Chapter Text
The bell jingled when Asa opened the door to the warmth of the bustling crowd inside. He didn't immediately spot Anthony but when he did, the smile on his face reached his eyes. How being in the right place at the right time had brought this handsome man to the bookstore this afternoon and with a little courage, Asa had secured this perfect date with him. 'Hello!' Asa said happily, distracting the man from whatever had interested him outside the window.
'Oh! You're here!' Exclaimed Anthony, getting up to scrape the other chair back.
'Ooh!' Asa blushed at the courtesy and took his seat.
‘Did you have that bow tie before?’ Anthony cocked his head, trying to remember.
‘No,’ Asa said shyly. ‘I bought it on the way here.’
'Suits you. Pasta?' Crowley asked, pushing the menu towards him, not letting the compliment linger in the air. Asa decided on spaghetti and wine and the lovely waitress took their order. 'So?'
'So? So what?' Asa asked. That was silly. He should be having a proper conversation but all he could focus on was that Anthony had shrugged off the coat he had been wearing in the bookstore and was now sitting in a vest and shirt that hung tight around his body when he leaned forward. 'I am glad that you waited for me,' he tried.
'It wasn't that long. You were excited I assume?' It wasn't the first time Asa noticed that Anthony's smile started downward before it spread across his face.
'No,' he said, too focused on the canine that popped out at the side of Anthony's mouth. 'No, I mean. I am excited for the date- dinner, I mean.'
'We can call it a date, I don't mind.' Anthony leaned back, as the waiter arrived with a couple of wine glasses. The man picked up his glass and sniffed the poured contents. 'So tell me about yourself, Asa Fell. How come you asked me for a date?'
Asa felt his cheeks flush. How had he asked for a date? As someone who usually froze whenever he saw a man even slightly attractive. Especially after his ex lover's fiasco, he hadn't asked many people on a date before but somehow in a rush of a moment, it had happened. 'Well, I presumed… Well, Derek thought I liked you and the feelings were reciprocated so I…'
'Wait, hold on, you have asked me on a date because… Derek? Derek told you to?'
Asa widened his eyes, realising whatever he had said was a mistake. 'No! Obviously I like you. I don't want to assume you did too. I had to ask, didn't I?'
'Ngk! Seems that way.' Anthony sipped the wine. Was this going terribly? Asa couldn't tell.
'Well, you tell me about yourself, now.' Asa raised his brows, proud on the inside that it occurred to him to ask.
'Where do I start? Let's see, you know I have written a book, two boxes in the garage and all that. Besides that, I am a professor at the University of Edinburgh. Been there for fifteen years, give or take.'
'What gained your interest? In astrophysics, I believe? Thank you.' The last part was said to the waitress who served their plates.
'Ah,' Anthony chuckled, rolling his eyes back as if to remember. 'For the most part of my life, I couldn't decide what I wanted to be. The kinder version is that I liked to gaze at the stars and wanted to find out how everything worked. The harsher version is that my mother died when I was young and everyone kept telling me she was looking from the stars and I didn't want it to be true.'
'Oh I'm sorry, Anthony.' Asa furrowed his brows. 'It must've been hard for you.'
Anthony seemed to neglect sympathy. 'Tell me about your mother,' he joked.
Asa had almost finished the dish. He wanted the date to last long but a full plate never looked good in front of him. 'She was a lovely woman. Always fussing and taking care of people. She lived a long life but no amount of time is enough, isn't it?'
Anthony looked at him thoughtfully and nodded. As if on cue, Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper started playing on the speaker.
The waitress arrived again to ask how the food had been. 'Scrumptious,' Asa said. 'Absolutely scrumptious.'
'I’ve never heard anyone use that word in real life before.' Anthony amazed. Even leaning back, he looked as handsome and tempting as ever.
Without distracting himself, Asa quickly replied, 'Ah, well, my mother used to say it.'
'Right.'
'Another one she used to say was “Tickety-boo”’
“Right.”
‘And… and “Squiffy.”’ Asa recalled his days with his mother on the porch of their old house. Playing and singing and dancing.
‘Squiffy, that’s good.’ Anthony chuckled.
‘Hopelessly, yet amusingly drunk.’ Asa worried that he was boring Anthony with his rambling but the man looked at him with a lingering smile on his face.
‘Yes, yes,’ he said. ‘So the bookshop?’
‘Ah, well, Derek,’ Asa recalled. ‘He was a friend of my mother’s. I was an English teacher then I tried writing for a while. But I couldn’t gather the confidence to publish my book. He employed me then and I have been working there ever since.’
‘And yet you forgot where the astrophysics books were,’ Anthony joked, putting his two fingers to his lips to suppress his smile.
‘Well, that was your fault, honestly.’ Asa shook his head in embarrassment. ‘You had me all flustered with your…’ He vaguely gestured his hand over Anthony without being able to bring a single thing to mind.
‘Apologies,’ Anthony beamed mischievously. ‘Why didn’t you publish your book?’
Asa’s smile faded but he didn’t want to bring up his lack of confidence and the brutal encounter with a stranger he had some years ago that had made him realise he didn’t want to do it. Mentioning it all would ruin a perfectly splendid date. If he was hoping for another one, he should avoid the topic entirely. ‘Tell me how you came to publish yours and managed to sell so many that only two boxes are left in the garage.’
‘Oh, yes. My great accomplishment of going from three boxes to two. Ah, no, that is a long story.’ Anthony waved his hand, sipping his wine more. Asa had a distinct impression that he was hiding something. He waved his hand to the waitress for desert while Asa tried to find another topic of conversation. That was when he spotted one of his regular customers across the room.
‘Oi, Joshua,’ Asa waved while Anthony ordered for apple pie slices. Whoever Joshua was with pulled him away and out of the pub as soon as he laid eyes on Asa and Anthony. Awkwardly, Asa turned back, probably having mistaken someone. ‘So tell me about your childhood,’ Asa tried to make Anthony talk about himself rather than just listening.
Anthony took a moment to think deeply. ‘My dad was a wealthy man. My mother married him for his wealth. They accidentally had me and they regretted it. They tried to keep my spirits contained and beat me because I asked too many questions. End of the story.’ He banged the wine glass on the table and made a quick sound with a breath out his mouth. ‘Tell me about yours.’
Asa tried smiling kindly. ‘Ah, well, my mum, a lovely lady, grew up a Catholic but never imposed religion on me. Even when I came out to her as gay, she accepted me right away.’
‘When was that?’
‘At thirteen,’ Asa took a bite of his pie.
‘I never came out to my parents,’ Anthony replied, frowning. ‘I had good friends though. Well, one could argue whether they were good people or not but they were good to me.’
Asa soon realised Anthony hadn’t really lived a life with love and kindness. It seemed natural to bring out the awful times of his life to make him feel better. ‘I was bullied in school. Not just for being queer but for being um… fat too. I didn’t really have friends growing up.’
‘All lives, full of scars,’ Anthony pursed his lips.
As expected, the conversation was taking a gloomy turn. ‘Well, it had a bright side. I was able to concentrate on my studies. I was even made the head boy,’ Asa said proudly.
‘And how did that work out for you? What were your accomplishments with it?’ Anthony raised his brows.
‘Oh shut it, I am trying to cheer up the conversation.’
‘I am genuinely asking, Asa. No funny business.’
‘Well, it ended terribly,’ Asa frowned. ‘First of all, it was a disaster trying to handle all my peers the whole year, making them obey the rules. Then there was a graduation fiasco. It was a whole thing.’ He tried to quietly have the last bites of the dish without remembering the awful day.
Anthony leaned forward as if the dreadful story had interested him. Asa gave in and continued with a sigh. ‘I was supposed to give a speech at the graduating ceremony at my high school and I had written and perfected it for weeks on end. I was quite nervous about it to be honest. So nervous that on the day of my graduation I went to the washroom repeatedly. The worst part was that the speech went missing. I have a habit of keeping everything in place but for the love of all things good and holy, I could not find the speech anywhere. I fumbled and rambled on stage. All the teachers were upset. It was a life changing event for me if I look back at it.’
Anthony threw his head back cackling. ‘Oh, poor you, I apologise for laughing but I remembered what I had done on my last day of high school and it did involve someone’s graduation speech.’
Asa was delighted that Anthony had finally chosen to talk something about his life that didn’t bring a frown on his face that he forgot the memory of one of the worst days of his life in an instant.
‘I was on the high school rugby team, right?’ Anthony continued. ‘This other school had played really bad with us and won. Everyone on our team was furious. Me and the team leader, Hastur, especially. Picture our last day of my high school. Everyone’s excited. But I am nowhere to be seen. Because I went out with Hastur with a plan to invade the opposite team on their graduation day. We took a bus with smoke bombs in our backpacks. We reach there and still no one has suspected us. We went into their garden and planted those bombs everywhere and I had computed a system on my controller to trigger them all at once. While we were cleaning ourselves in the bathroom. I found a robe hanging by the door. It had a graduation speech in their pocket that probably belonged to the head boy. And what did I do you ask? I stole it. I never told anyone that. We waited outside. After the ceremony, we triggered the bombs and ran like dogs.’
Asa blinked in shock.
‘Don’t worry. No one was hurt.’ Anthony chortled nervously.
‘And did you read the speech?’ Asa asked with a little hesitation.
‘Yes, it was terrible. Very ambiguous. The head boy must not be in his right mind to be chosen to speak but fill more doubts in student’s lives.’ Anthony shook his head.
‘Which school did you say this was again?’ Asa asked stifly
The brightness on Anthony faded as it started dawning on him. ‘No,’ he said. ‘That can’t be true.’
‘Or perhaps it might be,’ Asa downed the dregs as casually as he could. On the inside, a storm had taken place. What had just happened? His graduation speech. The one because of which he had passed his school with his head down in shame. The one which had embarrassed him in front of the whole school on stage. It was all because the man in front of him had stolen it as a prank. And what had Asa done? He had asked the culprit on a date.
Asa’s insides felt hollow. He wanted to get up and run away but he stayed. Perhaps, Anthony would apologise?
‘I feel terrible but I don't regret it a bit.’ Anthony said. ‘I read it really. I am a professor now and I understand that it wasn’t a good graduation speech but it was the sweetest handwriting and the most inspirational words for me. I hope you don’t mind the criticism.’
‘Well, it’s been a long time.’ Asa avoided eye contact and intertwined his fingers. Asa couldn’t forget the eyes staring at him from the audience as he stuttered the words out of his mouth. How could someone be so cruel? How could Anthony have done that?
‘No, no. You recalled it all clearly. It must’ve cost you. I can tell. And if it is worth anything, reading that speech changed my life. That counts for something, doesn't it?’
‘Now you're just saying things,’ Asa tried smiling but all he wanted to do was smash the wine bottle to the ground. Or on Anthony's head. Why was it so hot in here? He had to get out.
‘Of course not. I still have your speech with me somewhere. It really did change my life. I used to be a sceptical child. I read it and I used to think to myself “why can't I deduct something so easily?"’
Asa wanted to believe it but the ghost of the said day kept haunting him. He had to restrain himself from flinching because of the memories. How could he be with someone who had made him so anxious? He didn't need to be here. He could leave now. He should leave now.
‘Ah, well, that's good to know.’ He wiped his mouth with the napkin again to hide the lack of smile. ‘I believe it is late.’ He pretended to vainly check the time.
Anthony kept sitting quietly, watching Asa scrape the chair back and get up. ‘It was a nice dinner,’ Asa said convincingly.
He made his way out, knowing it was breaking Anthony's heart, leaving like this but how was it fair to stay with him? The cold breeze hit him like a slap in the face when he opened the door with a chime.
He had not walked more than ten steps when Anthony called out his name. He came jogging behind and was already panting. ‘Asa! Asa! Mr Fell!’
Asa stopped out of kindness. ‘Yes, Mr Crowley.’
‘Well, don't be like that,’ he said, frowning. His face contorted in a weird manner as if he was disappointed in Asa for leaving and not for what he had done. ‘I’m apologising here. Are you alright?’
‘Absolutely. Tickety-boo!’ Asa said, smiling blankly.
‘Really? Tickety-boo?’ he nodded vigorously but had an expression of not understanding.
Asa pressed his lips. ‘I am a tad bit annoyed that you did all that and it affected me.’ Asa said honestly. ‘How could I be with you after you destroyed the one chance I had to stand in front of everyone and pour my heart out?’
‘Ahk, well, ngk,’ Anthony stuttered with nothing to say.
Asa sighed and kept walking. Anthony, still not given up, strutted behind him. ‘Here’s what we can do, Angel.’
Asa turned swiftly at the uninvited term of endearment. ‘What in the world-?’
‘I’ll give you my number,’ said Anthony quickly. ‘I won't take yours. You have every right to be upset with me but the ball is in your court. You take my number and this way, you get to decide whether or not to call me.’
‘Call you for what? What could I possibly have to say to you anymore?’
‘A second date?’ Anthony said with a wink.
‘What if I don't call you? What if I take twenty years to get over this?’ Asa tried to send him off.
‘I'll wait for you,’ the man said with utmost sincerity.
Asa felt bad for him before he reminded himself that he shouldn't. However, what harm was it to take his number? It wasn't like he was going to call him. Perhaps Anthony would wait but certainly not for twenty years. Twenty days maybe and then he will move on when his phone won't ring. ‘Alright, give it to me,’ Asa said, pulling his phone from his pocket.
Anthony practically clapped with joy. ‘Seven. Four. Four…’
He recited the rest of the numbers by memory but Asa had stopped typing when the last chunk of it was being said. ‘Changed your mind, have you?’ Anthony asked, noticing the absence of taps.
Asa concentrated hard on his screen. ‘How could that be?’ he said gravely.
‘What’s wrong?’ Anthony asked, stepping close to him to peep in his mobile phone.
Asa tilted the phone so Anthony could see it too. ‘I have your number saved already.’