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“Don’t let me die, please don’t let me die down here.”
“Simon.”
“Please! Please don’t let me die!”
“Simon wake up.”
“I want to live PLEASE!”
“Simon wake up!”
Simon shot up in bed with a start, automatically trying to attack whatever was near him. The person backed up before he made contact, and he was left sitting there shaking and sobbing.
The memories of what happened down in the SM-13 haunted him, even in his dreams. Half the time he felt like he was begging not to die, begging for someone to save him, but no one ever listened in his dreams. The real person who saved him was right beside him.
“Hey, hey it’s me Si, just me.” Ryland, of course it was Ryland. Simon was currently hyperventilating and crying so he couldn’t focus on what was being said. “Can I give you a hug?” Ryland asked, not wanting to reach for Simon unless he was ready.
Simon only saw how Ryland’s hands were being held up towards him, and he was scared. Scared of being forced down into the sub again by anyone, not fully comprehending that Ryland would never. So Simon just shook his head rapidly as he whined
“Nooooooo.” And he wrapped his arm around himself as he sobbed more. Ryland wasn’t entirely sure what to do, noticing that Simon had slipped at least somewhat into his little headspace.
Usually when little Simon loved comfort, loved being held, loved cuddles, loved the pressure of a hand running up and down his back with another through his hair. But panicking Simon didn’t want to be touched with a ten foot pole.
“Alright baby, then can you take some deep breaths for me?” Ryland asked, hoping it would help Simon to start to calm down. Simon still didn’t fully register the words being said, so he just continued his panic attack. Ryland tried really hard to think about what to do when Simon suddenly started moving in the bed.
Not wanting to touch Simon since he had clearly said no Ryland backed up as Simon began to bring himself to the end of the bed, still sobbing and shaking. He watched as Simon brought himself over to the desk chair in the room where Ryland’s fox cardigan sat hanging on the back.
Simon grabbed the item, threw it around his shoulders, and scrambled back into the bed. He messily threw it over his shoulders, not bothering to fully slip his arm in.
“You like that one huh?” Ryland mused slightly as Simon clutched the cardigan tightly around him with his one hand.
It was already helping Simon calm down honestly. The cardigan smelled like Ryland, and that helped him relax his breathing as he focused on it. He ran his fingers over it as he held it tightly, the soothing motion a gentle grounding activity.
Ryland just waited, not wanting to trigger Simon but not wanting to leave him alone. He never minded waiting.
Simon’s sobs soon turned to sniffles and he was finally able to look up and recognize that it was Ryland standing there. He stared up at him before finally giving a small wave.
“Hi baby, are you feeling a bit better?” Ryland asked and Simon nodded. “Feeling pretty small huh?” Another nod, words were so much harder when he regressed. “That’s okay, it sounded like you were having a scary nightmare.”
“Down in the sub again.” Simon mumbled a small explanation as he pulled the cardigan closer to himself again. He always felt like he owed Ryland an explanation, even if Ryland never needed one.
“I guessed so,” Ryland admitted, the nightmare one that plagued Simon constantly. “but you can remember that you’re never going back there right?” Yet another nod from Simon. “Good, because you are safe here with me, safe on Erid, safe from all those nasty people.”
“I know, safe.” Simon mumbled and Ryland gave him a small smile. He always made it a point to remind Simon that he was safe, and it was nice to hear Simon reinforce it.
“What can I do to help make you feel better baby?” Ryland asked as he bent down to Simon’s eye level and Simon thought about it for a moment.
“Can we go down to the beach?” Simon asked softly and Ryland looked out the window. It was mid afternoon, Simon had taken an unexpected nap so Adrian wasn’t here to watch him sleep, but thankfully it was still sunny out. It should be plenty warm for a while.
“Yeah we can, if you wanna play in the water you gotta change your clothes.” Ryland agreed. Simon looked down at his clothes, the cardigan and a pair of sweatpants, before he continued to sit for a moment thinking. Ryland could sense some hesitancy but eventually Simon spoke again.
“Shorts and boots? Wanna keep this.” Simon asked, still gripping onto the cardigan, not wanting to take it off. Ryland understood that Simon was depending on the cardigan for a sense of comfort right now, so he compromised.
“Sure, you can do shorts and boots, that just means you can’t go in too deep.” Ryland reminded him but Simon didn’t mind that. He began to shimmy himself off the bed again, still clutching the cardigan. “Here.” Ryland said as he reached for it.
“No!” Simon yelled at him, leaning backwards on the bed to try and stay out of Rylands grip. Ryland realizes his mistake and lack of communication at once. He feels guilty for the small amount of fear in Simon’s eyes
“Sorry baby, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to take it from you, I should have explained more. Can I help you put the cardigan on all the way so it does slip off of you? That way you don’t have to keep holding it.” Ryland explained, keeping his hands in Simon’s eyesight. He hoped little Simon would comprehend what he meant.
Simon, still slightly on edge, looked Ryland up and down several times before he slowly nodded. Ryland kept his own movements slow as he helped slip it off his shoulder just enough so Simon could slip his arm fully in the sleeve, as well as slipping the remaining part of his other arm in. He zipped up the cardigan and smoothed out the collar before he backed up again.
“All better.” Ryland smiled and Simon once more nodded in agreement. Simon took a shaky deep breath, trying to relax his heart rate. “Want a hug?” Ryland offered and Simon nodded.
This time when Ryland held his arms open Simon leaned into him. For several minutes he just gently hugged Simon, and Simon loved it. He was enveloped in Ryland’s smell, the smell of love and home, and it helped calm his heart rate. Ryland just hugged him until Simon was ready to pull away.
Then Ryland went ahead and grabbed out a pair of shorts for Simon to change into while he went and got Simon’s rain boots. Simon was dressed and sitting back on the bed when Ryland returned.
Soon the pair were going down to the beach, Simon feeling better with the sunshine on his face, was skipping down the steps a bit. Ryland was not fair behind him, he had a book and blanket with him as he planned not to get in the water.
Once they reached the beach Simon ran towards the water and began splashing in the waves while Ryland settled on the shore about twenty feet away. He watched as Simon ran around, occasionally stopping to look down at different rocks he found to be pretty.
Ryland had spread out the blanket and sat down, opening up his book to start reading, however he ended up just watching Simon play. He couldn’t help himself, either because of guilt for how Simon was upset earlier, or just loving interest. Ryland watched as several times Simon went to reach for a rock before he stopped himself, but he didn’t understand why.
The answer came when Simon began to run towards him.
“Help please?” Simon asked as he approached. Ryland tilted his head slightly as he gave Simon a confused look.
“Help with what baby?” Ryland asked in return. Simon stuck his arm out and Ryland continued the confused look for several moments before he realized what was being asked. “You want the sleeve rolled up?”
“Yes please.” Simon said and Ryland rolled the sleeve up past Simon’s elbow which tickled him slightly, Simon wiggled his fingers in response. “Thank you.” He giggled.
“Good manners baby. Are you gonna go find some fun rocks?” Ryland asked and Simon nodded with a smile.
“Yeah, gonna find pretty ones.” Simon agreed before he took off back down to the water. Ryland went back to pretending to read, but kept peaking up towards Simon.
Eventually Simon came back to Ryland with a handful of rocks while he dumped on the blanket next to Ryland. Ryland smiled as Simon sat himself down as well.
“Having fun?” Ryland asked and Simon nodded.
“I found a lotta good ones. Pretty colors.” Simon said and he picked up an orange one. “This one is like a sunset.” He picked up a teal one. “This one is like Adri!”
And Simon continued to explain each rock to Ryland. Ryland had closed his book and set it aside to show he was fully listening. Simon had collected a good twenty or so rocks so it took a while to get through them all.
“Beautiful baby.” Ryland praised once Simon was done explaining. “Do you wanna pick a couple to take up to the house, and the rest can go near the classroom?” Ryland offered and Simon nodded.
After Simon chose his favorite three rocks and stuffed them in the cardigan pockets before Ryland helped him gather up the rest and they walked towards the classroom.
For months now when Simon and Ryland came down to the beach for afternoons like this, and Simon collected rocks, they would bring them over to the classroom. Simon was lining the wall that separated them from the Eridian’s atmosphere with the rocks, trying his best to organize them in rainbowish order.
Ryland set the rocks he helped carry in the middle of the classroom next to where Simon sat his. He sat down and just watched as Simon went about putting the rocks where he thought they belonged in the rainbow. It’s not something that the pebbles would notice since they couldn’t see color, but it was something Simon cared about so Ryland did too.
“Done.” Simon decided after a while and Ryland gave him a smile.
“Amazing Si, it’s looking so pretty baby.” Ryland praised again as Simon walked over to him. Simon sat next to him and half crawled into Ryland’s lap. Ryland just let him and wrapped his arms around him as he settled. “Getting tired again?”
“Don’t want nightmares again.” Simon mumbled against Ryland’s chest. Ryland ran his hand up and down gently on Simon’s back.
“I know baby, I’m sorry that they keep coming back. But next time you wanna sleep we’ll have Adrian or Rocky there, and I’ll be there too, and we can wake you up again if they come back.” Ryland offered and Simon nodded. “Wanna go back inside.”
“Too farrrr.” Simon whined as he snuggled into Ryland more, Ryland laughed.
“Alright, well I can see if Adrian will come over and help carry you up. How about that?” Ryland asked and Simon nodded. “Okay, we can do that.”
Adrian and Rocky both did eventually come over to the dome, and Adrian did end up carrying Simon back up to the house.
They all ended up in the nest room where Simon was able to fall back asleep, and true to his word Ryland and the others stayed there with him the whole time. Luckily there were no more nightmares that night, and he got some needed peaceful rest.