Work Text:
"Who's a good boy?"
Throughout Megumi's — still rather short — lifetime, no one has really interacted with his shikigami as if they were regular animals. Rigorous training and his upbringing has taught him to see them as tools, weapons he treasures and holds dear to his heart. A partner, like a guide dog leading its blind owner, or a general assistance animal. Not a pet, but an animal that helps him and works with him.
When Yuji Itadori comes along, that usual script is flipped. Megumi watches, still whip-lashed by everything that has occurred in the last 24 hours, as the practical stranger pets Shiro with cooing words as if they knew each other for years. Seemingly undeterred by it all.
Megumi is undeniably attached to his shikigami. They're his closest companions, including people. But the following particular effect didn't just manifest itself because Megumi has an emotional attachment.
It was when he first summoned the Demon Dogs. As they fought and got hurt, so did he hurt. And not in a 'upset about his friends getting hurt' way, the child that Megumi was felt his leg sting as Shiro took a rather nasty slash to it himself. There seemed to be a connection of sorts, making them share their wounds and sensations.
And so whenever his shikigami were hurt, Megumi felt a vague painful heat spread across the point of injury on his own body. Or the thing that was the closest human equivalent — whoever steps on Kuro's tail and Megumi's tailbone by extension next will have to pay.
But now, there's no pain. Shiro wags his tail as roughened, strong hands pet his cheek fur and the top of his head, scratching behind his ears. Megumi is watching it, feeling it.
He hates how it makes him feel.
Megumi slaps his hand atop his left ear, which has started tingling similarly to the rest of his face. The warmth of Yuji's touch stains his skin invisibly, painting the high of his cheeks and the tip of his ears pink.
"They're not pets," he tells Yuji between gritted teeth, face twisted in irritation — and bewilderment. Yuji turns his head to him and pouts, pouts like this isn't a serious situation with real stakes. They're on a mission for crying out loud.
No, in this abandoned hall of a school with barely a few days to recall each other's presence in their life, Yuji is much more interested in the soft fur of Megumi's curse-sniffing companion.
On the list of things that irritate Megumi, Yuji slides up all the way to the reigning champions, taking his place among people like Satoru. People that are constantly lighthearted, seemingly unconcerned in the face of immediate or becoming danger. People that are gentle, despite, despite and despite. Yes, they annoy Megumi. Those kinds of people, they treat bad people equal to good people. And then pride themselves in their nature.
When Yuji dies, Megumi spends the night in his bed summoning Kuro for the first time out of free will, not some kind of obligation. Kuro is on edge, searching for his brother still — a bitter reminder that makes Megumi's eyes sting —, and Megumi can't seem to calm him down as he constantly seeks for traces of cursed energy or any threat to Megumi livelihood. In the darkness of Megumi's room there is only the two of them, no one else.
Megumi eventually simply hugs the pacing animal to his chest, pulling Kuro into his arms until he stills. He feels his own grip around himself, which is an odd feeling, but he gets over it when he closes his eyes instead.
"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you." He runs his hand over Kuro's head, feeling the gentle pressure flow over the crown of his head. His hand is cold, but soft. Softer and colder than Yuji's would've been.
He pretends those words are for Shiro alone.
Postmortem, post-revival, Yuji's habit doesn't break. If Megumi wasn't at the top of his game today he'll blame it on the fact that Yuji had hand-picked one of his rabbits to keep in his arms. It's disrupting the flow of Megumi's cursed energy almost, making him feel safe when he is far from it. He needs to focus.
Yet, despite it all — the hindrance it can pose for him —, he never breaks the truth to Yuji even after years pass. He always keeps it simple, reiterates that his shikigami are here to help, not to be spoiled by affection. He has to retell that disclaimer countless times until he eventually gives up. Yuji must be ignoring it on purpose, he thinks, and watches Nue perk up as their feathers are preened, watches Max Elephant curl her trunk around Yuji's waist.
His heart jumps nervously when he watches it happen. He does wish Yuji would refrain from doing it so often.
However telling the truth would make him vulnerable. It is out of the question. If he explains why he dislikes Yuji treating his shikigami this way, what is his excuse for keeping it a secret for so long? He'd have to explain how some part of him, deep down, was too selfish and infatuated to explain the hidden mechanism. That he worried Yuji would be grossed out and it would be the last time Megumi feels Yuji's affection.
Because there wasn't any way for it to happen otherwise.
Not to beat the point to death, but he misses two thirds of what qualifies as Yuji's type. And he might miss the one third he does have if Yuji keeps getting growth spurts like he does.
"Why do you keep summoning them?" Is the question Yuji asks one afternoon, caressing the ears of a very still rabbit. Megumi has only recently figured out that the shikigami are so pliable beneath Yuji's calming touches because he himself harbors that same liability for the other. It's a frustrating conclusion to come to. And ultimately, to answer Yuji's question, he has done it for selfish reasons. They're not on a mission, they're simply calming down in the aftermath of one. But Megumi can't seem to rid the anxiety flowing through his veins until he feels the familiar warmth smooth out the cracks in his agitated, fraying nerves. He has grown accustomed, no, expectant, of the routine.
The pressure over Megumi's ears stills, the cartilage in their shells pounding. The rabbit looks up at Yuji in disappointment as he stops.
"I can make them disappear if you don't like them anymore." Megumi answers bitterly, and it's a result of pure insecurity. Of being afraid he overstepped, is getting too attached to Yuji and his sun-like warmth, as he is but a moth to a flame, unable to resist.
That he's too obvious in his ways.
"That's not what I'm saying," Yuji corrects him swiftly, eyebrows knitting together. "But you used to get so irritated when I treated them like pets. Now you summoned them without reason."
Megumi shrugs. "Thought you might want to relax after that mission."
"That's very sweet of you." Yuji smiles at him and Megumi's shoulders sag in relief when he seems to be buying it. Yuji's fingers run over the back of the rabbits ears. It's a very pleasant touch, the hairs on Megumi's nape standing up. He checks his phone to direct his eyes elsewhere, scrolling through messages he has yet to check from Satoru. They can wait, he deems.
A sting on the back of his neck makes him huff, reflexively slapping his palm over his nape. The mosquitoes get more vicious each year.
"AHA!" Megumi flinches harshly at Yuji's booming exclamation, looking up from his phone with wild eyes. "What?" He hisses, mad at Yuji for startling him so greatly. His eyes flit to the rabbit.
Which has its fur on the back of their neck pinched between two of Yuji's fingers.
"I knew it!" Yuji lets go of the rabbit to point at him in accusation. "There's no way you'd suddenly go back on your principles like that."
Megumi's thrown-in "knew what?" is a barely concealed show of his red-handedness. "What are you saying?" He replies gruffly, heart pounding through his entire body. Did Yuji really figure him out?
"You can feel what your shikigami feel, right?"
"No." Megumi disagrees out of spite, eyes to the rabbit once again like that isn't a telltale sign of him lying.
"You don't?" Yuji's fingers stroke under the rabbits chin and Megumi has to suppress a shiver. Yuji then goes into unfair practices, very lightly poking the rabbit in its right eye. It's the final straw as it jumps out of his lap right after. Megumi's right eye forces itself shut out reflex, his face scrunching up briefly in reaction to the pain.
"Okay, okay, fine. Stop." He wraps a hand tightly around Yuji's wrist before he can get his hands on one of the other rabbits. "You're… You're right." He huffs begrudgingly.
Yuji stills, brown eyes mustering Megumi. "Why didn't you say anything?" He asks, then interrupts before the other can answer. "Never-mind, I know why." Yuji backtracks, waving a hand around.
Megumi still doesn't reply as sudden guilt racks through Yuji's features, like he suffered the strike of a particularly blunt spear. "Ah shit," Yuji frowns with a scrunched up nose, the scar on the corner of his mouth and eye rippling. "I crossed some major lines. That's really uncool. Sorry." He must remember the agitated reminders Megumi gave him after all.
"It's fine." Megumi insists, looking off to the side. His hand lets go of Yuji's wrist. His palm tingles.
"Its not. I must've made you uncomfortable." Yuji insists, fiddling with the strings of his hoodie. Megumi despises seeing him visibly anxious like this. This was exactly the last thing he wanted to achieve.
"I don't mind, Yuji." Megumi speaks as he pinches the bridge of his nose.
"You don't need to lie about it. You're not a touchy person, I know that and-"
"Yuji." Megumi glares at him, the other's brown eyes softening under his scrutiny. "You didn't know. And I…" He looks away again, hoping to will the heat away before it reaches the epidermis of his face. "I don't mind." He stresses it more this time, emphasizing his hidden need for it if Yuji reads between the lines.
"God, you're so cute," Megumi can hear Yuji whisper in disbelief — though he is sure he must've misheard —, which has his eyes wide and alert and back on Yuji. The other's smile is wiped off his face and he flushes red. "Uhm, I just…" He laughs, rubbing his neck and face awkwardly. "But I mean… Why not ask for a hug the normal way?"
"You really think I'd stoop so low?" Megumi raises an eyebrow and watches as Yuji shakes his head with a wobbly smile at Megumi's joke.
"Maybe not, my bad." Yuji admits. "Do you want one, though?" He tilts his head slightly and Megumi wishes his heart wouldn't still be pounding so hard from his earlier comment. Truly, Yuji's the one who's adorable, not him.
"Fine." Megumi huffs out, Yuji replying with an amused "you don't have to you know" as he spreads his arms for him.
Megumi ends up wrapped in warmth, Yuji's arms settling around his waist, while Megumi's arms cross into each other around Yuji's neck. Loose enough to be comfortable, tight enough to be pressed chest-to-chest.
Yuji's mouth is right by his ear as he lets out a content hum. "You fit real nice."
Megumi blinks, resettling to sink more into Yuji's broad frame. He does fit nicely. Yuji's arms curl around him very comfortably. "…Yeah." He takes in a deep breath, tucking his mouth against Yuji's trapezius. He exhales through his nose.
Something inside him starts to thaw, then melt in rapid pace. A shiver consumes his shoulders briefly. Megumi has never been one for hugs, but maybe it's because any previous hugs he's had haven't been a result of his initiative.
It feels refreshing. Like a reset, a new clean slate that allows Megumi to relax in the small confines of someone he trusts, letting his muscles stretch and soften. Yuji is so warm, firm in a way that isn't uncomfortable, but fills out the gaps in Megumi's silhouette effortlessly. The pressure kneads Megumi into someone he rarely gets to be, someone that has his guard down and his walls broken in.
Then Yuji's left hand tracks up his spine and Megumi ends up flailing. The touch is familiar but much louder and more intense than what he is used to. He panics, because it's all that's needed for the glass to spill over, for his heart to start racing once more. A reminder of who this is, who they are, what they're doing.
"Oh, sorry," Yuji looks sheepish as Megumi pushes for distance between them. He laughs softly, then says "I didn't mean to startle you."
"It's fine." Megumi coughs out. His hands are planted on Yuji's chest, fingers trembling were he to lift them from him. Yuji's hands cup his hipbones, their heat sinking into him.
"Does it feel different," is Yuji's next inquiry, spoken without shame or hesitance. The thumb that crosses the shape of his hip and brushes his lowest rib drives Megumi to near insanity. "When I touch you directly?"
Megumi nods. "Yeah. I guess." He swallows thickly. Is it just him or is it getting really warm here?
"How so?"
"Stop asking so many questions." Megumi mutters, a little peeved. His body still won't calm down. His skin buzzes where Yuji traced him. "It's just different." He lets his eyes shift around the room before he speaks as confidently as he can muster: "We should go to bed." He drops his hands into his own lap.
He hasn't done anything to be ashamed of. This conversation has been pleasant so far. But Megumi can feel the shift in energy. And he's afraid he's not up to the challenge. A temptation like this is too great for him to resist.
"Right," Yuji sounds more disappointed than Megumi expected him to.
It had taken them quite a few panic attacks and breakdowns to realize that after missions, it was beneficial to sleep in close quarters. That's why a lot of the time, Yuji's room is stocked with two additional futons, housing Nobara and Megumi when time calls for it. Since it was just the two of them today, it is just them in this room tonight.
Megumi settles onto his futon, stretching out his legs until his feet dangle over at the end. It's comfortable enough, though he does prefer his own bed in his room. But he'd rather have some kinks in his back than have Yuji suffer through an episode by himself.
Just about when his breathing is calm and he starts to sink into unconsciousness — which in all honesty does take him way too long, but he's busy thinking —, creaky floorboards pull him right out of the haze. He suppresses a groan under his breath, stirring a little and pressing his ear deeper into the pillow under his head.
His eyes are still shut and he tries to not disrupt his relaxed breathing as socked feet seem to approach his bed. He tenses ever so slightly, feeling the presence of a person crouching next to him, looming over him. But he pretends to continue sleeping nonetheless.
He very nearly yelps in surprise when a oh so familiar hand sinks into his disheveled hair. And then, because Megumi hasn't suffered enough, starts playing with it, curling strands around fingers and combing through it. Brushing it back, uncovering his forehead and tucking loose ends that normally cover his cheek behind his ear.
Megumi hears a quick exhale, followed by a soft mumble of words. He can't make out what because he's losing the battle against sleep, but he would know this voice even as he would draw his last breaths. Yuji.
The touch leaves him soon enough, the sound of steps receding as Yuji leaves the room. Megumi is left confused, with his hair a mess and his scalp tingling. He's wide awake as the realization of what just happened hits him.
He really needs to get it together.