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They jog up the stairs, as quietly as their armour will allow, and take position in front of the blast doors at the top. Crys darts forwards to the control panel, and after a second the lock gives way with a snap and a hiss, the doors sliding slowly open.
The control room is empty at first glance. Deserted banks of monitors framed by a vast viewport looking out into the depths of space.
In front of the central console, right in the middle of the room, is a single high-backed chair.
They step forward, blasters raised.
"Ah." A voice says from the chair. Smooth and cultured. "Two one two. I've been expecting you."
Cody immediately awards ten points for dramatics. A score that high heavily implies both a) some kriffer with the Force, and b) evality.
The chair turns smoothly, revealing an extremely pretty Sith. All golden eyes and copper hair. Sat in his lap, stark against the black of his robes, is a fluffy white... creature. With tentacles. And an extremely uninterested stare.
Waxer makes a short high pitched noise. Through external comms. Cody closes his eyes on a sigh.
"It's so fluffy!" Waxer breathes, stepping forward, apparently absolutely lost in his trance. Cody wishes he could blame Sith mindkriffery, but unfortunately that's standard behaviour for Waxer. "Can I pet them?" The idiot asks, looking hopefully up at the Sith.
The Sith blinks, bemused, then smiles.
"Of course, here," the fluff monster is handed over, "hold her like this, mind her ears," The best thing about helmets, Cody decides, is that you absolutely can't pinch the bridge of your nose in resigned frustration while you're wearing one. "and she likes it if you scratch just here-"
Waxer sinks to the floor by the Sith's feet, blissfully absorbed in his new fluffy creature, which is now making a strange warbling noise that Cody decides is probably purring.
The Sith makes a completely failed attempt to brush the white hair off his black robes, and gives up with a sigh.
"Now, where was - oh, yes." He relaxes back in his chair, clears his throat, and waves a hand languidly at the window. "You see before you the vastness of the galaxy. Infinite space stretching beyond our -"
"- who's a good little fluffy tentacle monster," Waxer coos, oblivious to everything else, "yes you are -"
The Sith blinks slowly, takes a breath, apparently amused at having is evil monologue interrupted, and continues "- our wildest imaginings. It contains every single possibility. Somewhere, every single thing that can possibly happen -"
"- ooh, you like that don't you -"
"- does happen." The Sith folds his arms pointedly into his sleeves and raises his voice slightly. "The Galaxy is full of wonderful, beautiful things, but it's also full of evil. Of corruption. Of cruelty. So embedded, entrenched into -"
Waxer giggles, three blue tongues licking enthusiastically across his visor.
" - Don't let her bite you, my dear," The Sith recommends, glancing across, "she's venomous." It's unfortunately absolutely possible to face palm while wearing a helmet, so Cody has to resist the temptation. " - Entrenched into our very society." The Sith continues. "So deeply, that even if you were to manage to carefully root it out, the entire structure would collapse, down to its very foundations. No, the only way to fix it is to burn it down. Raze it to the ground. And I'm afraid, my dears, that I can't let you stop me."
He eyes them, back straight, shoulders set in defiance, waiting for some sort of response.
Cody lets the silence stretch. Broken only by the happy little noises Waxer's new creature is making. Several of its tentacles thumping happily against the floor. Out of time with each other.
"Very good, Sir." Cody concedes eventually.
This seems to absolutely baffle the Sith.
"I'm sorry?"
"Were you planning on attacking us immediately, Sir?" Cody asks.
"Well, not as such..."
"Or further explaining the exact details of your evil plan so that we could work on heroically thwarting it?"
The corner of the Sith's lip twitches, and he hides it behind his hand, pretending to thoughtfully stroke his beard.
"You're right, Commander. I do believe that is the traditional next step."
"In that case, Sir, if you don't mind, we'll refrain from attacking you unprovoked until you've provided us with all the necessary information."
"Well." The Sith says, still stroking his beard, pretty eyes crinkled at the corners. "I do have to confess that my plans hadn't really accounted for you, Commander."
"If you don't mind my saying so, Sir, that seems a little unfortunate."
"Quite so, my dear. Quite so."
"A fact I feel terrible about, Sir. Perhaps if you explained your evil plot, we could help you work on ways to improve its resilience."
It's always worth trying the simple route first. The Sith hums in amused consideration.
"The Commander is very good at plans, Sir." Wooley pipes up from behind his shoulder.
"And backup plans." Boil adds.
"He has to number them." Wooley continues. "Because there aren't enough letters."
Cody hides a sigh and stares straight ahead. He's long ago decided that the best way of dealing with his di'kuts is by pretending they aren't there.
"Well, I must say, that is a terribly tempting offer." The Sith looks up at them from under his lashes, brightly amused. "Now, purely theoretically, you understand, if you were to bring down the Republic, how would you go about doing it?"
"The thought has never crossed my mind, Sir." Cody deadpans.
His beautifully crafted lie is ruined by Boil snorting behind him.
"We've been genetically engineered so that our brains would explode rather than consider such a thing." He doubles down.
"Well, I must say, that really does sound less than ideal." The Sith muses, doing a terrible job of hiding his amusement behind a serious mask.
"It's difficult condition to live with." Cody agrees. "However," he continues, "on an entirely unrelated note, due to my position I have had an extremely thorough training in how to cripple resisting systems. Some of these systems may be governed by an elected body containing members from separate societal groups within the system. This elected governing body is sometimes led by a single person."
"Ah."
"Now, in weak and corrupt systems, this leader is the lynchpin on which the whole society depends. Because they've carefully manipulated events to place themselves in the center of everything. Eliminated any competition or threat. They often take advantage of unfortunate events such as natural disasters or civil unrest, for example, to accumulate more power. If you remove them, the system starts to wobble, but won't immediately collapse. It's important to avoid a power vacuum and to insert someone you can control or manipulate into that position, then proceed to root out the last incumbent's cronies and replace them with your own."
"Cody's twelve step plan to ruling the galaxy." Wooley mutters cheerfully.
"Unfortunately," Boil sighs, "Cody doesn't want to deal with the data work."
"Or the politicians." Wooley adds with a shudder.
Cody thinks these are extremely valid things not to want to have to deal with.
"Strangely enough," the Sith muses innocently, "that does rather happen to align with my own ideas on the situation."
"If you'll forgive me for saying so, Sir, I'm afraid that can't be the case. As a Sith, your ideas must inherently be evil. I have been genetically engineered to remove evilness." Several of his men snort behind him. Which is rude. "They can't possibly be remotely similar."
"Don't believe him, Sir." Boil decides to chime in. Undermining his authority again. "Cody's batch had an extra dose of evil injected."
Cody cannot let that stand.
"Excuse me," he says, turning to Boil. "Have you met Wooley?"
Everyone surrounding Wooley takes half a step away from him.
"Cody's plans for taking over the Galaxy are one thing." Trapper joins in. "Wooley's are so much worse."
Wooley lifts off his helmet, in direct violation of regulations, to maximise the affect of his wobbling lip and tooka eyes.
"You're all so mean to me."
Cody realises he's deviated from his 'ignoring the di'kuts' plan, and turns back to the Sith.
"If I may ask, Sir, what are your opinions on datawork and politicians?"
"That they each individually generate enough suffering to sustain me through the dark side of the force." He grins at Cody, a soft, sly little thing. "A necessary evil."
Cody hums. That sounds... convenient.
"Then may I suggest an amendment to your evil plot, Sir?"
"Of course, my dear. Please, go ahead."
"How would you feel about joining our battalion, and working from within to bring down the republic? You could start with the Chancellor."
The Sith blinks at him with wide eyes.
"He gives us a suspicious amount of bad intel." Cody explains. "He really should not be in a position of power with that level of incompetence."
"Are you... enabling treason, Commander?"
An outrageous suggestion. Cody would never.
"It's only treason if it's committed by sentient beings, Sir. When it's committed by a slave army of flesh droids it's just an unfortunate malfunction."
"Ah." Several things look like they've slotted into place for the Sith.
"Additionally, Sir," Cody continues, because it's always important to ensure all bases are covered, "I am very weak minded, and have obviously tragically fallen victim to your evil Sith manipulations. As a result of the cloning procedure my mind is basically nonexistent, it's extremely delicate and easily swayed."
Cody ignores the sudden suspicious amount of coughing from behind him. And the smile the Sith is doing an abysmal job of hiding.
"I see. Well, my dear, I suppose you would know best. I'll take your word for it."
"Thank you, Sir." Cody allows himself one small smirk. "Additionally, Sir, it's probably the only way you're getting your pet back."
The Sith looks down to where Waxer had been sitting with the fluff monster, and visibly pauses when he finds the spot empty.
Cody glances behind himself, and sees Waxer, back where he should be, furry tentacles waving from behind the top of his breastplate.
"Is this a hostage situation, Commander?" The Sith seems delighted.
"That depends on your point of view, Sir."
The Sith cackles at that, throwing his head back with his laugh.
"You," the Sith pronounces happily, "and I, are going to get on wonderfully, Commander."
Cody eyes him dubiously.
"I do hope so, Sir."