Work Text:
tw: idiocy
For robby it isn't about being with a man, really. It's the optics of his job. He has enough problems with the hospital administration without HR on his ass. He doesn't need the drama of colleagues judging or treating him differently.
For Dennis, hiding himself is the default. He still isn't exactly "out" to anyone in his life. He might have mentioned a male celebrity to Trinity, and maybe he sent her some reels with certain undertones. But it was never a conversation. Never explicit.
He's never mentioned the family talks and sermons where it was made very clear that men who laid with men went to hell; that those thoughts were something to be fought and overcome, with the help of a belt and a firm hand. He's never mentioned the other boy in the community who couldn't hide as well as he could. Who didn't manage to get out before the struggle took him.
As accepting as the world outside Broken Bow appears to be, he's never considered that his relationship with Robby could be public. In his experience, secrets and love have always gone together. His crushes have been intense but deeply guarded, and he's unimaginably grateful to be able to hold the man he's fallen in love with. To kiss him, make love to him, and spend what free time they have in private, in hotels or sneaking in and out of Robby's house to make sure he wasn't seen by nosy neighbours.
Eventually the secret gets out. One wrong touch, and they have to explain themselves to Emma. Emma respects their privacy and tells only Dana. Dana has a private chat with both of them. She's conflicted, because everyone can see there's something... different between the two of them. The way they look at each other, the tenderness, the obvious care, the lack of ego or competition between them.
They're two of a rare kind. If any relationship was worth overcoming the gap in age and power, it might just be them. And God knows Robby doesn't need any more stress on his plate.
That is until she finds out they've been together for five months and told nobody. They've been in a full-blown, physical, and deliberately secret affair.
Robby doesn't understand why that instantly changes the way Dana looks at him. Dennis hasn’t shown any sign of being dissatisfied. They're both happy with this arrangement. They're both adults, and they love each other— shouldn't that be enough?
He's been too wrapped up in his own issues, in taking his comfort from Dennis; his physical companionship and his emotional closeness, holding him after a long day; really seeing him with those deep blue eyes, stroking his hair and whispering comforting words. Dennis is like water in a desert. Robby's personal, private oasis. His respite from thinking and feeling for other people.
If he applied the same critical thinking to his relationship that he did to his work, he would realize he had been avoiding important questions. He hasn't interrogated what this relationship really means to Dennis. It doesn't help that Dennis has no impulse to center his own needs. He has no idea that he deserves better than this.
Dana can't speak to Robby civilly. She's so angry at him she could cry, and she struggles to look at him without wanting to punch his lights out. Unable to do it herself, she enlists Abbot to give him the talking-to he clearly needs. She doesn't tell Jack everything— just that Robby is screwing with an intern and needs to be set straight.
On Abbot's day off he comes to pick Robby up after his shift ends. They go back to Abbot's place for beers and a chat.
—-----------------
"So. Heard you're dating an intern."
Jack cracked open his beer can.
"Eh," Robby shrugged, studying the label on his drink as he avoided Jack’s gaze.
Abbot eyed him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He put the can to his mouth and drank slowly without taking his eyes off Robby.
"It's not... you know." Robby's mouth was dry. He took a long swig of his own beer.
"What are you, a teenager? no, I don't know." The corner of Abbot's mouth tugged back like he was puzzling over something. "Do you have an intern your own age I don't know about? McKay?"
"No.” Robby sighed, squeezing the cold brown bottle in his hand. “He's younger."
"’He?’ Since when… nevermind, that can wait. Is it… Langdon?” He asked, his pitch rising with confusion and disbelief. “He's married. He's got kids."
“No,” Robby says, grimacing, "It's not Langdon.”
Jack’s look of confusion gives way to a warning stare. He starts shaking his head slowly.
"You better be fucking with me, man." His usual rasp sounded more like a growl.
Robby sighed and rubbed his face, avoiding eye contact. Yeah, there were only two real candidates.
And yes, fine, Whitaker was young. But he wasn't a child. He had been legal for almost a decade.
"You better explain this shit right now. You're dating Whitaker? The farm boy?”
"Not dating..." Robby hedged.
"So… it's a new thing."
"Around five months." Robby took a swig of his beer.
"So you're saying… it started five months ago, but you've only seen each other a couple times?" He worked through the sentence like it was the only possible explanation.
"Sometimes we manage a couple times a week, when we get off shifts at the same time.” Robby said, sitting back, a little proud of managing to see someone without his work getting in the way. “Usually pop into a hotel near the hospital.”
Jack was silent. His mouth hung slightly open as he searched Robby's face openly, wide-eyed with his eyebrows raised.
“A hotel? You're sleeping with him? Does anyone know besides Dana?”
“We've managed to keep it pretty quiet. Dennis is good for that.”
"You're joking, right?"
"What?"
Robby frowned and chanced a look at Jack. Why was he looking at him like he admitted to a crime? It was a casual relationship with an adult. Working in the same department definitely wasn't ideal, but they weren’t that different from Santos and Garcia. Jack knew Robby wouldn't pressure an intern into something they didn't want.
Robby swallowed. Cleared his throat. Jack must be misunderstanding something.
“It would be uncomfortable. For both of us. He doesn't want the attention, I don't need HR breathing down my neck over it. People might treat him like he didn't earn his position, or assume he's a victim. Would you want that when you were a resident? As long as we let his work speak for itself, nothing has to change. He's going to be a great doctor, and we're both happy to just keep it to ourselves.”
Jack closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning.
"You've gotta be kidding me. What is going on in that head of yours, brother? Think, man. Fucking think about it."
"Jack, what? What are you talking about?"
"Mikey, you better be glad you're you and not somebody else. ‘Cause I'm pretty sure your work-brained ass just hasn't thought this through. So just this once I'm gonna throw you a bone and lay this out as fuckin' plain as I can, you..." he bit off whatever he was going to say and gritted his teeth, slightly crushing the can in his hand as he rubbed his forehead. "Listen. I don't know Whitaker well, but even I know he's a big sweetheart. He's fragile. Kid's practically a prey animal. Big wet eyes, always scurrying around, trying to please everyone. I've seen people bowl right into him and saw him apologize after. He's quiet, and he's scared. I’ve known a few people like that before, and you have too. They get like that for a reason. Are you hearing me?"
"That's all true," Robby said quietly.
When it was out that way, he regretted having to keep Dennis a secret. Then it hit him.
"Oh,” he mouthed.
Jack stared at him but didn't stop talking.
"I also happen to know he came from buttfuck nowhere, and I know a little something about that. I know the fear of god when I see it, and that's code for a belt, brother. Wanna bet whether he got to be out and proud at home? How long has he even been here?"
"Jack. I get it. You don't have to keep going."
Robby rubbed his hands over his forehead.
"I don't know if you do get it, man! I’m pretty damn sure you've never been with a man, but you should know this shit. He's a gay man, a really, really lovely, scared man, who came from nowhere." Jack's voice rose in volume and pitch as he leaned forward in his chair. He was angrier than Robby had seen in a while. "Do you even know where he came from? Where he really came from. What it was like for him. Have you talked to him about any of this?"
"I will. I will."
Jack closed his eyes and hissed out a breath, draping his arms over the seat and leaning his head back.
"Mikey, you know I love you, but you fucked him for five months without realizing this shit. I don't wanna lay my hands on you. I know you didn't mean it. But if you were anyone else I might have to beat your ass on the kid's behalf. Evans is certainly gonna give you a piece of her mind.”
“I think I'd prefer the beating.” Robby rubbed his forehead. “I'm pretty sure this put me on her personal shit list.”
“Yeah, well. She has daughters around his age. And he's a hard guy not to worry about. Man, what the fuck were you thinking?”
“I was…. I wasn't. I just wasn't, was I? What should I say to him? What if I hurt him again?”
Jack drank.
“Fine. For his sake, I'm gonna help you out as much as I can.”
…
There were some questions Jack wanted to ask Dennis himself, so they settled on talking to him together. On Jack’s next day off they invited Dennis to his house for a talk. The short drive was awkward. Jack sent Robby to the back seat of his truck with one raised eyebrow, and invited a mildly confused Dennis into the passenger seat. The conversation was sparse, and Jack mostly drove in silence.
When they were inside, Jack walked straight to the dining room table and sat down, and Robby joined him after lingering for a second. Dennis swung his comically large backpack onto Jack’s leather couch and stood in the living room, obviously unsure what to do.
"You can sit down, Dennis," Robby said, letting his voice slip into the soft register he used outside of work.
“I'm still in my scrubs, could I change somewhere?”
“The bathroom is straight down that hall,” Jack pointed.
The way Dennis had glanced around Jack’s house, looking stiff and out of place, reminded him of how he had looked when they first went to a hotel room, before he got comfortable. He felt a cold wave of shame as he remembered Dennis being secreted into his house in the night. He felt like Doctor Jekyll waking up after being Mister Hyde for the last five months.
Dennis returned in sweatpants and a hoodie. Items he had worn before when they were in private. Seeing him dressed that way made Robby ache to be next to him, pressed against him, cared about and comforted in the way he knew Dennis would. But he stayed at the table. He didn't deserve that.
"Hey, Doctor Robby. Am I... in trouble?" He sounded lost.
"Make yourself comfortable, kid." Jack said, his raspy voice more strained than usual. He smiled crookedly at Dennis. “No, you're not in any trouble. And please don't use our titles when we're not at work.”
Dennis nodded and his shoulders relaxed by a fraction.
"Uh. You have a… nice place," he said slowly, looking back and forth between the two of them.
Robby glanced back at Abbot, who shot him a dark look. He swallowed.
"Dennis,” Robby said; “Jack knows about us. Dana told him."
Dennis' face fell instantly. His big wet eyes seemed to darken and sink, and his chin tucked in toward his chest. His lips trembled.
"Fuck." Dennis closed his eyes and covered them with one hand. His voice was breaking. "I'm so sorry."
"What?" Robby asked, his voice failing as he almost jumped from his chair. His stomach sank. Was Dennis that scared of people knowing? "Why are you apologizing?"
"I'm sorry.” Dennis' voice was rough with frustration, that must have been directed at himself, as he rubbed his forehead vigorously. “I know this isn't normal for you. You'll have to deal with so much. With your position… if people find out you're sleeping with a male intern.”
"Oh," Robby said dumbly.
Robby was a bastard. He was using love to hold Dennis in the closet as if he was something to be ashamed of. He had just assumed they had the same reasons to want their relationship to be a secret without ever explaining his side. Dennis had just seemed so content, all the while assuming Robby was hiding him because he was a man. Why wouldn't he?
"Why are you apologizing, sweetheart? You're not the reason people found out,” Robby said softly, but his voice rang with anxiety.
"I didn't have to let you kiss me. I didn't have to act so pathetic around you. I should never have let you know how I felt. You would be better off without this."
"It takes two to tango, kid," Abbot said, his voice venomous, but the anger in his eyes wasn't directed at Dennis. "Mikey is a big boy, he can make his own choices."
"Right, o-of course, I'm sorry!" Dennis said, "I didn't mean- I just mean if I hadn't... been inappropriate..."
"You were never inappropriate," Robby interjected.
He felt his heart race. When Dennis said ‘inappropriate,’ why did he feel like it was code for something else? If he had just hidden who he was, everything would be fine?
Dennis' mouth hung open for a second. He snapped it shut. His eyes stared through the floor at a point far away, even more harrowed than he usually looked. He still held his arms across his chest like he was cradling himself.
"Dennis, it's fine. Dana won't tell anyone, and neither will Jack,” Robby said, trying to stabilize the waver in his voice to reassure Dennis. “Do you want to sit down?"
"I'm okay," he said reassuringly.
"Please," Abbot added firmly.
Dennis looked between them, worry overtaking his features again.
"Is it really… okay?" He asked weakly. “You don't think I fucked up?”
“Absolutely. Everything is okay. You didn't do anything wrong," Robby soothed.
Dennis pulled out a chair and sat down, still hesitant and stiff, arms tucked into his sides and wrapped around his stomach as if he was aware of how much space he took up at the table. Robby felt sick.
“I need to get something out of the way right away, alright?” Abbot addressed Dennis, leaning over the table on his crossed forearms. “Robby is your boss. He can control your shifts and your residency, and he's responsible for your education. You get why that's an issue with you being in a relationship, right?”
Dennis looked like he swallowed spoiled milk.
“I swear I wasn't trying to… Are you going to report us?” His voice shook.
“How would you feel if I did?” The blood drained from Dennis' face. He glanced at Robby.
“I can leave. The hospital,” he said quietly. “If I need to. If you need me to.”
Jack jerked back like he was slapped. He grimaced, his eyebrows twisted in concern.
“Why would you do that?” He said, disbelief and frustration creeping into his voice.
“I…” Dennis looked at Robby again, and it was obvious.
Robby wanted to grab him. He clenched his fists under the table, letting Abbot lead the conversation like they had agreed.
“For him?” Abbot asked weakly. “You're not scared for yourself?”
Dennis turned to him in surprise, the welling sadness in his eyes cut with confusion.
“For myself? I…” He looked down thoughtfully, like it hadn't crossed his mind. “I don't know how I would deal with people knowing. But I could deal with it. I don't really… need people to respect me. But Robby…”
Robby couldn't hold back anymore.
“What do you mean by that? You think they wouldn't?” Robby's voice cracked.
Dennis' mouth hung open for a second. He was probably running over his own assumptions in his head. Robby exchanged a glance with Abbot, and some of the barely contained rage he had seen earlier was replaced with dread.
“It…” he started, eyebrows furrowed at the table. “Would just make things harder. I’m sure it's the same everywhere. You can wrestle with a guy for years, but as soon as they accuse you of
being… it changes things."
Abbot was staring at Dennis with an intensity that was rare for him. It wasn't easy to get Jack upset.
"You don't feel safe at work." Jack wasn't asking.
"No! No, that's not it. I feel as safe there as anywhere else. I've just never... I admire Trinity. She's so strong. I love watching people who can..." he stopped, cleared his throat, and swallowed audibly, still staring at the table. "I'm not that brave. But it's fine. I’m so lucky already..."
Dennis glanced up at Robby with such affection that it shattered something in him.
"Have you told anyone you're gay? Santos?" Abbot asked.
"Not really." Dennis shrugged.
"Why? Isn't Santos with Garcia?”
"I left home planning to take orders. I accepted a long time ago that it just wouldn't be part of my life.” His face went blank, like the plug was pulled and the emotion just drained out of him. His voice returned hollow. “I wouldn't share my life with anyone."
Abbot stood abruptly, his chair scraping across the floor. He paced to the far wall and ran a hand restlessly through his hair.
“D– Jack?” Dennis turned in his seat. “Are you okay?”
“Don't worry about me,” Jack called back, disappearing into the doorway to the kitchen.
Dennis didn't seem fully aware of the tragedy of what he had said, offering Robby a smile that he probably intended to be reassuring. The expression didn't erase the haunting blankness lingering in his eyes. Robby screwed his face up, trying to prevent tears of frustration at his own ignorance.
"Hey," Dennis said gently, blue eyes gazing straight into Robby's with a raw desire to make everything okay. He extended a hand across the table to squeeze Robby's forearm. "I’m okay. It's all okay. I probably look like a kid to you, but I've survived things before. If you need to cut me loose, I'll… I'll find a way, alright? Don't worry about me."
“I don't think you're a kid,” Robby whispered. He didn't know where the words came from. “I'm not… cutting you loose. I could never.”
This kid… this sweet, sweet man had no idea how much pain he was in. He treated everyone around him like a precious being. Robby knew exactly how much he valued life and how he saw people's humanity. Yet he talked about himself like he was less than an animal. He didn't need love, companionship, recognition of his identity; of his humanity. He didn't need the respect of the people he respected.
Robby stood up from the table. Dennis looked up at him, moving to rise, but Robby gestured for him to stay seated. He crossed to Dennis and knelt in front of him, taking his hands. He kissed the backs of them, as Dennis' eyes flew open and his cheeks turned pink.
“Dennis, do you want to be with me?”
“Of course.”
“If you could have me any way you wanted, what would you ask for? How much of me do you want? How long do you want with me?”
“That's…” Dennis whispered. “Cruel. There's no way you could…”
“Dennis Whitaker, you are just as fucked up as I am. In half a century I haven't met anyone quite like you. I'm yours for as long as you want me. Publicly. Openly. In the daylight. I'm sorry I ever thought hiding you was an option. I'm an old bastard and I don't deserve you.”
“Don't say that,” Dennis' voice was hoarse. He furrowed his eyebrows despite the disbelieving smile that was slowly overtaking his features. He kissed Robby's cheek. “You deserve everything.”
“You deserve everything.” Robby said as a grin split his face, kissing Dennis' forehead, the bridge of his nose, his chin.
“If I admit it, you have to, okay?” Dennis said, grinning.
“Damn it.”
Jack returned from the kitchen where he had wandered off to, typing something into his phone.
“Robby, take Dennis off the schedule this Thursday. He has an appointment. It was the soonest…”
Abbot trailed off, looking at Dennis and his shining, red eyes, and squinted dubiously. Then he took in the sight of Robby on the floor.
“Did you just… propose?”
Robby shrugged.
“If you shrug at me one more time, Mikey, I swear to God. Yes or no answers from now on. That beating is still on the table.” He said, but the rage had mostly gone from his face, replaced by relief.
“Yes,” Robby said. “I did.”
“Well, shit. My guy doesn't do couple’s counseling but I'm sure he can recommend someone,” Abbot grumbled. He marched over to Robby and ruffled his hair. “But I know a ring guy.”
Dennis was looking between the two of them, eyes wide. His hands were still in Robby's.
“Pro-?” He stuttered. “What?”
“You don't have to say anything. But the offer is there. Any time you want me.” Robby looked into the deep blue eyes of the much younger man he was in love with.
They belonged together, and he had expected that to be enough. And maybe it would have been. Maybe Dennis would have stayed with him, a secret, for the rest of Robby's life. Never realizing he deserved more or that he could have it. Giving away the prime of his life to an old man who wouldn't be seen in public with him.
“I'm sorry, Dennis. For all this.” He might apologize for the rest of his life. “I should have done this from the start. I never should have kept this hidden for so long. I'm not ashamed of you.”
Dennis searched him like he was looking for some seam or flaw. Like it was a dream, and if he just found a loose thread, it would all come apart.
“You,” Dennis frowned thoughtfully, the gears visibly turning as he worked through the idea. “Want people to know about us?”
“Yes.”
“People at work?”
“Everyone.”
“But…” He furrowed his eyebrows. “I'm a man. You've only been with women before, right?”
“I don't care about that. I never did. I'm so, so sorry I let you think that.”
“You don't care?” His voice was soft.
“It's new,” Robby admitted. “But this kind of ‘new,’ at my age, is a good thing. It's exciting.”
“Oh.” Dennis took a deep breath and nodded rhythmically. “Okay. I might need some time. I want to be with you… but how do you know people will be okay with it?”
“Because I know the people we work with. And even if a few people judge us, it's worth it. You're so, so worth it, Dennis.” Robby stared at Dennis' downturned eyes, the watery fear he always carried as clear as ever.
“Okay,” Dennis said.
“Okay?” Robby repeated, squeezing Dennis' hands.
“Everything. If that's what you want. I just never imagined it.”
“You can have as much time as you need.” Robby shook his head, “You can ease into it. Start with Santos.”
“And you can explain yourself to Evans,” Abbot piped up.
Robby looked at Abbot over his shoulder and sighed.
“I can explain myself to Dana.”
Dennis smiled.
“She did seem mad at you.” His gaze wandered to Abbot.
“Don't worry about me, ki- uh, Dennis. I guess you'll be like my brother in law if Robby manages to hold onto you. I'm not really mad. I am serious about that appointment, though. And the couples counseling.” His eyes softened. “And the rings, you weirdos. You deserve each other.”
There was no real sarcasm in his voice. Robby looked up at him. His eyes were shining, staring at his left hand, absently spinning the ring on his finger. He knew Jack loved him. All the anger and the bad beginning aside, of course Jack would be happy that he found someone.