Work Text:
Another day, full of the same meaningless routine. I climbed out of bed, the cold floor now did nothing to my temputure. At some point, low weight after low weight, all warmth had been stolen from my body. Even warm food couldn't fill that hole inside me. That was good, I suppose. I didn't deserve that, not anymore. Or maybe I never had.
My room was perfectly tidy, blades hidden in my desk drawer under a few porn magazines. I never bothered to read them, they were merely a distraction, if ever someone were to snoop.
I grabbed my school uniform, headingn to the bathroom
I was starting my 3rd year of Secondary school today, another year of meaningless studies I'd learnt years ago.
I dumped my clothes on the toilet, though they were ironed and folded already. I turned the shower on, brushing my teeth while I waited for it to turn lukewarm. I did not deserve a warm shower, not until I completed my 72hr fast. I finished tomorrow evening, so it was cold showers until then.
I finished brushing my teeth and stepped on the scale. 112lbs. I'd finally hit the bmi 15s. I felt numb. A year ago, or two, I would of cried. I had always been on the larger side. Before I started losing weight I'd been 180lbs, bmi 25.5. To think I'd always looked so revulting, letting food control me. I had akways longer for control, and now, running my hands over my ribs, I knew this was the exact control I had always desired.
Finally, I made my way into the shower. Even though the water was barely warm, my arms burned. A reminded of last nights punishment. I'd been tempted to eat a cake my mother offered me. The fact I even considered it was pitiful, sinful. I'd never admit to anyone that the pain made my body tingle in ways I couldn't ignore, it excited me in ways truley disgusting.
-
7.30 I was dressed and reasy for school. I had told my mother school started at 8 sometime last year, extra revision for university next year. In reality, it still started at 8.30. That have me extra time to walk around, to burn as many calories as I possibly could. Luckily my sister went to a different school, otherwise it never would of worked.
I grabbed my bag, put my shoes on, and ignored the shakiness in my legs, or the way my eyes blurred. Two more days, just two more days.
I locked the door behind me. My sister was just waking up, I'd alrwady said goodbye to my mother, and my father was always at work, arriving there at 6.30 sharp. I was greatful not to see him regularly, after how he used to harm me.
-
I arrived at achool at 8.25 sharp, outside my classroom just on time. I'd nearly fainted in the toilets while I applied deodorant to hide the sweat from my running. There was a new boy, black hair matched with an equally dark hoodie, light jeans and worn sneakers. I'd never seen him before, he must be a transfer. His eyes were dark and hollow, I recognised something in them, something I'd never seen before. His gaze was so intense, never leaving mine. He looked slimmer than me, and for a moment I considered using my blade at break. No, not until lunch. It was too risky before lunch.
This new boy was going to be a bother, I could feel it.