Work Text:
TUESDAY
"What do you think, then?"
Lisa looked hopefully at the faces of her family, all looking back at her from the sofa. Carla was trying desperately to look enthusiastic, but there was a slight grimace to her smile that she knew was giving her away. Ryan was trying hard not to offend Lisa, who he really liked and didn't want to upset. But it was Betsy who spoke the words that all three of them were thinking.
"Go vegan? Why the hell would we want to do that?" Her lip curled. She didn't even try to hide her disdain for her mum's idea.
"It's good for the environment, for one thing. Not to mention that it is kinder to the animals. And it's good for you."
"Mum, be real. You love a kebab. Or a chicken curry. Or a spaghetti bolognaise."
"Or a steak." Ryan piped up. "You don't half cook a decent medium rare."
"Look, I'm not suggesting a permanent change. Just a week. I've already started looking at recipes." Lisa's face was flushed with excitement. She'd spent most of her afternoon on a vegan recipe website and trawled a few Instagram pages for good measure. She'd saved a folder of tabs on her phone and screenshotted some recipes she fancied trying. "I've done a Freshcos order for delivery tonight. If it goes well, we could maybe do it once a month."
"A vegan week every month?" Carla nodded slowly, her eyes showing the panic she felt at such an idea.
"Come on guys! Where's your sense of adventure?" Lisa clapped her hands like an overexcited summer camp leader.
"We can give it a go, I suppose." Carla sighed, her eyes closed. She wasn't exactly looking forward to the idea, but she wanted to support Lisa. It wasn't going to be easy, though.
"Carla!" Betsy looked pleadingly at her. "I thought you were on our side."
"Look, why don't we give it a go. It's only a week. How hard can it be?"
WEDNESDAY
Carla poured her coffee, sloshing in a splash of almond milk and giving it a stir. It looked a bit strange, but she was trying to stay open-minded about the whole thing. Lisa was drinking her coffee black, which she did a lot of the time anyway.
"Don't drink that. It's rank." Betsy called from the sofa.
Carla looked down at her coffee again. Picking it up, she gave it a sniff.
"For goodness sake!" Lisa shook her head. "It's fine!"
"Says the woman who is drinking hers black."
"That's just how I like it sometimes." Lisa looked away, not meeting Carla's eye.
In truth, she had poured herself a coffee with the almond milk before her shower but, having tasted it, she'd poured it down the sink and made another black one.
"Hmm..." Carla eyed her with suspicion. She wasn't sure she believed her. Taking a sip, she grimaced slightly at the taste. "It's alright."
"You're lying." Betsy gathered her stuff together. "I'll see you at Underworld in a bit."
"Alright love. See you soon." Carla smiled at her stepdaughter and took another sip of her coffee.
She really wasn't sure about it.
Lisa downed the last couple of sips of her own coffee and leaned over to kiss Carla. If she was gonna stick to this vegan thing, she would need to drink all of her coffees black.
"I'm heading off, love." She grabbed her work bag. "I'll make dinner later. Lentil dahl ok?"
"Yeah, sure." Carla smiled, trying to show enthusiasm for Lisa's veganism project. If it was important to Lisa, the least she could do was show willing.
To her face, at least. This coffee was, to use the words of her stepdaughter, rank.
Tipping it down the sink, she made her way out of the house and along to Costa. There'd be time for a quick coffee there before work. Lisa would never need to know.
Arriving at Costa, she could see it was busy. She'd have to sit in, though. She couldn't risk wandering around with a takeaway cup in case Lisa saw her.
Ordering a skinny latte, Carla looked around for a table. Spotting a familiar face across the room, she panicked. She didn't want to be busted already. But Betsy never came to sit in Costa on her own. Especially not before work. There was only one reason she was in here and it was the very same reason as Carla.
Deciding to chance it, Carla slowly sauntered over until she was stood next to her stepdaughter.
Betsy suddenly became aware of a presence at her shoulder. Turning, she nearly had a heart attack until she saw the drink in Carla's hand.
"Shit."
Carla laughed. "Latte?"
Betsy nodded. "Don't tell mum."
"I won't if you won't." Carla sat down opposite the teenager, sipping her coffee and exhaling loudly. "That's good shit, Betsy."
Betsy snorted as she picked up her own drink. Day one and they were already cheating.
THURSDAY
"I've made a fruit salad." Lisa called up the stairs. "Does anyone want any?"
"Oh wicked Lisa, thanks." Ryan thundered down the stairs. He might not have especially enjoyed Lisa's lentil dahl the night before, but this was right up his street.
Looking into the bowl, he could see cubes of melon and watermelon, strawberries, kiwis and grapes. It looked nice.
"There's dairy-free yoghurt too, if you want."
"Oh..er...no thanks." Ryan couldn't help the look of disgust on his face. He definitely didn't fancy that.
"Did I hear you say fruit salad?" Carla peered into the bowl. "Looks lovely."
There were definitely some bits of the week she could get on board with. Fruit for breakfast was a winner in her book. Fresh and healthy and colourful. And seeing Lisa's proud little face was an added bonus. She hadn't told her wife about her trip to Costa the day before. Some things were best kept secret. There was no harm done, really. What Lisa didn't know couldn't hurt her.
"Ace, thanks mum!" Betsy appeared in her pyjamas, grabbing a bowl from the cupboard.
Lisa looked around her family happily. She was really pleased they had taken this seriously. It might just be a week, but it felt important to Lisa. They should all be doing their bit.
By mid afternoon, Carla was starving. One definite downside to fruit for breakfast was that, by lunchtime, her stomach thought her throat had been cut. There had been some peculiar noises coming from her stomach by mid morning and she'd ended up eating the bean salad she'd brought for lunch at 11am. It wasn't massively appealing. If she was honest, she was craving something else entirely.
Kirk and Sean had been chatting at lunchtime about how the sausage rolls at the bakery in the precinct were better than Greggs. The idea just wouldn't leave Carla alone.
No one would know, would they?
Rushing along to the precinct, she looked around for any sign of Lisa's car. The coast was clear.
But, just as she was getting out of her car she spotted Lisa and Kit wandering around the corner. Carla ducked behind her car, questioning her sanity ever so slightly. What the fuck was she doing, hiding from her wife? This was ridiculous. She was a grown adult.
Meanwhile, Lisa herself was starting to wish she hadn't embarked on this vegan week. It was a warm day and, with half an hour to kill, Kit had persuaded her to nip into the milkshake place with him.
Staring enviously at the whippy ice cream he'd just bought, she looked at her Calippo with a barely disguised fury. Heading back out onto the street outside, she saw Carla's car driving away. She wondered what her wife had been doing at the precinct. Carla had mentioned she had some stuff to take to the charity shop. That was probably what it was.
Glad she hadn't cheated on her principles and run the risk of being caught by her wife, Lisa looked more favourably at her ice lolly. Carla was trying really hard, and all to please her. Lisa would hate to let her wife down.
FRIDAY
Carla had dreamt about sausage rolls.
She felt absolutely ridiculous. What sort of fifty year old woman dreamt about sausage rolls? She couldn't admit it to Lisa. Her wife would think she was ridiculous.
She might even think she was insensitive. Late last night, Carla had had a phone call from Roy. Her friend had rang to let her know that he'd been hurt. Carla's ex-husband's son Sam had thrown a chair at him in the midst of some kind of meltdown. She was really worried about both of them, but Roy reassured her that his injury was mild. It was the teenager who they needed to worry about. Either way, there should have been other things on her mind than flamin' sausage rolls!
Nevertheless, by mid morning she could think about nothing else. Telling Sarah she was nipping out, she sent Lisa a quick text to ascertain she was nowhere in the area and then made her way back to the precinct. She was embracing the veganism most of the time. The spirit of veganism. What was a tiny bit of cheating, anyway. Carla wasn't exactly renowned for playing by the rules.
But, sausage roll in hand, she promptly forgot all about veganism when she caught sight of Sam, Nick's son. The boy was tormented. The way he was talking brought Carla back to a time of her life she'd have rather forgotten.
Sitting with him until his dad had a chance to arrive, all thoughts of her sausage roll were forgotten, along with her appetite.
Some things were just more important.
SATURDAY
"Will you be home for dinner, Bets?" Lisa looked up from the sofa as her daughter headed out.
"Not sure yet." The teenager said warily. "What are we having?"
"I thought we could maybe get a curry."
"A curry?" Betsy's face lit up. "Does this mean -"
"A veggie curry. Vegan-friendly."
The teenager's heart sank. "Ok."
"Come on! Where's your sense of adventure? There's nothing wrong with a veggie curry. I sometimes choose the veggie option anyway."
"Fine, whatever. Yes I'll be home. I don't have any plans tonight. 7ish?"
"Great." Lisa smiled happily. The week was going well. Other than the odd little moan, they were all embracing it.
Betsy looked at her phone to confirm that her friend Sabrina was still meeting her for brunch. They were going into Manchester. Plenty of brunch options. And, if a Full English happened to fall onto her plate, who was she to complain.
Betsy stepped off the bus and slowly ambled towards home. She was actually looking forward to veggie curry night with her family. Not especially because of the food - she could definitely take or leave a veggie curry - but the family time. It might not be that cool to admit, but Betsy loved spending time with her family. Only a few months ago, she'd thought her family were fractured forever. So seeing her mum and Carla fighting over the last naan, it brought a warm feeling to her insides.
Heading along the road, she spotted Ryan. When she got closer, her face broke out into a big smile.
"Oh yes?" She grinned, nodding at the Snickers in his hand.
"Shit! Don't tell your mum!"
"Shhhh!" Betsy put her finger to her lips, laughing.
"Oi! You're just as bad." Ryan caught sight of the bag of sweets in Betsy's hand. He was relieved he wasn't the only one who'd cheated.
"Er..." Betsy had completely forgotten that she still had the empty bag of Percy Pigs in her hand. "They're allowed aren't they?"
"No! They'll have gelatin in them!"
"Will they?" Betsy looked at the back of the package. In truth, she hadn't given any of it a second thought.
"Mmm hmm!" Ryan grinned, pleased to have caught his sort-of stepsister in the act.
"Aha!!" Betsy jabbed her finger at the packet gleefully. "Look!"
Ryan's heart sunk as he saw the "suitable for vegans" information on the back of the bag.
"It wasn't like you knew that though."
"Just coz you're the only one cheating!" Betsy smirked at him. "Give me a bite and we'll say no more about it."
Without giving him a chance to reply, Betsy swiped the Snickers and ran off down the road, laughing maniacally.
Ryan stood, dumbfounded. What had just happened?"
SUNDAY
Carla was craving a bacon sandwich. It was ridiculous. Normally she could go for weeks without bacon but now, because it was banned, she could think of little else. Especially since she hadn't managed to eat her sausage roll the other day.
Lisa was planning to take them out for burgers for lunch. Plant-based, obviously. With vegan cheese. Carla couldn't decide if she was looking forward to it or not. Not the family time - that bit she was really looking forward to - but the food itself.
Last night had been lovely, all four of them enjoying a curry together. Betsy and Ryan kept grinning to each other. Carla suspected they were sharing a secret. Something that was decidedly un-vegan.
After telling Lisa she was nipping into the factory for something, she rounded the corner to Roy's. Pleased to see her friend looking well, she ordered her bacon sandwich to go and turned to the door.
But, in a twist of unfortunate fate, she ran smack bang into her nephew Ryan.
"Oh yes?" Ryan looked at the paper bag in her hand.
It was one thing to catch Betsy cheating with a bag of sweets, but this was something else. He'd assumed his auntie would have stuck to the rules, keen not to upset her wife.
"It's not...it's er..."
"Roy?" Ryan looked over her shoulder, grinning. "What did Carla just buy?"
The older man looked at them in confusion. "A bacon sandwich. With ketchup."
Ryan looked at Carla, his eyebrows raised. "What's it worth?"
"What's what worth?"
He was enjoying watching her squirm. After yesterday, he'd been feeling bad about his little cheat with the Snickers. But a little bar of chocolate seemed like a much smaller misdemeanor than a bacon sandwich.
"Me not telling your lovely wife about you CHEATING!"
"Shhhh!" Carla looked around, like Lisa might just spring out from nowhere. "You can't tell her. She'll kill me. She thinks I've gone to the factory."
Ryan shook his head, laughing. Carla looked genuinely terrified of her wife finding out. Sometimes it felt like his auntie wore the trousers in number six, Lisa caving to her wife's every whim. What to watch on TV, whose turn it was to do the dishes. But, in other regards, Lisa was very much the boss. And this - something that spoke to Lisa's principles and willpower - was important to her. And, if it was important to her, it needed to be important to the rest of them.
"I won't tell her. On one condition."
"What's that?" Carla eyed him warily.
"You buy me one, an' all!"
Carla watched Betsy making herself a cup of tea, singing along to whatever music she had on her headphones. Ever since she'd bought noise-cancelling headphones, she was often in a world of her own. The house could get robbed and Betsy would be too busy singing along to Taylor Swift to notice.
Carla herself hadn't really drank tea all week. She didn't really enjoy it with the non-dairy milks Lisa had bought. It just didn't feel the same. But, watching the teenager produce a small bottle of semi-skimmed cow's milk from a carrier bag, she couldn't help but smile.
The girl had her back to her and neither saw nor heard Carla pouring herself a cup of tea. Sidling up to her stepdaughter, Carla silently slid her cup across the bench.
Looking up, Betsy jumped in fright. Realising she'd been busted, she poured a splash of milk into Carla's tea.
Neither of them spoke as they lifted their teas to their mouths. Carla groaned filthily at the taste of 'proper' tea.
"That's blummin' good, isn't it."
Betsy couldn't help but laugh.
MONDAY
"That's me off. I'll see you all tonight." Lisa leaned across the kitchen island to give her wife a kiss. "It'll be about ten when I get home, sorry."
"That's ok, my beautiful, brilliant detective." Carla tucked a bit of blonde hair behind her wife's ear. "I'll see you later."
Lisa preened. She loved it when Carla was affectionate. Her wife was always touching her. It made her feel so loved.
"There's mushroom bolognaise in the fridge. I made it yesterday afternoon."
"Ok..." Carla said uncertainly. She'd noticed it last night, but she wasn't altogether too sure about it.
Lisa smiled at her family one last time and headed out the door. It was set to be a busy shift. She had a flask of black coffee and a family sized bag of crisps to keep her company in the car. She hoped her colleague Kit would be on good form. Sometimes he was funny but, on other days, he felt like an annoying little brother who'd been put on this earth to piss her off.
The front door had barely closed before Betsy turned to Carla and Ryan.
"We're not eating that mushroom bolognaise. It looks rancid. I'm getting an extra cheesey, double pepperoni pizza and neither of you are gonna tell my mother anything about it."
Ryan laughed at her direct approach to the situation.
"Don't think I won't tell her about your Snickers." Betsy waggled her finger at him accusingly. "Or your skinny latte on Wednesday."
"Skinny latte?" Ryan's head whipped round. "Never mind a skinny latte! She had a bacon sandwich yesterday!"
"Ryan! You traitor!"
"Did you?!" Betsy grinned excitedly at Carla. "Ooooo wait til I tell mum."
"Don't you dare!"
"You buy the pizza and we'll say no more about it."
Carla knew when she was beat. She rolled her eyes. "Fiiiiine!"
Several hours later and Ryan, Betsy and Carla were stuffed. Between them, they'd made their way through two stuffed crust pizzas, doughballs and chocolate ice cream.
Leaning back on the sofa, Betsy groaned. "That was amazing."
She wasn't sure she'd ever enjoyed a pizza more.
"We'll need to open a window in here. It stinks of garlic." Ryan got up and opened the windows in the lounge.
Carla sniffed her hair. "We'll need showers too."
"Shotgun first shower!" Leaving the empty pizza boxes on the table, Betsy ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
"She's a cheeky mare." Carla laughed, shaking her head. "I'll just go and stick these boxes in the bin."
"Oh no, you can't put them in ours." Ryan shook his head. "She'll see them."
"Good point." Carla piled up the boxes and grabbed the empty ice cream tub.
Reversing out of the front door, she was about to turn towards her neighbour's house when David Platt from next door came wandering out of his front door.
"I hope you're not thinking of putting them boxes in our bin."
"Of course not." Carla lied. She made a show of lifting her own bin lid. "Oh, no space in here. I'll just go and grab a black bag and I'll take them along to Underworld."
David narrowed his eyes at her as she went back inside.
"Change your mind, did you?" Ryan had the antibacterial spray out and was cleaning the kitchen. He'd figured the smell of cleaning products would help to mask the garlicky odour.
"David flippin' Platt's out there, like some kind of bin Nazi. I was gonna wander along to Underworld with them, but what if Lisa's about?"
"Go out the back."
Carla nodded and made her way out of the back and into the ginnel behind the garden. She could get to the Underworld bins this way.
Rounding the corner, she stopped short. Stood in the ginnel, large donner kebabs in hand, were Lisa and Kit.
Her wife's eyes went wide.
"Lisa!" Carla said incredulously, like she hadn't just put away an extra cheesey pizza.
Kit sniggered. "I told you we should eat these in the car!"
Lisa was still staring at Carla, panicked. She hadn't even noticed what Carla had in her hands.
"I...er...Carla...I..."
Carla started to laugh. "Yes?"
"Shit!!"