Work Text:
It takes approximately three shots and five beers before Maggie loses the filter that comes with the walls she's built around herself. She knows this, has spent enough time in bars and drinking alone to know her limits, but when she's out with Alex somehow she manages to forget all about them. Because Alex is her friend, her best friend at this point, and Maggie feels safe around her. Can't imagine a time when she wouldn't.
So she lets herself drink, admitting she sucks enough at pool that a little liquor won't make much difference, and she lets herself just enjoy Alex's company. And maybe she lets her mind wander a little too far, to subjects she'd promised herself she'd avoid. Because maybe those subjects are a little dangerous to the uneasy truce they've had going for a few weeks now.
"You know, the fact that coming out hurt after our conversation is kind of the reason I thought getting together would be shit timing." And oh, okay, so she's going with sticking her foot in it tonight. Hell, she'd practically jumped in with both feet.
"Can we not talk about this?" Alex asks, expressionless mask dropping into place as soon as Maggie starts talking.
"Probably smart," Maggie agrees, before ruining it and opening her mouth again, because damnit Alex deserves to be happy. "But really Danvers, think about it. You're badass, and smart, you have a kickass job, you're hot enough to melt the ice caps, and you're queer as a three dollar bill. Those are all things about you. I shouldn't have anything to do with those facts, or you being proud of them. You should be happy with yourself for who you are, before you even think about adding another person to the mix."
"Are you done?" Alex asks sharply once Maggie finishes her rant, looking ready to bolt from the bar any second. "Because I'm trying here Maggie, I really am, but you're making it pretty damn hard to stick around."
"I know, I know," Maggie says, downing the last of her beer in an attempt to stave off the fear starting to niggle at her gut. "I'm just saying, you deserve to be the main character in your own story, Alex."
Maggie thinks she's blown it when Alex slams her pool cue down, and is relieved when she all but collapses into a booth instead. She's not sure she should follow, but her feet decide for her as she crosses the bar to sit hesitantly across from Alex as the other woman downs a beer of her own.
"You're a pain in the ass, you know that Sawyer?" It's a better reaction than Maggie had expected, so she'll take it.
"I've been told. I've also been told I know what I'm talking about sometimes." Now that she's started this conversation, now that Alex isn't running the other direction screaming she never wants to see Maggie again, she's determined to make sure Alex understands.
"I haven't been the star in any story since I was fourteen." Alex doesn't sound as bitter as Maggie would have expected after a statement like that, more resigned.
And it really shouldn't be making Maggie want to kiss that old pain away, because she means what she's said about Alex finding her own feet before she falls into anyone's arms. But God it's hard when Maggie has felt herself slowly falling since their first jurisdictional spat. She's always had a weakness for tough women, women who could keep up and challenge her, and Alex Danvers fit that type to the letter.
Shaking off the persistent thoughts once more, Maggie reaches a careful hand out to cover Alex's, waiting until the other woman meets her eyes to make sure her words hit. "Then it's well past time to be the star in this one."
And suddenly Alex is crying, wiping furiously at the tears falling down her face as she tries to regain control, and Maggie is lost, doesn't have any idea what to do, what would be welcome. Should she try to comfort Alex? Should she let her cry this out and take the obviously needed release? She doesn't know, doesn't have any idea what Alex needs.
Then, between one blink and the next Kara is there, pulling Alex into a tight hug and not quite glaring at Maggie. "I've got this, Detective Sawyer, you can go." Her voice is stern, commanding, and between that and the sudden appearance Maggie feels the puzzle pieces slot into place. And when a superhero gives you an order while giving you a look that says they could snap you in half, following directions is usually a good place to start.
"No, Kara, she can stay. This isn't on her." Kara and Maggie both look at Alex in shock when she speaks up. Maggie had been fully prepared to leave Alex to the capable hands of her sister, but if Alex wants her to stay then she can do that too. "Can you actually give us a minute?"
"I'll be right at the bar," Kara promises, shooting Maggie a warning look as she walks off. And Kara Danvers, sunshine personified, shouldn't be so intimidating, Supergirl or no, but damn if Maggie isn't a little afraid of her.
"Sorry about Kara, she's been a little protective lately," Alex says as she dries her eyes, pulling herself together faster than Maggie would have thought possible.
"It's good that you have people like that," Maggie offers, giving no hint that she's figured out who Kara is. "It's good that you're so close."
Alex smiles faintly over at where Kara is sitting, staring at the two of them and not even pretending to hide it. "We've been through a lot together."
"And if she can be there for you during all this, then that's great," Maggie says carefully, trying to find the right words for once in her life. "But Alex, whether you feel like you're on some journey or not, that's where you are. You're figuring yourself out, and you need to do that for you, not for anyone else. I can see that you're pretty amazing, and you deserve to see yourself that way too."
"You know, you've got this mixed signal thing down pretty well," Alex says after a moment of studying Maggie. "From 'no' to 'I need you in my life' to 'you're amazing' fast enough to give me whiplash, and I work with aliens who have superspeed."
"There's a reason for the 'no' that I tried to tell you for a week, but apparently I suck at getting the point across without hurting you," Maggie admits, wishing she had another beer to get through this part of the conversation. "Alex, what if we dated? Right now, right where you are in life and figuring this out? And then what if we didn't work?"
Maggie can tell the moment it clicks, the moment Alex understands why she'd been pushed away, because Alex gets mad. And Maggie wishes she could blame the alcohol for how attractive that is, how much she wants to throw caution to the winds and just kiss Alex, but she can't. She's wanted to do that ever since Alex had kissed her first, and only the deep certainty that she's doing the right thing has kept her in place, keeps her in place now.
"You're pushing me away because we might not work? Are you serious right now? You let me believe it was because I wasn't enough, that I was too new to being gay, that what I felt wasn't enough reason, and now you're telling me it's because you're scared? I was scared too, Maggie, but you pushed me to come out anyway." Alex is furious, and Kara is glaring, and Maggie knows she's made a mess of the situation yet again. At least this time Alex looks ready to stay and fight, so maybe she can explain and avoid losing her best friend.
"Yeah, I'm scared of losing you Alex. But that's not why I did it. Think about it, if we dated right now, you'd be figuring yourself out around me, not around you. And if we broke up, if we didn't work, then you wouldn't know who you are as a lesbian without being with me, and that's not fair to you." Above all else Maggie wants Alex to know that this is all about what's best for her, and as much as she hopes she walks out of here with a friend, she'd rather walk out of here knowing Alex gets that than anything else. Alex deserves the best, and right now that means Maggie needs to hold back.
"So what am I supposed to do, start checking off some list in a handbook somewhere?" Alex scoffs, still pissed even though Maggie can see the anger starting to fade.
"Well you've already made it to step three, joke about the handbook, so I'd say you're well on your way," Maggie jokes, relieved when the anger on Alex's face fades into a smirk for the briefest of seconds. It's not much, but it's something. "But no, I think you need to get to the point that you're aware and okay with what this means for you. And once you're there, comfortable and happy with yourself, then you can find someone to share that with."
"I'm still pissed," Alex says after a long moment of quiet thought, and Maggie nods her understanding. "But I'm not as pissed as I was."
"I just want what's best for you, Alex," Maggie dares to say, hoping it won't undo what's passed between them.
"Yeah, well, drinks are on you tomorrow for pulling this," Alex says as she stands, and Maggie is happy enough that she hasn't lost Alex that she agrees instantly. Hell, she'd buy for a month to make up for hurting Alex.
"See you tomorrow," is all she says though, smiling at Alex as she leaves with Kara, already looking forward to it.