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Not that he would ever admit it to Sam, but Dean’s mind was occupied since they saved those girls who made Supernatural into a musical. It was over something specific that Sam had already teased Dean about, which was partially why he wasn’t going to say a damn thing to his little brother.
That whole “destiel” thing.
Truth be told, he wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea of the two of them together. He’d actually thought about it a few times, though he always shut down those thoughts quickly. Hunters didn’t usually have the best track record with relationships, he wasn’t sure if he was actually interested in Cas or if those were just random intrusive thoughts, and he didn’t want to mess with their friendship. He’d lost a lot of people in his life, he couldn’t lose Cas too.
But this case made him think about a relationship a little more seriously. And think about whether or not he was not entirely straight. He knew it was a possibility considering he’d had fleeting thoughts of other men before, but nothing to the same extent as with Cas.
Damn he was really not expecting to start having an identity crisis right now.
He put that on the backburner while driving back to the bunker. He could think about everything in the safety of his room without his nosy (and disturbingly knowing) little brother right next to him and possibly reading any facial expressions he made.
~~~~
Once they were back, he and Sam headed off to their respective rooms, both tired from the hunt and trip in general. Sure they could’ve stayed at the motel a little longer, but they wanted to get home. The musical stirred up some memories they didn’t really like to relive and it was draining for them.
Dean got to his room and closed the door behind him, dropping his duffel on the floor next to the doorway. He grabbed pajamas and headed to the showers to clean off the sweat and grime from the hunt. He didn’t take long, used to having to rush showers when sharing a motel room with Sammy, and got dressed and left to head back to his room before Sam headed there to take his own shower.
Once back in his room, those thoughts from earlier about whether or not he was into Cas and whether or not he was straight came barreling back.
The more he thought about it, the more he realized he’d had feelings for other men before. A few times as a teenager and some other times since then here and there. He just never paid it much mind.
He wasn’t sure if he’d had any fleeting feelings towards men since meeting Cas, but he and Sam had also been dealing with what seemed like one apocalypse after another since then, too. Made it a little harder to focus on anything except hunts.
So he was definitely at least bisexual, that was startlingly clear now.
And he definitely had some sort of feelings toward Cas.
The only question he had left was whether or not he should do something about those feelings. Did Cas feel the same way towards him? Would he even entertain the idea of them being a couple if he did? The guy was an angel and sure, he’d fallen for Sam and Dean, but that didn’t necessarily mean he wanted to be with Dean.
Though Dean couldn’t help but remember all the things Cas had said about him and his soul and how his voice was full of such reverence.
Shaking his head to clear it, Dean picked up his duffel from the hunt and placed it on the small table in his room and took out the clothes in it that would need to be washed. He wasn’t going to do laundry right now, but he’d forget otherwise. That’d already happened a few times.
After doing that, he decided he’d try and get some sleep. He wasn’t sure how much he’d actually get with what was currently running through his head, but he’d at least try to get a fair amount. He didn’t need Sam to find out he hadn’t slept and rag on him about it like he always did.
~~~~
Surprisingly, Dean was able to fall asleep for a number of hours, though his dreams involved Cas. He couldn’t remember what exactly happened in the dreams, but he knew Cas was in them.
He pulled on the robe Sam got him for Christmas (he’d hated when Dean would wear one of the robes left behind by the former Men of Letters) and shuffled into the kitchen to work on breakfast. But coffee was the first thing he’d be making because he was not awake enough.
Waiting for the coffee to be done, his thoughts wandered again. And again he was wondering if he should talk to Cas about his feelings. There was a chance that Cas felt the same and they could try to date or something. But there was also a chance that Cas did not feel the same and their friendship would be irrevocably changed and he could lose Cas.
Sam stumbling in interrupted his thoughts. Obviously his brother had been a little too tired to go on his run just yet, though sometimes he’d go out after having some coffee and before eating breakfast.
“Mornin’ Sammy,” Dean said, filling up his mug with coffee once it was finally done. Sam mumbled a greeting back, taking the pot of coffee once Dean put it down to fill up his own cup.
As Dean started to wake up more, he started thinking about what to make for breakfast today. They didn’t have a hunt to leave for, nothing to research right now, no apocalyptic events. It was a rare slow morning. Granted, Sam would probably start looking for possible cases immediately after breakfast (either for them to go on or to send to hunters that were closer) while Dean was content to at least rest for a day or two.
…Maybe he’d call Cas and see where he was and what he was up to. They didn’t always know what he did when not with them.
~~~~
When they were nearly finished with breakfast (Sam having taken a run beforehand), Dean decided he wanted to tell Sam about his revelations from last night. He didn’t want to hide who he was from his little brother, not when he knew Sam would accept him and wouldn’t berate him at all for this.
Not like their dad.
“Hey, uh, Sam?” Dean asked, still a bit nervous no matter how much he tried to reassure himself that Sam wouldn’t have any issues with this. Sam looked up at Dean, brow furrowing in slight confusion and concern at what was probably a slightly panicked look on Dean’s face.
“Yeah?” he asked, prompting Dean to continue with what he wanted to say.
“I, uh, wanted to tell you that I… that I realized I’m… bisexual.”
Sam was silent for a moment before speaking.
“I’m proud of you for realizing that and I support you, but I, uh, sorta thought you already knew you were bi,” Sam said, looking a little unsure as he said that. Dean was shocked.
“Wait wait wait, you knew?!” Dean asked, surprised that he wasn’t the first one to know about his own sexuality.
“Well, with how you are with Cas I kinda thought you knew and just weren’t specifically telling anyone or labelling yourself.”
Dean thought about that for a few moments.
“Is it really that obvious?” he asked finally, wondering if it was just Sam that realized he liked Cas or if there were others who knew too. Sam nodded a little.
“I mean, it sorta is to anyone who’s spent time with us enough to see you two interact. I’m pretty sure Charlie, Jody, Garth, and Donna know, but I’m not sure about anyone else.”
Dean let out a breath at that. At least Sam didn’t mention anyone Dean didn’t like.
Though it seemed like most angels knew before he did, but that was a can of worms he was not opening now or ever if he could help it.
The two sat in silence for a little bit before Sam spoke up again.
“You should tell Cas you like him,” he said, looking at Dean. Dean opened his mouth, but Sam spoke again before Dean could say a thing. “He likes you and I can tell that he’s the main reason you’ve realized you’re bi in the first place. You both deserve to be happy, and I think you’ll get there if you confess your feelings and give a relationship a try.”
Dean’s cheeks heated up with a slight blush (he could see Sam smirk a little at that) and he decided to finish the little bit he still had on his plate rather than say anything else. Sam left the kitchen first, clapping a hand on Dean’s shoulder as he passed, leaving Dean alone in the room for a few moments. He thought about what his brother had said, and what he’d thought about earlier, and decided that he’d tell Cas about his feelings. He was hoping that Cas reciprocated, but that even if he didn’t their friendship would still be intact.
After washing his dishes from breakfast, Dean headed back to his room and changed into regular clothes. As he was getting ready to call Cas, he heard the door to the bunker open and figured Cas must’ve just arrived since Sam was researching and wouldn’t have gone anywhere without telling Dean unless it was a huge emergency.
He walked out of his room, heading into the library and saw Cas was just coming in and that Sam must’ve gone somewhere else in the bunker (probably the file room if he saw something that might be a case) since one of the tables had his open laptop and a couple lore books out but he wasn’t there.
“Hey Cas,” Dean said, feeling suddenly nervous as he looked at Cas for the first time after rethinking his identity and feelings. It was a bit strange but also freeing in a way.
“Hello Dean,” Cas said, deep voice sending a shiver down Dean’s spine. There was a moment of silence before Dean gathered the courage to speak again.
“Hey, Cas? Can I, uh, speak to you? Alone?” he asked, motioning with his head that he wanted to leave the library since Sam would come back and he didn’t know when and didn’t want to be in the middle of this conversation when he did.
“Of course,” Cas said, brow only furrowing a little with confusion (it was sorta cute when he did that) as they left the room and Dean led the two to his own room and closed the door after Cas entered after him.
“Is something wrong?” Cas asked, still concerned.
“Uh, not exactly. But there is something I want to talk to you about,” Dean replied, facing Cas with his arms crossed tight over his chest.
“What is it?”
“So, I sorta started thinking about some things after the most recent hunt with Sammy, and last night I realized that I swing both ways and have feelings for you,” Dean said, looking up from the floor to see Cas’s face. He looked… surprised? It was always a little hard to read the angel. “I- Sam said you have feelings for me too, and if that’s true, I-I’d like to try dating. If you don’t, then we can just forget about this and-”
He was cut off by Cas hugging the daylights out of him, face pressed into Dean’s neck and arms wound tightly around his shoulders. Dean was able to uncross his arms and bring them up enough to wrap around Cas’s torso to return the embrace, just a little dazed by the suddenness of it. He melted into it after a few moments, too.
“So, uh, does this mean you feel the same or…?” Dean eventually asked, needing clarification. Cas pulled back, face full of so much joy.
“Yes, Dean, it does. I never said anything because I assumed you would not feel the same way,” Cas responded, reaching a hand up to cup Dean’s cheek, and Dean felt himself leaning into the hold. His eyes closed briefly before opening to look at Cas again.
“The case at that high school made me confront some feelings of mine. I… I probably will still have some issues that might pop back up regarding us, and a relationship, but I’m willing to try if you are.”
Cas just smiled at him. “I would like nothing more.”
Dean hesitantly started leaning in, telegraphing his intention to Cas and giving him time to move away if he wanted to. He didn’t and Dean’s eyes closed as he felt their lips slot together. Cas responded, kissing back and moving the hand previously on Dean’s cheek into his hair while Dean moved one arm from around Cas’s waist to do the same. He used the hold on Cas’s head to change the angle of the kiss slightly so they slot together a bit better. He licked along the seam of Cas’s lips, hungrily licking his way inside when those lips parted, finally tasting his angel.
And it was a taste that Dean didn’t ever want to forget.