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It was a bad day today.
After over half a decade of bad days and painful moments they had finally run out of all the pain meds that had been aboard the Hail Mary.
Simon and Ryland also ended up fighting, not for the first time, but for the first time in a long time. It was bad, and they needed some time apart.
Simon was down on the beach, smoking a joint yet again and staring out at the ocean. He was pretending like the creeping ache in his body wasn’t all consuming, but he wasn’t doing a great job of it.
Rocky and Ryland were up at the lab in the house, trying to replicate the chemicals to create more pain meds. It was hard, but both were willing to try for Simon, even if Ryland was still upset from the fight.
That had left Adrian to themself for quite some time. Eventually they made their way into the bio dome in their suit. Instead of making their way up to the house they chose to go near Simon. While Rocky and Ryland were close, so were Adrian and Simon.
It didn’t take much for Adrian to be able to tell something was wrong with Simon, they had grown accustomed to spotting the small signs of distress, the fast heart beat, the clenched jaw, the way he spun the joint between his finger tips never quite stilling. Not to mention the way he flinched as Adrian approached, but relaxed when he saw who it was.
“What wrong with Simon question?” Adrian asked as soon as they were close enough for Simon’s translator, which Rocky had built into Simon’s prosthetic arm, was able to pick up the question.
“Hello to you too.” Simon half grumbled as the wind whipped his hair around briefly. He brought the joint up to his lips and took a drag, blowing the smoke away from Adrian despite them not being able to smell it.
“What wrong with Simon question?” Adrian repeated and Simon rolled his eyes.
“Nothing is wrong, if Ryland sent you down here to talk to me then go back to him to figure it out.” Simon snapped at them.
“Adrian hasn’t talked to Grace, Adrian came to see what friend Simon was doing, can tell something is wrong.” Adrian explained as they settled themselves beside Simon. Simon continued to stare out at the ocean instead of looking towards Adrian.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to get mad and snap at you.” Simon apologized before he took another hit. The wind blew his smoke directly towards Adrian despite his attempt at turning his head in the other direction.
“Simon no need to apologize, understand having a not good day.” Adrian said and Simon gave a very small smile that dropped quickly.
“Yeah, you could say that.” Simon agreed as he shifted himself slightly, trying to avoid the increasing pain from being in the same position for too long. He took another long drag from the joint, maybe slightly too long as he coughed slightly as he exhaled.
“What wrong Simon?” Adrian asked as Simon recomposed himself. Simon sighed as he finally looked towards them.
“You’re not gonna drop this are you?” Simon asked in return.
“No statement.” Adrian declared and he sighed again before he dragged a hand over his face.
“Ryland and I ended up fighting earlier, before I came out here. Partly because I’m in so much fucking pain and it makes me a fucking asshole, and partly because of stupid shit.” Simon finally admitted. Taking another drag nearly finished the joint off, he cringed at how it burnt the back of his throat.
“About what question?” Adrian wondered and Simon cringed again, this time just at the fight from nearly four hours ago.
“I never asked you to care!” Simon screamed at Ryland. It technically wasn’t a lie, despite every part of him begging for Ryland to give two shits about him. He never officially verbalized asking for care, Ryland just did from the start.
“But you did though, the moment you showed up I had to help!” Ryland shot back. That wasn’t entirely fair, Simon hadn’t decided to show up. They still didn’t know how he traveled through universes.
“I didn’t ask to show up, I didn’t plan to be here!” Simon reminded him but it didn’t matter.
“But you still did Simon, you showed up and you’re here.” Ryland pointed out. Simon felt the part of his brain that screamed he was a burden grow more and more. Ryland was starting to see him how the others did, how Ava did, how The Father did. He was nothing but a street dog after all.
“Well I’m sorry I’m such a burden, I’m sorry I’m still fucking alive, I know you’re ready to join the list of people who wish I wasn’t.” Simon snapped and he grabbed his little box that held his joints and lighter.
“No Simon that’s not what I’m trying to-” Ryland started as Simon forced himself towards the door.
“I don’t wanna fucking hear it, I’m not your fucking pity project, not some street dog. Maybe I should just be put out of my misery.” Simon snapped rapidly, trying to argue something that hadn’t even come from Ryland’s mouth, as he walked out the door. There wasn’t enough space he could put between them right now.
“Simon I-” Ryland started again as he tried to follow Simon. Simon whipped around the moment he realized he was, he had tears in his eyes and his heart was beating quickly. He could feel the panic in him rising and he needed to be alone, Ryland needed to leave him alone NOW.
“LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” Simon roared at him and Ryland stopped where he was standing. Simon continued to run down the stairs to the beach, shaking and trying to keep his sobs silent until he was out of ear shot.
Simon shook slightly at the memory of how he treated and spoke to Ryland. He was ashamed of that, and Adrian could tell he wasn’t shaking because of the wind.
“It started because Rocky had made some sort of joke about me being needy and Ryland agreed with him.” Simon started. Adrian made some sort of noise the translator didn’t pick up, but resembled something of a disappointed grunt. “And I don’t like being called needy, and we started fighting about it. I said I wasn’t needy, and Ryland said I had been from the start. I argued I never asked him to care and he claimed that I did the moment I showed up he had to help. And I told him I’m not a street dog.”
“Grace call Simon those words question?” Adrian asked and Simon could tell there was concern in their voice.
“No, no he didn’t. Before they called me The Butcher I used to get called a street dog.” Simon admitted gently. This wasn’t even something he had admitted to Ryland before, but he would probably have to if he was willing to listen.
“Don’t understand last word statement.” Adrian said and Simon nodded.
“Dog? Dog is a creature that used to live on my Earth and Mars before the rapture. People kept them as pets, little for legged things.” Simon explained.
“Street dog is a pet on the street?” Adrian asked and Simon shrugged.
“Kinda, street dog usually means a dog that was abandoned to live on the street. They’re usually underfed and have some kinda medical issue half the time, but some are still really friendly. They don’t have an owner anymore and usually are needy or on the brink of death.” Simon continued as he fiddled with the filter from his joint.
“Why do other humans call Simon street dog question?” Adrian questioned and Simon stared forward as he spoke.
“I was seen as needy. My mom killed herself when I was young to sacrifice herself to the last tree, it left me alone and helpless until I was chosen to be a soldier, even then I was a cry baby for the longest time. I was so afraid for so long. The Father also found me needy and annoying, and The Father compared the sounds of my sobs to one, loud, whiny, full of anger. He always said I was either just begging to be saved or put out of my misery, so I was considered a street dog. And what The Father called you is what everyone calls you. ” He explained, like it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Simon is not a street dog or Butcher, Simon is Simon.” Adrian responded, they paused and after a moment they continued. “Adrian is sorry for how they treated you.”
“It’s not your fault, it’s not anyone’s fault.” Simon responded quickly, like he was quick to dismiss the blame from anyone but himself.
“Adrian is still sorry.”
And maybe it was because he truly thought about how he was treated, or the fact that no one had ever apologized for what he had been through before, but Simon broke out into tears. He rarely cried since he became an adult, even when the pain was indescribable and overwhelming, so this was the first time Adrian had seen him cry.
“Simon leaking question?” Adrian asked, even though they could telling. Simon just nodded into his hands as he cried.
A moment later Simon was being picked up by Adrian, one arm holding him close to them, another two wrapped around him in a hug. Simon just leaned into their carapace and continued to cry some more.
He was tired, his body ached in a way there was no solution to help soothe it, he was fighting with the one person he truly ever found himself loving, he was a self labeled burden and Ryland was starting to see it too. There were so many reasons he was crying and he couldn’t find it in himself to stop.
Simon jumped in Adrian’s arms when he felt a human hand on his back. Turning away from Adrian he saw both Ryland and Rocky standing there, Ryland having a sad look on his face.
“I’m so sorry I’m such a burden.” Were the first words out of Simon’s mouth, but that’s not what Ryland wanted to hear.
“Oh no baby you’re not, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.” Ryland apologized as he wrapped his arms around Simon. Simon returned the hug and continued his crying on Rylands shoulder.
“I’m sorry Angel. I really am.” Simon continued but Ryland just shushed him quickly, his hand traveling up to hold Simon’s head gently, the other running up and down his back slowly.
“Turn Simon translator off statement.” Adrian said eventually. Rocky’s claw slid between the two humans to click a button on the arm, turning the translator off.
Adrian trilled, and since Simon didn’t know Eridian he didn’t know what they were saying. Ryland was taught Eridian by Rocky on their way to Erid, so he understood plenty. They explained what Simon confessed, knowing Simon would have a hard time confessing it himself.
Rocky needed help with understanding the concept of a street dog, he knew dogs in general, but he grew upset at the idea of street dogs. Ryland grew upset with how Simon used to be treated, he knew it was bad but he was still finding new things out all the time.
The torment of being an orphan and needing help was met with punishment and cruelty, Ryland wanted to fight someone. Could you fight someone across galaxies?
“You’re not a street dog.” Ryland said quietly once Simon had mostly calmed down. “You’re not a burden.” He spoke into Simon’s forehead before he gave it a kiss. “You’re not needy.” Another kiss. “You’re perfect the way you are, you’re my Simon, my love.”
“My whole life-” Simon started.
“I don’t care about your whole life.” Ryland cut him off. “I care about who you are now, the person you are right now, I care about the person I am holding in my arms right now. And I’m sorry I laughed at a bad joke, and I’m sorry we fought.”
“Rocky not make bad joke, Rocky joke funny funny funny.” Rocky protested.
“What’s he sayin’?” Simon asked as he sniffled lightly, his translator still off. Adrian began to tell Rocky off for the joke so Ryland had to hold back a small laugh.
“He’s trying to defend his joke and Adrian is shutting that down immediately.” Ryland said with a smile on his face.
“Maybe it was kinda true.” Simon shrugged but Ryland shook his head.
“No it wasn’t, and I’m sorry I agreed with it in the first place.” Ryland corrected but Simon just fell silent. “You think we can head inside? You’ve been out here almost five hours and you’re freezing.”
“Yeah.” Simon quietly agreed.
Adrian ended up carrying Simon inside to help avoid pain. They ended up settling in the living room, Simon with a heating pad and a cup of tea. Ryland settled down right next to him, both comfortable in the silence.