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how much hurt can you take till it breaks you

Summary:

As a woman, mother, and a wife, Katie B is forced to make a decision: her new family, the regime, or get powers. So, as risky as it is, she steels herself to be a double agent, even if her whole family may implode in the process.

AKA a slight revision and expansion of Episode 45 centered on Katie’s interactions with Dark Worker, Nacho, and (a potential future convo w/) Multi, written with the aim of making it all more sad :D

Notes:

Title isn’t really a reference to anything; I was just crying a lot over what I INITIALLY perceived to be a Nuclear Family betrayal (which it hopefully isn’t, fingers crossed), so I wanted to write a fic that makes the pain even worse. I also like the occasional rhyme. Misery and company or smth

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

When the figure appeared from the horizon, behind the glass of the rocket’s dome, her earlier joy and playful mood popped like a bubble on a knife’s edge.

 

Time had finally run out and the hour of reckoning was upon her. Today was decision day. The time she’d been dreading but had come all the same. As the entity spoke to the islanders below, her hands went clammy, anxiety burned her throat like acid, and the phantom of movement crawled up her limbs like ants. She took one last peek at the checklist of pros and cons she’d spent the night putting together in anticipation.

 

A passing thought of Nacho and Tomate both dying crossed her mind but she tried to quickly shake it off. She assured herself that she was thirty steps ahead. Everything would go according to her plan. They’d both make it back to her eventually, but this was the most efficient way.

 

As the Dark Worker took to the skies to meet her gaze, the whispers of the others, worried for her safety, blared like alarm bells in her skull. For a moment, she wished all their eyes would disappear just so she’d be sure no one would see her, see what she’d do.

 

Thankfully, the Dark Worker accepted her pleads to escape the eyes of the dubious crowd. She was patient as the worker transported her through a Nether portal, locked in a state of focus: Be stupid. Be selfish. Be human. Don’t give them any reason to think you could ever be more competent than them.

 

She opened her eyes to lava and ash, flames licking her legs as she dangled over the sea of red.

 

Most of her conversation with the Dark Worker was a blur, with Katie trying to make banter with the Dark Worker even though she knew it would all fall flat, because it buried the pounding of her heart in her ears at what was to come, what’d she’d already decided to say.

 

From an unmoving mouth, the Dark Worker beckoned her answer, “Make your choice. Join the Dark Force and get powers.” He loomed closer, tilting his head at her from above like one might observe an insect, “Or, don’t give up Nacho. And be haunted by us, for the rest of your life. Choose wisely.”

 

She took a deep breath, inhale, hold, exhale, before responding, “My decision is going to be...” pause for dramatic effect. Then, she collapsed to her knees and wailed, “THE POWERS PLEASE. Can I have the powers, please? Please! I want them so bad!”

 

“Good. First things first, bring Nacho over. Go get him—wherever he is hiding—lead him over and put him in the portal. I will be waiting.”

 

Katie vehemently nodded, “Right, sure sure sure...and then I’ll get the powers?”

 

He gave a non-committal hum.

 

She gave a shakier nod before going back through the portal, sending a message to the egg through the communicator as she waited in her HQ.

 

~~~

 

The moment she heard the tell-tale swooshing of air marking someone’s arrival via warp stone, she locked up her heart, steeled her nerves and did her best to project an image of being calm, cool, and collected that she did not feel.

 

Sounds of little feet scampering up her quartz staircase began as she turned to see her Nacho’s arrival, further announced by his squeaky voice calling out to her, “Mama!”

 

“Hi, Nacho-baby!” she cooed as she scooped the little egg up for a hug, “Oh, Mama missed you, honey!”

 

Perhaps because she was unsure the next time she’d get the chance to do so again or be able to do so at all. The little egg felt especially small and warm in her embrace that she was pained to end it, but she was quick to let go before she lost her resolve.

 

In his excitement, the little dolphin plush he’d been holding—a gift she had vivid memories of gifting her son—was forgotten on the quartz tile in favor of hopping up and down for a hug from his mother. Thus, Katie was able to steal another moment of holding her little one after retrieving the plush and returning it to him.

 

As she leaned down to embrace the egg, a whisper of words she didn’t recognize as a human language escaped her so naturally that she didn’t question how she knew them, only certain that it would protect her son for reasons she didn’t register.

 

When she pulled away, Nacho gave her an odd look, “Mama, are you okay?”

 

“Yes! Yes, baby Mama is okay. Mama just- uh...” as she glanced around for something to distract the egg. She was surrounded on all sides by photos of every motive driving her decision—her regime, her wedding, her family—and it all became a little easier. “Just wants you to take her picture. Here,” she continues, handing him her camera, “take your Mama’s photo.”

 

With a giggle, Nacho held up the camera with his little hands and took a clumsy photo of her. His mother’s impatience shone through as he took the picture as soon as it printed, excitedly waving it around to show her.

 

“Aww, great job, hon! So! The reason Mama’s doing this is because Mama’s gonna send you on a bit of a trip, so we’re gonna have a little bit of time apart. But! It’ll only be just a little bit.”

 

“Oh okay, Mama!”

 

As she plucked a loose picture of Multi and handed it to the egg, she added, “Mhm! So, here. Take these photos of your Mama and Dada, ‘kay baby?”

 

“Ok!” He easily agreed, stuffing the items in his inventory.

 

“Your Mama loves you very much, Nacho, you know that don’t you?”

 

"Mhm! I love you too, Mama!” Nacho boasted as he pranced around the HQ.

 

Following after him, she continued, “And you know, you’re Mama will always put you first. You have to believe that, got it?”

 

“Got it!”

 

Katie peeked through the pink-stained glass to make sure the coast was clear, “Ok then, let’s go on a little walk.”

 

“Yay!” the egg exclaimed as he hurriedly toddled after his mother.

 

~~~

 

The moment the Nether portal came into the little egg’s line of sight, he shrunk away in fear, “Is it safe?”

 

“Yes, of course, it’s safe for my brave and strong boy! Come with Mama, honey. Hold Mama’s hand.”

 

As soon as she held out her hand, the egg bounced back; his earlier fears dispelled from his mother’s reassurances and took her hand with one arm and carried his dolphin with the other.

 

She braced herself as she held her baby’s little hand through the portal, guilt already churning in her stomach as she gambled on her everything, hoping with all her might that she wasn’t leading her little lamb to slaughter.

 

But her mental prep clearly wasn’t enough.

 

Certainly not for the immediate sight of soul fire sparks wrapping around her egg as quick as a whip and ripping her Nacho from arm’s reach. Once again, the egg-sized dolphin plush slips out of his hold, forgotten, never to happen again as it melted in the lava.

 

“MAMA! MAMA HELP!” Nacho screamed, face and body unable to turn in the worker’s grasp.

 

She had to fight every instinct in her body to deny her son’s cries for help, only able to try to reassure him that he’d be fine, she hoped.

 

Shame burned through her as the Dark Worker mockingly explained the deal to him, helpless as her son’s cries for help switched from aimed at her to Dada when he realized she wouldn’t be saving him.

 

As the little egg swung his iron knife wildly, a sinister noise escaped from the Dark Worker in what Katie could only presume to be amusement, “She will be working for us. So you’ll see her a few times.”

 

And perhaps it was a bad reaction, but Katie felt a lot of reassurance in the response that he'd be alive to see multiple times.

 

“Well. You held up your end of the deal. We will be in contact soon.”

 

In the smoldering abyss of the Nether, Katie sat on the ashen floor and waited for her next orders, desperate for her next move to become clear. Meanwhile, Nacho’s screams for her, for his dad, for help echoed in her ears, overlapping until it became an unintelligible echo chamber of panic and fear. Perhaps as self-afflicted punishment or simply to present her subservience to Dark Cucurucho, she sat there alone for hours, lost in her own head, waiting for someone to give her direction.

 

~~~

 

It’s days later that a message finally comes in through her communicator.

 

Needyourblood: Come to Reactor. Nacho’s room.

 

When she gets past decontamination, Katie immediately notices how the lab looks like a hurricane swept through the place, even more so than usual. However, she is unable to spare it a second glance as she blazes past the waste zone to get to Nacho’s room.

 

Only when she sees Multi face-to-face does she realize his lab isn’t the only one who’s gone through it.

 

He looks like a mess, heavy bags under his eyes, dreads frizzy and loose from his headband, and a frantic look in his eyes. He looked broken. “Have you found him yet? My worker already told me your- safe in your heart stuff, but we can’t find him anywhere. Last time I saw him, I was playing with him in his room, I say goodnight to him and fell asleep in his bed. Then, he is gone! And I-”

 

“Multi. I need you to listen, co-parent to co-parent. I am going to tell you something you will not like, but you need. to hear. me out. Can you do that?”

 

Like a sleeper agent, Multi snapped back to clarity, ready to hear anything she had on their son’s whereabouts. Multi remained silent for a beat, a contemplative frown on his face as he gave a hesitant nod of approval.

 

“I took Dark Cucurucho’s deal.”

 

The silence that ensued rang like a gunshot.

 

A wave of dizziness washed over him. “Nie. Nie nie nie. No, Katie! You didn’t-” Multi cut himself off, waiting for her to jump in.

 

When Katie remained silent for him to process instead of doing something to defend herself, betrayal stabbed Multi cleanly through the heart.

 

Another wave of dizziness crashed; he felt like he was sinking into the ground as the world opened to swallow him whole. “Are you serious? You sold our son- MY son?! WHERE IS MY SON, Katie!?” he practically spits, desperate for this to not be his reality.

 

Multi’s correction hurt, but Katie didn’t respond to his questions, rushing towards him to hold his side as Multi finally lost his balance with apologies and placations rolling off her tongue, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Multi, but our baby is tough. He is so strong! And I know he’ll be able to get through this alright-”

 

He pushed her away, balancing himself on Nacho's wardrobe, “Nie! GET OFF ME, KURWA! Jesteś mitoman! You don’t know that. He’s just a kid, man. He’s just a baby and you were supposed to be his mama! WE are supposed to protect him!”

 

Katie face broke in agony as she was pained to contradict him, “We CAN’T, Multi!”

 

“WE COULD! If you didn’t-”

 

“No- Multi, don’t you understand? They won’t stop harassing our family-”

 

With a rapid shake of his head, Multi disagreed, motioning between them, “WE are not a family. YOU SOLD OUR SON, KURWA!”

 

Katie cut back in, “They wouldn’t stop until they got Nacho! And with the amount of islanders we can’t trust, we couldn’t keep him safe forever. We can’t just have him locked away in the Reactor.”

 

“Not all the time but we could-”

 

“No, we can’t, Multi! Someone would lure him out, sell him off, kill him. We know that. Someone would do it because it was only a matter of time before Nacho ran off, you know him.”

 

Multi remained still, all feeling seeming to escape his body, leaving him an empty shell of a man, “I do.”

 

“You do. So, somebody was going to take that offer and get those powers when they got the job done. They wouldn’t hesitate, not with the tensions brewing across the island. And it breaks my heart to have been the one to trade him. For his own Mama to-”

 

He looked at her with a glare, “You don’t get to call yourself that anymore.”

 

She steamrolled over him, “-but now I have an in. We can’t trust anyone else with him but ourselves. Maybe Aldo & Roier. But Nacho loves his Dada so much. I can handle his distrust, his hatred so long as he gets to keep loving you.” Multi only frowned so she tentatively began, “So! I made a deal-”

 

“To get powers you don’t even know are real.”

 

Katie huffed, annoyed now, “Will you let me finish?”

 

Multi reluctantly quieted down and nodded for her to continue without further comment.

 

“Anyways, point is that my brothers hate him, Tina & Foolish hate him, Ishan hates him, the rest of the North hates him, practically the entire FUCKING island at this point wants him dead. BUT! Dark Cucurucho needs him alive, at least until they can finish understanding how he got his voice. There was no way to protect him from everyone. Not with Dark Cucurucho gaining power by the minute now that Foolish is almost done with his temple. But with this, with this deal and the last one I made, he’s certain he has me under his thumb.”

 

From her pocket, she fishes out her crumpled notes and photographs, unraveling them to reveal her findings.

 

“So now, I have information.”

 

Multi eyes her warily but takes a careful look of every piece in the pile, “This is..?”

 

“Pics of the temple Foolish built for Dark Cucurucho with the coordinates written on the back. The temple isn’t just to welcome Dark Cucurucho to the Overworld, or build his power. It also doubles as a prison. There aren’t prisoners yet—at least not from what I’ve seen—but there are three cells there already designated for Pepino, Tomate, and Nacho. Now, we just need to make our plan of action.”

 

“Oh, it’s ‘we’ now? Now, I get to have an opinion on how to handle a situation involving my own fucking son?”

 

Katie didn’t react to his provocations, instead sighing to handle it like the bigger person that she is, “Look, I knew this would hurt you and that I should have said something before acting on my own. I know you will never forgive me, and I know Nacho won’t either. But I don’t want to lose anyone I care about, not Tomate, not Nacho, and not you. So, I want you to know that I’m sorry, seriously.”

 

Multi stayed silent for a beat, before softening the tiniest bit, “I don’t forgive you. Not until we get Nacho back. Maybe not even if he forgives you, which he shouldn’t. But I’ll accept the apology and the help, it’s the least you can do as his former Mama.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Anyways, let’s make a plan.”

 

“Operation: Save the Family!”

Notes:

I played around with a bunch of ways to write this over the weekend and here is my final product. Soooo, hope y’all feel the angst along with me! Honestly, it’s not exactly what I wanted for the fic, but I really wanted to post before today’s stream. So, if I feel particularly inspired by it, maybe I’ll write smth else but we’ll just have to see.

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