Chapter Text
The Cut: Truth or Drink : Shane Hollander-Rozanov & Ilya Rozanov
Shane: (Looking at the camera, smiling his polite media smile) Hi, I’m Shane Hollander.
Ilya: (Leaning back, arms crossed, grinning smugly) And I’m Ilya Rozanov. And we are apparently going to get drunk and expose our relationship on the internet.
(——cut——)
Shane: (Pulls the first card) "Who is the more dramatic partner when they are sick?"
Ilya: (Doesn't even hesitate, points immediately at Shane) You. Next question.
Shane: (Scoffs, defensive) Excuse me? I literally played a playoff game with a separated shoulder, Ilya.
Ilya: Da, on the ice you are very strong. But at home? You get a small sniffle and you are laying on rug staring at the ceiling like your life is ending. (With a terrible Canadian accent) "Ilya, can you bring me tea? Ilya, my throat burns."
Shane: (Flush creeping up his neck) I do not sound like that.
Ilya: You do. Drink or admit it.
Shane: (Sighs, reaches for the shot glass) I'm drinking. I am not admitting that.
(——cut——)
Ilya: (Pulls a card, reads it, and a wicked smirk spreads across his face) Oh, this is good. "What is one habit your partner has that drives you completely insane, but you haven't told them?"
Shane: (Eyes widening slightly) We tell each other everything that drives us insane. Daily.
Ilya: (Leans in) No, I have one. Shane thinks he is very sneaky, but when he is stressed about a game, he does this thing where he organizes the entire kitchen by color. The spices. The coffee mugs. Everything. I went to get a mug at 2:00 AM last week and it looked like a rainbow exploded. It is terrifying. You look like a serial killer.
Shane: (Hiding his face in his hands, laughing) You said you liked the organization!
Ilya: I lied so you would sleep! Drink!
(——cut——)
Shane: (Pulls the next card, reads it silently, and immediately reaches for the bottle to pour two heavy shots)
Ilya: (Eyebrow raised) Woah, woah. Read it first.
Shane: (Clears throat) "Describe your most embarrassing public argument and who was at fault."
Ilya: (Launches into a laugh, clapping his hands) Oh, the Ikea trip.
Shane: (Groaning) Do not bring up the Swedish meatballs on camera. (Ilya laughs harder while Shane looks like he wants to disappear)
The producer off camera: “what happened in the ikea trip?”
Ilya: We argued for forty minutes in the middle of the aisle because Shane wanted the minimalist grey rug and I said it looked like a wet sidewalk. He used his 'captain' voice on me in front of a family of four.
Shane: You told the cashier I was ruining your life over a doormat!
Ilya: You were! (Grabs his shot glass) To the wet sidewalk.
Shane: (Clinks glasses, laughing) To the sidewalk. (They both down the shot)
(——cut——)
Ilya: (Pulls a card, reads it with a loud snort) "What was your exact first impression of your partner, and how wrong were you?"
Shane: (Leaning back on his stool, smiling softly) Oh, I remember yours perfectly. I thought you were an asshole, very arrogant.
Ilya: And how wrong were you?
Shane: (Launches into a laugh, taking a small sip of his drink instead of a full shot) I wasn't. You are still all of those things. But you're also secretly very sappy, and I like you a lot.
Ilya: (Blinks, caught off guard by the sincerity, clearing his throat as his ears go a bit red) Wow. Okay. Soft Shane is cheating.
Shane: Your turn, Rozanov. What did you think of me?
Ilya: that’s Hollander-Rozanov to you. Shane: (Blushing) ok Hollander-Rozanov.
Ilya: I thought you were a pretty, perfect golden boy who never broke a single rule in his life. And I was wrong, solnyshko, because you are actually a terrifyingly stubborn control freak who hides a foul mouth when the cameras are off.
Shane: (Pointing a finger) Drink!
Ilya: (Downs the shot, winking) Worth it.
(——cut——)
Shane: (Pulls a card, groaning instantly) "Who is the more protective or jealous partner in the relationship?"
Ilya: (Smugs up immediately, crossing his arms) Oh, it's you. One hundred percent. Shane: Ilya, you literally posted a picture of our wedding rings on Twitter just because a fan told me I looked good in a commercial!
Ilya: That is not true, I just wanted to share our picture, Shane, that is just good business. But who is the one who stared at the young reporter during the All-Star media presser last season just because he asked for my jersey? You looked like you wanted to drop the gloves right there in front of the reporters.
Shane: (Rubbing his temples) I didn’t do that! Also He asked for your number, not just your jersey.
Ilya: (Grinning like a cat with cream) See? Drink. Drink.
Producer off-camera: “did the reporter ever get the jersey or the number?”
Ilya: (Smiles) well, I told him that my number is 81 and gave him a jersey yes.
(——cut——)
Shane: (Pulls a card, clears his throat, and reads) "How many exes do you each have, and do you still talk to any of them?"
Ilya: (Shrugs instantly, leaning back and propping his chin on his hand) Exes? Zero. You are my first relationship, lyubimy. Very romantic.
Shane: (Scoffs, looking directly at the camera) He didn't have exes, because he was basically sleeping his way through the entire continent.
Ilya: (Launches into a loud, unbothered laugh, winking) I was young hot athlete in high demand! I was sharing the love. And you benefit from my slut phase.
Shane: (Trying and failing to hide a smile) Right. Well, I have two exes.
Ilya: (Immediately sits up straight, his grin vanishing into a theatrical, dramatic scowl) Yes. And one of them is Rose Landry.
Shane: (Groaning) Ilya, come on. Rose and I dated for like a minute. It barely counts.
Ilya: (Grumbling loudly, crossing his arms) She is always texting your phone. "Oh, Shane, look at this funny picture of a dog." "Oh, Shane, let’s hang out?"
Shane: (Shaking his head) Rose is literally my best friend. She was in our wedding! She helped you pick out the rug you hated so much.
Ilya: (Snorting) She only helped because she wanted to see me suffer. I do not trust her. Drink your shot for having too many past lovers.
Shane: (Reaching for his glass, laughing) you have wine nights with her. And two is not "too many," baby.
(——cut——)
Ilya: (Pulls a card, eyebrows shooting up instantly as he reads it aloud) "Who is typically the initiator in the bedroom, and who is more likely to say 'not tonight'?"
Shane: (Immediately covers his face with his hand, his ears turning bright red) Oh, god. I knew we shouldn't have skipped the PG section.
Ilya: (Leaning forward, grinning broadly at Shane’s misery) Why are you hiding? It is a simple question. Are you shy? (Leans in closer, lowering his voice) You are not subtle at all, kotyonok and—
Shane: (Reaching forward to clap a hand directly over Ilya’s mouth, looking straight into the camera) We are drinking. We are absolutely drinking.
Ilya: (Muffled against Shane's palm, laughing, before pulling Shane's hand down) Fine, fine. But everyone knows I will never say “not tonight” when Shane Hollander-Rozanov offers.
Shane: (Downing his shot quickly to hide his smile) Next card, please.
(——cut——)
Shane: (Pulls the next card, reading it silently before letting out a sharp, breathless laugh) "What is the riskiest or most public place you two have ever gotten caught, or almost caught, together?"
Ilya: (Eyes lighting up) Oh! The all stars game.
Shane: (Choking slightly on his water) Ilya nothing happened at the all stars game! Stop phrasing it like that.
Ilya: Because I played cool. You almost died.
Shane: (Rubbing the back of his neck, face completely flushed) It was incredibly stressful. We weren’t out yet.
Ilya: (Shrugs smugly) But no one saw. Because I’m smart.
Shane: (Mumbling) it wasn’t the first or the last, we have very bad luck
Ilya: (Laughs)
Shane: (Sighed, grabbing the bottle) I’m pouring a double for this one.
(——cut——)
Ilya: (Pulls the next card, glances at it, and a massive grin spreads across his face) Oh, the internet is going to love this one.
Shane: (Looking deeply suspicious) What does it say?
Ilya: "Have either of you ever had a threesome in the past, and would you ever consider inviting a third into your current relationship?"
Shane: (Pauses, his hand freezing on the neck of the bottle. He lets out a breathless laugh) Oh, wow. We are really going there.
Ilya: (Leaning forward, eyes glittering)Well? Are we drinking or are we answering? I don’t mind.
Shane: (Scoffs, rolling his eyes) fine, we don't need to drink. The answer is yes. Separately. In our pasts.
Ilya: (Nodding) Yes, completely separately. Back during my "tour of the continent," it happened. And Shane had his own little wild streak back then too.
Shane: (Laughing defensively) It wasn't a "wild streak" It was just being a twenty-year-old closeted hockey player. But as for the second part of the question... inviting a third into this relationship?
Ilya: (Immediate change in tone, deadpan, shaking his head) Absolutely not. No way.
Shane: (Nodding firmly in agreement) Yeah, it's a hard no from both of us. We already have way too much chaotic energy in the house just between the two of us. We really don't think we'd enjoy sharing each other.
Ilya: (Smirking wickedly, leaning over to tap Shane’s chin) Exactly. Shane gets jealous if someone breathes too close to me. Imagine him trying to share me in bed? He would break the league's code of conduct.
Shane: and you wouldn’t mind sharing me?
Ilya: (Looking at him deadpan) I worked really hard to get your attention and to keep it. I will not be sharing it.
Shane: (Downing his shot to hide his massive smile) read the next card, baby.
(——cut——)
Ilya: (Pulls the next card, reading it with an analytical squint) "What is a sexual dealbreaker for you that your partner tried to introduce, or vice versa?"
Shane: (Blushing instantly, groaning as he points at the card) Oh, absolutely not. I am not answering this on a public platform. Hand me the bottle.
Ilya: (Quickly snatches the bottle out of Shane’s reach, grinning wickedly) No, wait! I want to answer! This freaky one thought it would be a fun change if we tried some roleplay. He brought props, you guys.
Shane: (Hiding his face in both hands, his voice completely muffled and mortified) Ilya, please, I am begging you. Stop talking. It was a joke because you always complain about staff.
Ilya: Stuff?? (Launches into a loud laugh, leaning toward the camera) Shane always has great ideas but that one was total mood killer. Total dealbreaker.
Producer (Off-camera): Shane, we have to know, what kind of props did you actually bring?
Shane: (Drops his hands, staring deadpan at the lens with zero expression) I am exercising my right to remain completely silent.
Ilya: (Shouting, completely giving him up) A clipboard! He brought a literal hockey clipboard into our bedroom!
Shane: (Sighs deeply, grabs the bottle back from Ilya, and pours himself a massive double shot) Yeah. Never again. Read the next card before I walk off the set.
(——cut——)
Shane: (Pulls the next card, reading it with a slight furrow of his brow) "What is something your partner does that makes you feel the most secure or loved, even when things are chaotic?"
Ilya: (Leans back, his playful smirk softening into something surprisingly genuine) Oh. I will answer this one. No drinking.
Shane: (Looks over at him, blinking in surprise)Really?
Ilya: (Nods, looking directly at Shane) Shane always knows how to break me when I am being avoidant about how I actually feel. I have a habit of shutting down or pretending everything is fine when it is not. But Shane doesn’t let me hide. He knows exactly how to get past my walls and force me to be honest with him, and even when it's frustrating, it makes me feel incredibly safe.
Shane: (Stares at him, a soft, fond smile breaking across his face, his cheeks dusting with a light pink) Wow. Okay. I didn't think you'd share that.
Ilya: (Winks, the mischievous glint returning to his eyes) I have to remind the people that you are an excellent husband, lyubimy. Your turn.
Shane: (Laughs softly, shaking his head) For me, it's just how Ilya handles my anxiety and overthinking tendencies. Left to myself, I will completely spiral overanalyzing every single detail, especially right before we take the ice. Ilya will walk right into my stall, sit next to me, and break that cycle immediately. He just anchors me right in the middle of a crowded room.
Ilya: (Grins proudly, clinking his empty glass against Shane's)Because I am the only one who knows how to shut your brain up. Next card.
(——cut——)
Ilya: (Pulls the final card from the deck, looking at it and laughing) "Look each other dead in the eyes, raise your glasses, and make a toast to the next five years of your relationship."
Shane: (Pours the final two shots of the night, handing one to Ilya with a steady smile) Dead in the eyes? I can do that.
Ilya: (Takes the glass, locking eyes with Shane, his expression a perfect mix of his signature arrogance and deep affection) To the next five years of winning cups together, making you buy sidewalk-colored rugs, and absolutely dominating the league by your side.
Shane: (Laughs, holding Ilya's gaze without breaking it for a second) To the next five years of shared locker rooms, keeping you warm through winters, and never letting anyone else have your attention on or off the ice.
Ilya: (Smiles brilliantly) Za vas. (To you).
Shane: To us. (They clink their glasses one last time, down the shots simultaneously, and slam the glasses onto the table. Ilya immediately reaches over, grabs the back of Shane's neck, and pulls him in for a quick, affectionate kiss just as the screen cuts to black).