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Applejack held her gun against the thing’s head, her forearm pinning it down while she repeated the mantra she’d kept for six years: One kill is one person saved.
Her fingers twitched with the desire to pull the trigger, but she took a second to search the creature’s eyes for dryness, a sign of fear in them. All the things looked the same from far away: humanoid, but a greyish, rotting color and overtaken by blistering sores. However, from a closer angle you could tell whether they wanted to escape you or kill you. Applejack always checked the eyes, not because it would change the outcome, but because she wanted to know if what she killed was closer to a human or a monster. Applejack—or AJ, as was her code name—remembered when the disease included boils on the skin, a hacking cough, and death. Before undeath became another symptom. AJ, like the other survivors with the rare gene that made them immune to the disease, learned quickly that there were fates worse than the Pox.
Namely, Applejack thought, like being ripped apart by this particular victim of the disease.
She squeezed the trigger and the thing went down hard. Admittedly, she should have taken time to shoot more thoughtfully and avoid splatter that would attract other creatures, but this one seemed especially bloodthirsty.
“Everything all right, AJ?” Sunset called from a few yards away, done wrestling with another infected.
“Yup, just gonna check this one for anythin’ we can scavenge.”
“You do that,” she grinned. Sometimes AJ believed that Sunset was the only one in their survivor compound that kept her humor. Although, that couldn’t be true, because Pinkie joked around like the apocalypse wasn’t knocking at their—
“AJ?”
“I’ll be right there!”
Applejack quickly tugged the black leather boots off the thing’s rotting feet and snagged a few knives that were tucked in its holster in place of a gun. Then she took the holster for good measure, shoved her golden braid out of her face, and didn’t look back.
“What’s up with you today?” Sunset probed. “When we left the compound you seemed kind of scattered but I didn’t want to bring it up. However, if whatever’s wrong is fucking with your focus, it’s important.”
AJ sighed. “It’s nothin’, just…things I should’ve packed up and stored away a long time ago.”
“Are you talking about Rarity?”
Applejack, never one to tell a good lie, winced.
Sunset shrugged. “You said it yourself a few years ago. Even if she loves you—”
“Likes,” AJ corrected.
“—loves you back, we’re still in this mess. Relationships are hard even without zombie infestations. Twilight and I sacrificed a lot to be together, but we also had more time to grow up before the Pox happened. You and Rarity were so young…”
“Come off it, Sunset,” AJ smiled uncertainly. “You and Twi are only a few years older.”
“Deflect all you want,”
“’M not deflecting,”
“Who’s doing what?” Twilight suddenly appeared in front of them, fiddling with her emergency torch while she waited to walk them back to the compound.
“AJ. Deflecting.” Sunset smiled privately at Twilight, making Applejack feel as lonely as ever.
“That checks out. Anyway, come on, we have to pick up the pace because our schedule is all messed up from Rainbow’s morning training class. Once we get back I’ll brief the compound on assignments for the week. And I think Pinkie wanted to plan something for Fluttershy and Jonathan.”
“You mean Discord?” Sunset snorted.
“I’m not calling him that stupid edgy codename.”
“Hey, ain’t you the one who let us pick our own names?”
“Everyone picked something normal.”
“My poor Twilight,” Sunset laughed, “Forced to be fair.”
Twilight scowled, but more likely at Discord than Sunset. Sunset rarely got one of Twilight’s scowls.
Applejack tried not to sigh so hard she fell over.
The walk to the compound, which was a windowless and abandoned mall with gym showers and, miraculously, running water, was simple but exposed. During the entire long walk Applejack tried not to let her mind stray from alertness, but the feeling of Rarity’s careful hands braiding AJ’s hair most mornings kept coming to mind, making her grin. And if not that, it was Rarity’s girlish smile, impossibly bright after six years of fighting the undead and two years of an epidemic before that. The third memory was harder to relive—Applejack’s life in Texas, before. Back when there was a Texas, she thought bitterly, and back when she could hardly kill a snake, nevermind a zombie. She never imagined she’d ditch college to fight monsters, or hitchhike her way up to what used to be Iowa with her siblings behind her, or meet Twilight and her friends just as she was getting hopeless after her parents’ death.
Applejack never imagined, after losing the orchard and most of her family, after seeing Mac succumb to the Pox, that she would find a place in her heart for love.
It was love, as much as she didn’t want to admit, that she felt for Rarity. Twenty four years old and fallen for her best friend, that was what Applejack was. So mundane within a world of darkness. But it felt inevitable. Or, maybe not inevitable, with how they fought at first, but right.
“We’re ready when you are, Rainbow,” Twilight spoke into the intercom. Rainbow Dash opened the opening in their thick cement wall just wide enough for the three of them to fit through, before closing it tightly again. This was to make sure no infected got into the compound, which was nearly impossible but one of AJ’s biggest fears.
“Great to have you guys back!” Rainbow grinned brightly, giving them each a short hug. She was easily excitable but the most loyal in the compound with no competition. So some hyperactivity was tolerated.
“Good to see y’all,” Applejack replied. Her and Rainbow had been involved briefly when they were eighteen, but it hadn’t worked out, allowing them to be even closer friends six years later.
“Your girl’s playing cards with the kids upstairs,” Rainbow smirked, jumping away when AJ swatted at her.
“Not my girl,”
Rainbow laughed, walking away. “Like she’s anyone else’s,” she said under her breath, but AJ simply rolled her eyes. I fuckin’ wish.
Climbing the staircase, Applejack listened for the telltale sounds of three teenagers, an adult woman, and a toddler playing Slapjack around a makeshift table.
“Stop! Sweetie Belle, you actually can’t do that, I had my hand under yours—”
Applejack smiled in the doorway of the bedroom: a converted jewelry store. At the table, Scootaloo was reexplaining rules animatedly while Sweetie argued back, and Applebloom smirked behind her cards, close to winning. Rarity was quietly laughing at the argument, holding Pinkie’s toddler—who the compound called Cheesecake—upright between her knees.
Rarity’s smile was sideways and intimate, her cheek resting on Cheesecake’s head as the baby played with her violet hair. Rarity’s eyes shined with affection, beautiful in a way that AJ didn’t think anyone else ever could be.
“Knock, knock,” AJ announced.
Applebloom climbed over Scootaloo’s overturned chair to embrace AJ, beaming and holding up her cards.
“I’m totally about to win this, but do you want to play the next round?” she asked, not exactly a greeting but a welcoming gesture at least.
“You can count on me, Applebloom,”
Smug with the knowledge that she was going to win, Applebloom returned to her seat to gloat silently over the roar of Sweetie and Scootaloo.
Rarity grinned, approaching AJ with Cheesecake held against her hip. Applejack tried not to let it show on her face how hopelessly enamored she was, but the three-day Patrol missions with Sunset and Twilight could be grueling and bloody, and every Monday when AJ came back to the compound, Rarity was there. Sue her if she couldn’t manage her emotions when faced with that.
“Hi there, Girl Scout,” Rarity said as she hooked her non-Cheesecake arm around AJ’s shoulders.
“Not what I’m called,” AJ laughed, returning her hug. “But hi, sugarcube.”
“Ugh,” muttered Applebloom from across the room, and it became apparent that the bedroom was now silent except for their exchange. The three teenagers were staring, unimpressed, and Applejack got a strange feeling that something was up.
Who could form thoughts, though, when the girl they were secretly in love with was holding them tightly, breathing so deeply that Applejack almost thought her asleep.
AJ stepped away just enough to whisper a hello to Cheesecake, before she addressed the room at large:
“Alright now, you guys gotta pause the game ‘cause Twilights gonna give our weekly assignments,”
Sweetie groaned. “Just say chores, AJ,”
“Yeah,” added Scootaloo, “And how come, even without high school, Monday’s still the worst day of the week?”
“It is crazy how that happens,” Rarity said dryly.
Then she made her voice quieter, just for Applejack to hear.
“Pinkie’s really overwhelmed at the cafeteria, and she asked that I watch Cheesecake. So I suppose we will have him today. That means no handstand contests with Rainbow, got it? And please tell the Crusaders that Scootaloo’s bike cannot go on stairs—they don’t listen when I say it.” She rolled her eyes.
“Yes, ma’am,” AJ said, trying not to dwell on how Rarity automatically assumed they would co-care for Cheesecake. “Pinkie’ll probably watch him during the meeting but we can do the hand-off at breakfast.”
“Sure,”
“Can we please go?” Applebloom whined.
“Thought you didn’t like the compound meetings?”
“Better than this,”
AJ raised an eyebrow, but complied.
The meeting went as smoothly as it always does. AJ got her usual assignment of Patrol, Pinkie somehow received Detonation/Explosives and Kitchen Crew, Rainbow got Air Surveillance as usual, Sunset also Patrol, and Fluttershy was naturally assigned to her garden/animal center. Rarity was given Repair Team.
“Ugh,” she complained, “Repair is such a chore,”
“Well, Patrol is only on weekends most of the time. I can put up with Repair if it meant you ain’t alone with Trixie and her friends,”
Rarity looked at her oddly. AJ opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but Pinkie interrupted.
“Hi, hi! You guys can take Cheesecake today, right? Me and Allen are swamped with all the newbies’ meals.” Pinkie’s tone was bright, but her furrowed eyebrows betrayed her anxiety.
“Absolutely, darling. Good luck today. Whatever your crew makes is always fantastic.”
“Aw. Thanks, Rarity!”
Rarity grinned fondly at her before bending down to return Cheesecake’s hug. The kid never knew a time without the Pox, and it showed in how he clung to everyone in the compound, scared of losing them, because it was an all-too-common reality. Two years before, when he was born, Applejack was still so afraid of things going wrong. She avoided Pinkie and Allen (codename Cheese Sandwich, which Twilight pretended not to hate) like the Pox, and it took Rainbow Dash telling her that Cheesecake deserved to meet one of his mom’s best friends to get AJ to visit.
After seeing just how much Rarity melted when the baby was around, Pinkie pretty much appointed her as Cheesecake’s babysitter. This included AJ, somehow, since they were friends by this point and had even moved into the same converted bedroom as their sisters and Scootaloo.
Rarity had already been living there for a year before AJ moved in. She liked sleeping surrounded by pictures of gems and metals, since the real thing was looted long before Twilight came. They dragged AJ’s mattress through the doorway with a disproportionate amount of fanfare from Applebloom, and split the room into three with dividers: AJ, Rarity, and the teens. They had some rotation worked out with a few sleeping bags—Applejack didn’t ask. The three of them had become friends at breakneck speeds once they met, and for all that she hated Rarity back then, letting Applebloom live with her friends was always going to be the right choice.
Rarity already knew Twilight since before the Pox, and she secured her and Sweetie’s spots in the compound the second Twilight decided to form a survivor group. Her, Sunset, Pinkie, and Allen all went to college together while Rarity was a senior at the high school Twilight attended. This was two years after the Pox began, when the dead started rising from their graves. Soon Twilight and her little collection of immunized New York orphans—plus a baby, nicknamed Spike, that she rescued along the way—headed West for the promise of safety. The two sisters who led the compound Twilight heard of were gone by the time she came, so she started her own. She even had the idea to have a concrete barrier built around the abandoned mall for extra protection. One by one, immunized survivors made the trek to Iowa. Misfits like AJ and her sister. AJ was pretty sure they had around 188 people in the compound, from ages one to sixty something. It was a testament to Twilight’s leadership, that she could command almost 200 kids and adults with little resistance.
“Ready to head to breakfast?” Rarity offered, raising an eyebrow at AJ’s zoned-out expression.
“Oh—yup,”
“I’ve got Cheesecake handled if you want to rest this morning, darling. I know Patrol has you barely sleeping.” Rarity said gently as AJ took Cheesecake’s other hand so he’d be in between the two of them.
“Maybe, but I don’t reckon it’ll help. I had a close call earlier, I’d probably just have a damn nightmare if I tried to sleep.”
Her eyebrows knitted together. “What happened?”
“Just an infected getting too close,” AJ said, simplifying the story for Rarity’s sake.
In any case, Rarity still shook her head, frowning. “I wish you wouldn’t risk your life on Patrol,”
“I don’t control my assignments, honey,”
She rolled her eyes. “You know if you asked Twilight she would reassign you.”
Applejack did know that. Just like she knew that she was the best at her job. Just like she knew she was the only one in the compound other than Sweetie who knew Rarity’s real name.
“They need me,”
Rarity bent down then, pitching her voice higher and talking behind Cheesecake’s head:
“We need you too, Applejack!”
A choking sense of longing rose up in AJ’s throat. She suppressed it for fear of blurting out every secret feeling she had for Rarity.
“You think a two-year-old can say ‘Applejack’?”
Rarity laughed, eyes closed, her purple hair shaking with her shoulders. “Let’s join the line, shall we?”
“Yup,”
After breakfast, which was served by Pinkie’s husband Allen—they’d been together since before the Pox, and were married within months of the outbreak—Applejack took Cheesecake to see Fluttershy while Rarity went to meet with the Repair Team.
“I’d ask you to go with me, darling, but I’d rather not subject Cheesecake to Trixie,”
Applejack knew it wasn’t a dismissal. When she left, Rarity gave Cheesecake a quick forehead kiss goodbye, and smirked at AJ.
“Don’t frown at me,” she teased, before placing a playful kiss on AJ’s cheek and leaving the room.
Applejack tried not to do anything crazy like laugh maniacally, or put a hole in the drywall, or dissolve into a puddle of blushing, freckled smiles.
Fluttershy’s domain, where she was stationed most of the time, was the most peaceful part of the compound. Far away from Rainbow’s training gym, Trixie’s unsettling magician commune, and the frenzied nature of Twilight's office, the garden was all tranquillity.
“Oh, Cheesecake and AJ! Everybody please say hello,”
The rest of her crew shyly repeated it, just as sweetly introverted as Fluttershy.
“Does the little one want to see the deer we’re helping out? It’s a baby, and the mother has been really enjoying our garden while her daughter gets her leg healed up.”
“Yay,” Cheesecake squealed, stumbling over to the sleeping baby deer. He was bubbly and joyful, but Pinkie had said she was having trouble getting him to talk more. He was just so nervous all the time, and there was nothing Pinkie could do, save for ending the apocalypse.
The roof of the mall had partially crumbled during the compound’s early days, but it allowed the garden and animal center, which was on the upper storage floor, to have some protection yet lots of sun.
Fluttershy got the hang of indoor gardening with surprising ease. AJ had tried and failed not to be jealous of this.
“How’s Jonathan, Fluttershy? Y’all excited for the wedding?”
“Oh, yes, we’re both so happy to be celebrated by our friends. Discord and I want something more casual, though, and I think Pinkie wanted to have a bigger party…”
“I can’t imagine Discord liking anything casual, to tell you the truth,”
Fluttershy smiled to herself. “He’s very different than what you think,”
“But he still drives Twi up the wall, you know.”
“Not since she spoke with him,”
Applejack thought, and supposed that was true. Twilight was all nervous about talking with him during Patrol that weekend, just about a year ago. He’d been causing havoc for the six months he’d already lived in the compound, and although it was clear that he and Fluttershy were a good match, Twilight knew she had to cull him.
“Well, I…I guess,”
“You know I love you, AJ, but you decide one thing and are rather stubborn about it,” Fluttershy said gently, “Like when you decided that Rarity didn’t love you back.”
AJ scoffed unconvincingly. “Who said I loved her?”
“I don’t want to assume, but it’s very clear how much you care for her, and her for you. For goodness’s sake, you two live together and she gets awfully sad when you’re on Patrol.”
“Even if…if she has a habit of missin’ me, what does that mean? It ain’t like friends don’t miss each other.”
“Your defensiveness isn’t proving your case, I hope you know,”
Applejack sighed, rubbing her eyes. “Fine. I mean, of course I love her, I have for five years and everybody knows, but why doesn’t she say anythin’? It’s obvious! I’m so whipped I practically throw myself at her every time I come back from Patrol. She probably thinks I’m delusional, or even obsessive.”
Fluttershy hummed thoughtfully. “Sure, you go straight to her when you get back. But is she ever not waiting?”
Applejack hesitated. “…No,” she said.
“And when, in all the years you two have been friends, has she ever chosen someone else over you?”
“Never,”
“I don’t want to connect the dots for you,” Fluttershy laid a supportive hand on her shoulder, “But I think you should finally talk to her,”
Applejack, suddenly feeling tired, lowered herself to the floor. “I think…I think I don’t know how, at this point.”
Fluttershy nodded and joined her on the ground.
“You know, I knew Discord before the Pox. I never thought I would see him again after that, but we found each other. And I don’t know…it feels like, even if things get worse again, at least we had some time to be together in truth.”
AJ didn’t speak. She knew Fluttershy was right.
“AJ!” Cheesecake babbled as he ran over, except it sounded more like “ah-ch”.
“Hey, kid,”
“Hello, Cheesecake! How was the deer?”
“It was sick,”
Applejack snorted. “She’s gonna be sick for a while, buddy, but we can come back later to check on her,”
“Why?”
“He’s in his ‘why’ phase,” AJ explained to Fluttershy.
“I got to touch it, AJ!” he said, giggling excitedly. “But I think it has bedtime ‘cause its eyes are like this,” he squeezed his eyes shut.
At that moment, while Cheesecake had both tiny hands on Applejack’s knees and was squinting up at her, sweet as anything, Sunset burst through the metal doors.
“AJ, you have to come here now,”
“What? Sunset, I have Cheesecake,”
“Rarity’s right downstairs, she’ll take him, we have to go,”
“Fuck,” AJ muttered, and hauled Cheesecake onto her hip.
Because the elevators didn’t work anymore, they had to take the stairs to the basement where Twilight was. Rarity was on the second landing.
Her fingernail was stuck in her mouth nervously, eyes trained on AJ as she dropped her hand and reached for Cheesecake, the dread on her face making AJ feel like she was going to be sick.
“I got him, you two go,” Rarity said, a slight shake in her hands. AJ felt a crack in her heart at her fear.
“Let’s go,” Sunset urged Applejack.
“Yeah,”
She turned to leave, then stopped. Sunset raised an eyebrow before AJ turned around and tugged Rarity into her arms, Cheesecake safely settled between them.
“I’ll be okay, you hear?”
Rarity laughed humorlessly. “Don’t do stupid shit, Applejack.”
“I won’t,” AJ promised, “Mireille, I won’t.”
“Good,”
Ripping herself away from Rarity made AJ feel like the worst monster. She could only hope her use of Rarity’s real name would affirm how serious she was about staying safe.
In the basement, Twilight was pacing. The basement had a ton of control panels and communication equipment, all of which were incomprehensible to Applejack.
“Thank god you guys are here,” Twilight blurted when she saw them.
“What’s the problem, Twi?”
Twilight adjusted her glasses. “Rainbow’s plane spotted a ton of infected heading to us, and one of the radio frequency detectors discovered electric grenades,” she scoffed, “Like rock beats scissors, grenades beat our cement walls.”
“So what’s our plan?” Sunset asked, and gently took Twilight’s hands in hers. It must have calmed her down, because her voice shook less the next time she spoke:
“Well, we’d be annihilated if we went out there alone, so I sent for more people from Rainbow’s training center. We’re going to shoot from the towers for a bit, then when we’ve got most of the horde down we’ll get on the ground and try to get the rest of them,”
She bit her lip. “AJ, be careful, okay? I know you tend to do your own thing and it usually works out, but you can’t this time. It’s already such a risk…”
“I’ll be careful, Twi, promise,” For you, Applebloom and Rarity, AJ didn’t say.
She nodded. “Okay. Let’s gather the group and head out.”
When they stumbled back inside the compound, Applejack felt like there was nothing left to give. Three days camping and fighting creatures, with only a short break followed by hours of shooting Pox-riddled zombies, seeing the blood and blistered flesh all around her…she needed sleep, or to lay her head in Rarity’s lap and let Rarity touch her hair until she was dreaming. Instead she had to do painful recon with Twilight and Sunset, before stepping into one of the gym showers and trying—failing—to wash off the stain of death and monsters. At least the steaming shower water did something for her muscles, which screeched for her to rest. Shedding her gear helped, too.
Yet dinner still felt impossible to stomach, especially with the amount of eyes likely to be on her. Everyone eager to hear how they defeated the evil monsters.
AJ went straight to her bed, feet dragging with exhaustion. She was sure that by then, Cheesecake was back with Pinkie and probably smiling and giggling, unaware of all that had happened. So it didn’t matter if Applejack woke up screaming.
She checked her back pocket then, for the small metal thing she’d picked off an infected. They had been a looter before being infected, for sure, as their bag was stuffed with random items both valuable and not. Nowadays silverware was obsolete, money barely mattered, and a few crushed pearl necklaces wouldn’t impress anybody. Some food was taken back to the compound, along with four handguns and the thing Applejack took from the creature. Sometimes kills can give them more than safety—Applejack remembered finding a good pair of snow boots on one of her kills and offering them to Applebloom. They made her insanely happy. Once, when Rarity still went on low-stake Patrol missions, they found an almost-empty makeup store. But wedged underneath a display case, Rarity had found a small eyeshadow set. She’d held it to her chest, eyes closed in gratitude. Applejack almost made fun of her for being so touched by the discovery, but she knew better. Knew by then that it wasn’t about wanting to look good; it was about wanting to feel human.
The memory of that moment urged her to take the thing currently in her pocket: a perfectly new lipstick tube that looked exactly like the one Rarity kept under her pillow. It had run out of product long before Applejack even met her, but she still kept it. That had to mean something. It was a ridiculous find, but felt like a sign from God.
Applejack used to believe in God. She thought it might have been an odd choice for her.
Back in her bedroom, she toppled onto her mattress and practically fell asleep instantly. Although she was starving—she’d barely eaten beyond breakfast and the five protein bars she inhaled before the mission—she chose sleep over food. Patrol missions had gotten harder as each day went on. When the anger from her parents’ and grandmother’s death and Mac’s infection faded she stopped having the energy to kill. One kill is one person saved. What a joke. One kill is one death. Nothing else.
Tired of killing zombies, tired of being in love during an apocalypse, tired of hope, Applejack fell asleep.
AJ woke some hours later, sweat collecting all over her body. Her breath came out in wheezing gasps, and tears welled in her wide, unseeing eyes.
“You’re okay,” Rarity whispered then, and of course she stayed in AJ’s room, of course she knew not to touch Applejack until AJ heard her voice and knew it was Rarity, “We’re safe, you’re safe,”
“Fuck this,” Applejack said, on the edge of nausea.
“Do you want to talk or go back to sleep?”
“It was the kids this time,” AJ whispered after a minute, answering in her own way. “And you and my Dad, always you two.”
Her dad was the death she witnessed. Rarity is the death she never, ever wants to.
“It’s not real, love. Our sisters are alive. I’m alive.”
AJ sighed. “Can you come here?”
“Yes,”
She sat on the edge of the bed, but Applejack pulled her closer, so exhausted that she didn’t care about awkwardness or giving anything away. Rarity shedded the sweater—Applejack’s sweater—she was wearing and pulled the blanket over her. Applejack leaned into the hand Rarity slid into her hair, eyes closed. She couldn’t sleep just yet with her heart pounding. After her night terrors sometimes it felt like she’d never be calm enough to sleep ever again. Rarity helped. Her father had been abusive far before the threat of zombies, and she knew how to talk someone down from a panic attack.
“Does it bother you when I use your real name?” Applejack asked quietly, mumbling a little.
“I wouldn’t have told you it, if I was bothered by you using it,”
“Right, but…people know my real name, and I ain’t too keen on hearing it. I prefer Applejack, but most everybody ‘cept you calls me AJ,” she yawned, “Not that I mind.”
“I know,” Rarity assured, combing a hand through her pale blonde hair, “It’s different when you say my name. I know you will take good care of it.”
“I love it,” Applejack slurred, eyes closing.
Rarity paused, then spoke with a heavy voice: “Thank you,”
“I love you, Mireille. Can’t get the accent right…” AJ said, and then fell deeply asleep.
The morning brought news that Fluttershy and Discord’s “wedding” ceremony would be that night. It seemed like not enough time to Applejack, but if anyone could do it, Pinkie could.
(This news was given by Applebloom, who burst into AJ’s room earlier:
“AJ! Fluttershy—ooh,” she said, spotting Rarity.
It was a little embarrassing for Applejack, considering she’d been staring at Rarity when Applebloom came in, tracing the soft slope of her cheeks and her slightly furrowed eyebrows with her gaze. Like a creep.
She didn’t exactly remember what she said to Rarity the night before, but she remembered talking to her. And she knew it couldn’t be too egregious, considering she woke up to Rarity facing her in her sleep instead of being miles away, disgusted.
What happened? Applebloom mouthed, grinning mischievously.
What are you talking about? Nothing, Applejack responded in turn.
Applebloom frowned. Why the same bed?
Nightmare,
In response, Applebloom smiled, saying “Sure it was,” with her waggling eyebrows.
“Fluttershy and Discord are having their wedding-ish celebration tonight, so break out your most formal flannel and jeans, I guess.” Applebloom whispered.
AJ rolled her eyes. “I have nice clothes, dumbass,”
Applebloom gave an unconvinced look before mouthing some indistinguishable things and pointing at Rarity. AJ just stared at her until she left.)
“Mmh,” Rarity muttered beside her. “What did Applebloom have to say?”
“Just that Fluttershy’s thing is tonight,”
“That’s lovely. Only I wish it didn’t mean I have to get out from under this blanket.”
Applejack flushed at the sideways smile Rarity gave her, dragging herself out of bed and upright.
AJ stretched her arms upwards. They’d already missed breakfast and were going to miss lunch, too, unless they hurried up. She realized that she wasn’t wearing much, only some old flannel pants that she cut into shorts and a threadbare red tank top. Rarity was in a matching white set that AJ had no idea how she kept in such good condition. She was also staring at Applejack, probably judging her fashion, her cheek pillowed on her arms.
“Wanna head over?” AJ said, forcing a casual tone.
“Yes, we should, considering I unfortunately have Repair this afternoon,”
It didn’t feel uncomfortable, like perhaps AJ didn’t actually confess her feelings in a whole stalker-y way, but something was off. Rarity kept looking at her too long, but wouldn’t say anything.
After lunch, they split to do their own assignments. Although AJ had wanted to help the Repair Crew, after the attack the day before, Twilight wanted to reevaluate their Patrol missions and see if she could get a second team together for help. So AJ was stuck in the basement most of the day, away from the world. Not that there was much natural light anywhere in the compound. It was one of the things AJ missed the most about her family’s orchard: sunlight.
Afternoon duties came and went. The kitchen was a little wired—they all seemed anxious without Pinkie, as she was busy planning the celebration. But Rarity still ate dinner with Applejack, and that was really all that mattered. She was even almost back to normal, lingering looks notwithstanding.
Back in their room after dinner, Scootaloo, Sweetie, and Applebloom squealed in excitement at getting to be part of a wedding. The compound hadn’t had one in a long time, and the buzz of celebration echoed in the halls. There were two other holidays a year—pre-Pox holidays brought up too many awful memories, so Pinkie came up with new ones—and they were at the beginning of Summer and Winter. They were Pinkie’s favorite days of the year, if you discounted every other day she got to throw a party.
Pinkie was good at leading the Explosives unit, and she was good in Kitchen Crew, but parties were where she shined.
While the teenagers got ready in their room, AJ and Rarity split paths to get dressed by themselves. Applejack looked at the outfit Rarity’d picked out for her: a lovingly worn red gingham skirt that reached just below her knees, and a Yucatan top embroidered with apple blossoms. She even tied a red ribbon on Applejack’s cowboy hat, which her father bought when he was a child in Mexico, and had given to Applejack before he died. No shoes were included—Rarity probably knew AJ would want to wear her boots.
It felt like the sun over Applejack’s face. How did she miss it? This was love.
Putting on the clothes felt ridiculously mundane compared to their meaning. It wasn’t an outright confession, but more like an offering of vulnerability: I see you. See me.
Rarity knocked then, softly pushing open the door.
“May I come in, darling?”
“Ye-yeah, always,” Fucking smooth.
“Oh, you look fantastic! I’m so happy I decided to make that blouse. And the red really does make your hair brighten up.”
“I love it, really,”
Rarity beamed, before spinning to showcase her own dress.
“How do I look?” she asked hopefully.
The dress, which was a light blue and lavender combination, went to Rarity’s ankles and swished out. The neckline was one curved line, and paired with the little sleeves, looked a little like those Regency dresses Applejack remembered learning about from Rarity. Fabric lotus flowers were swirled all over the skirt. Applejack had seen the dress halfway made, but the finished product was breathtaking.
“You look perfect, Rarity, I don’t know how you do it,” she tried to keep her adoration at least a little at bay, but failed. Rarity stepped closer, giving her signature half-smile.
Applejack, flustered, rambled on: “I mean, the waist kinda looks higher than waists are, but I-I’m sure it’s the style. I like the, uh, style, by the way. Looks…nice…”
“Does it?”
“Yeah,” Applejack muttered, eyes straying to Rarity’s mouth and back up, “It’s, um, classic.”
“It is,” said Rarity. She was close enough to Applejack that she could only see Rarity, whose gaze also fell to AJ’s lips. They were basically the same height, only AJ was more muscular, but the same height meant it would be that much easier to lean in, except Rarity was leaning first, and—
“Hey, are you guys almost ready?” Pinkie said, flinging the door to Applejack’s room open.
She and Rarity sprung apart like they were caught in the janitor closet at school, both busying themselves with imaginary tasks.
“Yup, we’re…on our way,” AJ laughed nervously, leaning with one hand on the wall.
“...Okay,” Pinkie replied, looking between the two of them suspiciously.
When she closed the door behind her, Rarity cleared her throat:
“We should—I don’t—let’s go,” she said with finality, brushing past AJ with her cheeks pink and her mouth twisted in a grimace.
Applejack stared at her as she left the room. She stared until her vision pretty much glazed over. Then she took a second to rub at her eyes, gaze at the drywall longingly, and head out to Fluttershy’s wedding.
The ceremony itself was beautiful, as expected. All-white wisteria came down from what was left of the ceiling (they had the wedding on the garden/animal center floor, and Twilight didn’t want to haul chairs up the steps, so the audience stood) and Pinkie had fashioned little candle lights to frame the makeshift altar, ever the innovator.
Sunset officiated. The flower girl, Twilight’s niece whose parents had come to visit the compound before continuing onto another, was adorably clueless and greatly enjoyed tossing paper flowers everywhere. Fluttershy and Discord didn’t have bridesmaids or groomsmen, but a tearful Rainbow stood by Fluttershy (since they went to the same high school in California and were close friends) and Spike, seven years old and bubbling with excitement, served as Discord’s best man.
In all, the entire event was short enough that standing wasn’t too bad, and afterwards Pinkie herded all 200 compound members into the former department store, which had been decorated entirely by Pinkie and Allen.
Applejack whistled. “Goddamn, Pinkie, this is…”
“Ravishing,” Rarity offered, smiling at Pinkie and giving an unreadable look to AJ.
“Thanks! It was a ton of work, but Cheesecake helped us,” Cheesecake, who was busy being enchanted by the way Pinkie’s hair sprung up when he moved it, didn’t confirm. But he did coo softly at Rarity and AJ when they approached, waving with his free hand.
“Go party, you guys!” Pinkie urged, grinning. “Get your Fluttershy time in, because you know that girl goes to sleep at, like, eight.” She rolled her eyes lovingly.
AJ’s mind had been racing all night with thoughts of how she might’ve fucked everything up. What if she went too far, and now Rarity thought her an overexcited freak, or she hallucinated Rarity’s leaning in. Misinterpreted it, maybe? There could have been an eyelash that Rarity was trying to swipe off AJ’s face, and she thought she was leaning closer to kiss her. Idiot.
“Hey, you guys,” Sunset greeted, assuming a spot next to AJ.
“Hello, Sunset. How is Twilight?” Rarity surveyed the room.
Sunset winced. “She’s stressed out talking to Rainbow. Another compound just got infiltrated fairly close to us. We have better protection than they did, but it’s her biggest fear right now. Infected are getting more restless every day we go without a cure, and even Patrol has gotten dangerously risky.”
“Less risky for us because we’re good at what we do, I reckon.” AJ shrugged, and didn't miss the way Sunset frowned, shaking her head.
“AJ, every time we go out there, we get lucky. We might be strong and smart, but that’s not enough.”
“I’m going to get some air,” Rarity said then, strangled.
Applejack watched her leave, feeling every bit the lost, lovesick puppy she was. Going outside seemed like a bit of a risk, she thought. There were a couple feet of space between the cement walls and the outside of the compound where you could walk the perimeter, but even with 24/7 surveillance it wasn’t guaranteed that an infected couldn’t get over the walls if they tried hard enough…
And then AJ realized something.
“Sunset, where’s Twilight?”
Outside, Rarity had her head tilted back and was looking at the stars. Applejack sat down next to her, close enough that their skirts brushed.
“I quit Patrol,”
Rarity’s head snapped to look at her, mouth slack and her eyes searching AJ’s face wildly.
“What?” she said breathlessly, “Why would you quit? I thought you liked it,”
“I liked takin’ my anger out on the creatures. But I’m not so angry anymore, you know? And I was thinkin’, maybe it’s not my risk to take. Maybe I can pass the torch. Or whatever they say.”
Rarity laughed incredulously. She chewed at her lip for one tense moment where AJ thought she might be angry, then she smiled.
“I’m happy if you’re happy, Applejack,”
“I am,” AJ couldn’t contain her grin, “I have people who I need to stay safe for. Like you and Applebloom. I even—I was thinkin’ about you outside right now, and just comin’ up with worst-case scenarios, and I realized that’s what y’all go through when I’m on Patrol. And then thinkin’ about Applebloom, or Pinkie, or Fluttershy in the same danger I faced every week...I don't know how I ever thought Patrol was right for me.”
Rarity’s mouth twitched into a sad smile as she looked down at her lap. “Thinking of you out there, getting injured or even killed, it was torture.” She raised her gaze.
“I know, sugarcube, but that won’t happen anymore.”
Applejack would have been lying if she said the idea didn’t excite her beyond anything else. So much free time, so much surety and safety. They weren’t too safe outside here, though, so AJ silently stood up, offering Rarity a hand. She focused her attention down as she stood, her eyelashes fanned over her cheeks, the soft red on her barely parted lips a little faded, but beautiful.
“Oh!” AJ beamed, remembering. “Speakin’ of Patrol, I found this on a looter the last time we went.”
She presented the lipstick to Rarity, who stared at it silently.
“Um, I thought I saw you have this a few times,” AJ continued, heart pounding. Was this the line? Had she crossed it?
“Applejack,” she whispered, “This is the best present I’ve ever received,”
The knot of tension in Applejack’s chest released. “Oh—well, good.”
“How did you even find this?”
AJ scratched at her collar uncertainly. “Uh, I saw it when I was lookin’ through an infected’s bag. There was other makeup, and money and stuff, but I kinda remembered that little engraving, and…uh, I dunno, thought you’d like it.”
“Thought I’d like it,” Rarity repeated, softly running her thumbs over the lipstick.
“You wanna head in?”
Rarity nodded dazedly, and moved towards the doorway. Just then, her heel caught on a groove in the pavement, and she pitched forward as a surprised ‘oh!’ escaped her mouth.
Applejack caught her then, easy as anything, with one hand steadying Rarity’s elbow and the other barely touching her waist. I’ll always catch you, she thought, and found it to be true.
In that moment, she found a lot of things to be true: that her friends were right when they said she loved Rarity, that five years of yearning was ridiculously unnecessary, and that Rarity was leaning forward for no other reason than to kiss her.
The second their lips met, Rarity's hands travelled up AJ’s neck and buried themselves in her hair, which was out of its signature braid and loose across her shoulders. AJ’s grip on her waist tightened, and she imagined that the line of Rarity’s body was curved towards her, trusting Applejack to keep her upright even as she leaned so far into AJ.
Most of what AJ knew about kissing was from Rainbow, who she’d hooked up with a few times during her first couple months in the compound. Being a lesbian in Texas didn’t exactly make dating easy, and anyway, her and Rainbow didn’t work out on account of them both having feelings for other people.
But this wasn’t Rainbow, she thought, it was Rarity, who was thoughtful and giving and kissed like a black-and-white movie.
“Rarity,” Applejack muttered.
“Not my name,” Rarity said, falling into their next kiss.
“Mireille,” AJ rectified, trying to recreate how Rarity said it. “Mireille, I love you,”
Rarity looked up.
“Oh, darling, I love you too,” she said, eyes glittering at Applejack. “I thought you knew that,”
Applejack shook her head. Five years, they could have had this.
“I was really obvious about it,” Rarity admitted, laughing incredulously.
“How?”
She rolled her eyes, smiling. “Oh, just the way I jumped you every time you came back from Patrol in one piece. And how I was, ahem, rather blatantly staring at you this morning?”
“I thought you were, y’know, judgin’ my pajamas from a thousand years ago."
“Appreciating,” Rarity corrected with a smirk.
Then she set her hands on AJ’s shoulders, dragging her nails lightly across her back.
“You know we’re going to be the compound’s biggest gossip in two minutes, don’t you?” Rarity asked, a little satisfaction in her voice. “Everyone will want to eat me alive for taking you out of the dating pool.”
“Me? Ain’t you, like, everyone’s celebrity crush?”
“Oh, please. Trixie would seriously polish your shoes if you let her.”
“Well, I won’t. And everybody should know by now that I’ve only ever belonged to you,”
Rarity shook her head like she couldn’t believe Applejack.
“Let’s get inside before we defile this emergency exit, sweetheart,” she said, the lilt in her voice making heat rise to AJ’s face.
“Sounds like a good plan,”
Inside, Fluttershy in her soft white dress was sleeping on Discord’s shoulder as he yawned, looking like he might join her. Allen was holding Cheesecake as he slept, smiling fondly at Pinkie as she hovered near the partygoers and checked in on them. Sunset and Twilight were dancing off to one side, and Applejack noticed Twilight trying to distract Sunset by kissing her jaw, but Sunset only laughed and spun her around again, whispering something AJ couldn’t hear. Rainbow, naturally, was spotted near her co-pilot, who had a matching flirtatious smile.
There were entire years of AJ’s life where she imagined that happiness died when the Pox came. But as she looked over a room of satisfied smiles and celebration, she knew she’d been wrong. Happiness lived in them.
Rarity took her elbow then, leading her through the dance floor and carefully arranging AJ’s hands so that they were dancing, swaying to the music from Pinkie’s radio.
“Should have been doing this for the past five years,” Rarity said, shaking her head.
“We’ll make up for lost time,” AJ grinned, “honey,” she added.
Rarity gave her a half-smile, somehow sweeter with the knowledge that she meant it in the way Applejack wanted her to. AJ wanted to kiss that smile, secretly, but she didn’t know if it was too much, or too public, or—
“Just kiss her, AJ,” Sunset complained from a few feet away, but her smile betrayed her happiness.
Applejack complied, though, and gently leaned in again.
Apart from Pinkie’s excited squeal and a supportive cheer from Rainbow, there was no reaction. To everyone else, it must have seemed like either a natural progression or a public reveal of a private relationship. To AJ and Rarity, though, it was the result of so many years of building their connection, and it felt right, like a puzzle piece being slid into place.
“I love you,” Rarity said when they separated, and Applejack opened her mouth to respond, but—
“It’s like watching your parents kiss,” Scootaloo said, wincing.
“You think it’s bad now? I had to deal with AJ’s loud-as-fuck pining for five years!”
“I thought it was bad when Rarity complained about her every minute, but hearing about how strong and dreamy AJ is was literally painful.”
The three of them stood there, looking as amused as ever with their arms crossed.
“Y’all can go now,” Applejack drawled, at the same time as Rarity said, “I did not call her dreamy,”
AJ turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised playfully. “You don’t think I’m dreamy?”
“You are, but I never said it outloud,”
“Ugh,” Scootaloo said. The three of them backed away, faking disgust but Applejack could read her sister and her friends like books, and she knew they were pleased to see her and Rarity finally sorting their shit out.
When AJ turned back to Rarity she found her already looking. Applejack found it endearing.
“I love you too,” she said when the teenagers left.
Rarity smiled sweetly. “Let’s go to sleep, please, Applejack?”
AJ nodded dutifully, thankful she was just as ready to leave the party as AJ was. Then Rarity spotted someone behind her, and took one hand off AJ’s elbow to wave.
When AJ turned around it was Discord, carrying a sleeping Fluttershy to their room. He looked minutes from sleeping himself, but AJ still wanted to congratulate him.
“Thanks, kid,” he said. “I still can’t believe she married me.”
“I think you are both really great for each other,” Rarity offered encouragingly.
“Hey, I think so too. Congrats to you guys, by the way. You’re lucky to have each other.”
Applejack looked at Rarity, thinking, You have no idea.
He snapped his fingers. “Oh! What if you guys didn’t tell Fluttershy about your relationship and we wait to see when she snaps and stops being polite about not asking?”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Goodnight, Discord.”
The rest of the walk upstairs was slow and quiet, with Rarity stopping a few times to kiss AJ against the stair railing, laughing into her mouth.
Back at the room, where they both agreed to take down the divider, Rarity pulled Applejack into an embrace.
“I spent a lot of time being tough,” she admitted into AJ’s hair. “I had to protect Sweetie in a house of slamming doors and screaming, and I had to constantly manage my father’s anger so he didn’t hurt us. And even after…even after my parents died, it was the same thing. Fighting monsters who wanted to rip me apart.”
She inhaled, and met AJ’s eyes. “But when we were on Patrol together, it was as if my biggest problem was suddenly a stubborn blonde girl who I was hopelessly attracted to. And even after we became friends, you were always there. You make me feel like I’m more than my appearance, and stronger than my past. And you’re so earnestly yourself, and so beautiful, and I’m so in love with you I don’t even know what to do with myself—”
Applejack kissed her then, hoping for all her lack of the right words she could convey what she wanted to say.
“I’m all in for this,” AJ whispered. “I've never wanted anything more than I want to do this right. I want to give you everything you need.”
"I need you,” Rarity rushed to say. “We need each other.” She held AJ tighter, burying her face in AJ’s neck and breathing her in. For all the times she'd done that before, Applejack thought, it had never felt so right.
One of the hundred knots of tension in Applejack’s chest relaxed itself. She knew love confessions weren’t a cure-all; there was so much left to work through. But the fact that two people born across the country from one another, both weathered and scarred, could meet each other in the apocalypse was a fact full of hope. And surely, inevitably, within the sure warmth of the future, they could have what existed beyond survival.