Chapter Text
Sickly, rhythmic waves battered endlessly against jagged limestone cliffs. It had been about five days since the Spark’s pollution was abruptly shattered, but the two of them couldn’t shake the thought of the Nether Kraken still mulling about in the waters somewhere. Lionel may not have controlled it any longer, but therein the danger loomed greater than ever. The tea kettle split the air and Mina got up to pour her and Thorne some breakfast. The hard-grains would be fired for lunch, followed by the berries and spare cordial for dinner. If Mina was lucky again, she’d catch something about as edible as a Flag Fish again, and they’d eat well. For now, she leaned against the torn down wall and took a sip. It was satisfactory, as her sinuses felt some relief and her mouth stopped aching so much.
Thorne on the other hand decided after all on that piece of fish he saved from last night. The fork was already on the board, but he used his hands. A minute went by in silence.
“Don’t forget to place your utensils at 4 o’clock when you’re done.” Mina tried to tease, but her line came out deadpan.
“What’s that now?” Thorne licked his fingers as he looked over to her.
“...My cotillion days. I was told you have to place your fork at 4 o’clock to signal you’re finished eating. Then the waiter can take your dish away, and you can go move around for another three hours dancing.”
“Dancing huh...I always thought the dance was uhh, a cotillon.”
“It’s from that word. Mon cotillon va-t-il bien?” Mina got up from her haunches and slowly danced a few steps towards Thorne’s plate before picking it up and walking over to put it away for washing.
“...Did you like that life?” Thorne poked at the fire.
Mina sat back down closer to the fire. “I can’t explain how I stomached it. I suppose I went along because...I really did want to be well-liked.”
Thorne tossed another log in. “Yes. That’s how I remembered you too. Amicable, eager-to-please, trusting.”
That hit a sour spot. Mina’s words came out almost as a defensive reflex. “I remember how you had written a letter to me asking me to come over. I suppose you saw me talking with Lionel and overheard my conversation with him.” A deep pit was welling up inside her.
“...Yes. When I saw how you looked at him, and I saw that determination in your eyes, I decided then that you were my enemy. The streets were burning outside, and he had hardly a worry on his face. Then he turned you against me. That’s the way I read the situation.”
Mina stared into the fire and didn’t know whether to look at him.
Thorne lay back down in exhaustion and gave a quiet laugh. “Shows what I knew, eh?”
Mina bolstered herself and looked over as he laughed, but he wasn’t smiling. Thereupon his face lay a dozen different regrets. “Thorne.” She took a moment and put the rest of the tea down her throat. It was still hot and stinging. “I don’t hold any resentment towards you.”
“Mina, don’t forgive me just because we’re the only two here.” It came out harsher than he had meant it.
She scooted over next to him and lie down as well. “It’s not that. Don’t you remember what you told me all those years ago?”
-----
“Can you believe her? A little blood and she’s all worked up.”
“Well, I’ve always said being a Hollower is hardly a profession for a young lady, especially of her size! She’s the one who insisted on going off to play soldier.”
“But you must feel for her. Mina would have made a very good scholar and teacher here in the capital. Why she ever wanted to do field work and interact with all those jackbooted yokels, well, I’ll never know why she had to be so very brave. But she gave up the chance to be truly great. It’s a tragic thing that maybe we can use to help her away from her current path...”
Mina threw her bags and papers against the walls in her room and thought about crying again, but was too tired to do so. She thought about screaming but there was that couple who always went to bed early that lived above her. She thought about running out into the night but her legs crumbled beneath her, eating but taste eluded her, and as for living, well, that was too much to even think about. She settled for lying on her back and not existing as much as she could. This too would not stand, as unfortunately, there was a knock at her door.
Mina half-composed herself and opened the door. “Oh, good evening deputy. I’m sorry, you must be here about that noise. I’ve had quite a…”
Thorne walked straight past her and closed the door behind him, making himself comfortable on a small couch. “Sorry, forgive me for waltzing in. Everything hurts right now. And uhh, just Thorne please.”
Mina was taken too aback to protest. “Pardon?”
“Call me Thorne. I’m supposed to be off the clock and I don’t wanna think about my bosses right now. I brought you some dinner.” He produced a sandwich from somewhere on him.
“Umm...thank you sir...is there something I can help you with?” She took the sandwich and gave it a sniff.
“Just Thorne.”
“Oh, pardon me. Thorne. Thorne sir, what may I do for you?”
“For me? You don’t have to do nothing. A few hoity-toity busybodies have been asking the brass to revoke your weapons license, and frankly, I didn’t have the energy to listen to a word of what a buncha bourgeoisie socialites have to say about prim and proper behavior of this or that. I promised them I’d come talk to you, so I’m going to sit here for ten or fifteen minutes or so and then leave you in peace. I know it’s a bad time for you, so, sorry about all this.”
Mina had already started up a fire in the iron stove in her room. “Oh, please sir, I’m sorry to be a nuisance.” She put on a kettle for a cup of tea. “Thorne sir, do you prefer a lavender or chamomile at this hour?”
“Whatever floats your boat, Mina, mademoiselle.” Thorne wobbled his voice around, which got a giggle out of her. “Say, you ever try toasting the bread on a sandwich over the flame? You might like it.”
“Ah, I find myself without an appetite at the moment.”
“Hmm. I understand. How are you holding up?”
“...Pardon?”
“I mean are you doing okay?”
“…”
Thorne had been listening to every quiver in her anxious, practiced politeness. In silence, there it was lingering too.
“Mina, could you come over here please?”
An easy instruction. “Yes sir? Thorne?”
“Have a seat next to me. The water isn’t going anywhere.”
Then they were face to face. “There’s a lot of idiots who don’t have a clue about what is good or bad because they don’t want to think very hard or do much of anything besides gossip and slander all day. Tell me Mina. Do you regret doing the right thing?”
Mina squirmed around. “Oh, sir…I…” She tapered off, not sure what to make of the situation.
“Let me try it this way. You were in Septemburg. Do you remember when he pulled out the knife?”
“...Yes.”
“Do you remember who was behind you?”
“...Some fledglings.”
“Do you remember why he pulled out the knife?”
Tears started to well up all over again. “Yes sir.”
“Everyone at the precinct read your case file. We all know you did everything right. You getting involved was right. You protecting the citizens was right. Trying other options was right. Using force was right. Yes, even in the end you were right. That’s the square of it. Crying is okay. Compassion for your enemy is okay. Just don’t regret! When you move forward, don’t regret doing the right thing! Don’t regret the so-called socialites looking down upon you for being the soldier. They know only idle talk because they’ve lived in such a stupor their whole lives. They can’t possibly know what motivates us to do the right thing. They hardly have the spine to act right with each other with words, so how can they judge you for your actions? They sell each other out to buy weapons too you know. It’s just that their weapons are words to gain and lose favor with the politicians. I promise you Mina. The whole lot of them eat vinegar with a fork.”
Mina shook her head. “Oh sir, I understand what consolation you offer me. The crow I killed, I was the one who had to tell the wife what had happened. And I know she so desperately wished I could have found another way. I regret what will happen to her.”
“Whatever moron made you break the news to her, you let me know and I’ll break their snout for you.” His joke did not land. “...Well, besides that, the soldier cannot solve every problem. We prevent the worst of the worst. All the other steps along the way to prevent this from happening, someone else failed that family. Yes, regret the system that has led us to this. That is good and right. But for what you did, you will regret nothing, or else lose yourself.”
Mina curled her legs in to her body. “Thorne sir, what if I’m not cut out to be a Hollower? You good officers of the law and soldiers out in your posts, serve with such noble purpose and resolve. I don’t have half the duties as you out in the field. What if I am too emotional? What if my talents would serve others better back here at home?”
Thorne didn’t miss a beat.
“Mina, young lady, both your courage and intelligence would be wasted wandering around a classroom. Don’t sell yourself short! I would die for my fellow officers, but maybe half of them don’t have the self-awareness I’ve seen from you in the time I’ve known you. Listen to me carefully. Don’t think too much of our stations. You and I, our professions can be just as petty and ugly as any others. For me, it used to be that the soldier served their king and upheld the old traditions and feudal ways. Their promise was for security and stability for themselves, and glory for the lucky ones. Some might say those soldiers were fools and that chivalrous stories are all propaganda, but are we in any better shape today? Despite the nobility’s best attempts, the rise of a powerful mercantile-class is upending society and making soldiers into servants for other fickle promises. Now we are promised luxury, comfort, and an increased standard of living, just enough to separate ourselves from the impoverished masses that the state ignores. Yes, we can easily end up being yet another secular apparatus for state violence. It’s just that instead of worshiping the God-King, we are told to worship money and self-interest instead, that directs the new state of affairs.
What’s to stop a soldier from completely losing themselves? I’d like to say I can rely on good leadership and solidarity with my fellow soldier. On the first point, it was my superior officers who had me on this absurd errand to meddle in your affairs, and unfortunately, I think most of them mean me to do so in earnest, well-intended they may think that would be. But soldiers who share of the same good sense and courage are always in short supply. If there’s any hope of keeping us honest, we need more young ladies like yourself. You have a little too much admiration for some of these great projects perhaps, but maybe you’ll prove me wrong and make something remarkable yet. I think if anyone was qualified, it’d be you. There’s plenty of Hollowers who go out and read books, attend conferences, and lobby with the great benefactors for funding. You who cut your teeth and wrestle in the mud, that’s who I want to serve with. You who does the right thing when push comes to shove.”
The sun was almost set and the ladies in the garden were all waiting to see who the first to leave was.
“The deputy has been with Mina for quite some time now.”
“Well Mina is quite obstinate you know. He’s got his work cut out for him.”
“It’s a shame he works in the forces. He’s quite a plucky fellow.”
“Ah, my dear, don’t you know? He carries such a stiff upper lip except for when he’s with the young Mina. With her he’s butter upon bacon!”
“Goodness! Now that is too much even for you!”
-----
“Solidarity…” Thorne stared wistfully at the clear sky above him. “...in that, I failed you Mina.”
Mina shook her head. “You saw me ready to protect my life’s work and fought me because you knew what the generators were doing.”
“I should have given you more of an explanation.”
“Well, when we met again, I guess you did come in wings blazing.” Her prodding joke didn’t land. “...Well besides that, you were too busy heading a civil war to write me more. I was too busy believing Lionel to see the evidence that he was a greedy charlatan. So if you won’t accept my forgiveness, maybe we can just call it even then.”
“Heh.” As they spoke, a great breeze passed over and flickered the flame around. A soothing feeling warmed over the both of them.
“You know…” Mina began. “While I was exploring the Tenebrous Isle, I found a grave marked with my name on it. It was strange, because it was behind this door that needed such an energy to unlock. It needed multiple Sparks, like someone had sealed it away just for me to find. I had this strong urge come over me to lay down in the grave. You must think that sounds awful, but it felt right to me at the time. As I lay there, I think I fell asleep and had a dream. I met some of the soldiers you recruited. I talked with them and they crumbled away into nothing, and the whole air was a suffocating poison. When I was scrambling my way back to the grave I lay down in, I found a vial of plasma, and I sucked it down like a child tries to drink too much milkshake at once. It gave me some temporary relief, but my whole body, I could feel it falling apart. I don’t remember how I got back to the grave, but I lay back down and woke up from my dream, and someone had left me a dangerous and terrible rock.”
If Thorne was reacting, Mina couldn’t see it. “And what happened then?”
“I left and went back to my old place in Ossex. Then, I cried and thought of you. At the time, I thought it might have been my conscience...but...when I saw Lionel throw you into the last Spark generator…”
Thorne turned over to his side to face her, and Mina turned in kind. “Go on.”
“I thought maybe someone had shown me the future through that dream. And you know?...I still went and fixed that generator. I told myself that Lionel threw you out of anger, and that he was really going to help me shut down all the generators safely. I told myself I was going to confront him over what he did to you, all the pollution that I came across, and that he’d still do the right thing. If he saw I was willing to take down my life’s work, then he could do it too. Then I walked out of my old place and the guards came to arrest me. And Lionel threw me out of a window. And he was going to bury me in that grave he bought and marked with my name in advance.”
Mina waited for a reply, but all Thorne did was brush through her fur at the top of her head a little bit, moving a tuft back into place.
“...Well. I guess with this whole story, what I’m trying to say is...You were willing to die for me. I’m a trusting idiot who hurt a lot of good soldiers. I hurt you while I was trying to do the right thing. And in the end, you were still willing to die for me.”
“...Mina. You gave up all your pride and life’s work to do the right thing. You trust others to do what’s right, and it tempers your actions. It’s what’s stopped you from becoming an overbearing, self-righteous soldier. You wanted to weigh the evidence and avoid dividing society further if you were wrong. You saw that I got a lot of good soldiers killed too. All the things you did, I understand.”
The two of them lay back down again. Thinking takes a lot of energy. Listening to waves crashing on limestone hardly takes any. “My only regret…” Thorne mustered his strength. “Is that I don’t have any more of that fish right now.”
Laughter crashed against the cliffs too.
“No regrets huh. I guess we’ll see.” Thorne then thought about another grabbing another cup of tea before falling asleep.