Actions

Work Header

Bad Timing

Summary:

What better place to have a private argument than at the communal breakfast table?

[Written for Day 2 of Rimster Week 2026 - Prompt: Ace-verse/Argument]

Notes:

I wrote this literally today, bc my planning is last-minute as always.

Hope you enjoy

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

"Oh just leave it, Rimmer. I already said it's fine."

"Me, leave it!? It's you keeping this entire situation going! I'm not in the mood."

"But that's the whole smeggin' issue, man. You not being in the mood and absolutely killing the vibe."

"Well I'm sorry Lister, but it's not exactly something you can help!" Rimmer shouted, looking daggers.

Lister sighed. "Yeah, yeah. I know an' I'm sorry. Smeg, I'm tired of this now."

"And what if I want to discuss it? Hmm?"

"Then we can! Later!"

"Now. We're discussing this now, Listy. So it has less of a chance of happening again!"

"That's not gonna make a difference, Rimmer. Not unless we actually smeggin' order the stuff."

"No. No way." He pouted. "It's degrading, is what it is!!"

Cat looked up warily, managing to temporarily break the frosty atmosphere by his cutlery scraping loudly against the plate. Attempting to get the bones out of this morning's breakfast fish was proving harder than usual.

"Can't you monkeys have this conversation elsewhere? The mood is so tense it's turnin' my fish cold!" He complained, scooting closer to Kryten.

Rimmer scowled. "No we bloody can't!"

"Just eat your breakfast, Cat." Lister snapped, still glaring at the hologram.

"Alright, alright, I get it." Cat resumed jabbing at his fish. "Sorry I asked."

"I just don't understand what you're arguing about Sirs," the mechanoid asked, predictably oblivious to the tone of the room. "Is it something I can fix perhaps?"

"Nah, don't ask them that, bud." Cat said with a shudder of disgust. "I don't think you wanna know, and I definitely don't wanna know any more than I've heard already."

"Surely it can't be that bad?" Kryten said, confused.

"Trust me, it can." Cat snorted, chewing on a mouthful of fish. "Look, if it'd get their stupid argument to end quicker I'd buy them the Hologram Viagra myself!!"

"CAT!!" Were the subsequent overlapping screams.

Notes:

...Hologram Viagra, sold on all holo-occupied planets and on the Mech Shopping Channel

Thanks for reading

Series this work belongs to: