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Sometimes, Tadashi wonders what he's doing pining for someone like Tsukishima Kei. Someone who’s so brilliant in every conceivable way, who could be giving sixty percent of his effort and still outperform Tadashi who is giving it his all. Kei’s sharp tongue cuts down the braggarts and blowhards like wheat to be harvested, his brutal honesty doesn’t allow him to be gentle with anyone, not even himself. He’s like the desert sun —bright enough drain the water from a piece of earth, but equally mesmerizing. Tadashi knows the story about the boy who flew too close to the sun, and he should know better than to throw himself towards the fire. But he can't help it, even if he crashes and burns, he's too captivated by the way Tsukishima's face lights up when he smiles.
He’s not sure what to call the thing they have. His heart beats like a drum every time Kei is around, but it’s more comfortable and steadier than unrequited romance, more like a secret unwritten bond between the two of them to have each other’s back against the world. It’s an unspoken promise that Tadashi treasures in his heart, and he tells himself that what they have now is enough for him.
He wouldn’t ask for anything more from Kei than letting him stay by his side as a normal friend, really.
But Tadashi isn’t naïve either. He knows a normal friend wouldn’t spend hours studying the contours of the other’s face, drinking in the way his hair shines gold in the dazzling sunlight, or memorizing each and every fleck of pigment in the honey brown of his eyes. Normal friends don’t look at the other’s lips wondering what it would feel like to kiss them.
He feels like him and Kei are two planets in orbit around each other, with nothing but empty space coming between them, but never having a chance to collide. It terrifies him, because Tadashi’s heart is a grenade, and Kei holds the pin that would make his feelings explode. It’d make a mess of him if Kei decided to break their relationship and leave one day. If that happens, Tadashi doesn’t know if he’d be able to pick up the scattered pieces of himself.