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“Do you want to have sex?” is how Iluyukhina opens the conversation. Stratt blinks once, opens her mouth. Then, slowly closes it. Frowns. Iluyukhina realizes with gleeful delight that she has actually managed to render her speechless, though it doesn’t last long.
“In general?” Stratt asks, a sharp politeness lurking under the words. Iluyukhina thinks she is trying to give her a graceful out, an alternative to continuing down the objectively insane path she’s started on.
“With me,” Iluyukhina clarifies, smiling cheerily. “Do you want to have sex with me?”
Stratt isn’t thrown the second time, confirming Iluyukhina’s suspicion that she was only offering conversational ground.
“There are many reasons that is a terrible idea,” Stratt says levelly. “Let me answer the question you did not ask. I do not want to have sex. In general.”
“Damn,” Iluyukhina says, then catches herself. “Not that you are not interested. That is fine, of course. I just had really good counterarguments.”
Stratt flashes her a small, exasperated smile.
“I hope coming up with them did not distract you from the mission.”
Iluyukhina raises an unimpressed eyebrow.
“I need something to think about when I solve problems sideways. Helps the creativity.”
Stratt glances around the room. Iluyukhina is not actually insane, and more aware than most of the men seem to be of how precarious Stratt’s position is. She’s seen the way her eyes watch the exits, the way her hand never strays too far from her taser. So she’s taken care to start this conversation in a public place, where Stratt has allies nearby but no one is close enough to overhear.
Whatever Stratt notices seems to pass muster, because she leans forward the barest amount. Iluyukhina is tempted to hold her breath, like during a delicate maneuver with the robotic arm. Now, like then, she makes herself keep breathing.
“You could argue your points anyway,” Stratt says. Iluyukhina feels an incredulous smile creep onto her face.
“What, for fun?”
“I am told it is all for fun,” Stratt retorts. Iluyukhina chuckles.
“Well, some of it is for neurotransmitters,” she says. “But, okay. Yes. I will try to convince you that it actually wouldn’t be a bad idea, in a different world where you wanted to do it.”
“I am very much your supervisor,” Stratt fires off immediately. “In a job that is extremely high-risk.”
“You would never let your feelings compromise the mission,” Iluyukhina replies, just as fast. “And anyway, you have no authority on the mission. Grace is our boss for training, and Yào is our boss on-mission. If anything, you supervise me less than you do anyone else on the boat.”
Stratt hums thoughtfully, eyes sharpening. Iluyukhina wonders if, in a nicer world, she would wake up and reach for a crossword. She lets herself imagine for a moment being the one to hand it to her. (All her dreams are impossible, these days. Why not indulge?)
”It is a distraction from the mission,” Stratt adds, predictably.
”Recreation improves productivity,” Iluyukhina fires back. “Or did you include all those recreation resources on the Hail Mary for no reason?” Stratt gives her an irritated nod of acknowledgement.
”You could use some relaxation time,” Iluyukhina adds. “And Grace says you are not sleeping with him.” Stratt, who has just taken a sip of her coffee, tries to choke with quiet dignity.
“No,” she says at last. “No, I am not.”
“And I do not think it would damage morale. After all, the point of your very lovely song at karaoke was to show everyone that you are a person too, no? This would help. I already asked Yáo and Dubois and Grace and none of them are homophobic.”
Stratt has her head in her hands. Iluyukhina is enjoying herself.
“I am very particular, socially,” Stratt says next, selecting her words carefully. She glances up to gauge Iluyukhina’s response.
“I am a cosmonaut,” she retorts, lifting her chin in a parody of haughty stature. “I will adapt to the most challenging of mission parameters.”
That gets Stratt to laugh under her breath, one hand coming up to cover the faint curve of a smile.
“You have no more objections?” Iluyukhina says.
Stratt thinks for a second and then shakes her head. The flush of triumph is more gratifying than Iluyukhina expected, and she throws herself at Stratt in another unbalanced hug. As always, Stratt is sturdy and warm beneath her arms.
“Oh,” Stratt says casually. “Just one more. It is a selfish one.”
Iluyukhina should feel cheated, but she is laughing as she pulls back.
“What’s that?” she asks.
“It will be harder on me if I’m fond of you,” Stratt says, and glances to the side.
Iluyukhina looks at a woman who she has sat across from in years’ worth of mission briefings and reads her like a book.
“Oh, but-” Iluyukhina says, gentling her tone so her sympathy is audible. “You already are.”
Stratt’s face collapses into that strange little smile she has, the one Iluyukhina has only seen a handful of times. There’s something fatalistic about it, and something wryly amused, like she already knows the punchline and it doesn’t end well.
“Right,” Stratt says, still smiling, and tilts her head. “I guess you win.”