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It had been raining when they first stepped off of the shuttle onto Starfleet Academy's grounds.
Leonard glared up at the San Francisco sky, cool drops pelting his face and ignoring the wrath of his gaze. It was raining just enough so the weather could not be ignored, and Leonard pulled the collar of his jacket tighter around his neck before he heaved his duffel bag up further on his shoulder.
"This has to be an omen," he muttered.
A chuckle came from beside him, and Leonard abruptly realized that the kid who had shared his flask and listened to him rant about the dangers of space throughout the shuttle ride had yet to leave his side.
"An omen?" James Kirk echoed. "What, you think a little rain means Starfleet is a bad idea?"
Leonard grunted. Space was a bad idea.
Kirk tilted his head up to the sky, seemingly relishing the rain as it dripped down his face, the water mixing with the dried blood around his nose and split lip. He acted like this was the first time in a while he had the opportunity to clean up.
...When the hell was the last time Leonard showered?
"If you want to think of something as a sign," Kirk said, heedless of the fact that Leonard hadn't answered him, "take the fact that you didn't throw up as a good one."
Leonard took a deep breath and wished that they hadn't polished off the bourbon in his flask during the ride. At least the rain was helping to sober him up, even if it was just enough so he could pretend he wasn't drunk whenever he found the administrative offices to finish his registration.
He glanced around at the sea of red, at cadets who knew where they were going and had actually thought through their decision to enroll in Starfleet.
Good God, why was he doing this?
"It's still early," he muttered, earning another chuckle.
His fingers twitched towards his empty flask, but he forced himself to glance back at Kirk. Kirk, who had a smile pasted on his face but his gaze was weary as he looked around the grounds. Kirk, who carried himself with an air of confidence but had yet to move from away from Leonard. Kirk, who suddenly looked much too young with rain-damp hair and wet clothes starting to cling to skinny shoulders and why the hell didn't he have a bag with any personal belongings?
Leonard dug out a semi-clean t-shirt from his own duffel and tossed it over Kirk's head. Kirk actually jumped before he realized what just happened and he turned his wide, too-blue eyes up to Leonard as he steadied the shirt. It was a lousy umbrella but it was all Leonard had for him.
"C'mon, Kid," Leonard said, taking long strides further into the Academy. He heard Kirk follow immediately. "Let's find someone to get us registered and out of this damned rain."
"Bones!"
Leonard inwardly groaned from his desk at hearing the damn nickname Jim gave him, still unsure if he cared about it or not.
The nickname flew out of Leonard's mind, though, when he did a double-take over at Jim in the dorm's threshold. Drenched through with mud caking his calves down to his boots, the sparkle in Jim's eyes was a stark contrast to the filth he was bringing in.
"What the hell have you been doin'?" Leonard demanded before stopping Jim from answering by adding, "Don't you move from that spot, I'll be damned if you track mud all over this dorm--"
"It's not that bad--"
"Ya look like you trudged through an unholy combination of molasses and shit."
Leonard caught Jim rolling his eyes, but at least Jim actually listened and didn't move. Leonard found a couple of towels from the bathroom that were due for the laundry anyway and chucked one of them at Jim. Jim started drying his hair, of all things, but at least he was trying to dry something so no further rain and mud would drip onto their floor.
"Boots off," Leonard grumbled, and Jim nearly lost his balance as he struggled to take his shoes off one-handed. Leonard took the offending footwear and put them on top of the other towel right by their door. He'd let the mud dry, hoping it would just crumble off afterwards.
"What were you doin'?" he tried asking again, eyeing the mud on Jim's pants with disdain. Jim's whole outfit could be a load of laundry itself so it wouldn't contaminate any other clothes. "Mudwrestling?"
"Soccer tryouts," Jim said. "I made the team!"
"They had tryouts in the rain?" Leonard deadpanned.
Jim faltered. "Well... It wasn't raining when the tryouts started. Actually, some others left when the rain started to get bad... That probably helped me make the team..."
Leonard watched as Jim averted his gaze, ears turning red not just from the weather while slowly drying himself off. Jim's actions were a little stiff, perhaps from the tryouts themselves but probably because Leonard did not have the reaction that Jim had been hoping for when he announced he made the team.
Leonard could kick himself.
"When you're sure you won't make a river from here to the bathroom," Leonard said, noticing that Jim wasn't quite dripping as much any longer, "hit the shower. I'll start some tea an' you can tell me all about the tryouts when you get out."
"Really?" Jim's eyes widened, his flush stretching from his ears to his cheeks. "You want to hear about them?"
Dear God, the kid's need for validation was almost enough to thaw Leonard's heart.
"Of course I do," Leonard said, moving to the old-fashioned tea kettle sitting on their tiny stovetop. He would fully ignore the replicator until he had no other choice. "I know you earned your spot, Kid. I want to hear how you kicked everyone else's asses. But shower first," he insisted when Jim opened his mouth to reply. "Get warmed up. Don't want ya getting a cold from this ridiculous weather."
"Okay," was Jim's bright answer, and he was across the dorm to the bathroom in three bounds.
Leonard shook his head at Jim's eagerness, but the smile that had found its way onto Leonard's face turned into a frown when he heard three sneezes in rapid succession come from the bathroom.
Goddammit.
Leonard wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there. The bench was uncomfortable and the water before him was getting rough and choppy from the wind and rain. But the place was semi-secluded, the bench being old as it looked over the ocean, and the vague thought that maybe the bench had been there before Starfleet Academy.
Old. Washed-up. Forgotten.
Christ. Leonard scrubbed at his face to physically dislodge his thoughts as well as try to wipe the rain from his face.
Or maybe they were tears. He really wasn't sure anymore. The salt that touched his lips could have easily been from his tears or the wind-tossed ocean water flying around with the rain.
He leaned back against the bench, closed his eyes, and let the rain fall on him. Maybe he could just pretend this was all just a dream, a nightmare, one that he had figured would come true eventually, had prepared for it, but it didn't negate the fucking hurt--
"Bones! Holy shit, here you are, I've been looking for you everywhere!"
Leonard blinked, finding that he suddenly had some coverage from the rain because Jim was there standing in front of him.
And then Jim suddenly had his hands on Leonard's face, one going from his cheek to his forehead then back to his cheek again, scraping against stubble that Leonard hadn't bothered to shave off that day.
"What the hell are you doing out here?" Jim asked. "Are you sick? You complain about me being out in all sorts of weather no matter the time, and here you are sitting in the rain for who knows how long and--and--Bones. What's wrong?"
Jim's gaze locked onto Leonard's own, and his blue eyes were too bright against Leonard's stormy thoughts.
Leonard's voice cracked as he said, "I lost custody."
Jim seemed to deflate before him and his arms fell away to dangle at his sides.
Leonard leaned forward and dropped his head in his hands, not sure if he cared or not that he was crying. Uttering the words aloud made them too real.
There was suddenly a jacket around him, one that was a touch too short in the shoulders, stretching over his arms, and Leonard glanced up as Jim plopped himself down next to Leonard on the bench. Jim sidled up against Leonard, shoulders and thighs pressed together, as if Jim thought he could chase away everything that had gone wrong with just his presence alone.
"You're gonna get sick," Leonard said dully even as his hands gripped the sleeves of Jim's jacket. He clung to the warmth, hoping it wouldn't disappear too quickly.
"Shut up," Jim said without any bite, and he turned his head so his nose was close to the crook of Leonard's neck. "I suck at this, but let me take care of you for once. I'm so sorry, Bones..."
Leonard's breath hitched and everything spilled out. His call with Jocelyn that morning, how he had wanted a 50-50 custody agreement but he wasn't even there, how he couldn't even fully blame his ex-wife for losing it all, not when he was the one who had checked out of their marriage to focus on his career, not when he was the one who had spiraled after his father's death, not when he was the one who drank so much that he had to escape and run away to Starfleet...
Throughout it all, Jim just listened. He didn't try to downplay any of Leonard's emotions or point fingers at anyone or automatically blame Jocelyn for everything just because Leonard was his friend.
Instead, Jim somehow shifted closer, curling towards Leonard to wrap his arms around Leonard's shoulders and bring Leonard's head down enough so he could cradle it. Jim's fingers ran through Leonard's rain-soaked hair as Leonard cried until both his tears and words ran out.
"Dammit, Jim, what the hell is wrong with you?" Leonard hauled Jim's ass down the street and threatened to drag him to Starfleet Medical if he didn't at least try to walk on his own back to their dorm.
"Th' bastard started it," Jim said like petulant child.
"You don't have to finish it," Leonard snapped. "For God's sake, you don't have to take every bit of bait that someone dangles in front of you." The last of his words were punctuated by a clap of distant thunder.
Jim twisted in his arms but Leonard held fast. Jim had gained weight during the first year, building muscle with his combat classes, but he had taken both enough drinks and punches from the bar that Leonard didn't really have a problem keeping a hold on him.
"So, what, I'm just supposed to take it?" Jim asked. "You heard them, you think I was, was, was jus' supposed to let them say that sh-shit about me and my father--"
"You're supposed to be better," Leonard said.
"I don't want to be!" and another boom of thunder above them accentuated Jim's words and opened the sky for a sheet of rain to start pouring down on them.
Leonard forgot to glare at the sky as he whirled around to face Jim, starkly realizing that it wasn't just the rain running down his best friend's cheeks.
"I'm here on a fucking dare," Jim said, and Leonard wasn't sure if he was shouting at him, the rain, or just the universe in general. "A dare to do better than my dad, and-and I'm constantly reminded that he died for so many people, including me. I'm supposed to be grateful for that? How the fuck am I supposed to live up to that legacy when everyone is telling me I'm only here because of my name--"
Leonard yanked Jim forward, wrapping his arms around Jim's back and shoulders, pressing his friend against him and cradling his head. Jim struggled against the hug, hiccupped, but Leonard would not let go. Jim eventually stilled and dropped his head against the crook of Leonard's neck.
"It's not fair." Jim's words were almost too quiet, muffled by the rain and Leonard's shoulder. "I didn't know him... I didn't ask for this."
"I know," Leonard murmured, his hand gently carding through Jim's hair. "I know, Kid..."
Slowly, Jim brought up his arms around Leonard's back, fingers digging into the wet fabric of his shirt.
"Why can't I just be here because of me?" Jim whispered.
Leonard tightened his grip, letting the rain mingle with his best friend's tears. Jim shook in his arms and Leonard ignored the doctor part of him that was claiming they would get sick out in this weather, if only for a few minutes. Right now, Jim just needed to cry.
Eventually, Jim's breathing started to even out, and Leonard rubbed his back, hoping to generate some warmth against the chill of the rain.
"For what it's worth," Leonard said, "I see you. I give a shit about you, Jim. S'why I'm a hardass whenever you get into a barfight. I don't want you to get hurt. I'm sorry."
Jim sniffled and took a deep breath before lifting his head. Leonard let him pull away, but kept his hands on Jim's arms.
"Feel like you're the only one sometimes," Jim said. Before Leonard could dispute that, Jim added, "It'd be fine if you are. If only you believed in me, that's enough. It's worth a lot. Thanks, Bones."
Leonard's mouth felt dry and he had to clear his throat to speak again. "I'm not the only one who cares about you, Kid, I promise you that."
"Yeah," Jim said, although he didn't quite sound like he believed that, "but you're the only one who didn't see my dad when you met me."
"It was you who finished my flask on that shuttle, not your dad," Leonard said.
Jim gave him a lopsided smile. "But it was you who passed it to me."
Leonard chuckled and maneuvered his hold so his arm was around Jim's shoulders. "C'mon. Let's go home."
"Okay." Jim leaned against him and Leonard let him set the pace. "Sorry if I got snot on your shirt."
"The rain will wash it out."
It was raining when the Enterprise officially docked on Earth again, having limped through space for the better part of two weeks.
The remaining crew of the starship all streamed out of the hangers like zombies, the chatter of hundreds of people morphing into hysterical laughter or crying at the fact that we're fucking alive as everyone reconnected with loved ones that had been waiting anxiously for them to return. Leonard stopped short after leaving the hanger, the feeling of rain dripping down his face feeling as if someone had just slapped him back to reality.
Leonard hadn't felt the rain -- hadn't felt anything other than recycled oxygen and adrenaline -- in only God knows how long.
He wasn't sure how long he stood right outside the hanger, being jostled by other people streaming out, but it wasn't like he had anyone waiting for him to get off the starship.
...And, evidently, neither did Jim.
Which was absolutely ridiculous because Jim was a hero and he should have gotten a hero's welcome, but Leonard knew enough of Jim's family life to not be completely surprised. That, and he was certain Jim would hate having people swarm him right now.
Leonard watched as Jim left the hanger, slowing to a stop as the rain also hit him, and Leonard could see how quickly Jim's breathing became. Seeing Jim in potential distress was what made Leonard move from his spot.
"Jim." Leonard wasn't even sure if Jim heard him over the rain and the wind and the other people's voices that sounded too far away, but Jim turned immediately at Leonard's touch on his elbow. Jim's breathing calmed down slightly, and his too blue eyes bore into Leonard's hazel ones.
"Bones." Jim's voice was a whisper, snatched away with the weather, but Leonard knew what he said, his name that only Jim called him, Leonard focused on Jim's lips as they formed the letters.
And Jim suddenly grasped Leonard's arm and pulled him through the rain, around the hanger, surely trying to find a spot where no ghosts could follow them. Leonard didn't care where they went. He'd follow Jim anywhere.
They went around the wall of the building, the rain coming down in fat drops as they collected on and fell from the leaves of the trees over them, the boughs of the trees stretching in such a way that it was almost private. As soon as they turned the corner, Jim took a quick glance around before pivoting on the spot, his foot nearly slipping in the mud as he lunged at Leonard.
Leonard's back hit the wall of the hanger, but he caught Jim when Jim brought his arms around Leonard's neck and yanked him down. Their noses bumped first, then their teeth clacked together, until Jim was able to crash his lips into Leonard's for an actual kiss.
Leonard shifted only slightly so he could get a better angle to taste Jim's lips, as chapped and worried as they were from Jim biting them throughout the years. They were warm against the rain, warm and alive, and Leonard was disappointed when Jim pulled back much too soon.
"Please don't hit me for doing that," Jim said with a crooked smile and a brittle laugh as he took a step back.
And Leonard stared at him, at the fact that Jim was actually nervous about Leonard's reaction. Because despite everything the pair had been through, from meeting each other when they were both at rock-bottom to clawing their way back up to some semblance of a life together, to tugging each other along, to keeping each other within their sight, to giving an actual shit about each other, Jim somehow thought that he wasn't worthy of Leonard's love.
Leonard reached forward to snake an arm around Jim's waist to pull him back flush against him. He gently ran his hand through Jim's hair until he could cradle his head, maneuvering it until Jim was at just the right angle for another, proper kiss.
Jim gave off the smallest gasp before he pushed forward, hands fisting Leonard's shirt, mouth desperate to swallow Leonard's own. It was only when Jim almost bit Leonard's tongue that Leonard paused, pulling back just enough as Jim murmured an apology.
"Slow down, Darlin'," Leonard breathed against Jim's lips. "We're both here. We're both still here. Together."
Jim may have whimpered and the next kiss may have been a little salty as he became more pliant under Leonard's hands. If so, only the rain noticed.