Chapter Text
Unova had always seemed like such a big place to N — dauntingly big, even. Before his father had allowed him to leave home for his mission, his world had only ever consisted of the forest his birth parents abandoned him in, and his castle. He can still recall the day he stepped outside for the first time in over a decade — the shakiness in his steps as he walked across the land he was meant to rule; the fluttering of his heart in his chest when he saw the silhouette of skyscrapers in the distance; pokémon all around him in nature, their voices distinct yet harmonious, like an orchestra. It was all so wondrously overwhelming.
But that was then.
Now, having flown across an entire ocean to a far-away region, Unova seems somehow… smaller. And for some odd reason that N can't quite place, that shakiness in his steps and that flutter in his heart have returned with a vengeance, intensifying rather than diminishing with each step forward on this new journey.
That fact becomes more apparent than ever as N walks the streets of Saffron City — “the shining, golden land of commerce.” Everywhere he looks, there are bright, colorful lights, and billboards, and vendors offering strange foods that N has never heard of. And there are people—so many people—and Pokémon at nearly all of their sides.
“Dango?” one of the vendors calls out, waving around a stick with colorful balls stacked on it. N stops in his tracks, staring at the scene for a moment to process. At the same time, a lady who had apparently been walking behind him bumps into him, nearly tripping them both.
“Rude!” she scoffs, brushing off her pencil skirt before moving on with the rest of the crowd.
N withers a little into himself. That's right, it's apparently considered socially unacceptable to randomly stop walking in the middle of the street. He vaguely recalls similar incidents occurring back when he'd visited Castelia City. It was one of the many reasons he had quickly moved on from Castelia — too much chaos, too many people, too many social rules to try to remember. He wonders if there will ever come a time when it becomes less of a struggle.
Stepping toward the vendor and out of the trampling herd of human beings in the streets, N looks again at the “dango” and then at the little jigglypuff unassumingly sitting at the edge of the stand.
“What do you think?” N asks, crouching down so that he's face-to-face with the jigglypuff. “Is this ‘dango’ really so good?”
“Umm… why are you asking my pokémon instead of me?” the vendor asks, but N ignores him—he tends to be pretty good at that.
“It's delicious,” Jigglypuff says, smiling. “Sometimes I even sneak some from him when he's not looking. Don't tell him, though.”
N chuckles. “Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.”
“Huh?” the man blinks, looking lost—and then jumps when N snatches the dango out of his hands.
“I'll take it!” N spins around to leave, eyeing the colorful treat eagerly before stopping himself. Wait—he's supposed to pay when people give him food, isn't he? That's another one of those annoying social rules on the list.
Trying to recall the ‘royal etiquette’ lessons the seven sages had taught him growing up, N bows and sets down some pokédollars on the stand. “Thank you very much!”
Then—for real this time—he skips away to rejoin the crowd. As he takes a bite of the dango, he's greeted with a uniquely sweet taste. It would seem the Jigglypuff had been telling the truth about how delicious the treat is — not that he ever doubted her, of course. N has never known a pokémon who deliberately told a lie. Some, like his friend Zoroark, have been notorious for playing tricks, but never telling lies… and never using their illusions to harm others. It's one of the many reasons he's always found them easier to get along with than people.
N only realizes he's become lost in thought when the crowd around him begins to scream, frantically dispersing. Blinking back to the real world, he looks up to see none other than Zekrom descending from the sky. For a moment, he glances between Zekrom and the people running away. Are they… afraid? But why? Zekrom is no different than all the other partner pokémon accompanying people in the city. The world really is so confusing at times… but now isn't the time to dwell on that. If people are going to run away from his friend, that's their loss!
As Zekrom lands on the cobblestone with a graceless thud, they eye the treat in N's hand. “What is that?”
“Dango!” N cheerfully replies. “Would you like some?”
Zekrom responds by biting off the entire mochi ball on the top of the stack and swallowing it in a single gulp. N's jaw drops in surprise, but then he chuckles. His friend truly is an eccentric individual… a lot like himself, actually. Perhaps that's why they make such a good pair. Or rather, why they did make such a good pair, a nagging little voice in the back of his head corrects him. He frowns.
“So how did your scouting go?” he asks after a moment. “Did you find the place?”
“Yes, I believe I can take us there.” Zekrom lowers their wings to the ground — an offer.
“Perfect. Thank you, friend. I think I've had enough of walking around this city anyway.”
—
Thanks to Zekrom, it doesn't take long before N finds himself back on the ground, staring up at a large, intricate building. It's pure white with a bright red roof and a mirage of glass windows, allowing it to blend well with the modern look of the city surrounding it. Although, strangely, the windows are foggy. N can't see a thing through them.
“So this is it…” he mutters lowly. “The Saffron City gym.”
Is this the place that will determine his future?
He clutches at the golden void cube dangling from his belt, subconsciously fidgeting with it. Then, taking in a deep breath, he walks through the doors of the gym.
As it turns out, the gym's interior is one big illusion of another city, and in order to meet the gym leader, N has to traverse an intricate maze of warp panels. At least here, unlike the actual city, there's a sort of order in the chaos, a logical pattern that he can follow. That should be easy enough for him; he's always been good at puzzles.
After successfully battling about four psychics throughout the gym, N finally steps on the warp panel that takes him to the roof of the tallest skyscraper… and he finds himself face-to-face with the psychic gym leader herself — Sabrina.
“Welcome, N,” Sabrina says before he can so much as get his bearings. “I had a vision of your arrival.”
N flinches, his head shooting up to meet Sabrina's piercing red gaze.
“What? Does that take you by surprise? I'm not sure why it would, when my ability to see the future is the reason you came here.”
N clutches again at his cube, shifting the pieces of the puzzle back and forth. With his other hand, he tilts his hat downward, breaking eye contact.
“In all honesty, my vision took me by surprise,” Sabrina goes on. “Most challengers come here with no other desire but to battle for a chance to earn a gym badge. But not you.”
“You're right,” N finally speaks after a moment. “I don't care about your gym badge. I'm here because I need your help. For my whole life, I've only been able to see one future for myself, but it's gone now, and I don't know anymore where I'm meant to go or who I'm meant to be. So if there really is a formula for seeing the future, I need you to use it now to tell me. Please.”
“I'm afraid my vision didn't make that very clear…"
N flinches and grasps harder at his cube. “How can it become clear?”
“Well… I suppose there's a chance I could see more glimpses into the future if we were to battle. I do not enjoy battling, but it allows me to enter a meditative state that enhances my abilities. So, if it is what you wish, then I will show you my powers.”
Gracefully, she tosses a pokéball in the air, sending out an Alakazam.
“Very well.” N waves his hand to signal Zekrom forward. He can hear the voices of his other friends from within their pokéballs as well, eagerly offering him their assistance when the time comes. “I don't particularly enjoy battling either,” he says, “but if this is what it takes for me and my friends to find our new path, then we'll give it our all.”
“So we shall,” Zekrom echoes, bowing their head slightly as they anticipate N’s next direction. Taking that as his cue, N announces, “Zekrom, fusion bolt!”
Much to his surprise, Sabrina does not follow with a command of her own. Rather, she stands in place with her eyes closed, completely still and silent, like a statue.
Just as Zekrom’s ball of electricity is about to strike Alakazam, the psychic-type pokémon vanishes. The fusion bolt instead collides with the floor.
N’s eyes widen in confusion, scanning his surroundings. He looks up to see Alakazam hovering near the ceiling, apparently levitating himself with his psychic powers. Simultaneously, the pokémon sends forth a surge of psychic energy toward Zekrom, strong enough to knock the large dragon off their feet.
“How interesting,” N muses, meeting Alakazam’s wizened gaze. “Alakazam, please tell me, how did you know exactly what your trainer wanted you to do without her speaking a word?”
He bows his head slightly. “Sabrina and I share a telepathic connection.”
“Really? Is telepathic communication another kind of psychic power?” He turns from Alakazam back to Sabrina, eyeing her with curiosity. “Moreover… does that mean that you can understand the hearts of pokémon just as I can?”
Sabrina opens her eyes, her flat expression molding into a slight smirk. “So the rumors were true. You can understand what pokémon are saying.”
“Yes. I've always been able to.” It's why Father labeled me a freak without a human heart, he can't help but think.
“I see. Well then, to answer your question, I do not possess the same ability as you. Although Alakazam and I can communicate through our psychic link, I cannot literally understand what he speaks aloud. I can only understand what he chooses to convey to me through his thoughts. Unlike most pokémon, Alakazam is also capable of communicating telepathically in human languages — which is how I am able to understand him. Most other pokémon do not share this level of language acquisition, even other psychic types.”
“Oh,” is N’s response, his excitement deflating.
“However, I can on occasion sense the feelings of pokémon… and people,” Sabrina goes on. “For example, at this very moment I can sense your disappointment. You thought you had finally found someone like you, only to be proven wrong.”
N flinches. He’s experienced the empathic capabilities of other psychics before — namely Caitlin, during his Elite Four battles — but somehow it still shakes him to his core. It feels strange to know that someone else has seen inside his head and is so nonchalantly voicing aloud feelings that he himself wishes he could bury.
“You aren't completely wrong, though,” Sabrina goes on. “I think that maybe we are alike. Although your ability differs from mine, it seems like it could be a rare kind of psychic power.”
N doesn't know what to say to that. So many thoughts are racing through his head at once, it's almost painful. He came here for answers, and it seems as though he's instead receiving more and more questions. Him — psychic? Is she serious? He's never considered the possibility before. After all, he's never been able to see the future or channel spirits or levitate objects. He just talks to his friends. Is that really a psychic power?
N is pulled out of his thoughts when Alakazam springs to action once again, sending forth another burst of psychic energy.
“Zekrom, quick!” He blinks back to the present, forcing his mind to focus on the battle instead of the internal chaos threatening to tear it apart. “Use light screen to deflect the attack!”
As the battle continues, and N finds himself having to think outside the box to outwit his opponent, an odd feeling begins to settle upon him. He's almost… having fun? How unusual. Every time he's battled before, he's only been able to focus on the pain of his friends and the necessity of his victory for their sake. Every battle he's ever fought has been tinged with duty and desperation. But now… without the weight of his destiny on the line, this battle feels different. He's free to think and take in the moment without a constant cloud of anxiety hanging above him, threatening to strike him down where he stands should he make a single slip-up. For the first time in his life, he can almost — almost — understand what trainers mean when they say that battles are enjoyable. At the very least he can acknowledge that the battle is serving as a welcome distraction from his troubles.
After Sabrina’s fifth pokemon goes down, she sends out one more: a Gallade. Four of N’s pokémon have gone down as well, and the only two remaining are Zekrom — whose health is nearly depleted — and N’s oldest friend, Zoroark.
“A full team of six?” he muses. “Does the Kanto Pokémon League really permit their gym leaders to have that many pokémon?”
“Normally they do not,” she cooly replies. “However, I figured I could get away with using my full strength against you, as a trainer who surpassed the Unova Champion.”
N supposes he can't really argue with that. “Zoroark, switch out!” he says, just as Gallade lunges at the dark-type with a super-effective close combat. He briskly sends out Zekrom to take the hit in his stead. Zekrom falters, but doesn't fall.
“Are you alright to keep going?” N asks, a trickle of worry returning to his voice as he eyes his friend.
Zekrom roars in reply, “Simply say the word and I'll finish this.”
N nods, unable to help a small grin from spreading across his face. “Very well. Go ahead, then. Use giga impact!”
With another hearty roar, Zekrom soars into the air and slams down on Gallade at full force. Sabrina returns Gallade to his pokéball a moment later — and with that, the battle is over.
“Well done,” Sabrina says, meeting N’s gaze. “You and your team work very well together. I can tell you have a strong connection.”
N isn't sure whether to smile or frown. The result is an odd, lopsided grin. She's not wrong; he has a very deep bond with each of his friends. With the exception of Zoroark, who lived with him in the forest growing up, and Zekrom, whom he'd only recently met, the others were all severely abused and neglected pokémon who were brought to him as a child by Father for rehabilitation. It would have been impossible for him not to form a bond with them in such a situation.
The thought makes him remember his true purpose here… to figure out his life path, for the sake of his friends even more-so than himself. “Were you able to see any more about my future?” he asks.
“I did have another vision,” Sabrina says, shifting to a more serious tone. “It was just a flash, but… I felt… cold. Freezing cold.” She shivers slightly, as though reliving the vision in real time. “And I could sense a deep fear shared by many people and pokémon, along with one soul’s desperate plea for someone to save them. I'm not sure if any of that means something to you. I can't even say with certainty that any of that will come to pass. The future is fluid and dynamic, always changing. But… I do have this feeling that whatever this time and place is, it's where you are meant to be.”
N places a hand on his hip and stares off into the distance, contemplating. Someplace cold… now where could that possibly be? Parts of Unova can get pretty cold in the winter. But then, there are many other places outside Unova that are cold year-round. Once again, it seems the answers he's received are opening even more questions.
“I'm sorry I'm not able to provide you with a clearer answer,” Sabrina says after a moment.
“It's alright,” N replies. With his free hand, he fidgets with his cube, moving the pieces back and forth. “I appreciate all that you were able to share with me. You've filled in some pieces of this puzzle, and now I simply have to solve the rest of it.”
“I hope that you do,” Sabrina says with a slight bow of her head.
“Thanks.” He turns toward the warp panel at the edge of the tower — presumably the way out of the gym. Before he can step on it, though, Sabrina speaks again.
“One more thing,” she says, fixing her gaze upon him. “I meant what I said, about your ability being a kind of psychic power. I have trained many psychics here at my gym, and I would be happy to train you as well if you ever wish to hone your skills. One day, you may even be able to see the future yourself.”
Again, that lopsided smile-frown comes to his face. “Thanks, but I think I'll continue on my journey for now. I appreciate you using your powers to help me, but the only power I need for myself is to speak with my friends. As long as I have that I'll be okay.”
“No problem. If you change your mind, you can give me a call.” She closes her eyes, and suddenly a string of numbers etch themselves into N’s memory. “You now have my number.”
A chill goes down N’s spine again at the thought of another person having access to his mind. However, going back to that long list of social expectations that is infinitely harder to etch into his memory, he recalls that the polite thing to do in this situation is to say thank you and keep his discomfort to himself. And so he bows slightly, expressing his gratitude once again, before stepping onto the warp panel.
Once he is back on the street outside the gym, he opens the international map on his Xtransceiver. If his only lead is that he needs to go somewhere cold, he supposes that means he ought to travel north to the cooler regions, namely Sinnoh and Almia. That would also require him to pass through Johto on the way, unless he wishes to fly even further with Zekrom — but as convenient as that option may be, a part of him has been enjoying seeing so many new places. In a short span of time, he feels that his world has grown infinitely bigger… and as daunting as it's been, it's what he ultimately needs. It's what that trainer had shown him — how the formula for changing the world can only be solved with the fusion of many different perspectives.
With that in mind, he could potentially learn some valuable insights from the people and pokémon in the Johto region. From his studies growing up, he recalls the region has a rich history and a deep connection to legendary pokémon. Perhaps visiting a region like that could help fill in more of the answers he's seeking.
Arriving at a decision, N releases Zekrom from their pokéball.
“Where shall we go next?” the dragon asks.
“Johto,” N replies. “It's on the way to the colder regions, and more importantly, I'm thinking it may provide us with more of a clear direction.”
Zekrom bows. “A sound plan as far as I can tell. Shall we begin the journey?”
“Yes,” N says, “but… is there any way you can fly us out of Saffron? I've no idea where I'm going in this maze of a city. Whoever designed this place must have despised people to make their lives this arduous.”
Zekrom lets out a roar of a chuckle before spreading their wings for N to hop on. As they soar into the air, the blinding lights of the city dissipate into soft twinkles below, and N finds himself drifting again into the depths of contemplation.
You thought you had finally found someone like you, only to be proven wrong, Sabrina’s words from earlier play over and over in his head, stinging a little more each time. She'd been accurate in her assessment of his emotions, as much as he's loath to admit it. If one were to strip down each of his actions to their roots, they would see the truth of who he is at present: a broken, discarded, unloved freak. One who would do anything to break free of those chaining labels.
First his birth parents had abandoned him, and then his adoptive parent. He flinches at the memory — Father so viciously snapping at him, looking down at him with a kind of hatred N has never witnessed from any human being, let alone the man who was supposed to love him more than any other.
Up until that point, Father had always seemed to love him. He'd taken him in, given him a home, provided him an education. He would frequently praise him while he was growing up, telling him often that he was the only one worthy of being crowned king of Team Plasma.
Had that all been a lie? Another part of his father’s cruel illusion, meant to make N believe he was loved when in actuality his father had felt no such thing for him?
Moreover… if he is apparently so difficult for other people to love, is it even possible for someone to truly love him? Or is he simply so warped that his future is meant to be spent alone?
A part of him hopes he'll soon find the answers to those questions. Another part of him is dreading what those answers might be.