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“What would you do at my funeral if I abstracted?”
“Huh!?” The question came out of nowhere one day when Kaufmo and Ribbit gathered by the stage earlier than the others. They had been hanging out that morning enjoying each other's company. Or at least that's what Kaufmo thought before the abrupt question. “Why would you-”
Ribbit giggled for a moment. “You should see the look on your face.”
“How else did you expect me to react to that question!?” Eyebrows raised in confusion and shock.
“It’s not like I’m going to abstract you know-”
“Y-you can't guarantee that Ribs.”
“So you think I would-” The frog tilted her head, a pout forming on her face.
Kaufmo’s voice cracked. “No, no- At least I hope not. Ever.”
“Well then, I won’t. Now answer the question.”
“I- don’t know, I just know I would feel crappy I guess-” Kaufmo knew that ‘crappy’ would only be the tip of the iceberg if that were to happen.
“Really not even one of your terrible jokes.”
“First off, no they’re not. And second, why would you want me to make a s@#tty joke, after you basically died?”
“Because it would be bat s#$i funny,”
“You have a sick sense of humor, man”
“No man you gotta promise me, if I ever abstract you gotta tell some corny joke.”
“Wha- NO-”
“Promise me,” she means it in a joking manner so in the moment Kaufmo takes it as such. That was the best way to get her off his back.
“F i n e”
“Oh, oh say something like ‘she kermited suicide’ or something?"
“That just lacks taste”
“Alright Mr. clownboy, what would you say then?”
“I guess… something like-”
—
“I guess she croaked.”
It felt weird how hard it was for Kaufmo to swallow a bitter pill of reality. He wasn’t the best at making jokes, or the best at making comebacks when needed. But he tried. Even if it made him look like a joke or have a huge ego, he at least tried to lighten the weight of letting his emotions get to him.
But this. This was a big motherfucking pill for him to swallow. No, he refused to swallow.
She wasn’t.
She couldn’t.
Yet here he was. Standing with the group of people he saw everyday, but one was missing. Replaced by only a picture of the frog front and center for everyone to see. Placed on top a crate of their things, a vibrant pink bow matching the bow they in the picture sat next to.
The present moment was a murky muttered blur before him. He couldn’t hear the words Ragatha spoke in the moments. He couldn’t feel the heavy discomfort that Jax carried from a distance up stairs. All Kaufmo could think about was that one promise he had made so long ago.
There were a lot of things that he wanted to say at that moment. And honestly, he felt a weight of responsibility. Maybe if he had spent just a little bit more time with her. Maybe if he would have spoken up more. Maybe… if he did something, anything different she would still be here.
So many more words he could have spoken to her.
So many more things he could have done to be there for her.
To support her more.
In Kaufmo’s mind. This was one thing he should say now. To know that he never broke his side of a deal.
—
Kaufmo had stepped outside to the circus ground to get some fresh air. As he thought the joke wasn’t taken lightly, no one laughed. Though Ragatha tried to make light of the moment, to pretty much everyone it was tasteless. Only Kaufmo really knew the value of the joke, so he thought it would be best to step away till the heat of the moment died down.
He had taken a deep breath, of the fresh digital air of the grounds, his head spinning, still trying to make sense of the past few… hours? Days? He could never understand how time moves in this digital hell. He just really wanted to cry, but for some reason his body wouldn’t deliver that request. It hurts to just let alone breathe.
“Man this… sucks…” he whispered to himself. “Why did you have to speak it into existence… Why-” He couldn’t let another word out, every word left a trail of tears and sobs he couldn’t stop. It hurt too much to speak, especially in his chest.
“Maybe if I had told you I loved you,” he sobbed. “You would have stayed”
—
Again time was a weird thing in the circus, it moved fast yet stayed still. New comers came and went. New adventures happened. And Jax… well… had stayed the same.
Kaufmo knew something happened between the frog and the rabbit; he just couldn't ever put his finger on what happened. It was as if one day they were the closest friends and the next they were so distant. ‘It’ll work itself out,’ Kaufmo thought, yet adventure after adventure it got worse. Jax always grew silent when Ribbit joined their conversations, his face furrowed and turned the other way when she made a joke, and over all he was just starting to treat her like she was nothing more than a stranger and to a point, it really started to get on Kaufmo’s nerves.
Sure… Kaufmo had feelings for her… but he was willing to put all that aside when she found interest in someone else. Bite the bullet if you will. It was obvious she had had a found interest in Jax and he didn’t want to get in the way of that, even if it did hurt him on the inside. But after the Snowy Hills adventure Ribbit lost her sparkle, she became almost closed off. And he had a really good feeling why, and it left a fucking bad taste in his mouth.
When things started to take a turn for the worst with Ribbit, Kaufmo did his best to support her. Spending more time with her, inviting her to his room, heck he even took pillows and blankets up to the hot chocolate bar and made a pillow fort where they could hang out since he knew she had been in pain due to body glitches. He did anything to distract her from her mind, and it made him feel good when he was able to make her smile. But even that wasn’t enough to save her.
And Jax acts like nothing happened.
“What on ya mind Kofi?”
“Huh- Um n-nothing” Kaufmo stared at his hot chocolate in his hand, very aware of the empty seat next to him.
Though she had been gone for a while, Kaufmo still made his way up to the hot chocolate bar when he could. It didn’t feel the same but it allowed him to bask in the memories there, it made him feel like a part of her was still there with him. Why Jax decided to join him this time was beyond his understanding.
“Oh come on you can’t just be downing the mood over nothing!”
Kaufmo grumbled a little. “Like I said it’s nothing-”
“And I don’t believe you. Come onnnnnn lay it on me”
Kaufmo always felt weird when it came to opening up about something he was thinking or feeling. He was more of a listener than a talker. When something was weighing on him too much he would try to talk to someone he trusted like Ragatha or Kinger. While as sweet as she was, Ragatha always tried to view the positives of a situation and looked forward. There wasn’t anything wrong with that but he didn’t need that right now. And Kinger was well… Kinger.
Kaufmo looked up from his cup and looked at the rabbit next to him. ‘Maybe he’s coping like me, he just has a different way of doing it,’ Kaufmo thought. ‘He was pretty close to her, so maybe he would be more understanding… of how I feel?’
“D-do, you ever think that something is missing with her gone-”
“Who? Raggy?”
“No, Ribbit!”
Jax stiffens as the sound of the name. His pupils quickly shrunk only to slowly dilate back, larger than they originally were. There was a shift in his tone. “Come again…?”
“I mean, the three of us used to hang here a lot. Don’t you ever miss how things used to be?I mean… with her here at least things felt a lot more whole”
“Not really,” Kaufmo turned his head to see Jax leaned over his mug as well. “It’s honestly better now that they're gone in my opinion. A weight off my shoulders”
“How can you say that when you-” Kaufmo stopped himself. The memory of their fall out fills his head, and the question formed quicker than he could think about what he asked. “What exactly happened with you two?”
Jax lifted his head quickly to meet the clown's own worried and questioning gaze as he continued to speak.
“It’s like one day you guys are so happy enjoying each other's company, after a few days of being here it was all she could talk about. And same for you, you two seemed almost inseparable, but it’s like after the Snowy Hills adventure you just-”
“Geez man. Sounds like you're jealous.”
Kaufmo paused. Stiff. Unmoved.
“What-”
“I mean you have so much to say about our connection, kinda creepy if you ask me Kaufee~ ” He takes a sip from his mug, a larger than normal grin sat on his face. "What? Did I take too much of her attention away from you, or something? You what? Though if you tried hard enough you would get on her good side. Geez Kaufmo your always so dense-”
“What the f@&k Jax-”
“What? Did I hit a nerve?” He leaned against the counter. “So I am right~ Man us guys deserve better than what ever they could have-”
“OH MY GOSH! Why do you do this!?” Kaufmo slammed his fist down on the counter. “Ya know Jax, I knew you had a weird way of coping but you a sick f@3$*(&%g bastard. You stand here making a joke out of me and my feelings, when I try to be open about a friend who practically died. And you have the gaul to compare it to me being like you. Grow the f@$k up.” But honestly Kaufmo didn’t even know why he was surprised, the rabbit had been doing this more and more as time passed on.
“You the one who shared, and I’m just giving you the truth.What if you did tell her how you felt? You think she would … accept your feelings? That's a sick fantasy, we’re literally cartoons!” Jax cackled.
Making jokes out of others to make himself feel better had turned into another one of Jax’s toxic traits, and it had been pissing Kaufmo off. And it started with Ribbit.
Kaufmo stood up from his seat, watching the rabbit laugh uncontrollably with pure disgust. “Since we’re reading soooo much into personal details,” There was a bite in the clown's tone. “How about you tell me what the heck happened during the mountain adventure, huh?”
Jax froze, a subtle body movement, a slight shift in the pupils. Then it just went away. And that's all the clarity Kaufmo needed.
“I knew it.” Kaufmo murmured behind gritted teeth.
Jax spoke. "I have no idea what your talking-”
“You’re lying!”
“I’m not. And why dose it it matter what me talking to your imaginary girlfriend matter so much to you-”
“Because unlike you ever since that adventure she wasn’t the same. And you wanna know who was there for her through those moments. ME! I WAS! While you're here trying to flex your own ego and ignore the situation, I was there episode after episode, BREAKDOWN AFTER BREAKDOWN wondering what happened. I sat by and put my feelings aside because AS A FRIEND I would do anything, ANYTHING to help her. And what did you do huh? Exactly nothing. You just ignored her and treated her like she was nothing after all the s@#t she had done for you when you first got here”
“Don’t act like you didn’t do it to get on her good side-”
“NO I DIDN’T. I did it because I am her friend. I did it because she needed a safe space to come to. I DID IT BECAUSE I FUCKING CARED JAX! BUT YOU OBVOUSLY DIDN’T. Y-YOU DIDN’T CARE ENOUGH TO SAY SORRY. YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE COURAGE ENOUGH TO CHECK IF SHE WAS OKAY. YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THE BALLS ENOUGH TO COME TO HER FUNERAL, THATS HOW I FUCKING KNOW YOUR THE REASON WHY THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE.”
“You have no idea what your talking about-”
“THEN CORRECT ME-” Kaufmo lowered his tone, but the same bite in tone stayed. “prove to me what I’m saying is wrong!”
There was a cold silence for a moment.
“I don’t have to prove anything to you.”
“Then my statement stays.”
That was all the clarity that the clown needed as he made his way to the exit of the cafe.
“Not my fault-”
“F@#k you, Jax,” The clown would have told him that it should have been him instead of Ribbit that abstracted, but he knew that would have been a dick move. He wouldn’t wish such a thing on his worst enemy.