinach and feta for Cassie. Maybe they’d get sides or desserts, he didn’t put much thought into it generally. Pizza is pizza, who cares? Apparently these fucking psychos did.
“Next question. Who gets rid of the spiders in the house?”
Matching boards both read “Shane”.
Shane gave an exaggerated eye roll. “Ilya is such a fuc-sorry Harris- such a baby about spiders. We were at our cottage once, cooking dinner, when Ilya spotted a fishing spider. He literally leapt up on the kitchen island, screaming that the devil was in our kitchen and I needed to send him back to hell. It’s not like their venom will kill you or anything, they probably wouldn’t even bite you anyway. I got it out just fine with a cup, but Ilya wouldn’t leave my side for the rest of the trip, even more than usual. I had to check under the blankets to make sure they were spider-free before he’d get in bed.”
Ilya glared at his giggling teammates. “If you guys had seen the size of that thing you wouldn’t be laughing. It was as big as a car tire.”
“Oh my god, it was the size of my hand at most.”
“Yes, and you have sexy giant hockey player hands.” Ilya said as he leaned in towards his husband and brought his hand up to his mouth to kiss his knuckles.
“Next question Rose, before he gets carried away.”
“Right. Who has a faster mile time?”
Both said Shane.
“Back in February 2017 Shane posted his time on his Instagram story, 5:18. My muscles are larger and heavier, so I usually am closer to 6 minutes.” Ilya was proud to boast about Shane, but he couldn’t resist a little dig. He didn’t miss the way Shane’s gaze lingered on said muscles for a moment.
Rose tried to fight back a laugh at Ilya reciting a brief story from five years ago. Next card. “Who is the better kisser?”
A mischievous glint crossed Ilya’s eyes. “Depends, what are we kissing? Because Shane can do this thing with his tongue where he- mphf!” Shane practically shoved Ilya out of his chair. In doing so Ilya’s shirt got shoved a bit towards the side, revealing a purple and blue bite mark on his shoulder.
One of the guys wolf-whistled. Rose briefly forgot about the cameras, leaning closer to look at Ilya’s mark. “Damn Shane, you blushed when I asked if you wanted anything other than missionary. Ilya corrupted you.”
It may have been immature, but Ilya preened at everyone seeing exactly who he belonged to. “If anything, Shane was the one who corrupted me. Your next question should be who is the bigger freak. If you guys only knew what he did for our anniversary… Shane would beat anyone in the league.”
Shane looked torn between murdering his husband and giving him another mark. He scruffed the back of Ilya’s neck like a naughty kitten, yanking him towards him to growl into his ear. The guys averted their eyes, by now a force of habit, as Ilya’s lips parted and his eyes glazed over. “Prekrati govorit', inache ty ne smozhesh' prikovat' menya naruchnikami k krovati segodnya noch'yu.” Shane gave one more commanding squeeze against his neck before sitting back. “Bud' khoroshim mal'chikom.”
That got Ilya to sit up straight. “Okay, I’ll be good. Next question.”
With a quick shake of her head, Rose flipped to the last card. “Where was the first ‘I love you’ said?”
Shane’s read, “Our cottage, July 2017.”
Ilya held up his. “Moscow, March 2017.”
Shane frowned. “I’ve never been to Moscow.”
“Your Russian is pretty good now, lyubimyy. Do you remember anything I said on the phone, after my father died?”
Shane’s face scrunched up. It was almost audible how the gears were turning in his brain. “You said something about your brother and money, you mentioned Svetlana, at the end I think you.. Oh.” His eyes softened, and he pressed a gentle kiss to Ilya’s lips. “Ya tebya lyublyu.”
They truly were meant for each other, Rose thought. She knew some truly incredible actors, ones who had won awards for having such intense chemistry with their co-stars; what Shane and Ilya had just couldn’t be faked. She walked up to Harris as he turned off the camera. “So how much of that will you be able to keep?”
“Oh, I’ll have to cut around some bits, but they gave us enough PG content for a cute video. Thank you so much again for coming.”
She remembered the teary-eyed man who sat across from her at that wine bar years ago, the one who couldn’t even bear to say out loud that he had been with a man. Pride surged through her chest as she watched that same man beaming while his husband kissed his cheek. “Not a problem at all, Harris. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”