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The ‘Nick and Charlie are useless idiots’ betting pool had been operating since May.
Every so often, one of the members would start to feel a bit guilty and suggest they should be doing more to encourage Nick and Charlie to get laid rather than what they were actually doing, which was running a pool each week to determine how long it would take for one of them to get hit on.
Before they had started taking bets, Tao had been blissfully unaware of Nick and Charlie’s challenges. It was not as if he didn’t care for his friends or neglect them altogether. After all, he was a consummate host at film nights. When they went out, however, he only looked for them at critical times: when it was time to head home, when it was their shout for a round of drinks, and when he had an overwhelming need to use the dance machine. Apart from those times, he much preferred to focus on his girlfriend and maintain an aura of cool aloofness, the likes of which could only be achieved by a film major wearing a beanie inside a hot club.
However, now that it had been pointed out to him, not only could he not unsee it, but he had a vested interest in watching it.
And it was, quite frankly, excruciating to witness.
“God, it’s happening again,” he muttered to himself, watching the red flush creep up Nick’s neck and his body freeze like an animal hoping to avoid the attention of a predator. A girl with blond space buns had leant in close and wrapped an unsubtle hand around one of Nick’s biceps, her fingers wandering over the bulging muscle like tentacles. Tao rolled his eyes in disbelief as Nick’s eyes started roaming around wildly, looking for assistance, and most likely an exit strategy.
“And people say I am the useless one!” Tao thought exasperatingly.
He watched Nick’s face flood with relief at the hope of a rescue when he finally spotted Tara in the crowd, only to see the previous panicked stare return when all she offered him was an encouraging ‘you can do it’ hand gesture and a smiling nod. Nick’s eyes zoomed around from one member of their friendship group to another, each of them resolutely refusing to get involved.
When Nick even went as far as resorting to silently pleading with Tao, it was clear there was no hope for him. Tao’s assistance in these types of situations was generally limited to making official complaints and correcting perceived injustices. Everyone knew this, so the only conclusion he could draw was that Nelson was, once again, messing everything up.
Tao merely rolled his eyes at his friend and took a slurp of his drink.
Nick had explained the concept of bi-panic to him several times now and yet Tao still watched in disbelief each time he managed to not take someone home, no matter how obvious the person was that they were keen for it.
Honestly, Tao had no idea how to help his bumbling friend.
Charlie was usually much more patient with him.
But Charlie had problems of his own.
The reason Charlie had not seen Nick’s initial plea for help was because he was in the middle of refusing unwanted attention too.
A tall, bearded bear-type man was attempting, in vain, to get Charlie’s number. The man's offer to buy Charlie a drink had already been refused, but it had not put him off and he had suggested a dance together instead. When this was also denied, the man obviously decided to go for broke and offered Charlie a blow job in the toilets.
“I would rather stab myself in the leg with a fork,” Charlie had replied flatly, with a dead stare in his eyes, clearly done with the man’s failure to accept that ‘no’ did not mean ‘if at first you don’t succeed…’. At least the man seemed to accept this third rejection of his advances, giving Charlie a “well, I tried” shrug before walking away.
It seemed tonight, Charlie would also be going home alone.
A significantly more relaxed Nick returned to the group, his biceps now liberated from the meandering fingers of space bun girl.
He graciously accepted the roasting from his friends that he had, yet again, not managed to pull.
“What was wrong this time?” Tao asked.
“I don’t know,” Nick confessed with a sigh. “I just wasn’t feeling it.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Elle laughed. “Apparently Charlie wasn’t feeling it either.”
Nick raised his glass up in a ‘cheers’ gesture towards Charlie, who promptly returned it with a grin.
Despite being embarrassed about the multitudes of offers they turned down, Nick and Charlie continued to disappoint the hopeful men and women of Leeds. Neither man had accepted a date all term, or even seemed remotely willing to entertain the idea of a hook up.
Nick and Charlie’s failure to act on their seemingly magnetic allure, although highly entertaining for their friends, was a fucking tragedy for the aspirational folx around them who were lining up for a chance to date them.
Even Tao could understand the hype.
They were both talented (Nick at rugby and Charlie at drums and running and academics and well, almost everything).
They were also both hot as hell (Nick with his height and sculptured muscles and Charlie all slim and toned with rock star vibes).
While these qualities alone would have made them appealing, it was the third quality they shared that made them so desirable.
They were both so damn approachable.
Nick walked around with a cheery smile on his face and was friendly to everyone. He was always completely earnest and took every interaction at face value. The problem with this was that he did not even seem to notice people were flirting with him until they were making a proposition.
Charlie, exuding self-composed, hot nerd, kept his emotions a bit closer to his chest, his snarky wit on display for people who knew him, and offered freely at any tossers who crossed his path. Unlike Nick, Charlie was completely aware when someone was flirting with him. Usually though, unless the person was a complete twat, he tried to let people down gently, claiming he had been on the other end of rejections growing up and never wanted to make anyone else feel like shit.
The string of rejections that trailed in their wake had somehow not managed to tarnish their reputations, and both men were universally adored.
Tao wanted his friends to be happy, but he also wanted them to get laid. He was starting to think that Nick and Charlie’s standards must be far too exacting, which he knew was ironic given how infamous he was for thinking the worst about people he had just met.
Hopefully the pair of them would soon get their shit together and meet somebody they liked.
Until then, the betting pool continued.
As Tao waited for Charlie outside his flat for the post-match rugby mixer, he contemplated his upcoming bet for that evening.
Tao was conflicted about the ethics of keeping the betting pool a secret from Charlie, but this tussle with his conscience had not been enough to stop him participating.
Due to some early shenanigans, mostly by Darcy, they had been forced to tighten up the betting process over time.
There was now an explicit list of what constituted ‘interference’ or ‘match fixing’ and things that could disqualify a punter from winning the round.
They had also defined criteria that established exactly what could be perceived as being ‘hit on’ (required after Darcy’s insistence that they needed nothing but their ‘gay intuition’ to take out the win - even if it usually turned out they were accurate).
Bets were also now required to be submitted to the group chat at least twenty minutes before kick-off since it had become obvious that the odds were loaded if what were now referred to as ‘sex eyes’ or ‘fuck me shorts’ made an appearance. It had been determined quickly that the chances of Charlie being hit on first grew exponentially if he wore eyeliner or when Nick wore his cut off denim shorts.
The bet wasn’t worth anything more than bragging rights for the victors, but the speculation and shit-talking in the group chat was one of the highlights for all involved. Because they weren’t complete animals, the group had agreed that if their wildly attractive, yet oblivious friends had not got themselves laid by Christmas, then the betting pool would transform into a meddling pool, and they would use their powers for good.
Until Christmas came, however, Nick and Charlie’s love lives (or lack thereof, in this case) were fair game for all.
With a quick look at his phone and noting the cut off for bets was fast approaching, Tao weighed up his choices.
The post-match rugby celebrations were always incredibly difficult to call, particularly if the team had won, and today they had. Nick, being the star player, was the natural choice to be hit on first. As usual, however, he had been voted man of the match, which made him a bit trickier for prospective suitors to access for a quiet moment of flirting.
On the other hand, despite the fact the total queer population at the pub would be lower than at a nightclub, Charlie’s chances were still quite high. The rugby team were very proud of their bisexual fly-half captain and they were generally considered to be inclusive of all, which was reflected in their broad range of supporters.
Tao mulled this over and decided to back Charlie.
He had hit ‘submit’ and was checking the poll results when Charlie emerged.
Tao frowned internally at his friend’s outfit. Not only were ‘sex eyes’ not present, but Charlie had not even bothered to change out of the rugby jersey he had worn to the match with ‘Nelson’ printed on the back. It was not the fact Charlie had another man’s name on his jersey that was a concern; after all, every QA member wore Nick’s jersey to the matches, usually covered in an impressive variety of queer pins. But Tao knew that this shapeless garment would lessen Charlie’s odds of winning. The huge jersey covered most of his body, falling well below his arse and hiding what many agreed was one of his best features.
On the plus side, this choice of outfit would also bode poorly for anyone who had bet on Nick, who always seemed to drink twice as much when Charlie was wearing his jersey, claiming it made him emotional to have such obvious support from his queer friends.
When Charlie had his back turned, Tao took a quick photo of him and posted it to the group chat where speculation immediately ran rife about what the impact of said outfit choice would mean for the game.
In the end, it appeared not to matter.
Both Team Nick and Team Charlie were destined to be disappointed.
Despite his friends’ efforts to jostle him to the edges of the group like a pack of hunting wolves trying to isolate a young animal from the herd, Charlie had resolutely wedged himself between Tao and Elle and refused to be moved, his body language closed off to the crowd.
There was no luck for those who had bet on Nick either. He was lost in a huddle of celebrating rugby lads slapping his shoulders and drinking themselves into oblivion. No doubt there were a handful of men or women watching Nick from the sidelines biding their time to approach the rugby captain, but for the time being he was unreachable.
After two hours, a full twenty-two minutes later than anyone in the betting pool had predicted, a man managed to sidle up to Charlie and angle his body in a way that left no doubt of his intentions. The man was gorgeous; his blond hair was artfully tousled and shiny sparkles twinkled across his face as the pub lights reflected on his many face piercings. Elle hummed appreciatively before spotting Tao watching her.
“What?” she shrugged. “He’s hot!”
Tao rolled his eyes before turning back to Charlie, in time to see the man whisper something in Charlie’s ear, the heated look on his face suggesting he had proposed something wicked.
Charlie’s face went red with embarrassment, and he immediately looked down at his feet. The man seemed to take this bashful response as permission to continue his flirting and moved even closer into Charlie’s space.
Tao grinned. He may not have got the time right, but at least he had backed the winning horse.
Before the man could say anything else to Charlie, Nick materialised out of nowhere, looking remarkably sober for someone who had apparently been doing shots all night.
“I don’t think he’s interested, mate,” Nick said firmly.
Surprised whispers broke out amongst the group as they began to pay closer attention to the scene unfolding in front of them. It was uncharacteristic of Nick to run interference, and it was even more astonishing to see Charlie instantly throw himself into the ruse.
“He’s right, I’m not interested,” Charlie told the man quickly, taking a step closer to Nick.
“Are you sure?” the man asked with a smirk, looking Nick up and down before adding, “He looks more like a straight bro type to me. Do you even know how to satisfy a gay man, rugby lad?”
Tao felt Elle reach over and grip his forearm tightly. Nick’s usually smiley face had turned into a dark scowl. Tao could hear the outraged gasps of indignation coming from the rest of their friends behind him. A glance told him that even Isaac had put down his book to watch proceedings, his eyebrows furrowed in disapproval.
For the first time, the man seemed to read the room around him and took a slight step backwards, perhaps sensing that the ‘straight bro’ in front of him had some fierce queer defenders and he may have misjudged the situation.
Nick beat everyone else to a response though, striking back with a self-assured expression on his face.
“Oh, I know how to satisfy a gay man, alright,” Nick replied mockingly, before tugging on the front of Charlie’s rugby jersey to bring him closer. He wrapped one hand around Charlie’s neck and pulled him forward to smash their lips together in a searing kiss, his other hand wrapping around Charlie’s waist then sliding down to grasp a handful of his arse and yanking him flush against his body.
It was a kiss that went from zero to pash-fest in seconds. Charlie began reciprocating immediately, his hands flying up to cradle Nick’s head and standing on tip toe to enable him to glue his lips to Nick’s face completely. There was an obscene amount of tongue wrangling and saliva exchange and the pair of them were kissing like they had been deprived of each other for months.
Snapping out of his shock at seeing the amorous display, Tao finally registered the cheering of his friends around him, happy to see revenge taken on the man who had insulted their favourite bisexual. He also registered that Nick and Charlie were practically grinding against each other, which seemed like an excessive addition in their quest to prove their point.
Nonetheless, the interloper seemed to have received the message loud and clear and had slunk away from the fervent snogging.
Thinking that Nick and Charlie must be so committed to the charade they hadn’t noticed that the man had left already, Tao tried to get their attention.
‘Um…guys,’ he said, tapping Charlie on the shoulder to interrupt their kisses. “He’s gone now. You can stop…whatever this is,” he added, waving a hand in the general direction of their faces.
But Nick and Charlie did not stop.
In fact, they continued to kiss until their friends had ceased cheering at their epic take down and instead started giggling in surprise at the passion-filled make out session taking place in front of them. Tao, mouth hanging open, was struggling to make sense of it all. Had he, yet again, managed to miss something important?
When Elle yelled out, “Get a room, you two!” Nick and Charlie finally seemed to snap out of their enraptured daze, breaking apart with dreamy looks on their faces. In only a few seconds, however, the two had locked hands and legged it out the pub door, leaving their friends standing in a circle staring at each other in disbelief.
“Can someone tell me what just happened?” Tao asked, to no one in particular.
“I think we all lost the bet tonight,” Elle replied, patting him on the shoulder.
“We did,” agreed Darcy, snorting, “but gay love is clearly the winner and we should do shots to celebrate!”
Five minutes later…
Nick and Charlie burst out laughing as soon as they were out the pub door.
“Did you see their faces?” Charlie cackled, pulling Nick close again and planting a kiss on his grinning face. It felt so good. So wonderful to finally kiss each other in public after so long sneaking about and stealing kisses whenever their meddling friends were not watching.
Nick and Charlie had hooked up ages ago.
What had started as a quick pint between classes had turned into an afternoon drinking session that progressed from the pub to Nick’s sofa and later, from Nick’s sofa to Nick’s bed.
They’d started out commiserating over their unlucky love lives, crying into their pint glasses about the fact that they were surrounded by people who wanted them, none of whom really captured their attention or felt like their person. After deciding to skip their afternoon classes, they’d ended up sitting facing each other at opposing ends of Nick’s sofa, their legs straight out and twisted together. Their conversation having since progressed to discussing the important attributes each would want to find in their dream person.
Nick had pushed Charlie to elaborate on his first glib answer of ‘’I’ll probably just settle for someone tall,’’ until they had both begun describing the person they thought would be perfect for them. Serendipitously, the person they had both described had remarkably similar traits to the man sitting opposite them.
What had begun with blushes and flustered glances, culminated in a brave confession from Charlie. He quietly admitted how long he had been measuring all those other men against Nick and found them lacking. Gathering all his courage, Charlie had looked directly into Nick’s eyes and whispered quietly, ‘‘No one compares to you, Nick.’’
Upon hearing those words, Nick had launched himself towards the other end of the sofa burying his fingers into the curls on the sides of Charlie’s face murmuring, “God, Charlie! I’ve wanted you for so long. Can I kiss you?”
They’d kissed for a long time, smiling and laughing into each other’s mouths, until things became more heated between them. Nick, delighted to find no signs of the panicked feelings that had plagued him all year, suggested they move to his bedroom. Charlie had agreed with a resounding, “fuck yeah,” and the little sign hanging over each man’s heart that read ‘open’ was rapidly flipped over to ‘occupied’.
They hadn’t deliberately set out to keep their new relationship a secret from their friends, but the fact was, they had both been single (and pining for the other) for a long time, and those first days were mainly spent wrapped up in each other, mostly horizontally.
They genuinely intended to tell everyone after a QA meeting about a week later, however before they got the chance, Charlie happened to see a notification flash up on Tao’s phone screen.
Darcy: This is my week bitches. Nick to get hit on first. 25 minutes.
Charlie’s discovery of the message quickly inflamed his curiosity to Miss Marple levels, and he immediately set out to investigate further.
Tao turned out to be surprisingly easy to manipulate, and he extracted a few details from his oblivious friend when he borrowed his phone to ‘check the weather’. Armed with the information from the messages he’d seen, together with some added detective work, it hadn’t taken him long to figure out the betting pool. Nick and Charlie were upset at first, but they soon directed those indignant feelings towards crafting a plan to teach their meddling friends a lesson.
A plan they had just pulled off seamlessly.
“Did it work?” they heard a voice ask. Leaning against the pub wall was the man who had been chatting up Charlie earlier, his sparkly piercings flashing under the streetlight.
“Perfectly!” Nick beamed. “I think we’ve fucked up their betting pool convincingly. They’ll have to find something new to entertain them now.”
“Thanks for your help, Jai,” Charlie added.
“No worries, Charlie.” Jai shrugged. “It’s the least I can do, since you’re letting me sleep on your sofa while I'm in town. There’s no way I could go home and face Tori if I hadn’t helped you out.” He took a few steps towards them, looking concerned. “You are going to confess to them though, right? That you’re a real couple? I’m still in Leeds for another week and I think the lesbians were almost ready to throw hands back there. I don’t want to be down the high street somewhere and have a group of gay avengers attack me.”
“We will,” Nick laughed. “I think they’ll probably be so happy we got together they’ll forgive us pretty quickly for ruining their fun.”
“Oh, we’ll be telling them,” Charlie smirked. “And I’ll be guilt tripping them about their stupid betting pool until Christmas.”
They said goodbye to Jai and headed off in the direction of Nick’s place, Nick’s arm tight around Charlie’s shoulder.
It suddenly occurred to Charlie that he and Nick hadn’t spent a night apart in over two weeks. He suspected he should be more curious about the speed at which their relationship was progressing, but when he thought about it, he found that it did not bother him at all. He asked Nick if he felt the same.
“I’m okay with it, Char,” Nick smiled softly, tucking Charlie’s head under his chin as they walked. “I kind of have this feeling that you are forever for me.”
If he’d been looking, Nick would’ve seen the expression of heartfelt delight that diffused over Charlie’s face at hearing this.
The pair walked on in silence for a bit; both content in the knowledge that they had found their person.
“How long do you think we’ve got before our menace friends start spamming our phones with questions?” Nick eventually mused.
“Probably not long,” Charlie replied, before adding teasingly, “Wanna make a bet?”