Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Est slumped against the brick wall of the restaurant, a cigarette pinched between his fingers. He had meant to smoke it, but it sat there between his fingers, ash crumbling at his feet, mirroring the collapse of his own life. 

For the last five years, he had poured himself into someone who wasn't nearly as invested. Or, if he were being entirely honest, someone he had emotionally checked out of, too.

He wasn't even surprised when the axe finally fell.

"We should break up."

"I just don't love you anymore."

He stared at his boyfriend—ex-boyfriend now—for a long, numb moment before standing up and walking out. His ex said he would come back for his things later. Est didn't even argue. What was there to say? 

Okay? 

Is there someone else? 

Why did you wait five years to do this finally?

Three years in, every date had been a quiet test of patience. When was he getting a ring? He had spent years smiling at married friends and family, making excuses for their stagnant relationship, saying, "We're just waiting for the right time."

Eventually, he stopped waiting.

He had looked at his boyfriend and known exactly how it was going to end. He just hadn't had the heart to pull the plug himself, clinging to a fading hope that things would magically change.

They hadn't. 

Now he was thirty-two, single, and facing a silent, empty apartment for the first time in half a decade.

"Fucking fantastic," Est muttered.

Est finally took a drag of his cigarette just as a car screeched to the curb. A door slammed with such violence that even Est cringed.

"Well, fuck you too!"

Est raised a brow, watching with curiosity as a stream of vitriol poured from the car before it peeled away, disappearing into the Bangkok traffic. The man left behind stood in the street, middle fingers held high until the taillights faded. He was breathing hard, his chest heaving as if he'd just run a marathon, before he turned and leveled a vicious kick at a nearby trash can. The string of curses that followed made Est wonder if the guy had broken his toes.

When the stranger finally slumped against the wall a few feet away, the dim streetlights offered a clear picture. He was young. If Est were to guess, early twenties, and strikingly handsome, he had the kind of chiseled jaw and full, restless lips that Est usually fell for. Even after a roadside argument, his hair looked photoshoot-ready. He was built, too, with broad shoulders framed by a branded shirt. 

The younger man finally noticed he wasn't alone. As their eyes met, the roar of the city seemed to drop away.

His gaze flickered to Est's cigarette. "Do you have another?"

Without a word, Est flicked the pack open. The boy took one, and Est held out the lighter. The stranger leaned in, the light dancing in his large eyes, before pulling back, "Thanks."

"Bad day?" Est asked.

He scoffed, "Yeah, my girlfriend fucking cheated on me. Had the audacity to blame me, too. Said I'm 'too busy', as if I'm not working three jobs on top of school and the band."

He kept going, his hands cutting through the air as he listed his grievances. Est listened, but his mind had already snagged on a single bit of irony.

Of course, Est thought, he's straight.

It was almost comedic. Est had been single for less than thirty minutes and was already eyeing a stranger. Granted, he'd felt alone for years, but he didn't need to be fixating on a boy nearly a decade his junior who was currently mid-meltdown over his girlfriend. Not exactly a healthy coping mechanism, Est, he chided himself.

"And you know what? Fuck her. I don't need her!" The boy spat, flipping off the empty street. "I'm better off anyway."

He took several breaths, finally turning his gaze back to Est. Est tilted his head, a ghost of an amused smile tugging at his lips. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah…," he breathed. "Actually, yeah. Sorry for dumping all of that on you."

Est shrugged, his voice even, "It's fine. I just got dumped after five years. So… there's that."

The boy's brow shot up as he leaned his head back against the brick, "You don't seem very upset about it."

"It wasn't exactly a surprise," Est replied. He took one last drag of his cigarette before flicking the butt into the gutter. He shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded toward the road. "Good luck with everything."

He turned to leave, but a hand shot out, catching his arm. Est looked down at the fingers on his sleeve, then up at the boy.

The boy was grinning now, "Get a drink with me?"

"Don't you have friends for that?"

"Yeah," William laughed, "But I don't need a lecture, or a 'told-you-so'. I want a drink with someone who gets it. A bond over mutual disasters."

Est hesitated. The boy's eyes were wide, bright, and dangerously inviting. A drink won't hurt, he told himself, even as his gut warned him otherwise. "Alright. One drink."

"Or two," was the counteroffer, his grin widening. "Maybe a shot too."

"Are you even old enough to drink?"

"I'm twenty-one."

Christ. Eleven years. Est kept that thought to himself. What was he supposed to talk to a twenty-one-year-old about? Career stability? Roth IRAs?

"I'm William, by the way," the boy said, giving Est's arm a playful tug.

For a heartbeat, Est considered walking away. He'd spent five years playing it safe, waiting for a future that never arrived until it finally walked out the door. He was tired of routine. He was tired of 'safe'. Even if the beautiful, straight boy in front of him was a disaster waiting to happen, it was at least something.

"Est," he replied. When will you ever learn?

—

Two drinks in, and the world was finally starting to blur at the edges, just the way William liked it. The ugly heat of seeing those texts on his girlfriend's—ex-girlfriend's—phone was being drowned out by cheap whiskey, and the steady grounding presence of the man sitting next to him.

William stole another look at Est over the rim of his glass.

Up close, in the bar's low light, Est was devastating. He had this weary, almost sophisticated edge. It was the kind of look that came from actually living a life, not just practicing one. His jaw was sharp, his eyes were deep and guarded, and the way he held his glass made William feel very young.

He's gorgeous, William thought. It wasn't a new kind of thought, but it was a heavy one.

William had known he was bisexual for years, but he'd never actually done anything about it. He'd stayed in the 'safe' lane, dating girls, playing the part everyone expected of the handsome guy in a band. He knew exactly how Est saw him: a straight, hot-headed kid who just got dumped and who was currently spiraling over a girlfriend. 

It wasn't like he was terrified to come out. He had friends who were out and proud. He was pretty sure his parents would be fine with it. They loved his friends and never gave William an inkling he needed to worry. 

But looking at the line of Est's throat, William felt a pull that had nothing to do with his ex and everything to do with the man sitting six inches away.  

There was no amount of lying to himself to deny how much he wanted Est.

"You're doing it again," Est said, his chin resting on his hand as he looked at William.

William blinked, his heart hammering against his ribs. "Doing what?"

"Thinking," Est replied, swirling his ice. "You've got that look on your face like you're trying to solve a very difficult math problem."

William laughed, but it felt a little breathless, "Maybe I am. I'm just trying to figure out how someone like you gets dumped. The guy must be an idiot."

He watched Est's expression, his pulse jumping. He'd never said anything like that to a man before. It felt like a confession. He wanted to reach out, to touch the sleeve of Est's shirt again, but his hands felt clumsy, weighted down by a decade of being the 'straight friend'.

Est didn't look like a disaster, though, like how William felt. He looked like a revelation. 

"He wasn't an idiot," Est said quietly, his eyes fixed on the bar top now. "We just ran out of road."

"Well," William said, leaning in. He let his shoulder brush against Est's, a bold move that made his skin prickle. He tried to channel the confidence he had on stage, even as his stomach did a slow, nervous roll. "His loss is my gain for the night. My friends would've just given me a headache. I'd rather be here."

He saw Est's eyes flicker down to his lips for a fraction of a second. It was a look of pure interest and hunger. A look that made William's toes curl in his boots. But it was masked quickly with a weary sigh.

He thinks I'm just a kid blowing off steam, William realized. The thought frustrated him. He wanted to tell Est that he wasn't just some straight boy looking for a distraction. He wanted to see if Est's hands were as steady as they looked.

William felt the whiskey burning in his throat, but it was nothing compared to the heat in his chest. 

He set his glass down on the wood with a clack.

"Isn’t it obvious I'm interested in you?" William asked. His voice was lower now, stripped of the bravado he'd used on the street. There was a hidden vulnerability. A part of himself he never told anyone, and he was offering it to the other man willingly. 

Est paused, his glass halfway to his mouth. He slowly lowered it, turning his head to look at William. Those deep, guarded eyes scanned him, weary and skeptical. "I think you're twenty-one, you're hurting, and you're looking for a distraction. That's usually how it works."

"I've never been with a guy," William blurted out. The honesty felt like a chip off his shoulder, leaving him lightheaded. He saw Est's hand twitch on the bar, the only sign that the older man was surprised.

William leaned in closer, his shoulder now firmly pressed against Est's. He could smell the faint scent of tobacco and something like cedar clinging to Est's skin, "But I've wanted to. For a long time. And sitting here… looking at you… I don't give a damn about my ex."

He didn't have the practice for this. He didn't know how to be subtle. All he had was the truth and a heart that was suddenly beating for something other than a breakup. 

"I didn't ask for a drink because I wanted to vent or anything, Phi Est," William whispered, his gaze dropping to Est's mouth and staying there. "I asked you because when you looked at me back there, I felt like I finally stopped falling."

The bar noise seemed to vanish. Est didn't pull away. Instead, he let out a long breath, his eyes darkening with a mix of disbelief and something that looked a lot like that hunger from before.

"William," Est warned, his voice rough. "You have no idea what you're doing."

"Then show me," William countered.

—-

The door locking behind him was the last sound of reason Est heard. Then, William was there, warm and tasting of whiskey.

Est's back hit the wood of the door, and suddenly William's hands were everywhere, tangling in Est's hair and clutching at his shoulder with unpracticed hunger. The kiss was messy, driven by William's adrenaline and Est's sharp need to feel something other than the hollow ache of the last five years. 

I shouldn't be doing this, Est thought, even as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

Every logical part of his brain was screaming at him. This kid was twenty-one. He was rebounding. He was a first-timer who didn't know the weight of the look he was giving Est. Est was thirty-two; he was supposed to be the one who knew better. He could be calling a taxi, not unbuttoning William's shirt.

But then William let out a filthy sound against Est's lips and pressed his body flush against Est's. He was solid and vibrant, a sharp contrast to what was left of a relationship Est had been dragging around like a corpse.

Est's hands, which had been hovering indecisively at William's waist, finally tightened, pulling the younger man closer. He knew the morning would bring a hangover and a mountain of regret. He knew he was likely just a milestone in William's self-discovery, a footnote in a mid-twenties crisis.

You're going to regret this, Est, he told himself, his breath hitching as William's lips moved to the sensitive skin of his neck. You're going to wake up, and he's going to be still too young, and you're still going to be too old and single.

But for the first time in five years, the apartment didn't feel empty. The air wasn't still and suffocating, like it was slowly decaying the longer he held on. And as William's hands fumbled with the hem of Est's shirt, Est decided that tonight, his fucking fantastic comment didn't have to be sarcastic. 

He stopped thinking about everything—the years between them, the empty apartment, the five-year shadow of his ex. If he was going to give in to a disaster, he might as well let it be a spectacular one.

He surged forward, his lips meeting William's without a second more of hesitation. There was no tentative gentleness in the way Est moved. There was only the starved desperation of a man who had stopped living his own life for far too long. 

William clung to him like a lifeline, his fingers digging into Est's waist as if he were afraid Est would disappear. Each kiss, each step led them closer to the bed until they hit the mattress, the air leaving Est's lungs in a rush, but he didn't pull back. 

He leaned over William, watching the way the light from the hallway caught the flush on the younger man's throat and the wide, dark heat in his eyes. William looked terrified and exhilarated all at once, his chest heaving as he reached up to pull Est back down to him.

"Phi," William whispered, the word sounding like a plea.

Est didn't answer with words. He buried his face in the crook of William's neck, breathing him in—whiskey and an earthly cologne. He smelled like a bad idea. He let his hands wander, mapping out the broad shoulders and the lean muscles he'd only admired from a distance an hour ago.

Every touch was a middle finger to the safety routine he'd lived by. Every kiss was a way to drown out the silence he'd been dreading. For half a decade, Est had been waiting for the right time and the right person. He didn't have to do that anymore. He was just there, vibrating with a reckless, beautiful life that he'd forgotten he was allowed to have.

The morning could feel empty. The morning could be a total mess. But as he felt William's heart racing against his own, Est stopped caring about the end. He just wanted the now.

The heat in the room was suffocating, but Est didn't want to breathe. He wanted to drown in it.

William was a lightning storm under his hands. He was unpredictable and entirely too bright. Every time Est thought he should slow William down, or be the responsible one, William would make a low, guttural moan that pulled Est deeper into the wreckage.

There was only the friction of skin on skin and the way William's fingers gripped Est's hips, keeping him anchored to him. The way Est's fingers refused to part from William's hair, pulling him back for more as if he couldn't get enough oxygen without William's lips on his. For someone who had never been with a man, William was a fast learner, driven by a raw, honest hunger that made Est's heart hammer against his ribs.

Est shifted, looking down at William in the quiet of the room. In the shadows, the complexities of their lives seemed to fade. They were simply two people who had been through an exhausting night, finding a rare moment of connection in the stillness.

"Stay," William breathed, his voice barely a whisper, searching Est's face with a profound vulnerability. "Please."

Est felt a surge of quiet protectiveness. He reached out, his hand resting gently against the side of the younger man's face. He didn't care about what came tomorrow or how they had reached this point. He leaned in, their foreheads resting together as they shared a quiet moment.

"It's okay," Est whispered, the words meant to offer the comfort they both needed. And he kissed William again.

—-

The sunlight hitting the unfamiliar curtains was too bright, but the weight of the arm draped over William's waist was just right.

William stayed perfectly still, his heart doing a slow thud against his chest. He didn't want to move and risk breaking the spell. Slowly, he shifted his head on the pillow to look at Est.

In the harsh clarity of the morning, Est didn't look like a mistake or a rebound. He looked like a masterpiece. His hair was a mess, and there were faint lines of exhaustion around his closed eyes, but to William, he was the most incredible thing he'd ever seen. The cynical man from the sidewalk was gone, replaced by someone warm and breathing and real.

William's brain was already spiraling, replaying every second of the night. The way Est's hands had felt, the moans that came from him, the way he'd looked at William like he was the only thing in the room that mattered.

He thought about his ex for a split second and felt… nothing. Just a dull sense of relief that she'd cheated, because if she hadn't, he'd still be in that suffocating life. He'd still be the guy who never knew what it felt like to be touched by someone like Est.

I am never going back, William thought, his pulse quickening.

He watched the steady rise and fall of Est's chest. He wanted to reach out and trace the line of Est's jaw, but he hesitated. He was young, but he wasn't stupid. He knew how this usually worked. One night, a polite 'take care' and back to reality.

But as he looked at Est, William knew he wasn't going to let that happen. He didn't just want one night. He wanted to know what Est liked for breakfast. He wanted to know the story behind the cynical tilt of his mouth. He wanted to be the reason Est stopped looking; he was waiting for someone to walk out the door again.

Est stirred, a low groan coming from his throat as he began to wake.

William didn't pull away. He leaned just an inch closer, his eyes locked on Est's face, waiting for the moment those guarded eyes opened and saw him. He was already terrified of the moment Est would tell him to leave and was already planning exactly how he would convince him to let him stay. 

William watched the sleep fall away from Est's face, counting the seconds until reality set in.

He didn't move. He didn't want to startle him, but he also didn't want to miss the exact moment Est realized he hadn't escaped the night before. William remained propped up on his elbow, his gaze fixed, his own heart hammering.

He knew he looked ridiculous. He knew he was staring, but William didn't feel like he was performing for an audience, a camera, or a girlfriend. He felt like he was finally seeing something clearly.

Est's breathing hitched, a small crease forming between his brows. Then, one eye opened.

The look Est gave was a mixture of sheer disbelief and the kind of 'oh no' that people usually reserved for car accidents.

"You're… still here," Est croaked. His voice was gravely from sleep, a sound that made a fresh wave of heat ripple down William's spine.

"I'm still here," William said. He let the words hang there. He didn't offer a shy smile or awkward apology. He let his gaze stay, tracing the stubble on Est's jawline with an intensity that was probably terrifying.

He watched Est blink, his brain clearly trying to process why a twenty-one-year-old hadn't pulled a disappearing act at 5 AM.

"William," Est said, sitting up and rubbing a hand over his face. The sheet slipped, and William's eyes immediately followed the movement, his hunger for the man sitting next to him hitting him all over again. "You were supposed to be halfway across Bangkok by now. You have three jobs, remember? A band? A life?"

"I couldn't really care about any of that right now," William replied. He reached out, his fingers brushing Est's wrist. He felt the jump in Est's pulse, a tiny victory that made him feel ten feet tall. "I thought about it while you were asleep. I'm not going back to my place yet. I'm not done with you."

Est looked at him through his fingers, his face a mix of skepticism and weariness. "It was one night, kid. A very… eventful night, but you're twenty-one. You should be out there living, not staring at a thirty-two-year-old who's barely functioning."

William leaned in, closing the gap until he could smell the faint scent of tobacco on Est's skin. He didn't feel like a kid. He felt like a man who had finally found what he wanted.

"Then teach me how to function, too," William challenged, his eyes locked on Est's. "Because I'm not leaving. I'm staying right here until you give me a good reason to go."

He saw a flicker of hesitation in Est's guarded eyes. 

"Breakfast first," Est finally sighed.

William grinned with a triumphant expression. Phase one complete.

—-

Est moved around the kitchen, the familiar scent of garlic and ginger sizzling in the hot oil, helping to ground Est. It was a domesticity that felt like a phantom. He'd spent five years doing this for someone else, and yet here he was, less than twelve hours into being single, frying eggs for a boy who looked like he'd been plucked out of a luxury magazine.

William was leaning against the counter, his shirt wrinkled from being crumpled on the floor, watching Est's every movement with an intensity Est felt through his back. He could feel William's gaze on his hands, his shoulders, the back of his neck.

"You know," William started, his voice bright and entirely too energetic for someone who had just survived a breakup and a first-time sexual encounter with a man in a short amount of time. "I've been thinking. There are a lot of perks to this."

"To what?" Est asked, sliding a bowl of jok across the counter towards him. "Breakfast?"

"To dating a younger man," he said, taking the spoon but not breaking eye contact. "Like me. Specifically me."

Est nearly choked on his coffee, "We're not dating, William. We're barely acquaintances. We're a lapse in judgment fueled by cheap whiskey and what can only be described as an early midlife crisis."

"Call it whatever you want, but listen to this logic," William countered, completely unfazed. He held up a finger. "Point one: Stamina. I don't need a few days of recovery or a nap to function. I'm ready to go whenever you are. Last night wasn't a fluke, Phi."

Est felt a traitorous heat creep up his neck, "Eat your breakfast."

He really didn’t want to think about William’s hands on him, the way he caught on quickly and had Est begging for more. William might have never been with a man before, but once he knew what made Est excited, he was a natural. Fucking hell, Est thought. He really didn’t need to become addicted to that kind of feeling.

"Point two," William continued, ignoring the dismissal. "I'm not jaded. You look at the world like it's a bill you're tired of paying. I don't. I have enough energy for both of us. I can pull you out of whatever funk you're in before you even realize you're in one. I'm like a caffeine pill. Or a golden retriever puppy."

That’s a word for it, Est mused. It was a sweet thought. William was too sweet, young, and vibrant for Est. That much was sure. He had such optimism as Est used to have—when he was twenty-one, with less responsibility and life hadn’t sucked him dry.

Est leaned against the counter, his coffee mug clutched like a shield. He looked at the boy, at his smooth skin, unburdened shoulders, and the terrifying bright optimism. It was exhausting to witness.

"And point three—"

"Christ," Est muttered, shaking his head.

William reached across the granite, his fingers brushing Est's knuckles, "I don't have any baggage. I'm a clean slate. I don't have a plan yet. I just have right now. And right now, I'm obsessed with the way you look in the morning."

He took a bite of the egg in his jok, grinning through the steam, "Bonus point—a footnote, if you will—I'm in a band. I can write and sing songs for you. Do your friends write you songs?"

"They write me emails about joint tax returns or who is having babies," Est muttered, looking down into his coffee.

"See?" William's grin turned triumphant. "I'm an upgrade."

"That wasn't—I wasn't.... Just eat. Please."

William grinned, but did as he was told. Est watched him eat for a few moments, lost in his own thoughts.

For five years, he had been waiting for a ring, for a commitment, for a sign that he was wanted. He hadn't expected the answer to come in the form of a twenty-one-year-old disaster who was currently systematically dismantling every reason Est had to stay lonely.

He knew he should tell the kid to go home. He knew this fire would eventually fizzle out, but as he looked at William, Est realized he was already leaning into whatever this was.

This was insane to even think about. He was asking for heartbreak because he knew how this would go. William was going to enjoy Est‘s attention, the thrill of an older man. There was something about Est that was both experienced and unknown, different from people of William's own age. But that’ll fizzle out. The obsession would die out.

Maybe Est was too jaded, but five years of holding onto something because he didn’t like the alternative of being alone really broke his will.

And William was sweet. Was it so wrong to want to indulge after years of barely feeling?

The corner of Est's mouth betrayed him first. It started as a small, involuntary twitch before it surrendered into a tired smile. He shook his head, the weight of the last five years feeling, for a fleeting second, like something he could actually let go of.

"You’re a brat," Est said, though the bite was gone from his voice.

William's eyes lit up at the victory, "A brat with stamina and song-writing capabilities. Don't forget the perks!"

"I haven't forgotten," Est chuckled, finally pulling his hand back from the counter, though the skin where William had touched him still felt warm. He took a slow sip of his coffee, watching the sunlight play off the younger man's perfectly messy hair. "But let's be clear. We're not dating. You're a guy who had a very bad night and found a very sympathetic stranger. That's it."

"Sure," William agreed, his tone entirely unconvinced. He leaned back on the stool, looking around the kitchen as if he were already mentally picking out a spot for his own coffee mug. "We aren't dating. We're just having a very long, very intense breakfast after a very life-changing night of very great sex. Totally casual."

"Right. Casual," Est repeated, knowing even as he said it that nothing about the way William looked at him was casual.

Est reached for the coffee pot and refilled William's mug without being asked. It was a small gesture, but in the quiet of the morning, it felt like an admission. He wasn't reaching for his keys. He wasn't checking his watch. He wasn't telling the kid that he had a busy day ahead. 

The apartment was still quiet, the city noise of Bangkok buzzing away below them, but the emptiness Est had dreaded the night before was nowhere to be found.

"I have to go to work eventually," Est said, though he made no move to leave the kitchen.

"I'll wait," William replied easily, wrapping his hands around the warm mug. "I've got three jobs, remember? I'm great at managing my time. I can wait as long as it takes."

Est looked at him, feeling the familiar pull of common sense warring with the reckless desire to see just how far this 'upgrade' would go.

"You're being serious?"

"Oh, yeah. 110%."

"Fucking fantastic," he muttered, but this time, the sarcasm was buried until a quiet, undeniable spark of hope.

—- 

The drive to William's apartment had been a surreal comedown. The cabin of Est's car smelled of leather and the faint cedar scent, now permanently etched into William's brain. Being dropped off felt like losing a limb, but the way Est had looked at him before he climbed out told William everything he needed to know. Est was terrified of how much he liked him. It was a good start.

When William slid into the plastic chair next to his friends on campus, the morning heat was already baking the pavement.

"You look like you got hit by a bus," Nut said, eyeing him with a smirk. "Or a very expensive tuk-tuk. Where were you? We called you ten times after that stunt at the club."

Lego, Hong, and Tui all looked up from their phones. Their expressions hovered somewhere between amusement and concern. Tui tossed a crumpled snack wrapper at him, "Seriously, man. Is your phone dead? We thought you'd gone off to drown yourself in the river."

"Yeah. It died," William said. It was technically true, though he'd mostly forgotten to charge it because he was busy discovering a version that didn't exist twenty-four hours ago. He was very much enjoying remembering Est under him, his voice desperate and wanting. How he wished he could go back—

"Yo! Earth to Jakrapatr," Nut snapped his fingers in front of William's face, pulling him back to reality. "Dude, you good? What happened with you and Pahn? Did you guys talk? Is it over, or are we back to pretending everything is fine?"

Usually, William would have been a wreck. He would have spent hours complaining about the effort he'd wasted. He was the type who wore his heart on his sleeve, asking for it to be broken. But today, he thought of Pahn felt like a grainy, black-and-white movie from a different century.

"She cheated," William said flatly.

Hong winced. "Shit, William. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," William replied with a shrug. He couldn't stop the grin that started tugging at the corners of his lips, "Actually, it's the best thing she ever did for me."

Lego frowned, looking confused, "The best thing? Did the breakup give you a concussion?"

"No," William said, leaning forward and lowering his voice so the students at the next table didn't overhear. "But after she left me on the side of the road, I met someone. The love of my life. His name is Est."

A pin drop could have been heard from how silent it became. Tui's jaw actually dropped. Nut blinked, his eyes daring the others to see if this was some elaborate prank.

"His?" Nut repeated, "Like… a guy? You're serious."

"I'm serious," William said, his heart racing as he finally put it into words. "He's older. He's cynical as hell, he'd got this great apartment, and he's the prettiest, most handsome man I've ever seen in my life."

"Wait," Hong held up a hand, looking stunned. "Will, you've never even mentioned… I mean, we all thought you were…."

"Straight? So did I," William interrupted, the adrenaline of the morning surging back. "But then I saw him leaning against a wall with a cigarette, and it was like the world was suddenly in focus. I spent the night at his place. Fuck, it was amazing. I've never— I'll stop. That’s very TMI, but he made me breakfast!"

Nut stared at him for a long beat, waiting for the punchline that never came. When he didn't find one, he let out a low whistle. "Well, damn. So you're just… done with girls? Just like that."

"I'm done with her," William corrected, though in his head, he was already replaying the way Est's pulse had jumped in the hollow of his throat. "Or maybe with anyone. It’s him. I'm obsessed, guys. But he thinks I'm just a kid. He thinks it was just a one-time thing."

He leaned back, a shark-like smile spreading across his face as he looked at his stunned friends.

"He's very wrong."

The silence at the table lasted exactly five seconds before the floodgates opened.

"A silver fox? Really, Will?" Lego was the first to break, a various smirk spreading across his face. "You're going from a girl who complains you're never around, to a man who probably has a curated collection of artisanal teas and a bedtime of ten PM?"

"Does he even know how to use TikTok?" Tui chimed in, cackling as he mimicked an old man squinting at a phone screen. "Or does he make you communicate via carrier pigeon? 'Dearest William, thank you for the night of passion, please find enclosed a Werther's Original.'"

William rolled his eyes, but the heat in his cheeks was undeniable. "He's thirty-two, not eighty. And he's a lot more interesting than anyone we know."

"Oh, he's interesting now," Nut teased, nudging Hong with his elbow. "Translation: he has a job that doesn't involve wearing a branded polo shirt, and he probably owns a vacuum cleaner that costs more than my car. I bet he has thoughts on jazz. Do you like jazz now, William?"

"I bet he has a skincare routine," Hong added, laughing. "William's going to show up to band practice next week with a silk scarf and a newfound appreciation for the stock market."

Lego leaned in, his eyes dancing with mischief, "But seriously, a guy? We've known you since we were kids, and you never said a word. Look, I came out years ago. Nut finally realized he was bi and totally in love with Hong, and Hong is gayer than a crop top. Tui is just a vibe, honestly, but seriously? What was it? What caused this?”

Hong muttered a small 'rude' for the crop top comment, but shrugged anyway.

William let his mind drift to previous years. He had always been there with the four of them, a fixture on the sidelines. He'd watch as Lego and Hong hoisted the gay flag with a triumphant roar, and Nut, finally comfortable in his own skin, clinging to Hong's waist with a beaming smile. Even Tui had been vibrant, the pansexual flag painted on his cheek as he laughed with Lego. William had cheered for all of them, his heart full of pride, but there had always been a silent space inside him that knew. It wasn't that he was afraid to join them. He just hadn't found his reason to step out of the shadows yet. 

"I have always been proud of you guys," William started looking at each of them. They all seemed confused by the sudden comment, but William continued. "Watching you guys at Pride, I loved being there with you. But it wasn't just because I was your friend. I think a part of me always knew. I was bisexual long before I met P'Est. I just… wasn't ready to say it out loud until he came along."

Silence was never anything his friends were good at, but he shouldn't have been surprised how short it was before they erupted.

Lego was up within seconds, his arms around William to pull him into a hug, "Finally! I have been waiting for this moment! Oh my God, it's like you're growing before my eyes! Ugh, I love a good coming out!"

Nut gave a knowing nod, "I get it. Sometimes the truth is just a whisper until the right person makes you shout. Like Hong and me. We're proud of you, William."

Hong smiled, his expression soft, "It doesn't change anything, except now we get to help you pick out your outfit for Pride."

Lego squealed at the mention of choosing outfits, already ready for the day, with outfits already cataloged for review.

Tui, however, let out a triumphant cackle. He pointed a finger at William, "I totally called it! Remember when P'Nanon walked in our Freshman year, and you literally forgot how to play a G-major chord? I saw the glitch in the Matrix! I've been waiting three years for this."

"I didn't forget the chord," William protests, though he was already laughing, the tension leaving him.

"You absolutely did. You played a C and looked at him like he was a god," Tui teased.

"So, this P'Est," Hong leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand as he smiled. "He's the one who gave you your gay awakening?"

William felt the weight of their teasing, but it didn't bite. It felt light, as if the world were aligned. "I guess. The way he talks, the way he looks at me like I'm a puzzle he's trying to solve…. It's different. I think I was already awake, I just hadn't found a reason to get out of bed until him. If that makes sense."

Nut raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk crossing his face, "So P'Est isn't just a symptom of an early crisis, he's the whole cure, huh?"

"Something like that," William agreed, his voice softening. "I don't even care about our age. I know I should, but I just.... He's everything."

Hong chuckled, "The age gap is gapping though. I'm not surprised if he is freaking out about it."

"I would be surprised if he wasn't," Nut offered, resting his chin on his head.

"Oh, he reminds me of it," William assured, shaking his head, "I just don't care."

"You're so whipped," Tui whispered loudly to the table. "Look at him. He's already planning how to move his guitar into the apartment. He's gone."

"I'm not gone," William protested, thinking his mind drifted back to the smell of Est's cologne, "I'm just… focused."

"Focused on a man who thinks you're a kid," Nut reminded him with a grin. "Good luck with that, Romeo. If he's as cynical as you're making him out to be, you're going to need a lot more than your good looks to get back through that door."

William just tapped his phone against the table, his grin returning, "Watch me."

—

Est spent the first four hours of his shift in a total fog, his hands moving over his keyboard while his brain stayed looped on the feeling of William's knee brushing his under the covers.

He was pulled back to reality by a loud, synchronized thud as three people descended on his desk at once.

"You're staring at that spreadsheet for twenty minutes, and you haven't scrolled once," Daou said, leaning over the partition with a suspicious squint. "What's going on with you?"

Est sat back, the blue light of the monitor reflecting in his weary eyes. He let out a long breath, finally looking up at the three of them.

"It's over," he said, his voice flat, "Five years. Pepper walked out last night."

The playful energy at the desk shifted immediately. Daou winced, reaching out to pat Est's shoulder, while offroad and Punch exchanged a worried glance.

"Est, man, I'm sorry," Daou said softly. "We knew it was coming, but still. Five years is a long time to just… end."

"I'm okay," Est insisted, and to his own surprise, he realized he meant it. "I think I've been mourning it for the last two years anyway. When it actually happened, it felt more like a door finally closing than a tragedy."

"Well," Punch said, clapping her hands together, "Then you deserve a drink tonight. A quiet night of—"

She stopped mid-sentence. Est's phone buzzed on the desk, the screen illuminating with a notification.

"Who's William?" Offroad asked, his brown eyebrow as he leaned in to read the screen. "And why is he sending you a photo of a guitar with the caption 'Think of you instead of Economics'?"

Est immediately flipped his phone face down, but the heat rising to his cheeks was a dead giveaway.

"Wait," Daou's eyes went wide, his sympathy replaced by a predatory curiosity, "You got dumped last night, and you already have a 'William' sending you thirst traps from a classroom?"

"He's not sending me thirst traps," Est muttered, though he knew he was losing the battle. "He's… just a guy I met after the breakup. And he might… be younger."

"How young is younger?" Offroad asked.

Est was quiet for a long time before he finally said: "Twenty-one…."

The collective silence lasted exactly one second before the chaos erupted.

"Twenty-one?!" Punch nearly fell, but Daou caught her arm, "Est, that's a whole pre-teen between you and him! That boy is probably still on his parents' phone plan!"

"He's in a band," Est added, trying to sound defensive but only sounding more resigned.

"Oh, God, he's in a band," Daou groaned, rubbing his temples while Offroad cackled, "You didn't just move on, you jumped off a cliff! Is he going to serenade you under your balcony? Are we going to have to listen to his demos during lunch?"

"It's not like that," Est insisted, though a small, traitorous smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "He stayed for breakfast. And he's… very persistent."

"Persistent or obsessed?" Offroad retorted, pointing at the phone as it buzzed again. "Est, you've been single for what? Not even a day and you've already been claimed by a golden retriever with a Fender Stratocaster and classes that don't let out until three." 

For a moment, Est was quiet, "Should I also mention it was his first time with a guy?"

"Well, damn," Daou sighed, "And you popped his gay cherry? That's diabolical."

"Was he good at least?" Punch asked, earning a glare from Est. "What? It's a valid question."

Est didn't respond with words. He just nodded, offering a curt nod. Offroad and Punch giggled, Daou offering a small 'nice' under his breath, but they were still there. They were still chattering away about the young man in Est's life.

Est sighed, realizing he wasn't going to get a single lick of work done until he satiated their curiosity. He reached for his phone, tapped the screen, and pulled up the photo William had sent earlier. It was a messy hair selfie from the back of a lecture hall, eyes bright and a smirk that looked far too confident for an 8 AM class.

He slid the phone into the middle of the desk.

"Oh," Offroad breathed, grabbing the phone to take a closer look. "Oh, Est. I take it back. This isn't a problem at all; this is an intervention from the Gods. Look at that jawline. He looks like he was designed in a lab."

"Babe? What the fuck?" Daou muttered, frowning. Offroad muttered a soft apology and blew a kiss. He turned the phone to show Punch. Est heard Offroad mutter a small, “But look at him.”

Punch leaned over Offroad's shoulder, her eyes widening, "And he's a musician? Est, honey, go for it. You've spent five years in a relationship that felt like a long-form tax audit. You deserve someone who looks like that and thinks you're the sun."

"I told you," Est muttered, trying to ignore how much he enjoyed their approval. "He's handsome. He's… a lot."

Daou was the only one who didn't lean in immediately. He stayed back, his arms crossed, watching Est with a concerned frown. He waited until Offroad and Punch were busy debating whether William was a 'lead singer' type or a 'bassist' type before he spoke.

"He's hot, Est. Seriously," Daou said quietly, "But he's twenty-one. He's just discovering who he is, and you just had your entire world dismantled last night. I don't want to see you get used as a learning experience and end up twice as hurt in a month."

Est looked at his best friend, the smile fading into something more contemplative. "I know, Daou. Trust me, I told him that. I told him I'm jaded and old and a bad idea."

"And?"

Est looked back at the phone, where William was still grinning up at them from the screen. "And he told me he was a fast learner and that he wasn't going anywhere."

"Oh, that's a keeper," Offroad chimed in, handing the phone back. "And honestly? After the way Pepper treated you, maybe a little obsession is exactly what you need. Let the kid adore you for a while. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Famous last words," Est whispered, thinking he tucked the phone into his pocket with a newfound sense of resolve. 

—-

The workday dragged on, but the silence of his office felt different now. It felt less like a vacuum and more like a space waiting to be filled. Finally, against his better judgment, Est opened his messages.

🦈: My friends have officially diagnosed me with a midlife crisis. Apparently, you're the primary symptom

The reply was nearly instantaneous, as if William had been holding his phone in his hand, waiting for the screen to glow.

🐶: Only a midlife crisis? I was aiming for a total life overhaul. Does this mean you miss me?"

🦈: It means I'm bored at my desk and wondered if you wanted to grab a drink after work. 

🐶: Phi :( I'm at my warehouse job. I'm literally surrounded by crates of industrial light fixtures right now. I'm stuck here until 10

Est felt a strange pang of disappointment. He was thirty-two for Christ's sake. He shouldn't be pouting over a text.

🐶: But I can talk while I work! If you're not too busy being a high-powered professional?

Est didn't hesitate. He grabbed his noise-canceling headphones, retreated to the small, glass-walled breakroom that was usually empty at this hour, and hit the call button.

"Hey," William's voice came through, slightly breathless. In the background, Est could hear the sounds of heavy boxes and the distant echo of a cavernous space.

"Busy?" Est asked, leaning back against the cool glass.

"Never too busy for the man who saved my life and made me breakfast this morning," William huffed. Est could hear the physical effort in his voice, the strain of lifting something heavy, followed by a loud sound of wood on concrete. "God, these boxes are heavier than they look. It's a glamorous life I lead, Phi. Musician by night, box-shifter in the afternoon."

"It sounds exhausting," Est said, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Why three jobs though? You're twenty-one. Shouldn't you be out failing classes and making bad decisions?"

"I am making a bad decision," William teased, his voice dropping into that intimate register despite the echoes around him. "I'm falling for a cynical older guy who thinks I'm a puppy. And as for the jobs? The band needs gear. Studio time isn't cheap, and my parents stopped paying for my 'hobbies' the second I told them I wasn't going to be a lawyer or doctor. They still pay for my school, but I also have rent, and an unhealthy addiction to retail therapy."

He did everything to ignore the ‘falling’ part. He didn’t want to think too hard about the fact that the young man he just met might actually see more than just the possibility of dating and fooling around. Sex was easy. If that’s all this was, Est could handle that—anything more… Better to not even contemplate it.

Est listened to the sounds of William's world. It was the sheer effort of a kid trying to build a life. It was a far cry from the version of William he'd met the night before. The one Est was trying to convince himself that William was, because the William in front of him was actually capable, which made things harder. 

"You're a lot more responsible than you let on," Est noted quietly.

"Don't tell anyone," William whispered. "It'll ruin my street cred. So… tell me about your day. Did you tell your friends I'm the handsomest guy you've ever met, or did you lie and say I'm okay?"

"I didn't lie," Est said, his voice teasing, "I just told them the truth. I've been adopted by a very loud, very persistent university student who doesn't understand the concept of a one-night stand."

He heard the heavy thud of a box hitting the floor, followed by William's breathless chuckle. "A student? That's it? I hope you at least told them I have great hair."

"Actually, I showed them the picture you sent," Est admitted, watching the afternoon sun hit the glass of the breakroom. "The one where you look like you've never seen the inside of a textbook. My friend Offroad thinks you were designed in a lab. Punch wants to know if you're the lead singer so she can start a fan club."

"Sounds very good so far," William laughed, "That's all?"

Est paused. "Daou thinks you're a disaster waiting to happen. He's worried you're going to break my heart because you're still 'figuring yourself out'."

The line went dead for a second; the only sound was William's steady breathing. 

"Tell P'Daou he doesn't have to worry," William said, his tone shifting from playful to unnervingly sincere. Est heard him lean against something with a small 'oof,' leaving him from the effort. "I've spent twenty years figuring out who I wasn't. Meeting you was the first time I figured out who I am. I'm not learning on you, P'Est. I'm just catching up to where I'm supposed to be."

Est felt that familiar, dangerous flutter in his chest—the one he'd spent all morning trying to suppress. "You're very good with words, William. Is that part of the 'younger man' charm? Point number four: Poetic persuasion?"

"Point number four is actually that I don't give up," William countered, the smirk back in his voice. "I'm moving a bunch of stuff until ten, P'Est. But when I'm done, I'm going to be exhausted, sweaty, and probably covered in dust. Do you still want to see me, or is it the professional version of you too refined for a warehouse rat?"

Est leaned his head back against the glass and closed his eyes. He knew what the mature answer was. He knew Daou would tell him to go home and sleep and not invite the handsome younger man into his home again.

"Text me when you're done," Est said quietly. "I'll leave the door unlocked."

“P’Est.”

“Hmm.”

“I’m the lead singer, by the way.”

Est was quiet for a few seconds, “Couldn’t you have just been a nerd? It would make my life easier.”

William laughed, and Est wished he could have recorded the sound.

—-

The knock at the door was less a polite tap and more of a victory drum. When Est opened it, he barely had time to register the sight of William, hair sweat-matted to his forehead, dust on his cheek, and a shirt that had definitely seen better days, before he was backtracked into the entry.

William didn't wait for a greeting. He crashed into Est, his hands instantly finding the small of Est's back to pull him flush against his body. He tasted like the grit of a long day and the sweet heat of a man who had been counting down the seconds. His kisses were hungry. They were desperate. They were entirely too much for a Tuesday night.

Est let out a surprised gasp, his hands coming to grip William's broad shoulders. He felt the vibration of a low groan in William's chest as the younger man's lips moved from his mouth to his neck.

"William—hey," Est managed, laughing breathlessly as he managed to get his palms flat against William's chest. He gave a firm, lingering push, creating just enough space between them to breathe. "Slow down, puppy. You're covered in warehouse dust, and we still barely know each other's last names."

William didn't pull away far. He kept his arm looped loosely around Est's waist, leaning his forehead against Est's, his breath coming in hot bursts. "Then we'll learn them in the morning," William whispered, his eyes dark and heavy with a single focus. "Over more of that breakfast you make. We've got time."

Est shook his head, chuckling, "You're relentless."

"I told you," William murmured, his hands sliding down Est's hips, pulling him back in with a possessive tug. He leaned in, his voice dropping to a rasp against Est's ear that made Est's knees go dangerously weak, "I've been moving crates for six hours, Phi. And every single time I lifted, I was thinking about the look on your face when I finally get you under me tonight."

Est froze, the air leaving his lungs. Any lecture he might have prepared about boundaries and pacing died a quick, silent death. William wasn't asking for permission. He was stating a fact.

"The bathroom is that way," Est managed to say, his voice sounding less stable and more nervous than he'd want. "Wash the warehouse off. Then… we'll see."

William grinned in a way that told Est he had already won. He stole one more biting kiss before heading to the shower, leaving Est standing in the hallway, heart racing. He realized that he didn't stand a chance against pure, unadulterated obsession. 

Est watched William trudge off to the bathroom, pulling off his shirt on the way, revealing the toned expanse of his back muscles. Est bit into his bottom lip as he heard the door close and the shower start.

He was absolutely fucked. 

William was illegally attractive in a way that made every past one of Est's lovers feel like a footnote. He was young, brimming with tireless energy, and despite his inexperience with men, he moved as if he were born to take Est apart. No one had ever made Est feel that way. He knew with sinking certainty that the moment William stepped back into the room, they wouldn't be talking. It would be the two of them in bed.

Or on the counter. 

Or on the floor. 

“Jesus Christ,” he cursed under his breath, a bright flush creeping over his neck at the realization he was fantasizing about all the places William could fuck him in his apartment. “You’re thirty-two, Est. Get a fucking grip. Boundaries. Limits. He’s twenty-one.”

He retreated to the mini-bar, pouring a glass of red wine and drinking half of it in one long swallow. He sank into the couch, letting his head drop back against the cushions as he closed his eyes.

He needed to put an end to this, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to send William away. He enjoyed the attention and the feeling of being wanted. He spent the last five years wanting, then giving up, because the alternative was worse. 

He was single. He had someone genuinely interested in him. Who cares how old he was? Est just needed to keep his heart safe, to protect it. If William was going to leave him one day, and he would, Est needed to accept that it was going to happen. 

No expectations of forever.

No promises of maybes.

A protected heart meant no broken heart.

He could manage that.

But could he do it? 

He hadn't known William for more than two days, and his life had already begun to become unrecognizable. It didn't take long for the University student to really dig his nails in and keep himself at the forefront of Est's mind.

"Fuck," Est muttered to himself, closing his eyes again. He didn't want William to go.

—-

As the hot water rinsed away the grime of the warehouse, William couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face. Even the bathroom was pure Est. The scent of sandalwood shampoo, the rows of expensive skincare, the candles tucked away for a mood he hoped to see tonight. He was spiraling into an obsession where even the man's choice of soap felt like a personal invitation.

His gaze flickered toward the door. Just a few feet away, he knew Est was likely spiraling, cataloging every logical reason why this was a disaster.

Too young–

Too old–

What if–

In the future–

William shook his head. Maybe it was his age, but those reasons felt like background noise that didn't matter. He could come up with a hundred reasons why he was exactly what Est needed. But a small, sharp thought poked through the confidence: Was he too much? Too eager? Was he just a shiny new toy to a man who had forgotten how to play?

Under the spray of the hot water, William's demeanor slipped slightly. He leaned his forehead against the cool tile, letting the steam fill his lungs as he thought about the man sitting just beyond the door.

Standing there, the weight of their differences hung in the air. The differences in their perspectives felt significant; he wouldn't lie about that. It was like two people looking at the same map but planning entirely different routes. While one focused on the potential risks and the logical obstacles ahead, the other saw the possibility of a shared goal that transcended those concerns. 

The challenge wasn't just age or experience. It was about understanding how two individuals with different histories could find common ground. It was about proving that dedication and a clear sense of purpose could be just as valuable as years of caution. Sometimes the most important step is simply acknowledging that the path forward, however uncertain, is worth exploring together.

William wasn't ready to see this end before it even started.

—

The door clicked open, and William stepped out into the living room, a cloud of sandalwood-scented steam trailing behind him. He looked younger like this, his skin flushed from the heat, and a white towel slung low around his hips. He was drying his damp hair with another towel, the movements making the muscles in his arms and chest ripple in the soft lamplight.

Est sat frozen on the couch, his wine glass halfway to his lips, watching the younger man approach.

Without a word, he moved into Est's space, straddling his lap with a natural grace. He settled his weight firmly, his knees flanking Est's hips, and looked down at him with eyes that were dark and unnervingly honest.

"My hands are tired from work," William murmured. He handed over the towel, pressing it into Est's hands, "Dry my hair for me?"

Est's breath hitched. He knew what this was. It was a trap. An intimacy so domestic it was more dangerous than any kiss. But his hands moved on their own, lifting the towel to William's head. He began to rub the damp strands, his fingers occasionally grazing William's scalp, the movement creating a quiet tension between them.

William let out a soft sigh, his head tilting forward to rest against Est's forehead. He closed his eyes, his hands coming up to rest on Est's shoulders, his fingers digging in just slightly.

"Phi," William whispered, "Don't send me away."

The towel stopped moving. Est felt the words hit him right in the center of his chest, cracking through the protective wall he'd spent hours building.

"William, I told you," Est started, his voice strained, "This isn't—"

"I know what you think this is," William interrupted, pulling back just enough to look Est in the eye. All the bravado from earlier was gone, replaced by complete vulnerability. "You think I'm going to wake up and realize I made a mistake. But I'm not. I've been awake all day, P'Est. And all I could think about was getting back here. To you."

He leaned in closer, his lips inches from Est's, "Don't send me away because you're scared of what happens next. Just let me stay. Let me prove to you that this won't break."

Est looked at the boy—the man—straddling him, and felt the last of his resistance dissolve into the heat of the room. He dropped the towel, his hands sliding up to cup William's face, his thumbs brushing over those full, restless lips.

The towel fell to the floor, forgotten. Est didn't lean in to kiss William—not yet. Instead, he let his hands slide slowly from William's face down to his neck, his thumbs coming to rest over his pulse.

He looked at William. Up close, the twenty-year-old wasn't just a collection of 'perks' or a 'stamina' joke. He was a person sitting in the quiet of a Tuesday night, asking a jaded man for a chance.

"You have no idea how heavy this is, William," Est whispered, his voice cracking with the weight of the last five years. "I don't do casual well. And I don't do temporary at all. I thought I could, but I can't."

William leaned into the touch, his eyes never leaving Est's. He didn't seem to flinch at the word heavy. If anything, he seemed to lean further in, his fingers curling tightly around Est's shoulders. "Good. Because I'm not here for a rehearsal. I'm not asking for a weekend, P'Est. I'm asking to be the person who comes home to you."

Est looked at the young man and saw his sincerity, just as much as he felt it. This was a boy who had been dating a girl a few days ago. He was going to classes and going to work, and Est was grinding away at work. There was almost a chance that Est wouldn't have had this. He was moments away from suggesting something temporary, not knowing that William had been thinking of all the ways to make this permanent. 

The honesty in the room was suffocating. For five years, Est had been the one begging for scraps of attention, the one waiting for a ring that never came. Now, he had a man straddling his lap, damp hair and vulnerable, begging him not to be sent away. The irony was a sharp ache in his chest.

"You're going to make me break every rule I have," Est muttered.

"Good," William breathed, a soft smile finally touching his lips. It wasn't the usual confident grin; it was just relieved. "Your rules suck. They keep you lonely."

He leaned forward, pressing his cheek against Est's, his skin still radiating the warmth of the shower. He just breathed there for a moment, letting the silence of the apartment wrap around him. Est didn't feel the need to fill the silence with excuses or apologies. He just wrapped his arms around William's bare back, pulling him closer until there wasn't an inch of space between them.

"We don't have to name this tonight," William whispered, his voice grazing Est's ear. He pulled back enough to look at Est, "But we will. Soon. Because I'm not just a distraction, P'Est. I want to be your everything."

The sheer weight of the statement, the kind of promise he hadn't heard in years, let alone meant, made Est's heart hammer against his chest. He didn't have anything to say to that. HE didn't have a boundary strong enough to keep out that kind of heat.

Est reached up, fingers tangling in William's damp hair, and pulled him down into a kiss that wasn't about discovery or adrenaline anymore. 

It was an answer and a surrender all in one. 

It tasted of red wine from Est's breath and the sandalwood on William's skin.

William groaned into the kiss, his hands tightening on Est's shoulders as he shifted, his weight shifting with a renewed, hungry purpose. He didn't break the contact as he moved, sliding off Est's lap only to haul him up from the couch.

They didn't say anything else. They didn't need to.

Est let William lead him back toward the bedroom, the hallway lights casting shadows against the wall. The apartment didn't feel like a tomb for a five-year mistake. It was a space being reclaimed, inch by inch, by the beautiful chaos of a twenty-year-old who refused to let Est be lonely for one second.

—-

The air in Bangkok was vibrating with a bass from the distant parade floats and the joyous roar of thousands. Est stood near the designated meeting point, the afternoon heat tempered by a breeze carrying the scent of street food and celebration.

A familiar van pulled to the curb, and Est's heart did that light skip it only ever did for one person.

The side door opened, and William's friends spilled out first. Lego, Hong, Nut, and Tui, all of them decked out in various shades of rainbows and glitter. Then came William. He stepped onto the pavement, and Est felt his breath catch. 

William was wearing a sheet, a sleeveless shirt that showed off his broad shoulders, which Est had spent the last several months getting to know very intimately. But it was his face that held Est's gaze. On William's cheek sat a small bisexual glad sticker, slightly crooked where Lego had clearly slapped it on in the van. 

Months ago, William hadn't known who he was. Today, he was beaming, his eyes scanning the crowd with a new, grounded sense of belonging. This wasn't him standing on the sidelines as an ally anymore; this was him coming home to himself.

Est's own friends were already there, draped in their own pride gear, cheering as the two groups merged into a one colorful mess.

"Looking good, Romeo!" Offroad shouted over the music, gesturing to William's cheek. "The flag suits you!"

William laughed, a bright, unburdened sound, and immediately looked for the one person who mattered most. When his eyes found Est, the bravado softened into a familiar adoration.

Est didn't say a word. There was nothing he needed to say. He just stepped forward, his heart feeling fuller than it ever had in all his years, and held his hand out. It was a simple gesture, but in the middle of the Pride crowd, it was a declaration.

William didn't hesitate. He reached out and laced their fingers together, his grip firm and steady. He leaned in, his shoulder brushing Est's, and whispered over the noise, "I told you I was a fast learner."

Est squeezed his hand, a proud smile breaking across his face as he looked at the man who had systematically dismantled his cynicism and replaced it with hope.