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In hindsight, this was all Craig’s own fault.
Try out for the play, he’d said. It’ll be fun, he’d said.
Look, Craig was just trying to be supportive. Trying to be the kind of boyfriend who gets his boyfriend to follow his dreams no matter what.
So when Tweek said he wanted to be in the school play, Craig told him to shoot for the leading role.
“The- ack! The leading role is a girl, Craig…”
“So what? Change the script then, honey.”
They were beloved in South Park, purely for being gay. Their parents gave them hundreds of dollars just because. All Tweek had to do was try out for the role, and it was his in an instant.
That all being said, Craig really should’ve looked into what play they were doing.
Because of course South Park would be the kind of fucked up place that allows highschoolers to put on a performance of Heathers. Totally appropriate. Nothing weird about that whatsoever.
Tweek did look cute as hell in a blue blazer, but that wasn’t the point.
The plot of the musical was so morbid, and the idea of watching Tweek pretend to be in a relationship with a complete psycho wasn’t exactly appealing.
Especially when the person playing his love interest was Kenny.
It’s not that Craig was threatened by Kenny per say, he knew that Tweek loved him and would never ditch him for another guy like that. But Kenny was literally the school slut, and incredibly excited to be in a role that let him act overly romantic and also like a complete lunatic.
The gun they gave him for the play was real. Sure, it wasn’t loaded, but still. Why couldn’t they just make a fake one? Whose idea was it to put a real gun into the hands of the highschooler who’s high as a kite 99% of the time?
Still, Craig could make his peace with all of this. It’s South Park, of course weird shit would go down, he was used to it at this point, and it was fine.
What wasn’t fine was one of the songs in the musical.
Dead Girl Walking. According to Tweek it was one of the most iconic songs in the show.
When he’d told Craig that, Craig assumed it was because of some impressive vocals, or maybe a violent scene. After all, the name kind of suggests something aggressive.
He really should’ve watched the video when Tweek tried to show him on his phone a few days ago.
Maybe then he wouldn’t have been quite so thrown when he entered the school’s theater and saw Tweek and Kenny rehearsing.
They were on a simple mattress. Kenny was laying back on it, and Tweek was straddling his waist shamelessly.
“No sleep tonight for you, better chug that mountain dew!” Tweek sang rather aggressively, stroking Kenny’s cheek with one hand.
“Okay, okay!” Kenny squeaked out, and looked like he was trying to be scared but failing miserably.
“Get your ass in gear, make this whole town disappear!”
“Okay, okay!”
Tweek moved Kenny’s hands around to different parts of his body. “Slap me, pull my hair, touch me there, and there, and there, and NO MORE TALKING!”
Craig’s mouth fell open, unable to disguise the sheer disgust and fury forming on his face.
“LOVE THIS DEAD GIRL WALKING!”
The two proceeded to grind on each other. Fully.
Craig was sputtering and shouting out loud before he could stop himself. “Tweek! What the fuck!?”
In an instant, Tweek froze, and Kenny paused his actions, looking over confused.
The music screeched to a halt, and Craig heard a very irritable, “CUT!” from Kyle, who’d gotten the role of director.
Kyle looked over in annoyance. “Dude, what the hell? We’re in the middle of rehearsal.”
“No, you’re in the middle of filming a goddamn porno.” Craig snapped. “Tweek. Hallway. Now.”
He ignored the snickers and whispers of some of the others in the room, and focused on Tweek, who’s cheeks were flushed red in humiliation as he awkward climbed off Kenny and followed Craig out into the hallway.
The moment they were alone, Tweek fumed. “W-What the hell was that!? Why’d you flip out, Craig!?”
“Oh gee, sorry honey, I guess I’m just a bit confused as to why my boyfriend is all but dry humping some other guy.” Craig hissed.
Tweek looked at him like he was crazy. “Craig, it’s a performance. It’s part of the show. Dead Girl Walking is a pretty- ACK- sexual song.”
“Well why didn’t you tell me it was like that!?” Craig protested.
“I sent you a link to the musical.” Tweek argued. “You said you watched it!”
Crap. Craig had said that. In his defense, it was like two hours long. Craig had way more important things to do. Like playing with Stripe, or scrolling mindlessly on his phone.
Tweek crossed his arms. “So you not only interrupted my rehearsal, embarrassed me in front of our classmates, but you also lied to me!?”
“…Don’t…Don’t fucking turn this around on me!” Craig’s voice sounded weak, even to himself. “This isn’t about me, this is about you and Kenny.”
“What me and Kenny?” Tweek sputtered. “It’s acting, Craig! As far as I’m concerned, in that moment, we were J.D and Veronica. That’s all.”
“Well, I don’t like it!” Craig fumed.
Tweek scowled. “Oh what? I’m supposed to quit the musical because you don’t like part of it? Is that it?”
“No! I just- I’m just- You’re-“ Every sentence he tried to start died out. Dammit. Why were emotions so goddamn impossible? Why did Tweek always seem to bring out all this crap? When Craig’s on his own, he’s fine. He doesn’t freak out, he barely feels at all.
But with Tweek? It’s like all Craig does is feel.
And feeling this much…hurts.
“…Goddammit.” Craig whispered and turned away from him, shoulders slumping in defeat.
Tweek’s eyebrows furrowed, concern starting to take over his annoyance. “…Craig, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
Craig bit his lip, trying to work out in his head what he wanted to say. He shifted around uncomfortably, and couldn’t look Tweek in the eye. “…It…Goddammit, it bothers me, okay?”
“Why?” Tweek asked softly, stepping closer.
“Because! You’re acting so intimately with someone else. Kenny of all people. Somebody who would definitely fuck you if you let him. It pisses me off to even think about. This stupid play is way too sexual in the first place and I don’t want you doing it because it makes me crazy jealous!” He blurted out all in one breath, panting softly.
And then he felt like a total loser.
“Oh goddammit, did I really just say all that?” He grumbled, running a hand over his face. “Such a moron…”
Tweek looked at him in genuine surprise, before smiling softly. He came even closer and set a hand on his shoulder. “Why are you a moron? Because you have actual feelings and aren’t a total robot?” He teased.
“Shut up.” Craig muttered, and then took a deep breath. “I’m not…I don’t want…I’m not trying to tell you what to do, so…could you just…you know, realize it on your own that you should quit?” The words nearly came out as a whine.
Tweek let out a few giggles, and pressed a long kiss to Craig’s cheek. “Craig, do you really think that’s reasonable? Asking me to drop out of the play because you’re jealous?”
“Yes.”
Tweek sighed fondly. “Craig…”
Craig looked at him with a big pout. “I don’t like it.”
“I know. But there’s nothing going on between me and Kenny, you have to know that. I love you.” Tweek whispered and rubbed his arm comfortingly. “Come on, Craig. You’ve got to trust me more than that.”
“I trust you, it’s him I don’t trust.” Craig muttered and leaned into Tweek’s touch a little, before fully leaning against the blonde.
Tweek let out a small noise, before chuckling and wrapping his arms around Craig, holding him close. “Now who’s the baby?” He teased, rubbing Craig’s back.
“Shut the fuck up.” Craig mumbled into Tweek’s hair, eyes fluttering shut. He inhaled softly, taking in Tweek’s unique smell of coffee and shampoo.
After a few moments, Tweek spoke softly. “Are you okay now?”
Craig sighed. “I think so. I get it. It’s a performance. And I have nothing to worry about. But I’m watching all of your rehearsals from now on.”
Tweek snorted. “Very mature.”
“And I better get a kiss from you between each one.” Craig added cheekily.
“Now you’re just asking too much.” Tweek smirked. “Besides, my lips might be too tired after making out with Kenny during some of the scenes.”
Craig’s eyes glinted with pure jealousy. Tweek was already becoming addicted to the look. “Keep pushing me, honey. See what happens.” The Tweek did was cackle at his expense.