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Colt tried to be his normal level of restless as he sat in the back of his truck and watched his brother stargaze. As much as living in a world careening towards catastrophe was all kinds of terrible, the rationed electricity supply greatly improved light pollution. The small town they lived in didn’t even have street lighting anymore. Still, Ryland regularly made him drive up to a local field that he had deemed perfect for telescopic stargazing. Colt was never much interested in space, especially to the extent that Ryland had been in their childhood. Sure, he liked seeing the huge plume of fire shoot rockets off the planet. That had been cool. But then it had happened to his brother. And Colt reeeeally didn’t like space anymore. He was, however, an excellent sibling, so he still drove Ryland up here at least once a month.
Now, he wrapped his blanket tighter around himself and observed his brother make minor adjustments to the lens until he found what he’d been apparently looking for. The comfort quilt was laid out in the bottom of the bed, laden with cookies burnt by Claire and tea brewed by Jody. Ryland was swamped in a dryrobe as he squatted into the grass to look through the telescope, beanie just poking out of the thick fluffy hood.
“You can see at least four moons around Saturn tonight!” Ry turned to beam at him.
“Great.” Colt answered and immediately realised he forgot to change his dry tone.
Thankfully, Ryland remained blissfully unaware. “You might be able to see even more since you actually have working eyes!”
“Erm, that’s okay. I’m good here.” He’d listened to his brother enough to know the odd thing to scrape by an info-dump evaluation. “Saturn’s that one there, right? Yeah, I don’t need to see it any closer, really.”
Ryland blinked at him. Shit.
“Are you okay?” He asked, squinting like he was trying to figure out if something was actually wrong. A hand tapped twice against the telescope stand.
“I’m sorry, just once you’ve seen one star, you’ve seen ‘em all right?”
“Saturn’s a planet.”
“Well, yeah, I know that.” He pointed to the sky above them. “But everything looks like a star from here.”
“... I guess. Colt, is something wrong? You’ve been weird all night.” More tapping.
Oh no. “Have I?”
“Yes.”
“Well, erm, well…” He winced at his own awkwardness. Colt Seavers was not awkward. Just say it!
“Jodywaswonderingwhattoputonyourcake.” At Ryland’s open-mouthed stare, he swallowed and attempted to compose himself. “Jody, was wondering what to, you know, put on your cake? For next week?”
“My cake?” His brother took a few steps towards the truck and tapped on the metal bodywork. Colt had been able to tune out the ‘question tapping’ fairly well, but in situations like this, the habit only made him more nervous.
He scratched at the back of his neck. Go for casual. “Well, we’re not the same age anymore. So y’need your own cake. Cupcake really, coz, food rationing. But its still cake.”
“Oh… Do you want us to have separate cakes?” Taptap.
“I just thought – I'm turning 46, but you’re what, 41?”
“It’s still been 46 years since I was born.”
"But –"
"But, yeah, my body has experienced, like, 41ish years of life.”
“Sooooo-”
But Ryland just shook his head. “I don’t understand why we’re talking about this.”
And Colt couldn’t stand it anymore. “Because we’re not twins anymore, Ry!”
He saw shock register on his brother’s face before he even felt his own. Ryland swallowed and took a hesitant step away, something that hurt a lot more than Colt thought it could.
“What?” He hissed, fingers barely twitching as they made contact with his palm.
“You’re five years younger than me now!”
“I know, but –"
“So we’re not twins anymore.”
“Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”
Ryland was still backing up, further and further into the dark field.
“Ry-”
“People living at high altitudes age 1 millisecond slower per 30 years than people living at sea level. No one makes that distinction.”
“1 millisecond is not five years!”
“I’m just saying no one has ever factored time dilation into age before.”
“No one has ever lost five years to time dilation before!” Colt vaguely recognised that he was shouting. At some point he’d dropped down off the truck and was standing in the slightly damp grass near the telescope. Luckily, Ryland seemed to be in a shouting mood, too.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Colt! I’m sorry I had to travel faster and further than any human into space to save the world, Colt! I’m sorry that’s so hard for you, Colt!”
“Shut up!”
“We’re twins! We’ll never not be twins!”
“But-”
“You know why we still look the same?” Ryland didn’t pause long enough for Colt to speak, even if he’d had an answer. “Coz I made up those five years through stress! Nine years of medication and recycled air and fear and nearly dying. Almost starving to death? It ages you!”
Colt watched as Ryland tripped on the uneven ground, instinctively rushing out to grab him. Ryland twisted out of his reach and remained on his feet. Just. “Ry-”
“How dare you say we’re not twins! How- How can you even say that?!”
Colt held up his hands in surrender. He’s never beaten him in an argument anyway. “I’m sorry-”
Ryland dragged in a heaving breath. “Even- Even if one of us was gone, we don’t stop being twins.”
“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry.” He could feel tears beading on his lower eyelid. “I’m sorry.”
Thankfully, his brother was merciful and stopped his verbal onslaught. Together, they stood in their new silence, the telescope between them, the sky as dark as it always had been.
Colt could feel the trembling begin in his left bicep of all places, but it wasn’t long before his knees wobbled. An entirely uncomfortable tingling spread through his body, causing his spine to shudder. Even the metal pin in there seemed to vibrate. Without realising, his hand rose up and wiped at his cheek. Damp with tears. It was around then that his chest jumped around a tiny, itty-bitty, baby sob.
“I’m sorry.” He forced out again.
And because Ryand really was an excellent sibling, his arms were wrapped around him in moments. He always comes back. Colt got a mouthful of fluff from the dryrobe as he burrowed down into the hug, but he really couldn’t care less. At that moment he couldn’t ever imagine letting Ryland go.
“You know, crying is kinda my thing.” Came a whisper.
“You never liked sharing.” He had to murmur back.
“Only with you.”
It took an inordinate amount of time for Colt to calm down. For the sake of both of their terrible knees, they migrated back to the truck bed and lay down on the quilt that was waiting for them. Ryland turned to peer at the stars above them, unable to help himself, while Colt stayed curled on his side.
Finally, Ryland spoke into the night. “I’ll be turning 46. I don’t care about time dilation.”
Colt breathed out the relief and grief and everything that had been building up since Jody had asked about damn birthday cakes to begin with. “You sure I can’t be 41?”
A bony elbow jabbed him in the side.
“Ow!... I deserved that.”
“You did. Statement.”
Colt smiled to himself and carefully followed his brother’s gaze upwards. The stars looked distant and cold. He turned away.
“This’ll be the first birthday party I’ve had in 15 years.”
“Why?” This time, Ryland tapped on Colt’s own hand that was still intertwined with his.
“You think I could celebrate when you weren’t here?”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s literally not your fault.”
“I, erm, I didn’t really do birthdays either. On the Hail Mary.”
Guess it was his turn to ask. “Why not?”
“I was comatose for the first four years. Then, well, Eridians don’t do birthdays. Rocky tried, but- eh. Then I ran out of food and wasn’t really in the mood, y’know.” Ryland had the gall to chuckle, like being unable to party due to severe malnutrition was funny.
“Jesus.”
“It’s okay.”
“It really isn’t.”
Colt was met with silence, could practically hear the wiring in his brother’s mind as he tried to come up with a suitable response. He didn’t think there was one, but he had 31 years of practice in 'Ryland-whispering' and knew he had to wait.
“Technically, neither of us are the older or younger twin anymore.”
Colt tried to figure out what that meant. Clearly, he took too long, because Ryland continued explaining.
“I mean, I’m the younger older twin, and you’re the older younger twin.”
“Huh. That’s even more twin-y than other twins.”
Colt felt the rumble of his brother’s chest as he laughed. “Sure. And! You get to bask in the knowledge that your genetic information is being studied on another planet.”
“Yeah,” he had to agree. “That’s so frickin' cool."
“Thought you’d like that.”
Colt knew most other people had their doubts about the whole ‘alien encounter’ story Ryland told. He knew there was a piece of paper in his medical file that diagnosed him as functionally delusional. He knew that psychologists and behavioural experts were desperate to study his brother, the zoochosis, the c-ptsd, the chronic touch-starvation. He knew all of that and, frankly, couldn’t give a shit. If Ryland said he’d met aliens, then he met aliens. Period. Or 'Statement', as his twin tended to say now. Colt was just about to sappily confess his undying brotherly love when his brain finally caught up with what had just been said.
“Waitwaitwait, how do you know you’re the younger older twin? We never knew. Even Court doesn’t know…”
Ryland swallowed audiably.
“Court said he doesn’t know. Ryland…!”
“Fine! Court told me!”
“What?!” He exclaimed, shooting up to sitting so he could lean over his brother. Make him squirm.
“It just slipped out once! I was sworn to secrecy!”
“What’s the gap?” He demanded.
“It- It doesn’t even matter now! You said it yourself! We’re t-twin-y!”
“The. Gap.”
Finally, Ryland broke. “14 minutes.”
Colt nearly choked on the cool night air. “I’m the younger one?! But- How-”
“Orrrr, the older one. Depending.” Ryland nervously pointed to him. “That’s what we were just talking about.”
Colt felt like he was going through the five stages of grief, again. His whole life had been a lie. But if he went with Ryland’s view…
“So like a compromise?”
“... Erm, yes?”
He could live with that. 14 minutes!? “I’m gonna kill Court. 45 years and he never said!” He looked down at Ryland sympathetically. “He’s gonna be pissed you told, though.”
“Fudge.”
Colt lowered himself down so his forehead rested directly over Ryland’s, glasses frames pressing into his cheeks. “Don’t worry, little big bro. You’re big little brother’ll protect you.”
Ryland struggled not to go cross-eyed. “I feel so safe.”
Sitting up, Colt ignored the sarcastic comment and kept wondering. “So what does that make Court to us?”
“Old.”
“True. You know, you being the middle child explains a lot actually.”
“That’s so rude.”
“I’m just saying!”
Still lying on the quilt, Ryland’s beanie had been ruffled half off his head, letting a shock of blonde hair poke out. Colt smiled.
“You’re the best twin in the universe.”
Ryland grinned back. “Thanks.”
“... Now you need to say it back… C’mon, I was all sweet to you!”
“And I said thanks.”
“Ryyyyyyland!”