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To be blunt, Pangi was satisfied with two thirds of his team, one part obviously being himself. He had a good understanding of the laws and practices of Lifesteal, he knew how to move quickly, how to avoid or flee flights, recognized most traps and machines, and managed his weapons, tools and inventory with ease.
He also trusted Fit. He was a veteran of another highly esteemed anarchy server and had a reputation of being both tough as nails as well as kind and reasonable. He was street smart, strong, and could definitely keep his own in a fight.
And then there was Lukey.
“Run! Run you fucking hamster!” Pangi yelled into the comms.
The grace period was near it's end and Lukey was just standing in the open field.
“Where- Where did you go?” Lukey asked.
“North! I told you this!”
“Boys!” Fit interrupted, “Stop bickering like a married couple on a sinking ship and get your asses down here!”
“Sorry,” Pangi mumbled, still brimming with annoyance and nerves. He just didn't understand why Lukey of all people had thought joining Lifesteal would be a good idea. Obviously Pangi had accepted the team invite, but he was far from happy with it.
He stood half-hidden by the cave entrance that Fit had gone down when Lukey finally spotted him and started sprinting towards him. Pangi held his breath, scanning the open area for any signs of danger, but so far they seemed to be good.
When Lukey was close enough, Pangi slipped into the cave with a huff. He had the basic wooden tools already and a tiny bit of food, and he was itching to get better gear as soon as possible while also finding a spot for a temporary base.
He gathered materials on the way, following Fit's instructions through the voice chat to stay on the same path through the cave.
“Pangi?” Lukey said, out of breath.
“What?”
“There's a zombie.”
This hamster... “Then deal with it!”
There was a bit of silence, and then, “I might die-”
Pangi groaned and turned around, backtracking quickly. He found Lukey struggling to keep one, singular zombie at bay.
Not wanting to waste any more time, Pangi slayed the mob with a couple of clean swipes with his stone axe.
“Dude, bro,” he complained, looking at Lukey with exasperation. “We need to hurry!”
“I know. I'm sorry,” Lukey said. He looked exhausted already, which was insane.
Fit spoke up again. “Lukey, it's alright. You two stick close together and come here, I found a nice little hidey-hole where we could take a moment to recuperate and make some armor.”
-
Once inside the small area Fit had cleared out, Pangi threw his axe to the ground. Fit gave him an unimpressed side-eye before disappearing behind a corner where he had the furnaces set up.
“You're so weak!” Pangi snapped, shoving Lukey by the shoulder. He knew he was being kind of an asshole, but if Lukey was here, then he wanted to see Lukey fight. He wanted to see Lukey stand up for himself, he wanted to see him on guard and alert, riled up, ready to fight tooth and nail to defend himself. That was the only way he would have a chance of surviving.
Instead, Lukey staggered backwards until his back hit the wall. “I'm sorry! I'll- I'll train...”
“You better,” Pangi said, feeling a little bit lost now. For some reason Lukey seemed even more pathetic than usual. “Why did you even come here? To Lifesteal?”
Lukey, who was leaning heavily against the wall of their small hideout, met his eyes briefly before looking at the ceiling. He already looked pained and tired, not a hint of a smile on his face, which just confirmed Pangi's point even more.
Lifesteal wasn't meant for people like Lukey. Lifesteal was deadly and deceptive. It was a terrain full of traps, a player base full of selfish manipulators, a world full of both premeditated and spontaneous deaths, each more gruesome than the last.
It wasn't meant for people like Lukey, who deserved so much better. He deserved safety and warmth and community. He deserved beautiful sunrises and calming sunsets, gardens full of his favourite flowers. The most excitement should come from the legends stored in library books, not everyday interactions with literally anybody who happened to be nearby.
Pangi needed Lukey to be safe, and here it would be impossible.
“Why?” Pangi demanded, exasperated.
Lukey blinked a couple of times, swayed slightly, and then his legs gave out. Pangi lunged before he even registered what had happened, and managed to catch Lukey by his collar just before his head smacked the floor.
“Lukey! What the fuck-?”
Lukey lay completely limp in his arms, eyes closed, eyebrows drawn close and breathing shallow. His skin was pale and clammy, and the sight of him dying on the cold lab floor flashed vividly in Pangi's mind.
“Fit!” Pangi yelled in a panic, trying to shake Lukey awake, but... was he even breathing anymore? He looked... He looked just like he had back then, back when Bad had shot him, back when Pangi himself had shot him, back when the stupid fucking skeleton in their stupid fucking old lab had shot him...
“What happened here?” Fit asked, striding back in.
“He's- I- I don't know! He just-”
Fit kneeled next to him and did a quick assessment of Lukey's state. He checked his breathing with the back of his hand, checked his pulse, then he opened his eyelids to take a look his vacant, still eyes.
“He's fine,” Fit stated with an authoritative calmness. “He's just unconscious, not lifeless. His heart's beating and he's breathing just fine.”
“Then what's wrong?” Pangi asked, chest hurting with worry. He always lost everyone...
“Here,” Fit said, manoeuvring to gently pick up Lukey. “Let's put a bed somewhere, I think he just needs to rest. We should be safe enough here for now.”
Wordlessly Pangi jumped up and dug out an even smaller room to put the bed in. He poured all of his fear and frustration into the work, avoiding looking at his Lukey in someone else's arms...
-
Pangi was standing by the closed door, listening to any signs of trouble from the other side, when he felt eyes on him. He turned his head to see Lukey looking at him with his eyelids barely staying open.
Pangi was by his side in an instant. He knelt by the bed, not wanting to intimidate Lukey any more than he already had by towering over him.
“What happened?” he asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.
“I was gonna ask the same question,” Lukey mumbled.
“You passed out. You almost hit your head.”
Lukey turned his head away, avoiding his gaze. “I'm sorry. I'll do better...”
“Lucas.”
Lukey's head snapped back to him. “You never call me that.”
“I know, but I'm just so fucking confused! Why are you here if you can't even fight a zombie without passing out?”
“I just wanted to see you,” Lukey said quietly. He seemed like he was on the verge of crying.
“Dude...” Pangi frowned. He muted his mic of the small headset they all wore, and then reached to mute Lukey's as well. Fit didn't need to third-wheel this. Pangi's fingers lingered just a moment on Lukey's cheek before retracting again. “Why would you ever think it was a good idea for you to come to Lifesteal? It's dangerous here. You should have stayed in the Flight! From what I've heard, all you need to do there is take care of your dragons and hang around, maybe do some magic rituals or some shit. A beautiful castle, friendly people... Why would you give that up?”
“It wasn't that perfect,” Lukey whispered.
“Well, duh, nothing is perfect.”
“There's corruption.”
Pangi halted. “What?”
“Not the same we had... what you had. It's not purple, it's this, like... white, misty thing. It's spreading in the forest and killing the trees. Everyone's trying to figure it out.”
“Oh shit...”
Lukey ran his hands over his face, and then stared at the wall. He looked so... burdened.
Pangi grabbed Lukey's wrist, wanting to feel the pulse underneath the skin, wanting to feel the warmth. Wanting to keep him close and never let him go. “You didn't... Did you get corrupted? Is that why you fainted?” He asked.
“No, I'm not corrupted. Not to my knowledge.”
“Then what's wrong?”
Lukey sighed deeply. He opened his mouth to speak but then hesitated, closing it again.
"Come on... You can tell me anything," Pangi encouraged, putting in effort to sound as calm and soft as possible, even though worry was eating him alive.
“Back there... I had void magic,” Lukey mumbled.
“Like the Null?”
“Kind of, yes. But I couldn't fully control it.”
“Uh-huh.” Where was this going?
“I kept, kind of... just slipping there. When I slept, I'd sometimes wake up in the void. Or sometimes if I tripped or misstepped, I'd just void without meaning to. And I couldn't always leave.”
“You were stuck in the void?”
“Yeah. I'd be stuck there for hours, for days... for weeks,” Lukey said, voice so incredibly small. “And being there drained me. I think that's why I feel so weak. Like it's a struggle to just exist... let alone think, or move, or fight...”
Pangi's grip on Lukey's wrist tightened. That explained so much. He wondered if he could have prevented this, had he been able to stay there for any longer...
“There were also these books,” Lukey continued. “Everyone found a book about a predecessor, a person from a previous civilization who had the same type of magic we had. And, of course, there was a book about someone who had void magic as well. They used it to fight against the corruption. It was no match, the void expanded and easily overtook the corruption, devouring it from existence... But the void kept expanding. Bit by bit, it took the mage as well. And, apparently, once the mage was fully gone to the void... nobody remaining remembered them anymore.
“The books weren't meant as prophecies, to be clear. And I don't know if my current weakness is permanent. But still...” Lukey said quietly, “I just wanted to see you, at least one more time. That's why I came.”
Hearing all that was chilling. Pangi was so scared of the answer, but he had to ask anyway. “Are you dying?”
“Honestly? I don't believe so. But... I also can't completely rule it out.”
Pangi didn't know what to say, so he said nothing.
“But hey, if I do die and everybody forgets about me, then I guess there's no harm, right?” Lukey said with a small, unamused chuckle. “You can't grieve someone you don't remember...”
Pangi's heart shattered.
Things with Lukey had always been both so easy and so difficult. They barely talked about anything vulnerable, but Pangi always thought it was because they already felt so vulnerable and open around each other that they didn't need words to add to that. He wanted to believe their trust ran deeper than words or arguments, that their affection didn't need labels or affirmations to be irreplaceable.
Did Lukey really think his existence was so... worthless?
Slowly, with his head bowed, he took off his leather helmet, then the rest of his flimsy armor. Without making eye-contact he crawled onto the bed, curling on top of Lukey with his head pressed to his heart and his tail coiled around his waist. Instinctively he tried to protect as much as he could with his scales, while also being mindful not to put his whole weight on top of Lukey.
“If I don't remember you when you're gone,” Pangi said, voice strained and unsteady, “Then I'll walk the rest of my days wondering why I feel hollow.”
Lukey took a slow, deep breath, and then exhaled just as slowly. His arms wrapped around the pangolin, squeezing him gently. “I'm sorry for making you worry...”
“I'll never forgive you,” Pangi muttered and burrowed closer.
Lukey chuckled, this time with a hint of a true smile.
“What do you need?” Pangi asked. “To get better.”
“For now? I think just rest.”
“Are you sure? If it's my turn to make some sort of a cure, I'll do it.”
Lukey hummed. His hands kept petting the scales on Pangi's back through the t-shirt, fingers occasionally slipping through the hair at his neck. It was hard to remember this was Lifesteal with how calming the gesture was. “I genuinely don't know. But my current hypothesis is that just by staying away from the void, I'll start to feel more like myself again. And as far as I know, I can't access any version of the Null here, so we should be good.”
“Okay...”
“I'm sorry,” Lukey said again for the millionth time.
“Why?”
“For... For being such a weak teammate. And for burdening you with this whole thing.”
“Lukey,” Pangi said seriously, finally lifting his head to look the other in the eyes. “I don't forgive you.”
“Oh...” Lukey said, faltering a little bit.
“No, no, no, don't start spiralling yet. Do you know why?”
“Um... no?”
“I don't forgive you, because you have nothing to apologize for. Dumbass.”
Lukey rolled his eyes, but there was no denying the smile that tugged at his lips. “Oh, I see...”
“I'm glad you came to see me,” Pangi admitted, pressing his head back against Lukey's chest. Putting these kinds of things into words was always so unnatural for him, but it seemed that Lukey really needed to hear it right now. “And I'm sorry for yelling at you. We'll... We'll figure this out. We'll get you better.”
“Thank you,” Lukey whispered.
They stayed like that for a while. Soon Pangi would have to get up to continue gathering materials and making gear, and maybe they should move even further out before the night came, but for now he absorbed every bit of comfort and warmth Lukey's presence brought. Everything else came second.