Archive of Our Own

1. Late May 2017

Jule was happy.

Sure, the season hadn’t been the best, but they had a promising squad, and he was excited for the future. On a personal level, things were even better. He could feel himself developing, growing into his playing style, becoming a crucial part of the team.

And he’d found out not long ago that he’d be playing in the Confederations Cup. It wasn’t the World Cup, obviously, but it was still a huge honor. He was looking forward to it, seeing friends from other teams again, stepping onto a bigger stage.

But most importantly, this was the year he got into a relationship.

For the first time in his life, it didn’t feel like messing around or just seeing where things would go. No, this felt real. Like it could last. Which was a bit insane, honestly. Probably why he hadn’t said it out loud yet.

He smiled to himself, remembering Kai showing up at his door unannounced, stumbling through a confession with flushed cheeks and nervous hands that wouldn't keep still until Jule had finally taken them in his own to calm him down. He took a sip of his drink to hide the grin tugging at his lips.

The club hummed with the same restless energy he felt. Drinks flowed freely, music thumped through the walls, and everyone from the team was there. Some were trying to impress other clubgoers, some were making complete fools of themselves on the dance floor, and others had settled into the VIP area, talking, laughing, and enjoying the night.

Jule belonged firmly in the last group. Leaning back against the gaudy couch, he let his gaze wander across the room, taking in the familiar faces and the celebrations unfolding around him.

A hand landed on his shoulder.

He looked up to find Jona grinning down at him, already trying to haul him to his feet while shouting something about the music over the noise.

Jule let himself be dragged along, stumbling after him onto the dancefloor. Jona was definitely drunk, but so was he, and it made everything twice as funny as they kept bumping into each other, laughing like idiots.

Suddenly, arms wrapped tightly around him from behind, pinning his own against his torso.

“What are you doing?” Jule giggled.

Kai buried his face in his shoulder, mumbling something completely unintelligible.

“I think you’re being stolen away,” Jona called, forming a heart with his hands.

Jule rolled his eyes as Jona stage-whispered, “Bravertz,” while Jule strolled away, Kai still clinging to his back.

He finally managed to pull them off the dancefloor and pry Kai’s arms away, turning to face him.

Kai’s breath reeked of tequila, his eyes glassy and unfocused. Maybe the bouncer should’ve checked his ID instead of just letting him in with the other Leverkusen players.

“What’s going on, Havey?” Jule asked, amused but a little concerned. “Are you okay?”

Kai didn’t answer. Instead, he grabbed Jule’s face and shoved him back against the wall, crashing their lips together.

Jule melted into it, slipping his tongue into Kai’s mouth with a soft sigh. Kai tasted overwhelmingly like alcohol, and neither of them had enough coordination for anything refined. It was all clashing teeth, wandering hands, and far too much spit.

But somehow, that made it better.

Kai pulled back, and Jule instinctively chased him, trying to reconnect their lips, but Kai pushed him harder into the wall, knocking the breath from his lungs.

“You’re my boyfriend,” Kai gasped.

Jule blinked, slightly dazed. “Sure?”

“Can you say it?”

Jule laughed, overwhelmed, but Kai just stared at him, eyes intense despite the alcohol.

“I’m your boyfriend?” Jule tried.

That seemed to satisfy him. Kai kissed him again, hard enough that their noses knocked painfully together.

“Let’s go home,” Kai murmured against his ear.

Jule nodded.

They barely managed to say goodbye to their teammates, Kai’s arm wrapped tightly around his waist, pulling him close, before stumbling out of the club.

In the taxi, they spent the entire ride making out, probably scarring the driver for life. Jule made sure to leave an extra-large tip.

It was a miracle that they made it to the apartment before tearing each other’s clothes off.

Later, lying side by side, still breathing uneven, Jule turned his head and looked at him.

Kai’s chest rose and fell quickly, dark curls messy and soft, almost black in the dim light. His features looked sharper like this, more delicate in profile.

Jule rolled closer, pressing himself against his side.

“Is that why you wanted to leave so suddenly?” he asked.

Kai flushed, even visible in the low light. “Partially,” he mumbled.

“And?”

Kai stared at the ceiling. “It’s stupid.”

“No, come on. Tell me.”

Kai hesitated, avoiding his gaze. “There were these girls talking about you. About how they wanted to come over and all that. And I just wanted to tell them to shut up. That you’re taken.”

Jule smiled softly.

“And then I went looking for you,” Kai continued, “and you were dancing with Jona. You looked so happy, and—ugh, I don’t know.”

“Aww,” Jule teased lightly. “Were you jealous?”

Kai huffed.

“You don’t need to worry,” Jule said, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “I like you. Only you.”

Kai turned toward him, intertwining their fingers, fidgeting with them.

“So you’ll write me? When you’re in Russia?”

Jule brushed a stray curl from his face. “Of course. I’ll call you every day. And when I’m back, we’ll go on vacation.”

“And you’ll tell me if anything changes? If you… do something with someone else?”

“I won’t,” Jule said simply. “So that’s not going to be an issue.”

“You don’t know that,” Kai muttered. “You’ll be around all these great players, and I’ll just be in Aachen, watching you on TV.”

“First of all,” Jule said, “you’re overestimating people’s interest in me. Jona doesn’t like me like that. Leon doesn’t either. And even if they did, you wouldn’t have to worry.”

He booped Kai’s nose lightly, making him giggle.

“Because I like you, you idiot. Get that into your thick head.”

For a moment, Kai just looked at him.

Then he kissed him. Slowly at first, as if he still couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, before pulling Jule closer until there was no space left between them.

Later, they fell asleep tangled together, the last traces of doubt long gone. In the quiet darkness, their breathing gradually fell into the same rhythm.

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2. August 2019

The Signal Iduna Park felt insanely imposing.

Jule took a deep breath before stepping into the dressing room. He already knew a few of the players from international duty, but this was different. This was his team now.

“Hey,” “Hi,” and “Welcome” echoed through the room as he walked in. People greeted him with high fives and easy smiles, like they’d known him for years.

He returned them, a relieved smile spreading across his face. “Hey.”

He was about to head over to Emre, one of the familiar faces, when Marco called him over.

“Welcome to Dortmund,” Marco said, smiling.

“Thanks. Honored to be here.”

Marco immediately started talking, jumping from club history to stories about players and random bits of advice. It was clear how proud he was, so Jule couldn’t help but smile along.

By the time he finished changing, Marco clapped him on the shoulder. “Looks good on you.”

Jule glanced down at the yellow kit. He wasn’t used to it yet, but he didn’t mind it. It helped that it was his boyfriend’s favorite color.

The thought made him pull out his phone. Kai had already sent over thirty messages.

Jule huffed quietly, amused, and snapped a quick picture of himself in the kit. He didn’t have time to read everything, so he just sent it with a short: love you. I’ll call you later.

Training went well, better than he’d expected. By the end of it, he felt lighter, more certain. Maybe he had made the right decision coming here.

Everyone had been so welcoming that he could really see himself fitting in. Of course, he missed Leverkusen, his friends there, and most of all, Kai.

But they’d talked about it, and they both knew playing on the same team forever wasn’t realistic. It wasn’t worth passing up an opportunity like this just to delay the inevitable.

After changing, Marco invited everyone out for lunch.

“I’ll meet you there,” Jule said. “I’ve got to make a call first.”

Marco raised an eyebrow, grinning. “A call, huh? So the rumors are true?”

“Shut up,” Jule muttered, and Marco just laughed.

“You’re telling me everything at the restaurant. I’ll save you a seat.”

Jule sighed, already resigned, and stepped outside as he dialed Kai.

Kai picked up after the first ring.

“How are you, baby?”

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

Jule smiled to himself. “Yeah. Really good. I think I made the right choice. It’s nice here.”

“I’m happy for you.”

A brief silence stretched between them.

“Can we FaceTime during lunch?” Kai asked.

“I can’t. I’m going out with the team.”

Kai exhaled softly. “But I really miss you.”

Jule hesitated. For a second, he almost gave in, imagining Kai biting his lip the way he always did when he was anxious.

“I can’t,” he said finally. “This is important to me.”

Kai huffed. “You said it wouldn’t change anything between us.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“I’m not being anything. You’re already choosing other people over me after one day.”

“That’s not what I’m doing, and you know it,” Jule said, his voice tightening slightly. “It’s a team activity.”

“So?” Kai shot back. “Our relationship should be a priority to you.”

“It is,” Jule replied, more firmly now. “But I can’t isolate myself from the team on day one. They’ll think I don’t want to be here. That I don’t want to get to know them.”

Kai didn’t answer.

Jule pressed his lips together. He could feel the tension sitting there between them, heavy and unresolved.

“I’ll call you later,” he said, quieter this time. “I’ve got to go.”

A pause.

“…Bye.”

The line went dead.

For a moment, Jule just stood there, staring at his phone before letting his hand drop.

Then he pushed himself to move.

By the time he got to the restaurant, Marco had already saved him a seat, just like he’d promised.

Jule slipped into it with a quick smile, forcing himself to focus on the conversation around him, on the easy laughter, the feeling of something new.

He knew it would be fine as soon as he got to talk to Kai properly later, that Kai was just hurt in the moment.

Still, their fight from the call lingered longer than he wanted it to.

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3. August 2020

Jule wished he could go with Kai to London. At least for the first few days.

But he had training. So dropping him off at the airport would have to be enough.

The drive there was unbearably quiet.

Jule kept tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, a restless rhythm that filled the silence. Beside him, Kai fidgeted with the strings of his hoodie, checking for the fifth time if he had his passport.

Neither of them said what was actually on their minds.

At a red light, Kai reached over and grabbed Jule’s hand, squeezing hard, too hard, but Jule didn’t say anything. He didn’t want him to let go. Not even if it hurt.

The Heathrow flight was already up on the board when they got inside.

They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, both clearly waiting for the other to say something first.

Then, at the same time, they both let out quiet, nervous laughs.

“I’ll miss you,” Jule said, his voice catching despite himself.

“I’ll miss you too,” Kai replied softly.

“I’ll come visit you all the time.”

“I’ll come back whenever I can.”

Jule nodded, then closed his eyes for a second, taking a steadying breath. “I’m really proud of you.”

Kai smiled, but it wavered. “You don’t have to be so nice right now.”

“No, I mean it,” Jule said quickly. “I knew you were talented, like, really talented, the first time I met you. But the Premier League is… it’s insane. You deserve this.”

Kai swallowed, then said quietly, “I love you.”

Jule felt his chest tighten.

“And we’ll make it work,” Kai continued. “Even if I miss you all the time. Even if I have to actually learn proper English.” He let out a small, shaky laugh. “You’re the one for me. And I know you feel the same.”

Jule didn’t trust himself to speak, so he just nodded.

“Anyway,” Kai added, almost abruptly, “I got you something.”

He pulled a small jewelry box from his bag and handed it over, his hands trembling slightly. “It’s probably stupid. If you don’t like it, just forget about it.”

Jule barely heard him. He was too focused on the weight of it in his hands.

He opened the box.

Inside, resting on black silk, was a delicate gold pendant, just the letter K.

For a moment, he just stared at it.

“Sorry,” Kai started quickly. “I don’t know what I was thinking, I can just—”

Jule cut him off with a kiss.

“I love it,” he murmured against his lips. “Now I can carry you around with me.”

Then, with a faint attempt at a smile, he added, “And everyone will know I have a way better boyfriend than they ever will.”

Kai let out a small laugh.

Jule fastened the necklace, fumbling slightly with the clasp until it finally clicked into place. Kai reached out to adjust it, his fingers brushing lightly against Jule’s neck before he leaned in and kissed him again.

“I love you,” Kai whispered against his lips.

“Love you too,” Jule replied, forcing himself to meet his eyes.

It took everything in him not to cry.

Kai pulled him into a tight hug, arms wrapped around him so firmly Jule could barely breathe. He held on just as tightly, burying his face in the crook of Kai’s shoulder, trying to memorize the feeling.

He didn’t really register the walk back to the car.

Not until he sank into the driver’s seat and saw Kai’s hoodie lying abandoned on the passenger side.

That’s when it hit.

Jule picked it up, pressing it to his face, breathing in the familiar scent, and then the tears came, all at once.

He didn’t know how long he sat there.

Long enough for his eyes to ache, for his chest to feel hollow.

By the time he finally started the engine, he just felt empty.

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4. 23 December 2023

It was freezing.

Jule—once again—found himself cursing whoever ran the Premier League for not giving their players a proper winter break. He should be curled up in front of a fireplace right now. Or on a beach somewhere, far away from the wind and the biting cold.

Instead, he was sitting in the stands, hands shoved deep into his sleeves, waiting for kickoff and trying not to freeze.

Arsenal started strong, dominating possession from the beginning, but somehow still went into halftime without a goal. Jule shifted in his seat, blowing warm air into his hands, hoping for something to finally happen.

The second half delievered.

Arsenal finally scored, and the energy in the stadium shifted instantly. And when Kai buried the 2–0 just minutes before the final whistle, Jule shot to his feet, cheering with everyone around him.

It felt strange, being surrounded by thousands of people chanting his boyfriend’s name.

Strange, but also kind of perfect.

After the match, Jule hovered outside the locker room, bouncing slightly on his heels. He thought about knocking, but hesitated. He didn’t know most of the players, and he had no idea what Kai had or hadn’t told them.

Better not risk being weird.

Kai ended up being one of the first out anyway.

The moment he spotted Jule, his face lit up. He walked straight toward him, then, without warning, picked him up and spun him around slightly off-balance.

It was a little awkward. This was Kai after all. Unless stated otherwise, he did everything a little awkwardly. He hugged awkwardly, danced awkwardly, flirted awkwardly. Somehow he even managed to win the Champions League awkwardly. There was something endearing about it, the way he always seemed slightly surprised by his own limbs.

Jule laughed as he was set back down, immediately leaning in to press a quick kiss to his lips.

“You were amazing,” he said.

“Mhm,” Kai hummed, clearly pleased.

“That goal? Insane. The whole game, actually. Almost good enough that I’m not mad you had to work today.”

Kai’s hands settled at his waist as Jule looped his arms loosely around his neck.

“You’re wearing my jersey,” Kai pointed out.

Jule had to suppress a smile. That was so predictable. Something about him wearing Kai’s jersey made the younger one act a bit crazy.

“Well, technically I’m not,” he said. “It’s the away kit. I’m only wearing it because it has BVB colors.”

Kai nudged him lightly. “Still has my name on it.”

Jule rolled his eyes. “Yeah, only because you didn’t have a Saka one lying around.”

Kai grabbed Jule by the collar and pulled him closer, forcing him to look up at him through his lashes.

“Don’t even joke about that.”

“Relax,” Jule said, amused. “I would never.”

Kai studied him for a second, then seemed satisfied. “Good.”

His hand slipped under Jule’s collar, fingers brushing against warm skin before hooking around the chain resting there. He pulled the necklace into view—the small gold K catching the light.

“Actually,” Kai said, “I was going to ask if you wanted to come with us. Some of the guys are going to the pub for Christmas drinks.”

He paused, glancing over Jule’s shoulder.

“…but now I’m not sure I want you anywhere near Bukayo.”

Jule laughed. “You’re being incredibly dramatic right now.”

Kai shot him a look, equal parts amused and unimpressed.

His teammates welcomed Jule easily when they joined them, greeting him with knowing smiles and immediately teasing Kai about how much he apparently talked about him.

Jule felt warmth bloom in his chest at that.

Kai just waved them off, muttering something under his breath, and instead focused on stealing fries from someone’s plate and feeding them to Jule in an attempt to distract him.

So different from Chelsea, when everything he did seemed to be picked apart until he’d started going quie, quiet enough that Jule had ended up hating everyone who made him feel that way.

Jule nudged him with his elbow, a quiet warning to knock it off with the mean looks he kept sending Bukayo. Kai didn’t argue, just tightened his arm around him instead, keeping him tucked close for the rest of the evening.

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5. March 2025

It was kind of amazing having Kai here all the time.

Not that Jule would ever say that out loud, it would sound terrible, like he enjoyed Kai being injured. Which he didn’t. Obviously.

But it was better than Kai being alone in London, stuck in his own head all day. At least here, Jule could distract him and motivate him to do his stretches.

Half-awake, he shuffled into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and froze the second he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

Bruises and bite marks scattered across his upper body.

One peeked out just above his collarbone. Another sat dark and obvious on his pec. A faint trail of bite marks disappeared beneath the waistband of his sweatpants.

“Unbelievable.”

Well. Served him right for being so horny yesterday.

“Kai, you cannot be serious right now,” Jule called out toward the bedroom.

“What?”

A moment later, Kai appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame. His curls stuck up in every direction, and he looked far too pleased with himself for someone who had just woken up.

Their eyes met in the mirror. Jule gestured down at his body.

Kai tilted his head, feigning innocence. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Jule turned to face him, frowning. “I have training today.”

“And?”

Kai stepped closer, sliding his arms around Jule’s waist, fingertips tracing slow circles into his skin. A shiver ran down Jule’s spine.

The warmth of his skin and the rough edge of his morning voice made Jule consider skipping training altogether.

Kai dipped his head, teeth grazing Jule’s earlobe before his lips followed, slow and deliberate. Jule let his head fall to the side with a soft sigh, giving him more room to kiss down his neck.

The feeling of Kai sucking just behind his ear pulled him out of his soft bliss.

“Hey—” Jule grabbed him by the curls and pulled him back, immediately turning to the mirror.

Too late.

A bruise was already forming.

“This isn’t funny,” he said, though it did nothing to diminish the spark in Kai’s eyes.

“Not my fault your skin’s so sensitive.”

“You did that on purpose,” Jule muttered.

Kai just shrugged. “They all know you’re with me anyway.”

Jule sighed. Annoyingly, Kai had a point.

“That doesn’t mean they need a visual presentation,” he muttered.

“I think they suit you,” Kai said, leaning in again, his lips brushing lightly over the fresh mark.

“Vampire,” Jule grumbled.

Kai's smile only widened.

Being annoyed with him was nearly impossible like this. Not when he was standing so close, smelling faintly of shampoo, every brush of skin against skin making warmth spread through his entire body.

“I’ll make it up to you after training,” Kai murmured.

“I will be keeping my shirt on,” Jule shot back.

Kai perked up immediately. “Can you wear my jersey?”

Jule shoved him away, laughing despite himself. “I feel like you’re not taking this seriously at all.”

“I am,” Kai insisted, grinning.

“Stop distracting me,” Jule said, grabbing his toothbrush again. “I’m already late.”

Predictably, his teammates didn’t let it go.

Jule endured the teasing with as much dignity as possible, muttering curses about Kai under his breath the entire time.

He knew it wouldn’t change anything.

He’d let him do it again anyway.

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+1. 31 May 2026 

Arsenal Trophy Parade

North London was electric.

It felt like everyone had turned out, jerseys, scarves, entire outfits in Arsenal colors flooding the streets. For a moment, Jule had considered joining the crowd, disappearing into it to celebrate.

But that would’ve been a terrible idea and really unsafe.

So instead, he waited at the Emirates, pacing around with Win, who had fully absorbed the energy of the day and was now running in circles with far too much enthusiasm.

Eventually, the noise outside swelled and the buses began to roll back toward the stadium.

Jule barely waited. The second Kai walked into the room, Jule crossed it and kissed him.

“What are you doing here?” Kai asked against his lips, not letting go.

“Wanted to surprise you.”

Jule smiled softly as Kai pulled him closer. He smelled like sun and sweat, his curls messily shoved under a cap, his skin warm from hours outside.

He looked ridiculously good.

For a moment, they just stared at each other, caught in their own little bubble.

Until someone cleared their throat.

“Sorry,” Jule said quickly, stepping back, only to realize they were blocking the couch.

“Don’t worry,” the captain said dryly. “You’re just slightly in the way.”

Kai ignored him completely, sitting down and tugging Jule with him so they ended up pressed together, Jule half in his lap.

“Are you cold?” Kai asked, frowning slightly.

“What?” Jule blinked.

Kai pointed at his hand that was hidden in a thin glove.

“Oh, no. I just got a new tattoo. UV and all that.”

Kai stilled. “You didn’t tell me.” There was curiosity in his voice, but beneath it, Jule caught a hint of hurt.

“I just got it yesterday.”

Kai reached for his hand, hesitating for just a second before gently pulling off the glove.

Jule watched him carefully.

The second Kai saw the tattoo, his expression softened, then crumpled, then brightened all at once.

A dozen emotions seemed to flash across his face before settling into something dazed and disbelieving. He simply stared at the tattoo, his mouth hanging slightly open.

“Havey?” Jule asked quietly when the silence stretched on. “Are you okay?”

Kai’s thumb brushed carefully over the fresh ink, like he wasn’t entirely sure it was real.

His name. His number. Curving along the side of Jule’s hand, disappearing just before his pinky.

“Fuck, Jule,” Kai said, voice cracking. “You didn’t.”

He let out a short laugh that sounded dangerously close to breaking.

Then he looked up.

And Jule hadn't seen him smile like that all day.

For a second, Kai just stared at him.

Then he kissed him. Hard enough that Jule nearly tipped backward, catching himself on the back of the couch.

When they pulled apart, Kai immediately looked down again, tracing the lines of the tattoo like he couldn’t stop.

“It’s permanent,” he said quietly.

“Yeah. That was sort of the idea,” Jule said, unable to stop smiling.

Kai kissed him again.

“You’re insane.”

Another kiss.

“I love it.”

Another.

“I love you.”

“Do you guys need a room?”

They both jerked apart.

Declan stood nearby, watching them with an amused expression.

Kai didn’t even hesitate. “Actually, yes.”

“Kai—” Jule started, laughing, but Kai was already pulling him up.

“No, you should celebrate,” Jule protested. “You just won the league.”

“We will celebrate,” Kai said easily, already dragging him toward the exit. “Trust me.”

He threw a quick glance back at the room. “Great season, loved playing with you all. See you soon.”

The response was immediate, laughter, whistles, someone shouting something Jule chose not to process as his face burned.

Outside, the streets were still packed. Kai didn’t slow down. He just laced their fingers together and pulled him along through the crowd.

Jule barely noticed where they were going.

Everything felt warm and bright and a little unreal.

Sometimes he still couldn't quite believe it.

That this was his life.

That he got to have this ridiculous, wonderful man who was so completely his.