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Lauren Cruz does not like Neal Caffrey - and Neal, quite frankly, adores her for it. From a safe distance, of course, or as safe a distance as he can manage, given that they work together (kind of) and given that she is, after all, an attractive woman and he is a more than attractive man.
The thing is: Jones likes him. Not enough to tell Peter to give Neal an afternoon off every once in a while, but enough to listen to fashion advice (unlike some people) and smile at Neal's jokes every once in a while, even when they're at his own expense or that of the FBI.
Jones is a nice guy, really. If the FBI'd set him on Neal, Neal wouldn't be here now. (Or maybe he would, but he'd be getting a better salary and he might be sharing Jones's apartment or some such thing, because when the FBI agent who's keeping you out of prison offers you his home, you don't look around for something better. So maybe it's just as well Jones isn't in charge, all things considered.)
Peter, now - Peter loves Neal.
Naturally, he's not obvious about it. It's Peter after all, and Neal's heard the story of how he 'wooed' Elizabeth by now, which would have removed any doubt he still might have had about Peter's feelings. Still, the clues are all there, plain as day for someone with Neal's observational skills.
Peter loves him.
Jones likes him.
If it hadn't been for Lauren and her not-liking, Neal is pretty sure someone he hasn't even met in person would notice the way Neal is universally liked and loved, and would declare that to be a Bad Thing and cause to have him shipped off back to prison before Peter can even voice an objection.
So, really, the way things are right now are perfectly fine by Neal.
(Even if it's a pity for Lauren, of course.)
*
"Lauren doesn't like you very much." Peter is wearing the frown that says 'I am telling you something I am seriously concerned about, and unless you humor me by pretending you're concerned about it as well, I will get cranky'.
Neal decides to do what he usually does in conversations that neither amuse nor interest him. "I hadn't noticed." (Although of course, he lies in conversations that do amuse or interest him, too. He just puts more of an effort in it then.)
Peter's frown smoothly morphs into the one saying: 'I know you're lying to me, and I know you know I know you're lying to me, but I still reserve the right to get cranky about your lack of truthfulness'.
"She's a member of my team, Neal." It's insulting, really, the way Peter seems to assume Neal forgets facts sometimes. It's one thing to forget you've slipped a nice piece of jewelry that happened to catch your eye into your pocket while nobody was looking; it's another to forget where you work - or when your wife's birthday is, for that matter. "I'd like for the two of you to get along."
Which is ... suspicious. Peter's the jealous type, Neal can tell - he gets all cranky when Neal spends too much time lingering at Jones's desk to compliment his new suit or chat about that new restaurant that's just within Neal's radius. "You would?"
"Yes, I would." Peter's frown says: 'you should understand what I'm talking about even though I am making absolutely no sense'. "If something were to happen to me, I need to know you're not going to - I need to know they - I need to know that you will be all right." Neal can tell Peter's not happy with the way that ended up coming out.
"I'd be devastated, of course," Neal says, in spite of it being true. He knows Peter won't believe it. "I wouldn't be all right at all." He's not sure if he'd catch a plane to Europe, or just ask Mozzie to put him up for a few months, until Peter's well enough to come and chase him again. "And I'm sure you'd feel the same way if something were to happen to me."
Peter's frown says Peter is frowning. "I'm putting her in charge of our next case. That'll give her a chance to get to know you in a different setting."
"I'll dazzle her with my intellect." Neal means it as a warning. Typically, Peter interprets it as a promise.
"Good. I'm counting on that."
*
It take Neal less than fifteen minutes to realize what kind of numbers he's looking at, and once he's figured out that part, it takes him less than one minute to figure out the scam.
The hard part, of course, is waiting for other people to catch on. Specifically: Peter, whose frown has been telling Neal for the past few days that Neal isn't just going to dazzle Lauren with his natural charm and God-given, Mozzie-honed abilities, no - he's going to blow her socks off. Figuratively. (Neal approves of Lauren's socks; they suit her, and she weren't a woman, he'd be holding her up as an example to Peter - also figuratively, naturally.)
Peter is an utter slavedriver when he's in charge. Lauren may think she's tough, but all it takes for Neal to be allowed to go home at a reasonable hour is a smile. Honestly, he doesn't need for Peter to be backing him up by loudly declaring it's 'getting rather late' (at ten o'clock in the evening, which is just plain ridiculous).
"I wish I could figure out what those numbers stand for."
Neal nods. He sure wishes Peter would figure it out, too. If Peter had been in charge, Neal'd have found a way to drop a clue by now, but no, Peter wants to sit back on this one. "We'll get there."
"Why don't we work on it some more at my place?" Peter offers, clearly thinking he's having a great idea. "El won't mind."
"I have a headache." Maybe not if Peter'd be inviting him over for something other than staring at financial records Neal could reproduce in his sleep by now, but as it is: "I need to get some sleep." Besides, Neal knows that Elizabeth does, in fact, mind when Peter brings his work home.
Peter's frown turns introspective. "Okay. Have a good night. I'll see you tomorrow."
*
"Welfare office codes." Peter is practically beaming.
"Welfare office codes," Neal repeats, as if he's tasting the term.
"Welfare office codes."
"Welfare office codes." Neal wonders how much of this Peter will stand for and gets his answer almost instantaneously as Peter frowns at him very slightly ('Don't mock me when I'm being serious; it will make me go cranky'). "Which he'd be using to - "
Neal does a quick reading of Peter's expression, body-language and intonation, and decides that question's supposed to be a gimme. "Launder money?" It never hurts to sound a little uncertain.
"Exactly."
"We should tell Lauren about this," Neal says, as if on cue. He's pretty sure it's what Peter wants him to say, just so that Peter can shake his head and say:
"No, you should tell Lauren about this."
"But Peter! You're the one who figured it out just now." This is entirely true; Neal figured it out days ago. Peter makes a dismissive gesture.
"You'd have seen the same thing soon enough." Which is a nice, kind thing to say, really.
"Well, if you put it that way ... " Neal makes this helpless gesture he likes to make when everything is going precisely according to plan.
"Look, I've got a meeting in five minutes. Why don't you go and have a sudden stroke of inspiration, eh?" Peter winks. It's kind of cute.
*
Once Peter has left, it's showtime. Neal unstraightens his tie and musses his hair ever so slightly (he's going for the kind of look that says this case has been on his mind day and night, to the point where even his hair can't be bothered to concern itself with being perfect anymore).
He spends another hour pretending to pore over the same old boring records while trying out different ways of having 'a sudden stroke of inspiration' as Peter put it in his head. 'Eureka!' would be a classic, but given that Neal's not naked and forgot his towel, it seems a little out of place.
So, in the end, he goes with: "Aha!"
Jones looks vaguely hopeful. Lauren frowns - not quite like Peter, but Neal can see her getting there, which is a little worrying, so he decides not to dwell on it too much but launch straight away into his 'expression of a sudden stroke of inspiration'.
"They're welfare office codes! Look, you can see state codes, here, individual office IDs here - he's actually laundering his stolen government money through the government-run welfare system."
Jones looks impressed now, which is nice - no more than Neal's due, but still nice. Lauren's frown has faded into something that resembles a grudging kind of admiration, which is not nice at all, so Neal quickly adds: "You've got to admire the man's sense of humor, if not his methods - " reasoning that if Peter dislikes Neal telling him what kind of socks to buy, Lauren should absolutely hate Neal telling her what to think of one of his ... people who give people like Neal a bad name.
"I don't admire anything about a person who would manipulate a system that's only there to help people." She's back to frowning. Jones looks a little uncertain, as if wondering when things went from 'Neal cracking the case' to 'Neal being a despicable person who should be frowned at'. "And how did you know what codes those were?"
The sudden, sweet lightning strike of inspiration is clearly a stranger to Lauren. Which is why she works for the FBI, of course, instead of making a living by creating works of art, like Neal used to do. (Art is art, even if you're not the first one to think of creating a certain piece.)
"Inside knowledge of the system." Mozzie's convinced welfare agencies are all conspiring with the rest of the government for some nefarious purpose or another; he's told Neal all about it over a quite nice dinner (considering it took place in a storage unit) and several bottles of expensive Bordeaux.
Neal's a little sketchy on the exact details, but he remembers the welfare agencies being in on the whole thing up to their necks - if they'd had necks.
"I thought you were a classier kind of criminal, Caffrey. I can't believe you'd stoop to stealing from people too poor to protect themselves. They're not - not museums, they don't have insurance on the money you take from them! You're stealing from people who can't even afford to feed themselves!"
On second thought, Mozzie had developed some theory on how the codes contained secret messages of some kind, like 'find the man named Dante Havisham and spy on him'. Neal stares at the numbers on the page in front of him, looking for the secret message.
Distantly, he notices Lauren rising and leaving him with Jones.
*
Peter actually calls him on his cellphone. Neal considers answering it with Jones still in the room - it's highly unlikely Peter is suddenly going to be declaring his love, after all, but one never knows, and Neal is done there, anyway.
"Agent Cruz was here just now." Peter sounds angry, which is unfair, given that Neal's done exactly what Peter wanted him to do. Also:
"Agent Cruz?"
Peter took a deep breath. "She told me about her ... conclusions."
"Conclusions?" Neal knows he's probably going to make Peter frown again if he keeps this up, but he simply hasn't got a clue what Peter is talking about or why Peter is calling him over the phone when they're in the same building.
"That you'd stolen money from people on welfare," Peter says carefully.
"I would never - " Neal starts.
Peter doesn't let him finish. "I know." He doesn't sound like he's frowning. "I know that, Neal. I told her it wasn't true, that she shouldn't have jumped to those kinds of conclusions."
"Sorry." Neal's never heard Peter get angry at a member of his team before. He doesn't like being the cause of something like that having happened now.
"What? You've got nothing to apologize for. She's the one who - " Peter is saying when Neal hears someone coming and duly reports this to Peter, who ends the conversation after telling Neal to come see him 'after' without specifying after what.
Given that he's in the stacks, Neal blindly grabs a file and tries to look absorbed.
"Caffrey." Lauren looks the way Neal pretends to feel after Peter's lectured him about why it's not fair to give someone a perfectly good copy of a masterwork to look at and taking the original in payment. "Do I owe you an apology?"
Neal likes the way that question doesn't commit; posed in the right kind of tone, it could almost pass for an apology in its own right, and yet it isn't. It's only a question.
"For not letting me take you out to dinner?" He's never offered, but that's neither here nor there. She's never asked him, after all - that's close enough. "Well, since you're the one missing out - "
"Neal." She's using his first name now. To some people, that would imply familiarity or an attempt at it, anyway. With Lauren, it appears to indicate annoyance. "Could you can the act for, like, a minute?"
"It's not an act." Neal starts to count to sixty in his head. It goes pretty quickly by skipping the odd numbers. "Some of us are just born fabulous. It's a curse, more than a gift - " Or so people who weren't born fabulous would like those who were to believe.
Then again, calling it a 'gift' would imply Neal owes someone somewhere something somewhen, and he's wary of owing people favors. Nobody ever calls them in at a good time, or asks for something small and easy - unless it's Mozzie who wants Neal to do his grocery shopping for reasons he refuses to share with Neal but which probably involve some sort of conspiracy.
"Seriously! Caffrey: were you on welfare?"
Neal was born fabulous - and naked and crying his lungs out, most likely, given that that's what babies tend to do, but this aside. He was lucky. His parents loved him, and he'd have done a lot worse for them than get a job at the local supermarket, until he figured out better ways to earn money (and it is 'earning money' when you run a con for it, no matter what Peter may say).
"You've read my file, haven't you?" Several times, most likely. He's inspired her thesis, after all - she's probably still got his picture tucked away in a corner of her closet somewhere, never dreaming as a student that she'd get to work with him one day (or perhaps that should be: dreaming she'd get to work with him one day).
"That information isn't in your file."
Neal raises one eyebrow. It's a gesture that works fantastically well on Peter. "Did you want to add it? Did Peter - "
Lauren looks more embarrassed than annoyed, which is the supposed effect of that particular style of eyebrow raising. "He told me I might need to apologize to you."
"Peter told you to apologize?" Neal mentally rewinds his conversation with Peter, wondering what Peter's thinking, and what he actually knows. "He give you some talk about assumptions, and what they make you?"
"They make you an ass, Caffrey. An ass." Lauren sighs.
"Like my assumption that secretly, you're dying for me to ask you to dinner?" Neal hopes not. It would mean he'd have to come up with a plan for Jones to stop liking him (because dumping Peter is obviously not an option, and a gentleman never turns down a lady).
"Like my assumption you recognized those codes because you'd run a similar scam yourself?"
"Ask me to dinner and I will tell all," Neal offers.
"Thanks, but I think I can do without."
*
"She turned me down," Neal reports to Peter, after, with an expression on his face he hopes suits the occasion. He's not used to playing the rejected dinner-date; he rarely needs people to pity him in order to get them to do what he wants them to do.
Peter looks blank, then annoyed. "She asked you on a date?" Jealous again, clearly. Although Neal finds it interesting that Peter doesn't assume for a moment that Neal would have actually been the one doing the asking.
"Not in so many words, but, well, what can I say? I'm me."
"You don't need to remind me." Peter hesitates. "Neal ... "
"I know, I know." Neal raises his hands in a gesture that's supposed to show he still hasn't acquired any weapons. "Jones is crazy about her; she's crazy about Jones, and I should stay well clear of it. Don't worry, Peter - I've got everything under control."
"No, you don't. And what do you mean: Jones is crazy about her? They're friends."
"Like you and me?" Neal knows he shouldn't smile - for some reason, it seems to make Peter think he's up to something (which may be true) and that that something won't be anything Peter likes (which is definitely not true, at least not always).
Peter looks like Neal's tricked him into saying something he didn't want to say. "Well, yes. More or less."
Neal nods. "Okay."