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June 2009
Ilya couldn’t stop smiling at the cameras. He had been picked first. First! Boston had drafted him as first overall pick and he was thrilled. Thrilled to be leaving Russia, thrilled to be first pick, and thrilled to beat Shane Hollander who everyone said was the best. So, if he’d beaten Hollander twice - once to number one draft pick and once at World Juniors - then that meant that he, Ilya, was also the best. Being able to add these irrefutable facts to his armour, against the onslaught of criticism he had received from his father over the weekend of the draft, was exactly what he needed as he faced a move to America to join the Raiders where he was determined to prove himself.
As he, Hollander, and Kyrogyi moved through their media interviews after their group photos had been completed, Ilya watched a rotating slideshow of photos of the three of them from their skating careers so far. He was having a microphone clipped on to his collar when a photo popped up on the slideshow which Ilya hadn’t seen before. It was of Hollander, and it looked to be from the International Prospect Cup, based on the signage in the background. Hollander was standing with his teammates, in a Team Canada t-shirt. Poking out of Hollander’s sleeve, on the inside of his arm was a tattoo. Ilya was surprised. Hollander’s whole image was that of Canada’s Golden Boy, he wasn’t expecting him to have a tattoo. He guessed he usually saw Hollander in long sleeves though so maybe he wouldn’t have noticed a tattoo like this hidden away. From what Ilya could see it was a yellow flower in a fairly traditional style. Ilya leant forward to try to get a better look but the slide show moved on and Ilya’s attention was pulled to the interview.
Later that night
Ilya hadn’t been able to sleep. The excitement of the day paired with the tension of being around his father had left him feeling hyped and antsy, so he decided to hit the hotel gym in an attempt to burn off some of the tension.
When he arrived he was delighted to see Hollander was also in the hotel gym, despite it being the middle of the night. Ilya took the stationary bike next to him.
Once they had completed their impromptu race Ilya settled on the gym floor facing Hollander. He passed Hollander his water bottle and as their arms reached out he caught a glimpse of the yellow flowers again. Daffodils, perhaps? And then, he noticed a second tattoo further down Hollander’s arm. This was of a pink-orange flower with a large centre and many long petals. Ilya tried to get a better look. He couldn’t understand how he hadn’t noticed this before. It was brighter than the daffodils and on Hollander’s forearm - it should have been harder to miss. Ilya was sure it hadn’t been in the photo from the Prospect Cup. The skin around it didn’t look upset, the tattoo itself didn’t seem new either. But, before Ilya could think anymore on this mystery he was distracted by Hollander’s lips as he took a swig of water from Ilya’s bottle.
July 2010
Ilya was trying to play it cool. He was excited to see Hollander again and was delighted that his plan to have them appear together in the CCM commercial had come together. After their previous meetings at the draft and at World Juniors, Ilya was sure that there was a spark between them, and that the curiosity he was feeling wasn’t one sided.
He entered the showers and was pleased to see Hollander was still there. Ilya had given him enough of a headstart that had Hollander wanted he could have been long gone from the locker room before Ilya arrived.
Ilya took a long look over at Hollander and was surprised to spot even more tattoos, which must usually be hidden under his clothes. There were large red and pink flowers over the front of his right thigh, and, on a matching scale, big yellow sunflowers over his left thigh. As Hollander turned he also revealed a cluster of tulips on the front of his lower ribcage.
Ilya stared for longer than he had intended to. Hollander was beautiful and the flowers just added to how impossible Ilya found it to tear his eyes away.
He turned fully towards Hollander, making eye contact, and took himself in hand.
February 2011
Ilya heard a knock at his door and relief flooded over him. Hollander had shown up. Ilya wasn’t sure he was going to. After they’d met up at the CCM shoot Ilya knew he wanted more but he wasn’t sure if Hollander would be brave enough to follow through. He’d basically shouted his room number at Hollander, not giving him a chance to make an excuse, and then hoped for the best.
It was All-Star weekend, their first, and Ilya had been having fun playing with the best players the league had to offer, and generally winding them all up. But this was the fun he had been looking forward to, hoping for, fun with Hollander under him.
As he held himself above Hollander he took a good look at the tattoos which had so intrigued him. They were traditional in style, intricate and beautifully coloured. He kissed each one.
“I like these” he said, making his way down to Shane’s thighs.
“I’ve got a new one” Shane said, watching Ilya push his face in to the sunflowers.
“Let me see?” Ilya asked, raising his head.
Shane rolled most of the way over, staying under Ilya, and revealed a splash of orange lilies over his left shoulder blade. The style was the same but the colouring of these was almost aggressive.
“You had this done recently?” Ilya queried. The skin looked healed but he was sure it hadn’t been there last July.
“Er, yes” Shane confirmed. “I got it last summer.”
“Did it hurt?” Ilya said, teasing “do you like a bit of pain Hollander?”
“No.” said Shane. Ilya wasn’t sure which question Hollander was answering, but before he could push further Hollander was kissing him again and Ilya forgot all about his question.
October 2013
It had taken two years but finally Hollander had agreed to see Ilya again. He was in Hollander’s bed, both of them feeling blissed out and tender. He leaned over and rubbed his fingers over Hollander’s new tattoos. During the two years leading to this evening Ilya had done some serious internet research into flowers and now could recognise the red and pink flowers on his thighs as carnations and the pink flower on his forearm as echinacea. He knew that there was a special echinacea that had been bred to be the official flower of Montreal and he felt sure Shane had chosen this tattoo to represent being drafted to the Metros. Ilya wondered what meaning the other flowers had to Shane.
A new handful of blooms had appeared on his left upper arm. Ilya was fairly confident that these were magnolia. There appeared to be two different types, with slightly different colourings. He ran his hand up and down them gently before moving to the other new flowers on the top of Hollander’s right pec which were chrysanthemums. These beautiful, flowing flowers were positioned to be low enough not to show above the line of a shirt. Both of these new pieces would have been hidden by a t-shirt so Ilya, despite having watched many interviews with Hollander since they last met, had no way of knowing when they had been added. Ilya kissed them tenderly, before reaching up to kiss Hollander on the lips again, and then reluctantly admitting it was time for him to leave.
June 2014
Ilya had won the Stanley cup. And now he had won MVP. Which meant he had won Hollander for tonight. He should have been feeling good about it but the darkness was creeping in. He didn’t want to face Russia. And he also didn’t want to face the feelings he could feel stirring deep inside because he was seeing Hollander again tonight.
And now Hollander was spread on Ilya’s bed. A present for Ilya, wrapped in his flowers. There was a new tattoo, what appeared to be a cactus, above Hollander’s right ankle. He couldn’t figure that one out. But, he recognised the chamomile flowers added to Hollander’s left shin. Ilya knew this one, it was the national flower of Russia. Ilya grimaced as it brought back memories of Sochi, the event Hollander must have chosen to commemorate. Swallowing the last of his vodka and he dragged himself and his darkness over towards the bed.
October 2016
Ilya had thought things were going well. After two years of just hook ups, Hollander - Shane - had agreed to stay, had agreed to drink his ginger ale, to eat his tuna melt. They’d basically snuggled on the sofa, with Ilya stroking his hand over Shane’s new tattoo, some pink flowers across the top of Shane shoulder, edging away from the orange lilies further down. These were the first new flowers that had appeared for some time. Ilya wasn’t sure what these ones were and he’d tried to commit them to memory. But then - as soon as Ilya breathed out his name, “Shane”, Shane was up off the sofa and walking away from him, carrying his flowers and all Ilya’s hopes with him.
January 2017
Ilya was sat at the bar alone, at the All-Star weekend. He sipped his beer and tried to steady his breathing. He had been attempting to look casual, scrolling through the line up of players for the weekend. There on his screen was Shane. He pinched at the screen, peering at Shane’s left forearm. There was a new tattoo. A yellow rose. Ilya felt sick. A rose. That couldn’t any more clear. He brushed at his eye and tried to swallow down his emotions. He was about to stand up to leave when he spotted Shane walking towards him, along the side of the bar. “Ok” he muttered to himself, hiding his mouth behind a swig from his bottle.
Later that night
Shane and Ilya were lying in bed. It felt, precariously, like they had fixed things. Ilya was running his hands over Shane, looking at his tattoos again. There was a second new one, he hadn’t spotted it immediately, some white flowers along the inside of his right wrist. Ilya kissed them.
“These are new” he said in to Shane’s wrist. “How did you decide edelweiss? They are beautiful.”
“Oh” Shane said quietly. Ilya looked up and saw Shane flushing. “I don’t choose them.”
Ilya raised an eyebrow, showing his confusion. “Then, who?”
“Oh - no, no one chooses them. They just appear, normally when something important happens to me. Sometimes right away, sometimes a bit later. Then I have to figure out what the flower is, and why it’s arrived.” Shane said.
“Wow.” Said Ilya, sitting up to fully take in all the tattoos he could see from his angle on the bed. “Magic, that is crazy.”
He already knew Shane was special. But to know that these flowers were an outward projection of Shane’s life mind, and heart, was truly astounding.
“They are beautiful” he murmured, leaning in to kiss Shane again “like you. Show me.”
“Show you?” Shane queried.
“Yes - show me which flowers mean what.” Ilya pointed to the yellow rose, trying to sound casual. “What is this one?”
“That one appeared when I met Rose.” Shane replied. Ilya grimaced, but Shane continued speaking. “I should have figured it out sooner, the flower was right there as a clue. Yellow roses mean friendship. Rose and I are much better as friends.”
“Ok, and this one?” Ilya pointed at the cluster of chrysanthemums on Shane’s chest.
“They mean brotherhood, or deep friendship. They started appearing when I made friends with Hayden and then another one appeared for Jackie, and then more have grown for each of their children. This one” he pointed to the flower peaking out the bottom of the arrangement “this came most recently when Amber was born. I’m her godfather”.
“So they come for love?” Ilya asked.
“Sometimes” said Shane, pointing at his thighs. “These two, they were some of the first, carnations for my Mom, sunflowers for my Dad.”
“Which was the first one?” Ilya asked.
Shane flushed again, and Ilya pointed to the daffodils. “These ones?” Ilya asked. “I noticed these ones first, at the draft.”
“Yes” said Shane slowly. “They appeared after I met you. At The Prospect Cup.”
Ilya leaned in and kissed them. “What do they mean?”
“New beginnings” said Shane, smiling down at Ilya. “Maybe I’ll get some more after today.”
Ilya smiled up at Shane. “Any more for me?”
“Yes, lots. These” he said, pointing at his own arm “it’s a Jane Magnolia and a Lily Magnolia. Different varieties in the magnolia family. They appeared after we swapped phone numbers.” Ilya’s eyes went wide. “And the cactus” he gestured to his ankle “that’s lust, sex. From the Japanese flower tradition. It came after the first time you came to my apartment, and we, you know.”
Ilya lifted Shane’s leg and took a closer to look at the cactus flower. “Always good things?” He asked.
“No, not always. The orange lilies, they can mean passionate desire and hatred at the same time. I think the hatred was directed at myself though, not at you. That was after the CCM shoot. And the oleander, that means beauty and danger. That was just before the tuna melts, a warning maybe.”
“Hmm” said Ilya. “Yes it has not been an easy journey to here for us. It looks beautiful like this though.” Ilya kissed at some more of the flowers. “So, edelweiss?”
Shane looked at him warmly. “Courage, love, resilience.”
“Yes, that sounds right for you” said Ilya tenderly.
March 2017
Shane was in Boston and coming to see Ilya before their game, and hopefully afterwards as well. It felt like true decadence to Ilya after so many years of hurried meetings to have plans to see Shane twice in one day.
As soon as Shane arrived Ilya was crowding him, kissing him, pushing him up against the wall. He dragged up Shane’s t-shirt.
“Show me” he said in to Shane’s mouth.
“Show you?” Shane asked, trying to kiss and speak at the time time.
“Any new flowers?” Ilya asked, pulling back, looking Shane up and down.
“Oh yes!” Said Shane, as he pulled off his shirt and turned around, pointing to the back of his right hip. “Lilacs.”
Ilya bent down to take a closer look at the purple spray. “What do they mean?”
“Sweetness of first loves, and new beginnings.” Shane replied shyly.
Ilya kissed then. “Perfect” he said, before turning Shane back around and pulling off his own shirt.
April 2017
Ilya felt like he was crawling out of his skin. Ever since Shane had gone down on the ice he had felt like he was vibrating with worry. He hadn’t slept all night, and now, finally, was at the hospital hoping to be able to see Shane. He was trying to breathe steadily, to appear like a concerned colleague, here to check on his fellow captain. Not like a man who had seen a glimpse of what it could be to lose the most important thing in his life.
He carefully caressed his fingers against Shane’s freckles as Shane smiled sleepily up at him. There were bruises blooming over Shane’s cheekbones, blending with his freckles, and another bruise spreading up his neck from his broken collar bone. And there, mixed in with the deep purples was a small sprig of lavender, lying just below the curve of his collar bone, just above the edge of the hospital robe Shane was in.
Ilya blinked at the lavender tattoo. He knew it hadn’t been there when they had video called last night. But now it was. Looking like a healed, established tattoo, like it belonged.
He pulled his attention back to Shane who was speaking to him. Shane was asking Ilya to come to his cottage. How could Ilya say no when he knew their story was spread across Shane’s skin, impossible to deny its presence or importance. That as scared as Ilya was, they felt inevitable now, magical.
“Maybe, maybe” he murmured to Shane.
August 2017
Ilya, of course, had agreed to come to Shane’s cottage with him. He hadn’t ever really felt like he would have been able to resist. Ever since he had seen those edelweiss on Shane’s wrist all he could think was courage, deep love, resilience. They had gone through so much since they had met nine years ago. Shane had been so brave to come back to Ilya and Ilya knew it was his turn to be courageous. So he’d completed the list of qualities that came with the edelweiss and told Shane that he loved him. And Shane, wonderfully, had told Ilya he loved him too. They’d fallen back asleep in each other's arms, intertwined like the two magnolias on Shane’s arm.
And when Ilya had woken up and looked down at Shane’s lovely sleeping face his eyes caught on a splash of colour on Shane’s chest. He pulled back a little, and there right over Shane’s heart was a bouquet of perfect red roses.
Ilya’s breath hitched as his thoughts caught up with what he was seeing. He felt his eyes fill with tears. Shane’s eyes opened and he lifted his hand to Ilya’s face and pushed his curls out of his eyes.
“Ilya, what is it?” he asked.
Ilya pointed at Shane’s chest and Shane looked down. He smiled, kissed Ilya and then stood to move towards the mirror to take a closer look.
“Oh” said Ilya, admiring Shane as he moved across the room “there’s more.”
Shane turned his head trying to catch sight of the new flowers. Ilya moved behind him and gently caressed the new flowers with his fingers.
“Here on your hip bone. Daisies, and bluebells mixed together.” Ilya kissed them. “And here on the back of your thigh, these little blue flowers.” Ilya kissed those too.
And then he pointed to Shane’s elbow “Lily”, and the inside of his ankle “Lily”, and on his ribs, under his arm “Lily”.
“I love you” Shane said, pulling Ilya’s face back up to him.
“I know now.” said Ilya “I can see it all over you.” Ilya was feeling so warm with the happiness spilling out from him. He’d spent so long feeling unloved. Undeserving of love. And now here it was from Shane’s lips, across the expression on his face, and undeniable in the beautiful flowers spreading across his body.
“Let me tell you.” said Shane grabbing his phone. “I think the lilies are fairly self explanatory” he said, leaning in for another kiss. “They mean Ilya, Ilya, Ilya”.
Shane started typing on his phone, searching for the meaning of the new blooms.
“Daisies are purity, joy, innocence. Bluebells are unwavering devotion and unyielding love.”
Ilya hummed in agreement and nodded, taking another look at the white and blue flowers.
“Those little blue ones are forget-me-nots I think” said Shane, typing, and then nodding. “True love, loyalty.”
Then he indicated the red roses over his heart. “Passion, romance, and commitment.”
“Yes” agreed Ilya. “They are perfect. And roses also means Rozanov. Your heart is mine.”
“Yes Ilya,” said Shane with a happy sigh. “My heart is yours.”