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Nobara Kugisaki woke up in a dark room, sat in a chair with her arms tied up behind her back. She was still wearing the top and shorts that she sleeps in. She also had her eyepatch on, her one good eye was busy getting used to the light. The last thing she remembered was going to sleep in her bed like normal, how she ended up here was a mystery.
“Well well well… look who’s awake.” A familiar voice spoke. As Nobara got her bearings, she realized that she wasn’t alone.
Her teacher, Satoru Gojo, stood in front of her with his arms crossed. For the first time since Nobara has met the guy, he looked angry. He slammed his hands down on the table as soon as she looked at him properly.
“Alright Nobara, admit it!” Gojo shouted, his voice ringing in Nobara’s ears.
“What… the fuck… is this?” Nobara slowly said as she started to question if this was some weird fever dream. “Where the hell are we?”
“You don’t ask the questions here, that’s my job! I’m the question asker! The questioner!” Gojo slammed his fist on the table this time. “Now answer me you- I can’t say ‘son of a bitch’ cause you’re not a son and I’m sure your mother was a lovely lady!”
“She left me when I was four or five years old, so no not really…” Nobara dryly said. “Look, can you make sense for once in your life Gojo-sensei? Why am I in an interrogation room being, well, interrogated?”
Gojo scoffed. “Hmph, you know what you did…”
Nobara was getting annoyed now. “No the fuck I don’t!
Gojo pulled out a second chair and sat down across from Nobara. He folded his arms on the table as he looked more serious than he ever has.
“Nobara Kugisaki… you are being accused of maxing out my credit card without my permission.” He revealed.
“…What? I didn’t do that.” Yes, Nobara loved using Gojo’s credit card because he basically had infinite money, but she would never max it out without his approval. With how rich the guy is she didn’t even know that was a possibility.
Gojo finally smirked again. Watching him frown and being genuinely upset was starting to get disturbing. “Well missy… somebody did, and you’re the last person I leant it to. But it’s fine if you don’t wanna confess! We can play this game all day-”
“Satoru, what the fuck.” The door opened behind Gojo. Nobara looked back to see Geto standing there with a look of bewilderment on his face.
Gojo’s mood instantly brightened, but he looked rather sheepish. “Heyyyyyyyy Suguru! Crazy running into you like this!”
Geto stood there with his eyes wide and his mouth slightly hung open. “Outside, now.” He commanded Gojo as he walked back out without waiting for an answer.
Gojo sighed and pouted before lamely following Geto out. He shot Nobara one last look over his shoulder. “This isn’t over!” He dramatically stated.
Nobara was left in that room all alone. All she could do was sighed tiredly and ponder how long she was about to stay there.
-
“Kugisaki didn’t eat a Cursed Object?” Geto confirmed.
“Nope.” Gojo went.
Geto rubbed his hand across his face in exhaustion. “Okay… then why is she tied up in a chair in our storage closet?”
Gojo put a hand on his hip. “She’s suspect number one in a case of mine… My gut is telling me it was her, all I need is a confession!”
“Your gut…” Geto repeated. “So… you have no evidence it was Kugisaki? And you kidnapped her in the middle of the night to question her anyways?”
Gojo rubbed the back of his head. “…Yes?”
“That’s not a question you wanna answer with ‘yes’ man.” Shoko walked up to the them. Seems like she caught the last bit of that conversation. “So why is Nobara-chan on trial?”
“…Okay look guys, if you’re on trial, it means you’re a criminal. So if she’s not a criminal, why is she on trial?” Gojo reasoned poorly.
Geto looked about ready to turn Gojo into roadkill. “She is on trial for being on trial?”
“Yes.” Gojo said completely seriously and with a smile to boot.
Geto sighed. “Satoru for god sake, what do you believe she did?”
Gojo crossed his arms all serious. “Yesterday, I got an email saying my credit card got maxed out, and Nobara was the last one I leant it to… I put two and two together like a true detective.”
“More like a true defective…” Shoko joked as she took a lollipop out of her coat pocket and popped it into her mouth.
Geto snorted at the joke which made Gojo judgementally stare at him. Geto then cleared his throat and got back to the important matters at hand. “Right… I guess that’s not the worst deduction in the world.”
“It’s the best deduction you could possibly make, I’ll give you that.” Shoko tilted her head at Gojo. “But you still have no evidence it was her. We could technically report you for student- and/or child abuse for kidnapping her y’know.”
Gojo laughed. “But you won’t, cause you’re my besties!”
“A little more than your ‘bestie’ but okay…” Geto muttered in annoyance.
Gojo shook his head and rubbed his temples. “Listen… I can’t find ‘evidence’ of her maxing my card, so a confession is what I need! I’ll force it out of her if I have to!”
“No, that’s very illegal.” Shoko told him. “What do you need a confession for anyway? Are you seriously gonna punish her for this?”
“Nah, I’m just bored.” Gojo confessed with a stupid grin.
“Ah.” Geto and Shoko said at the same time.
Gojo turned dramatically and made his way back to the door to the storage room with Geto and Shoko following behind. “Let the interrogation begin!”
-
“It’s okay Nobara… You had my card, you got carried away, and you accidentally spent too much! It can happen to anyone when they get a rich man’s credit card! Just tell me the truth and it’ll all be fine…” Gojo attempted some gentle persuasion.
“I didn’t max your stupid card.” Nobara wasn’t having any of it.
“You’re lying!” Gojo immediately lost his cool.
Geto and Shoko were in the corner of the room watching it all go down. “I dunno… why would she lie? Nobara’s brutally honest if nothing else.” Shoko said.
“Yeah… I think she’s not ‘confessing’ cause she actually didn’t do it and is refusing to let you say otherwise.” Geto worked out.
“Thank you!” Nobara told the two of them in an exasperated tone.
Gojo hummed questioningly. “This isn’t working… you two try questioning her!”
He pointed at his two besties in the corner. Shoko sighed and stepped up first. “Did you do it Nobara-chan?”
“Nope.” Nobara dryly answered.
“Well, there you have it.” Shoko said with a shit-eating grin.
Gojo gave up on her and turned to Geto with puppy dog eyes. “Suguru? Please?”
Geto rolled his eyes. “Kugisaki-san, please just say you did it so we can move on with our lives.”
“Yeah, fuck that, I didn’t do it!” Nobara yelled as she started to struggle against the restraints.
Geto and Shoko looked at Gojo as if to ask ‘how long are you gonna keep going with this?’. Gojo ignored them and came up with the next step in his plan.
“Bah… you two are useless… I’m gonna need someone else.”
-
About ten minutes after Gojo, Geto and Shoko left, Gojo came back with Yuji and Megumi. Nobara groaned at the sight of them, this wasn’t gonna end anytime soon.
“Hey Kugisaki! We heard you’re on trial or something!” Yuji greeted her with his usual excitement. The massive scar on his face twisting as he smiled brightly at her.
“Get me out of here…” Nobara sighed. Megumi just looked at her with pity, which she felt was appropriate.
“Sorry Kugisaki… it’s better if we just let Gojo-sensei play this out.” Megumi told her as if he’s used to this, which he probably is.
Gojo chuckled maniacally. “Since you won’t confess, I’ve brought in good cop and bad cop…” He gestured towards Yuji and Megumi.
“Uh huh…” Nobara sounded unimpressed. “Lemme guess, Itadori’s good cop and Fushiguro’s bad cop?”
“That’s what you’d think! Which is why I’ve reversed their roles to shock you into a coma!” Gojo revealed with a big smirk.
“Very insensitive thing to say to a former coma patient but I’ll allow it.” Nobara rolled her one remaining eye.
Gojo’s face fell. “Okay, my bad, I lowkey forgot.”
“How did you forget? She’s missing an eye…” Megumi muttered.
Gojo immediately got that smirk back on his face and clapped Megumi on the shoulder. “Ah, look at you Megumi! Sympathizing with the suspect. You’re already playing good cop expertly!”
“Don’t touch me.” Megumi said dryly.
“Never mind…” Gojo laughed quietly.
Yuji tried his best to make his face look more serious and intimidating, while Megumi made no effort to change anything. The good cop bad cop routine has now started.
Yuji slammed his fist on the table, good start. “Where were you on the night of the incident?!”
Gojo hissed from the side. “Yuji, the incident didn’t happen at night! It wasn’t even really an incident, it was multiple incidents that lead to the incident of my card being maxed-”
“Gojo-sensei, please, let the experts handle it.” Nobara said sarcastically. Gojo unironically listened and let Megumi and Yuji go to work.
Megumi was actually pretty good in his role. He gently cleared his throat and sat across from Nobara in an inviting manner while Yuji loomed over him. “Kugisaki… While Gojo-sensei has no proof of your wrongdoings, his story makes complete sense.”
“Yeah credit card girl… if that even is your real name…” Yuji added.
“It’s not and I never said it was.” Nobara emotionlessly states.
Megumi moved forward professionally. “Please we want to work together with you on this… If you’ll just work with us we can-”
Nobara actually looked disgusted. “Ew, you sound shady and corrupt as hell. Get away from me copper.”
Megumi’s eye twitched in irritation. “Okay… well, there are corrupt cops yes, but that’s not what I’m trying to do-”
“Hey wait, I don’t wanna be a cop anymore…” Yuji pouts.
Megumi glanced at him in confusion. “No, Itadori we’re roleplaying we’re not actually real life cops-”
Yuji pointed at Megumi, he genuinely looked upset. “When we were in the academy together, you promised that we’d try to break the system down from the inside, but that was just a dream Fushiguro! We need to resign and not let the corruption get to us!”
“What the fuck are you talking about-” Megumi tried.
Yuji turned to Gojo and made a motion of handing him something, but there was nothing in his hand. “Here’s my badge and my gun chief… I won’t destroy myself like this…”
“…Huh?” Even Gojo looked confused.
Yuji threw them a peace sign as he walked out of the room. “So long, pigs!”
The remaining three sat in silence for a few seconds before Megumi stood up. “Alright, fuck this, have fun Gojo-sensei.” He quickly left too.
“…What just happened?” Gojo muttered.
“Can you just let me go already…” Nobara sighed again, though she’s slowly accepting that she’s staying here for the time being.
-
Five minutes passed before Gojo came back with a new duo of interrogators at his side. Kinji Hakari and Kirara Hoshi, a couple that Nobara has always thought was a mismatch, but whatever works for them.
“Heyyy Big Bara! You good girl?” Kirara excitedly greeted her. Hakari looked like he got dragged in here, which he probably did.
“Right, so we’re supposed to question her?” Hakari asked Gojo, who nodded. “Alright. Hey Kugisaki-chan, did you do whatever Gojo’s accusing you of?”
“No.” Nobara replied.
“Alright, cool, I’m out.” Hakari immediately tried to turn around and leave, but Kirara stopped him.
“Kin-chan! I wanna talk to Bara-chan! I never get to talk to her in person with all the missions we’re doing!” Kirara pouted, which predictably worked on Hakari. As tough as he looks, he is the definition of down bad.
“You’re supposed to interrogate her…” Gojo reminded them.
“Hm… I guess we could chat for a few minutes.” Hakari gave in to his girlfriend’s demands, which she smiled brightly for.
Before Kirara could sit down, she noticed the restraints around Nobara’s arms and gasped indignantly. “Satoru Gojo! How dare you tie up my favorite junior like this?!”
She quickly got behind Nobara and untied the rope that was binding her arms together. Nobara just grinned stupidly at being called Kirara’s favorite junior. She felt instant relief as the rope became undone.
“Uhm, that’s not-” Gojo tried, but Hakari cut him off.
“Actually, what the fuck are you doing in here? Why was Kugisaki tied up like that?” He questioned.
“You’re only asking now?” Nobara wondered in annoyance.
Gojo rubbed his neck. “I could’ve sworn I told you everything on the way over here-”
Kirara smacked Gojo on the head, he had to turn Infinity off to let her. She sat down and excitedly looked over at Nobara, who smiled back. “Okay, both of you shut up! Bara, I’ve got so many stories to tell you!”
-
Thirty minutes later.
“-And then the Curse almost got Kin-chan, it was so close! But you’ll never guess what happened…”
“He hit another jackpot?” Nobara guessed correctly.
“He hit another jackpot!” Kirara retold the story with energy. This conversation was about the most fun Nobara’s had this morning.
Hakari grinned smugly. “Heh… girls please, anymore flattery and I’ll start to think you want me…”
“Lesbian.” Nobara quickly reminded him.
“Forget what I said…” Hakari lamely said.
“I dunno… I do kinda want you right now after telling that story…” Kirara licked her lips and started touching Hakari’s bicep.
“Oh… is that so?” Hakari matched her sultry look with his own.
“Alright, get out.” Gojo piped up. Nobara almost forgot he was here. “I dunno why I let that go on for half an hour, but I’m not watching you two flirt. I’m extremely heterophobic.”
“Hey now, it’s het for bi, get it right.” Hakari told him with complete seriousness.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were bi, girl!” Nobara said in genuinely surprise.
Kirara giggled. “Yes girl! I love girls too! Kin-chan just happened to be the one for me!”
“That’s cool! Yeah, I’m so happy for you and your ugly boyfriend, for real!” Nobara smiled supportively.
“Hey wait a minute-” Hakari stopped what he was gonna say as Kirara pushed him out of the room.
“Come on Kin-chan, you can buy me that delicious looking dessert we saw at the bakery yesterday!” She said.
Hakari’s hand went around Kirara’s waist and on her lower back, maybe a little too low. “Heh, as long as I can eat your bakery later-”
Gojo slammed the door shut before they could hear any more of that nastiness. He groaned tiredly as he pressed his fingers to his blindfolded eyes. Nobara just watched him and fiddled with her now free hands.
“So… are we done?” Nobara asked, hoping she’d get lucky.
Gojo sighed. “Nobara… I’m like actually started to get annoyed now, cause it literally couldn’t have been anyone else but you, and yet you keep saying it wasn’t you. Brain hurt.”
“Well yeah, my brain hurt too man.” The two of them looked at each other for a few seconds, and Nobara knew they weren’t done yet. She just sighed and accepted her fate. “Alright… who’re you bringing in next?”
-
Yuta Okkotsu and Toge Inumaki is who he brought in next.
“Gojo-sensei… is this really necessary?” Yuta, as expected, was the voice of reason in all this chaos. “I think this is going a little too far just because your credit card got maxed…”
“My credit score is on the line here Yuta! You don’t understand…” Gojo got right in Yuta’s face. “You don’t fuck with the corporate office.”
Yuta pushed him away and rolled his eyes. “So what exactly are we supposed to do about it?”
“You’re not doing anything my extremely vague blood relative… It’s Toge that I need, and I knew he’d only come along if you came too.” Gojo explained as he got Toge’s attention.
Yuta immediately realized what Gojo was saying. “You are not using Cursed Speech for something this insignificant!”
Toge shrugged, signalling that he actually didn’t mind. “Tuna tuna.”
“See? He doesn’t mind!” Gojo said.
“Kugisaki-san might!” Yuta countered.
Nobara stopped Yuta from being a good person. “Hey wait, no, let him. If he uses Cursed Speech to force me to say the truth, then Gojo can finally see that I wasn’t the one who did it!”
Yuta looked apprehensive, but ultimately realized that it was three against one. “Fine…”
Gojo nodded towards Toge, who stepped forward. He pulled the hood around his mouth down and opened his mouth.
“Tell the truth.” He commanded. He held the command as Gojo started questioning.
He put his hands on the table and leaned in close. He made sure to speak clearly so that there would be no mistake in Nobara’s answer. “Nobara Kugisaki, did you max my credit card the other day?”
“…No.” Nobara answered robotically.
Gojo stayed still for a few seconds before he slowly started crumbling on the table. He slid down pathetically until his knees hit the ground. Eventually, he laid there on the floor staring up at the ceiling.
“…I don’t get it.” Is all he could say.
Yuta sighed at the tragic display. “Well, I guess that’s it then…” He smiled sheepishly towards Nobara. “Are you okay Kugisaki-san?”
“No, I want to leave. I’ve wanted to leave since I’ve been here but Gojo won’t let me.” She answered, robotically again.
“Oh… uh, Toge you can turn it off-”
“Tuna mayo!” Toge exclaimed with wide eyes, saying that he did ‘turn it off’. Yuta immediately becomes panicked and glares at Gojo.
“Gojo-sensei! Kugisaki-san’s trapped in her Cursed Speech state! I tried to warn you!” He yells.
“Oh sure! Blame the guy whose fault it is! Real classy!” Gojo yelled back.
-
Another ten minutes later, after Gojo left with Yuta and Toge, Gojo comes back with his head poking through the door.
“Hey Nobaraaaaa…” Gojo sheepishly called out.
“What?” Nobara asked, annoyed.
Gojo fully stepped inside. “Did the Cursed Speech wear off?”
Nobara rolled her neck. “Think so…”
Gojo was relieved. “Oh, phew! Thought we had some sort of fanfic trope on our hands! You know, the ones where a character drinks a truth potion and-”
Nobara cut him off. “Dude, for the love of all things holy, can I fucking leave this musty ass room now?”
“Not yet. Come in!” Gojo yelled behind him.
The person that stepped into the room next was none other than Maki Zenin in all her burn scarred glory. Nobara still thinks the scars make her look hotter, no pun intended.
Maki took one look at Nobara and immediately looked ready to kill someone. “Satoru, mind telling me what my girlfriend is doing locked up in the storage closet for the entire morning?”
Her tone indicated that she wasn’t taking any nonsense. Nobara kinda loves to see Maki get like this if she was being honest.
Gojo sheepishly looked to the side and whistled. “She maxed my card…”
Maki couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “…Are you fucking kidding me? That’s what all this drama has been about?”
Gojo shook his head. “Maki, I need you to do this okay? Nobara must’ve simply resisted Cursed Speech, but she won’t lie to her beloved!”
That just made Maki more angry. “You used Cursed Speech on her?” She asked coldly.
Nobara just watched and sighed dreamily at the sight of Maki being protective over her. Gojo wasn’t one to stutter and get shy when someone got angry at him though, he still had plenty of excuses up his sleeve.
“Maki, if you do this for me I will finally let Nobara go. If she still won’t confess? Then as an apology for this misunderstanding I will let you two have the entire rest of the day to yourselves. Any tasks or assignments you two have today will be done by me!” Gojo made a bold offer.
Nobara and Maki glanced at each other, then smirked. “Deal.” Maki said.
And so, Maki slowly walked up to the table as she eyed Nobara up. “So… you think the other interrogators were bad did you?”
“Well no actually, they all kinda sucked ass.” Nobara responded.
Maki scoffed. “Either way, they’re nothing compared to what I’ll do to you if you don’t confess…”
“Hmm… and what are you gonna do to me?” Nobara purred while blatantly staring at Maki’s biceps.
In a sudden move, Maki’s hand ended up around Nobara’s throat. She squeezed gently as she looked deep into Nobara’s eye. “How’s that? Gonna confess yet?”
“H-Harder-” Nobara choked out.
…
“…Alright, I’m done. You win Nobara, I’m out. Goodbye guys.” Gojo threw his hands in the air and stormed over to the door.
As soon as he opened it, a new person was on the other side.
“…Utahime?” Gojo asked in confusion.
“Yeah, hey, Shoko told me you’re torturing your students as per usual?” Utahime questioned with her arms crossed.
Gojo looked around for some reason. “Uh… I’m trying to find out who maxed my credit card.”
Utahime hummed in understanding. “Oh yeah, that was me.”
“…I beg your pardon?” Gojo said deadpan.
“Beg all you want, you won’t have it.” Utahime dryly responded.
“No, I mean-” Gojo looked back at Nobara in embarrassment for a second. “Huh? How did you get my card?"
"Oh, it was in one of the classrooms, I just took it." Utahime casually confesses.
"...And why would you… do that?”
Utahime shrugged. “For shits and giggles.” She then turned away and left without another word.
Gojo slowly turned around to face Maki and Nobara, who were looked at him with unimpressed looks on their faces.
“My bad?” Gojo sheepishly grinned. He took a massive step to the side and sprinted away from them.
Maki’s hand was still around Nobara’s throat.
“So… your room or my room?” Nobara asked with a smug grin.
Maki looked at her stoically. It looked like she was trying to devour Nobara with her eyes. “My room, I want my bedsheets to smell like you.”
Nobara almost passed out.