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"Wait...you're cooking?"
"No Lister, I'm scuba-diving. What does it look like?"
"Alright, alright, sorry. What I should've said was, 'wow, I didn't know you could cook?'"
"Well here's the proof miladdo. Me, a frying pan, pot, toaster, and a wooden spoon."
"And a novelty apron."
"That too."
"An' some ingredients I hope?"
"Precisely, JMC's best. Because tonight I am making you the dinner of your dreams."
"Oh cool! Any special reason? Didn't know it was our anniversary yet."
"You're right, it's not." He smirked conspiratorially, raising an eyebrow. "Not that anniversary anyway."
"...You don't mean the other anniversary, right? The first time we f-"
"No!! Definitely not that one either."
"Aw go on man, tell me!" He pleaded, with his most winning smile.
Rimmer sighed, taking a minute to stir the red-sauce based contents of the frying pan as it sizzled loudly. "Hmm, I don't know. Surely with a memory as great as yours Listy, remembering the third one should be easy."
"Oh smeg off, just tell me before I snog the answer out of ya."
"How about I say and then you snog me anyway. Deal?"
"Yeah, alright. Deal."
"Six words, Lister. Triple fried egg chilli chutney sandwich."